Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

CAPTAIN POLLISTER

Ian Symes gets a new nickname.

[Dave]

CAT OF WORMS

Cat becomes angry when he realises that he is the only member of the crew not to have had his name included in the title of an episode. He therefore sulks until Doug Naylor agrees to include one in Series XIII.

[flanl3]

MECHCATCRACY:

When Cat is still a mechanoid, he takes over the entire goddamn ship.

[Dave]

CAT PAINS ORIFICE

*That* scene from the ‘Backwards’ novel.

[Moonlight]

BARBEDPENISIA

Rob Grant guest-writes his own Cat-centric episode for Series XIII.

[Moonlight]

BARBED PENISMORPH

Rob Grant does a pass on the Can of Worms script.

[cwickham]

CAPTAIN POLLOCKSTER

Captain Hollister becomes interested in the medium of drip painting.

[Moonlight]

BACKDOOR IN THE RED

Red Dwarf is left without oxygen after Lister leaves a screen door open. Rimmer, Kryten and a team of skutters must travel to close it before Lister suffocates. Meanwhile, the oxygen deprivation gives Cat a raging barbed erection.

[Captain Bollocks]

CRAPPIN’ THE RED

A massive dinosaur does a blood poo all over the ship.

[Moonlight]

TROJAN

Rimmer sews name labels onto his ship-issue condoms.

[bloodteller]

EVERY SNOG… – A rather bizarre edit of the final episode of VIII where all the scenes except Rimmer’s kiss with Talia are removed

[bloodteller]

EVERY BOG…- kryten finally finishes cleaning all the toilets on red dwarf but doesn’t know what to do with himself after that. luckily the derelict-of-the-week contains a petrol station toilet and kryten is faced with the ultimate challenge of cleaning the fucking rank shit that you see in those. he actually throws up at one point despite not being able to, its really that disgusting in there.

meanwhile rimmer gets those chest pains again that he somehow hasn’t had since rimmerworld. but was it acid reflux?

[Dollar Pound]

BACK 2 EARTH 2: PART 1

it’s in the form of a table read this one, but as if it’s already been an episode but wasn’t. again barrie is speaking a hybrid of german and italian. everyone is casually dressed as themselves, except robert, who is in the full gear and brought his own stuff. in the story, it’s like back to earth but instead of coronation st it’s eastenders. and instead of craig it’s danny. even thought he isn’t in it. that’s sort of the weird idea behind the episode. there’s a nice moment when, during a joke that calls back to the cords/co-ords pun from series vii, barrie, mugging charismatically, points to his trade mark corduroy trousers to the delight of the audience who are all very elderly.

[Ridley]

VOTER KERNEL

The Dwarfers are forced to rank every post of the “Idea for an episode.” thread.

[flanl3]

You see, it’s like the Pearl Poll, but the other way ’round.

[Moonlight]

THE ASS DAY

It’s Naked Man from Stasis Leak’s very own episode! Can he solve the intriguing mystery of who swiped his knickers?

[flanl3]

THE ‘YAS’ DAY

It’s like Parallel Universe, but the women are stereotypically female instead of stereotypically male.

[Dave]

PAIR O’ LOL UNIVERSE

Red Dwarf Series II’s final episode is edited down to the point where it only has two jokes left in it.

[Ben Paddon]

FURNITURE ECHOES

The Red Dwarf posse yell obscenities inside of a large but deserted Ikea, enjoying the acoustics as their yells of “bums” and “willy” bounce off of the sheet metal walls and plywood book shelves.

[Dave]

DEER DAVE

As a Christmas prank, the crew use the DNA ship that is still attached to Red Dwarf to turn Lister into a reindeer. He is then required to pull Kryten’s spacebike around while Rimmer, dressed as Santa Claus, sits on the back and dispenses presents to the Skutters.

[Dave]

DEMONS AND ANTLERS

Sequel.

[Dollar Pound]

ELKDOWN

experimenting with the dna machine, snacky turns themself into an elk

[Dollar Pound]

BEYOND AN ELK

snacky realises they are something more than just an elk

[Dollar Pound]

PARALLELK UNIVERSE

etc

[Dollar Pound]

elkcetera elkcetera

[Ben Paddon]

THE ELK

An elk is released from stasis three million years after everyone else has died.

[flanl3]

FUTURE ELKOES:

Despite the fact that it’s only spring, Lister catches glimpses of many elk bugling about the ship, a phenomenon which typically occurs in the autumn. Lister is confused about why this is happening, until Holly explains that they’re actually glimpses into the future called ‘future elkoes’. Meanwhile, why the fuck are elk going to be on Red Dwarf in six months?

[Paul Muller]

Balance of Sour

Lister studies for the Chef’s exam, in a bid to outrank Rimmer.

He is unsure how much Lemon zest to add to his cake.

[Dave]

TROUT OF TIME

Cat unwittingly creates an unstable paradox in the space-time continuum by travelling through the Stasis Leak and eating all the Trout A La Creme on board, before the accident happens that wipes out Red Dwarf’s crew.

As a result, his earlier self is never able to eat it and develop a taste for it, and so he never goes back through the Stasis Leak to search for more.

[Dollar Pound]

THE FORK GUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

lister hypnotises 2 cowboy simulants with a fork and they crash land on a moon named after keith moon. it’s called planet moon

[Dollar Pound]

ANTLERS ARE ENTANGLED

cat and kryten are elks and their antlers become entangled. later on when kryten is developing the slides he realises they are obviously space coordinates. they go there and find a space station dedicated to wrongness. in it they find the script for timewave

[Paul Muller]

ELKIDEME

Lister produces a rather flimsy explanation after he contracts a deadly STD from a decomposing, zombified elk.

Kryten is shocked when Kochanski amputates her own arm, but she later reveals it was just an elk’s hoof wrapped in red PVC.

[Dave]

THE ELKQUISITDEER

Red Dwarf is visited by an immortal simulant who, after millions of years alone, finally reaches the conclusion that there is no god, no afterlife, and the only purpose of existence is to determine the worthiness of the lives lived by the universe’s ungulates.

[Dollar Pound]

MOOSED

lister gets moosed and crashes the bug into a planetoid. rimmer christens it asteroid rimmer.

[Dave]

OUT HOOF TIME

After traversing the reality bubbles, Cat realises that he actually quite liked being transformed into a deer.

[Dollar Pound]

GIVE ANT LER

cat has to donate one of his antlers to save lister but which one? it doesn’t matter that much they regrow.

[Ben Paddon]

Marvelous.

[Dollar Pound]

ELK THE LAST DAY

columbo elk escapes an ar game with old tv characters as elks and questions the dwarfers to about the murder of a knight. lister admits to the muder but hypnotises columbo elk / elk columbo at the same time with his twinkling fork and singsong accent. then they’re not sure what to do so they get moosed and talk about incest

[Dave]

GUNMEN OF THE ELKPOCALYPSE

When a dying Simulant crew infects Starbug with a computer virus, the crew must use the AR machine to join Kryten in battling it. Unfortunately, instead of choosing Streets Of Laredo they accidentally boot up Deer Simulator instead.

[Paul Muller]

BACK TO ELK: PART 2

Rimmer murders an elk by pushing it in front of a speeding bus.

[Dave]

BAMBISWAP

Lister has his brain transferred into the body of a small cartoon deer.

Meanwhile, Bambi is surprised at the size of Lister’s cock.

[Dollar Pound]

UNGULATE GOODS DIE YOUNG

now on bbc2 the crew of the r-hed dw-harf discover a garbage pod full of expired venison

[Dollar Pound]

v-henison

[flanl3]

WHITETAILING FOR GOD:

Rimmer skips to an alternate dimension where instead of a cat Lister brought on board a white-tailed deer. There’s a whole bunch of them. They all worship Lister. Rimmer skips out.

[Dave]

BACK TO VEALITY

Lister is embroiled in a moral scandal when he asks Kryten to prepare him the meat of a young calf for dinner. Meanwhile, Cat has the venison.

[flanl3]

MULEDEEROONED:

Lister crashes Starbug into a planet full of mule deer. There’s no food, but he doesn’t want to shoot one. Instead, he decides to eat his own cock, which is large enough to last him a full month. Thankfully, the others get there to rescue him before he does.

By the way, this one Sunday afternoon we were eating lunch and all of a sudden there were like twenty fucking fucking mule deer out on the back lawn. That’s the kind of place I live.

[flanl3]

BODYSWAMP:

Oh, so that’s what you really did with all your little catty friends.

[Dave]

BACK IN THE RUDOLPH: PART ONE

When a dying Kryten insists that his last wish is to watch a Christmas pantomime, it’s up to Lister and Rimmer to play the front end and the back end (respectively) of the titular reindeer.

[Dave]

LANARCHY

When Rimmer shows off his collection of lanyards, Lister becomes jealous and decides to try and put together his own collection of Red Dwarf lanyards to compete with his crewmate. Luckily he finds an online shop to cater for just such an eventuality.

[flanl3]

BA-LAN-CE OF POWER:

Lister is annoyed by Rimmer having more lanyards and shoving it in hos face all the time, so he gets a bunch of chef lanyards, except he lied about it.

[Author]

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