Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[flanl3]

ONLY THE ‘HOOD…:

Lister finds a time machine which he uses to return to his childhood neighborhood and murder all the children in it, but was it an accident?

[Just Past Pluto]

Video Killed The Guest Star

Lister and Rimmer kill yet another female guest character and cheekily laugh at the resolution of a joke that was badly set-up after a hasty script re-write.

Then Kryten makes a face and shrugs while mopping.

[Just Past Pluto]

Out of Timewave

Future Doug comes back and threatens to destroy the Grant Naylor offices unless all copies of Timewave are erased from history.

In a shocking turn of events, the staff happily comply and see off future Doug while he waves back looking a tad confused that he was successful.

Then Cat does a reverse poo in reverse.

Which is just defecation.

[Dollar Pound]

COCACOLA AND PEPSICOLA

lister meets two ‘softdrink holograms’ called cocacola and pepsicola. he likes them both equally, they are similar but they both have their own thang. they keep bickering and competing for his approval which isn’t the kind of thing lister responds well to. meanwhile kryten has made a bioprintout army of andrew marr clones that maaaaaarch along shouting ‘maaahh! maaaaaaah!’ and rimmer is caning soy because the cat told him it gives you boobs. in the end cocacola slips into the colasuite and changes pesicola’s carbonation settings so he explodes all over the sleeping quarters. you could say he commited fantacide

[Dollar Pound]

someone’s been *bloody* tampering with the colagram simulation suite settings again

[Just Past Pluto]

In The Blink Of A Jap’s Eye

Taiwan Tony turns up and gets mistaken for a Japanese vending machine and something happens and then there’s a thing with the plot and Lister makes a face or whatever.

Den of Geek gives it a solid 4 stars and calls it ‘a great return to form’.

[Dave]

RATING FOR POD

When the mail pod arrives, it has an annoying user-review follow-up survey that keeps being e-mailed to Lister until he fills it in. But he refuses to do so until he learns whether his girlfriend’s baby is his or not. And whether it was an accident.

[Dave]

MATING FOR DODD

Ken Dodd captures the crew and forces them to copulate for his amusement.

[Dave]

GYRATING FOR PLOD

When Johnny Vegas’ Crit-Cop threatens to arrest the crew, Cat tries to mollify him by performing a sensual dance.

[Dave]

INCRIMINATING FOR NODD

Noddy Holder is caught red-handed as he attempts to steal a packet of Opal Fruits from his local newsagents.

[Dave]

SLATING FOR BOD

Lister and Cat give a poor review to a mediocre 1970s kids’ cartoon.

[Dave]

FRUSTRATING FOR HOD’

The actor who plays Hodor in Game Of Thrones laments the limitations of the fact that his character is only able to say a single word.

[Dave]

INTERIOR DECORATING FOR COD

Rimmer gets a fishtank, and insists on making it look as lovely as possible. But it seems that Cat might have other plans.

[flanl3]

STATING ‘FORGOT’:

Kryten keeps failing to do tasks, and when asked why, he just says that he forgot, but was it an accident?

[Dollar Pound]

PLYMOUTH

the crew bravely fight off an attack by the town of plymouth but at the end of the episode it is implied that portsmouth has only gone and snuck on board as well and posessed lister

[Dollar Pound]

SMEGHAMMERWORLD

kryten gets all flustered in smeghammerworld because there’s just too much choice and ends up walking out with two gimboidmallets he doesn’t even need

[flanl3]

SINNERWORLD:

God makes it rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but was it an accident?

[flanl3]

ΑΨΨΙΔΕΝΤ:

Ι’ωε σςιτψηεδ το τηε Γρεεκ κευβοαρδ ον μυ πηονε, βθτ ςασ ιτ αν αψψιδεντ?

Υεσ, αψτθαλλυ. Τθρνινγ ιτ οφφ νος. Οοπσιε.

[Dave]

WAITING FOR THREAD

Everyone keeps posting ideas for an episode just so that we can hit 1,000 posts, get a third page, and then all go home feeling very pleased with ourselves.

[bloodteller]

OUT OF WINE- the urine recyc finally gets finished off

[Ben Saunders]

GLINNERWORLD

The crew encounter a Psi Moon where hundreds of clones of television writer Graham Linehan are allowed to roam free, talking shite. They decide he’s actually a bit of a knob and consider either nuking the moon or just leaving, but before they can he blocks them anyway.

[flanl3]

DEAR DAVE:

You are wrong. I’m not going home after 1000 ideas. I’m not going home after 10000 ideas. I’m not going home after 1000000 ideas. I’m not going home until we’ve shared every single idea for an episode.

[Rubber]

‘Get off my hard-on!’

Rimmer gets his first proper erection since dying, but the Cat keeps playfully patting at it with his paw, prompting Rimmer to yell ‘GET OFF MY HARD-ON!’ at him. There is a lot of bad feeling among the crew after this outburst.

[bloodteller]

OUT OF LINE- sequel to dear dave. everyone thinks that its proper out of line that lister called his girlfriend a slag. as punishment they make him watch pete part 2 but lister actually dies of boredom halfway through so they just kick his shins instead

meanwhile doug writes timewave. he thinks he is making some pretty good points.

[Rubber]

Dream Factory

Doug Naylor enviously watches the Red Dwarf fanbase churn out fresh idea after fresh idea while he struggles to write a series without a polymorph or ‘spaceship of the week’ in it.

[Rubber]

Babies & Protractor

The Red Dwarf crew are all turned into babies, except for Kochanski who is turned into a protractor. It’s caused by an atomwave. Nobody is allowed to upset the babies.

[Rubber]

Love but also loss

Lister comes to realise that allowing love into your life can also lead to feelings of loss if the love is withdrawn but on the other hand is that not still better than a hindsight feeling of loss if one never experiences loss? He doesn’t ask his crewmates for advice on this because they know nothing. Ultimately Lister learns to appreciate love, but also loss.

[Rubber]

A cat sidekick is drafted in to give Cat something to stay alive for. It’s called Mr Pawter. Kryten hates it and kills it. Cat sings a song and Japan becomes the opposite to the previous configuration, mate!

[Dave]

BUNMEN OF THE ACROPOLIS

When the crew of Red Dwarf accidentally get transported back in time to ancient Greece, they are forced to eke out a living as bakers.

Featuring jokes including “what’s a Grecian urn” and “It’s all Greek to me”, as well as an action-packed climax in which Starbug destroys the Parthenon.

[cwickham]

SAMESARA

An episode that is completely identical to “Samsara”, shot for shot, word for word. It baffles everyone on first broadcast and is disowned by Doug on the making-of documentary.

[cwickham]

BALANCE OF FLOUR

Identical to the original version of “Balance of Power”, but with the ‘flour/flower’ joke from “Krytie TV” really awkwardly edited in for no apparent reason midway through a scene.

[cwickham]

THE BEEGINNING

Rimmer decides to take up bee-keeping.

[cwickham]

THE GINNING

Rimmer pours a bottle of gin over himself as part of an obscure Satanic ritual.

[cwickham]

THE SEA-GINNING

Rimmer accidentally jettisons the ship’s entire supply of gin onto an ocean moon.

[cwickham]

THE BEAGINNING

Episode guest-starring a popular Irish comedian.

[Dollar Pound]

KNIGHT, HOLE

lister tells everyone rimmer’s dead because a knight escaped from the ar and killed him. a few weeks later kryten hasn’t seen cat for a few days and lister says didn’t you hear? knight got out the ar again and killed him. kryten makes a run for it in a blue midget. he is just clearing the cargo bay doors when lister appears behind him dressed as a knight and throttles him to death. lister turns round to see his demon self swagger out a cupboard with his remote control, laughing in that obnoxious high pitch squeak. then he falls down a hole

[cwickham]

STATIC LEAK

A portal called a “static leak” is discovered. When the Dwarfers go through it they are frozen in time and unable to move. A notable continuity error in this episode is that Rimmer blames Lister for not expecting that from a “static leak” after he has already gone through the portal.

[cwickham]

A STARBUG IS BORN

Film critic Jay Sherman arrives on board the ship, and the Dwarfers decide to hold a film festival where he is the judge. Rob Grant requests his name is taken off the credits for this episode in case people think there is a connection between Red Dwarf and The Critic.

[Dollar Pound]

WHY HAIL

the crew are in starbug riffing when suddenly they are in a hail storm. kryten tries to explain what’s going on but cat keeps interjecting with the question ‘ so why hail?’ and the conversation goes round in a loop again. some of the conversation is shown from cat’s perspective where kryten just sounds like the other end of a phone conversation in an old cartoon. in the end lister stops it hailing by playing pool with his boner

[Dollar Pound]

THE PAGINATOR

a droid travels to the end of this thread in search of the most perfectly artfully dissapointing shitpost and can’t find it so erases the internet out of spite

[Dollar Pound]

STAPLES REEK

ace rimmer finds an unpleasant smelling packet of staples in an interdimensional stationary cupboard and vows to figure out why the staples are so smelly. they look normal. what a guy

[flanl3]

KNIGHT, HOLE

lister tells everyone rimmer’s dead because a knight escaped from the ar and killed him. a few weeks later kryten hasn’t seen cat for a few days and lister says didn’t you hear? knight got out the ar again and killed him. kryten makes a run for it in a blue midget. he is just clearing the cargo bay doors when lister appears behind him dressed as a knight and throttles him to death. lister turns round to see his demon self swagger out a cupboard with his remote control, laughing in that obnoxious high pitch squeak. then he falls down a hole

Where did he find that Blue Midget, exactly?l

[flanl3]

KHAN: “PHI, DENTS, UH, PEAR, UH, NO, YEAH”

The boys run into Genghis Khan struggling to remember the word for that one softish fruit, but was it an accident?

[Dave]

KHAN SMEG, WON’T SMEG

Sequel in which he cooks the pear. With Ainsley Harriott.

[cwickham]

GIVE & TOKE

Medicinal marijuana is legalised aboard all JMC ships.

[cwickham]

GIVE & STOKE

The Dwarfers discover a time portal leading to present-day Stoke-on-Trent. They decide not to go through it.

[cwickham]

CONIA

The Dwarfers are all turned into ice-cream cones, then left to melt.

[cwickham]

STASIS BEAK

The Dwarfers discover a really big nose sticking out of the wall on Floor 16, and refer to it using a well-known slang term.

[cwickham]

THE LAST GAY

Lister discovers the only other surviving human is Bent Bob.

[cwickham]

CELTDOWN

Queen Boudica arrives on board Red Dwarf, and proceeds to fall over.

[Author]

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