Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

STRIMMERWORLD

The Dwarfers arrive at a gardening centre.

[cwickham]

BEYOND A TOKE

It is decided that Lister’s use of medical marijuana has gone too far.

[cwickham]

BASSANDRA

Remastered version of Cassandra where all of Cassandra’s lines are treated to be spoken by Big Mouth Billy Bass.

[cwickham]

IDEA FOR AN EPISODE (BACK IN THE) THREAD, PART ONE THOUSAND

People start to suspect this thread is too long.

[cwickham]

IDEA FOR AN EPISODE (BACK IN THE) THREAD, PART ONE THOUSAND AND ONE

After an unnecessarily long recap and loads of filler, it is determined that this thread is still funnier than “Back in the Red: Part Three”.

[bloodteller]

THREAD IN THE BACK PART 1- kryten is restitching listers jacket while hes wearing it. he accidentally sews the jacket directly into listers back and they spend the episode pulling all the stitching out of him. its all very uncomfortable and lister actually starts crying about 2 minutes in

meanwhile rimmer finds some new clothes in a dumpster round the back of primark

[bloodteller]

BACK IN THE SPREAD- after 1002 consecutive episodes of the crew trying to get out of a massive pot of margarine they finally get out. but it turns out lister has left the handbrake off and starbug tumbles back into the margarine even deeper than before. cat quips “better spread than smeg” but a bitchy lister clips him round the back of the head and he shuts up

meanwhile kryten reappears on the 3-page foldout in playgirl

[flanl3]

Alright, let’s keep it up, I’ve got a good one ready once we’ve hit 6000.

[Ben Saunders]

Fuck my arse we’re onto the third page

[Pete Part Three]

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

[Dave]

Fuck my arse we’re onto the third page

What happens in this one?

[Pete Part Three]

It’s a fuck, right. In his arse. Hence the words “fuck my arse”.

It’s slightly more eventful than Dear Dave, anyway.

[Ben Saunders]

Even having a synopsis for it would be too much of a spoiler. You’ll just have to experience it for yourself

[Dave]

“Kryten encourages Lister to read by offering sexual incentives every time Lister makes even the smallest amount of progress.”

[bloodteller]

MERCEDESOCRACY- the crew come across a rare mercedes in the cargo bay. there are only 1 and 1/2 of them in the world and theyve got 1 and 1/4 of them. then they argue about who should get to keep it. rimmer says he should keep it since he likes cars, while cat thinks he should keep it so he can make it into a fashionable jacket. eventually they just sell it on ebay and things go back to normal

[bloodteller]

ONLY THE GOOD DELIVERY SERVICE: on their way to dispatch the mercedes for delivery, the crew discover that MyHermes is being eaten by a corrosive microbe and they wont be able to send their parcel.

luckily kryten builds a mirror universe machine out of packing tape and labels and everyone is saved

[cwickham]

ONLY THE BAD DELIVERY SERVICE: The crew order something from Redbubble.

[Dave]

HAIKU TO REALITY

It was all a game
Blown up by the despair squid
All’s not as it seems

[Dave]

HAIKU TO EARTH

It was all a show
Let’s just keep the budget down
Blade Runner was good

[Dave]

HAIKU IN THE RED

All the crew are back
Red Dwarf looks quite long now, eh?
What d’you mean “three parts”?

[Dave]

HAIKUSHIP

You make love just like
A Japanese poem form
Five, Seven, then five

[Moonlight]

BACK IN THE REDTUBE

Lister uncovers Rimmer’s stash of illegal trivids.

[flanl3]

BACK IN THE REDTUBE:

Lister rediscovers a website whivh allows you to get YouTube Red for free.

[cwickham]

RIMMER AND THE CAPTAIN

Rimmer invites Captain Hollister to lunch, but the roast he has prepared is burnt. He decides to purchase fast food from Snacky and pass it off as his own cooking. However, his plan is foiled by a claim of plagiarism.

[Rubber]

Psoreen

The Dwarfers encounter a telepathic malt loaf which wants to suck out their brains.

[Rubber]

Psamsara

The Dwarfers encounter a telepathic spaceship with a karma drive which wants to suck out their brains.

[Rubber]

Pcylinder

The Dwarfers encounter a telepathic cylinder which wants to suck out their brains.

[Rubber]

Pstasis Leak

The Dwarfers encounter a telepathic stasis leak which wants to suck out their brains.

[bloodteller]

LEGUME- bizarre edit of legion where it’s just the scene of cat eating peanuts for the whole episode

[bloodteller]

LEGIT IAN- there are many many ian symeses in the room. but which one is the real one? david ross is sent in to find out.

[bloodteller]

LERGY IAN- ian symes gets sick so john hoare comes round and makes him a lovely cup of soup. meanwhile, all the other G&T admins send heartwarming “get well soon messages” to him and he is very pleased

[Dollar Pound]

TRAPPED IN THE NECK PART 1

holly’s head is hollow and solid like an easter egg and the boys from the dwarf are trapped in the neck of it. they’ve been miniaturised. later in this disjointed episode, cat meets cherry, a cologram of his former exact bunkmate who he gets trapped in a stationary cupboard with full of foul smelling staples

[Dollar Pound]

TRAPPED IN THE NECK PART 2

the gravity briefly cuts out because of the drain on the ship’s power caused by cherry going thru the me2 phase allowing lister to get purchase of the interior of holly’s jowels

[Dollar Pound]

TRAPPED IN THE NECK PART 3

ace rescues cat and cherry from the stationary cupboard and explains everything. he smashes holly’s screen, breaks his head like a cocunut, releasing the crew, craefully glues it back together, puts it back behind where the screen was and fits a new screen. then he returns the crew back to their normal size.

[Pete Part Three]

The End

Nope. Not yet, sadly.

[bloodteller]

GUNMEN OF THE NECROPOLIS- the crew take a trip down to the glasgow necropolis and start shooting shit which ends up annoying the locals because they think it is “very disrespectful”

[bloodteller]

BALANCE OF SHOWER- sequel to lemons. the crew are putting the rejuvination shower in the cupboard along with all the other time travel devices they dont need but unfortunately they cant get it on the shelf without it falling off and shattering into a million bloody pieces and they have to spend a week putting it back together each time

[Dollar Pound]

POLLYMORPH

what are people’s top 10 ideas for an episode to celebrate 15 months of idea for an episode and immanentise the snarkularity

[cwickham]

IDEA FOR AN EPISODE (BACK IN THE) THREAD REMASTERED

The one thousand and thirty fifth episode idea, which was much less intelligent than the first one thousand and thirty four, stowed away on the third page – where it died of old age not long after.

[Paul Muller]

Back In The Thread: Part 3

The crew return to a derelict forum thread to make the same title joke pun again, but with a different number.

Cat is forced to perform an elaborate dance sequence with Blue Midget for some reason – but before the crew can make their escape they must face down a man calling himself ‘Tonguetied’, who demands to know why the Blue Midget page on TOS has not been updated to reflect the inexplicable addition of arms to a shuttlecraft.

After slipping on a foaming cloche, his flimsy disguise falls off, revealing none other than a disgruntled Holly, his monitor propped up on a pile of boxes, covered in a long coat.

Enraged, he declares that this will be his last visit to this sad little site for people who haven’t got anything better to do…

But was it an accident?

[Dave]

HOLOSHIT II: EMODUMP

Rimmer discovers what shirt tails are for, and gets very upset about it.

[flanl3]

KYLOMORPH II: EMOFUCK

Kylo Ren throws a tantrum all over the place.

[Dave]

OUT OF THE BLUE: PART ONE

The first episode of Series XIV follows up on Series XIII’s cliffhanger in which the crew finally recovered Blue Midget. We find out that it has been rebuilt by nanobots to the original JMC specifications, meaning it now has four legs and is long enough to fit an entire resurrected crew of 1,169 inside it. It goes on to win 2021’s series of Strictly Come Dancing.

[Dave]

THE PUBQUIZZITOR

Red Dwarf is visited by an immortal simulant who, after millions of years alone, finally reaches the conclusion that there is no god, no afterlife, and the only purpose of existence is to get really good at pub quizzes.

The crew is therefore divided into two teams and forced to compete on trivia questions over the course of several themed rounds (including a picture round on a sheet that has been so badly photocopied as to make it near-impossible).

“Because… like all who compete before the Pubquizzitor… your judge… shall be… the team sitting immediately to your left.”

[flanl3]

THE INQUISITOR PART TWO:

Red Dwarf is visited by an immortal simulant who, after millions of years alone, finally reaches the conclusion that there is no god, no afterlife, and the only purpose of existence is to shit all over the place.

This means that Lister doesn’t die, Kryten doesn’t die as he assisted Lister in doing this, Cat doesn’t die because he once ran across the entire ship with fresh shit on his bum, and Rimmer gets Holly to quickly make him holoshit everywhere, so he lives. The Inquisitor Part Two apologizes for taking their time, makes them forget he was ever there, and moves on with his day.

[Moonlight]

SERIES IX, EPISODE 6: BACK IN THE POLYMORPH

Red Dwarf falls off a shelf and breaks, interrupting Lister’s bath. The crew are forced to coerce a polymorph into becoming another Red Dwarf, before sedating it to retain that shape. Unfortunately, the new Red Dwarf is a fucking hideous pencil. Lister takes a saw and gets to work, but upon puncturing the hull Kochanski is sucked into space. “Saw that coming,” Lister quips, and goes back to cutting the penciloid abomination in half.

[Dave]

MONOMORPH

The crew encounter a genetically-engineered lifeform with the ability to retain a single outward appearance that never changes.

[Moonlight]

GUNMEN II: A FISTFUL OF POLYMORPHS

Rejected VII script, later rewritten as the Little Britain episode “The One Where We Tediously Make Fun of Transvestites But It’s Old West-Themed”.

[Dave]

POLLYMORPH

While attempting to compile a list of their favourite Red Dwarf episodes for the Pearl Poll, G&T members find their order keeps changing depending on what mood they’re in.

[Dave]

POLLOSHIP

The Enlightenment’s computer predicts a 97.8% probability that G&T members will choose Back To Reality as their favourite episode.

[Author]

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