Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

METDOWN

With the Met Office no longer operating, it has become impossible to predict the weather on Earth. But that doesn’t really matter because everyone who’s still alive is three million years away from the planet.

[Dave]

MELTDON

Lister finally makes good on his promise to attack Don Warrington with a holowhip.

[Dave]

MELTDOONED

Lister and Rimmer crash land on a planet full of waxwork celebrities and have to burn them to keep warm, while eating dog food.

[Dave]

BACK IN THE RED – PART FOUR

Everyone is hugely thankful that such a terrible idea could never really make it to a fourth instalment.

[Dave]

BACK IN THE RED – PART FOUR

Everyone is hugely thankful that such a terrible idea could never really make it to a fourth instalment.

And yet…

[cwickham]

Fuck my arse we’re on the fourth page

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK IN THE CWICKHAM

After taking the sexual magnetism virus, forum user cwickham is buggered by the entire G&T forum user base.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE OREGON

Prequel spin-off series focusing on the events aboard The Oregon with the rabbits

[Ben Paddon]

HBO PRESENTS: THE OREGON

Same premise, but with an unnecessarily darker tone, no jokes, and it’ll take about 3-ish years to get to anything interesting happening, but the show will be met with rave reviews anyway.

[Dave]

THE OREGANO

Lister attempts to pass the chef’s exam again.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE ORIGAMI

The crew encounter a ship made entirely of paper. A snooty officer boards Starbug and Lister threatens him with a paper whip, which gives you lots of nasty paper cuts.

Meanwhile Rimmer attempts to become a member of the ships crew but it turned down because he is made of light, not paper, but not before he gets paper cuts on his willy having sex with one of the crew.

Meanwhile meanwhile, the Cat does a shit but there isn’t any toilet paper … so he whips his arse on Rimmer’s love interest.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE REDOCRACY

Rimmer runs in the election for Chief Rapist. He loses to Donald Trump.

[cwickham]

FATHERS AND SUNSOCRACY

Taiwan Tony runs in the election for Chief Racist. He loses to Donald Trump.

[cwickham]

RATOCRACY

Mr Rat runs in the election for Rat President. The election is cancelled when it is realised how pointless such a position would be.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RIMMER WHIRLED

The Cat gives Rimmer dance lessons and whirls him a lot.

Lister and Kryten do a jigsaw

[bloodteller]

THE MENACHEM BEGINNING

the former prime minister of israel decides to join the red dwarf posse. although initially made uncomfortable by his presence the boys soon warm up to him after he saves their lives from a GELF beast by getting it to sign a peace treaty which inexplicably actually physically prevents them from being attacked. what a guy. what a sportsman

meanwhile rimmer finally decides to continue his technician duty after 3mil years absence. his first task? changing all the ships valances.

[Dave]

RED DWARF: THE ANIMATED SERIES

Adaptation of Red Dwarf done in an animation style that’s kind of a cross between Hanna-Barbera and Family Guy, only with a bit more of a detailed anime feel, but not made in Japan, and with a 3D look, in CGI.

[Pete Part Three]

RED DWARF QUESTIONTIME

David Dimbleby and Jawscvmcdia present a special 4 hour special live from Bognor Regis where they answer the questions that matter. Specifically; Would you watch a Red Dwarf cartoon? What if Kochanski had been brought back as a hologram instead of Rimmer? If the cast of Red Dwarf had a race, who would win? Who would you have as the next guest star in Red Dwarf? When did Red Dwarf jump the shark? Why has Red Dwarf from a production point of view always ran into problems?Did Kochanski ever find out whether the Time Wand can do boob jobs? So who stole who’s joke? What if Red Dwarf started at series VII? Who would win in a fight? Would Rob Grant ever attend Dimension Jump? What is it with Kryten’s ‘hands on chest’ pose? How well does Series 10 hold up now? How has Red Dwarf changed your outlook on life? What if Channel 5 produced Red Dwarf? Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? What if Red Dwarf had started in 1967 and not 1987? What if Red Dwarf had started in 1937 and not 1987? Has Doug bitten off more than he can chew? Who is/was John Hoare? Would you watch a Red Dwarf porn film? Why do people hate Series VIII? What is the story behind this Red Dwarf clip? What would a rerecorded Series 1 look like? If Holly were to return to Red Dwarf, which one would you have back? What if Red Dwarf Series 4 and 5 were remastered? Should the fans be given an opportunity to write an episode? What if Red Dwarf had started in 1977 and not 1987? Which cast member would you fuck and why? Have you ever wanked to an episode of Red Dwarf? What effect did 9/11 have on Red Dwarf? Will White Midget ever return? What if Rob and Doug never split up? What is the story behind this promotional picture?

[Dave]

MAC IN THE RED

Captain Hollister finds himself heavily in debt.

[Dave]

MAC TO REALITY

Captain Hollister wakes up to discover that his life on Red Dwarf was an elaborate total-immersion videogame, and he is actually Dennis the Donut Boy.

[Dave]

MAC TO EARTH

Captain Hollister dies and is buried, after which his body decomposes, eventually mixing with the dirt and becoming part of the very soil itself.

[Dave]

MACWARDS

Captain Hollister becomes a nurse.

[Dave]

MACOCRACY

Captain Hollister is elected president of Red Dwarf.

[Dave]

MAC-CORP

Captain Hollister is .

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MAC’S HOLE

29 minutes of the camera just staring up Hollister’s butt hole as his doctor tries to cure his piles.

[bloodteller]

MAC’S OFFICE

the pete story but taken place from the perspective of the captain and also told out of of order similar to memento. the parts inbetween lister and rimmers constant fucking visits to his office are him having mean sex with todhunter which logically must be what actually happens since in the mirror universe the captain and his first officer have never been to bed together

[bloodteller]

TOEJAN

the crew come across a strange planet they really shouldnt land on. there they discover the toe of a man named jan vogels and they are promptly greeted by two bizarre aliens who decapitate them. this obviously kills all of them except for kryten who is immortal

[Dave]

TOEJAN & EARL

Kryten leaves the planet but promptly crashes on Funkotron.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF MASTERMIND

Pete Part Three is in the chair, his specialist subject is Answering Jawscvmcdia’s Totally Fucking Pointless Questions. Highlights include: Nah; You’re a big boy now, Jawscvmcdia. Use your imagination; Bobby Moore, I don’t bloody know; Why did the Nanobots make another Holly if Holly was the one who programmed- oh fuck this shit; Will you actually be partaking in this discussion, or will you just lose interest, toddle off and create a new thread about something else?; Who lets a few facts get in the way of such biting social satire?; Jawscvmcdia, I’m increasingly convinced that you’re here just to open threads with questions that incite negativity, while you walk away whistling. Could you at least come up with some new material?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RED DWARF THE NEXT GENERATION GAME

The cast of hit 90s TV sci-fi series Red Dwarf and Star Trek The Next Generation compete in a series of challenges for the chance to win the holiday of a life time.

It all goes well, but not before someone reaches for the phone to call their lawyer.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF CATCHPHRASE

Danny John-Jules and Robert Llewellyn compete to solve cryptic pictographs based around the popular sci-fi comedy series’ famous catchphrases.

Unfortunately, the only ones that really count are “smeg” and “oh no, not red alert. That means the robot has to put a different lightbulb in,” so after some obvious starters (such as Mr. Chips bending over to his crotch area and holding his nose), the puzzles quickly descend into the hopelessly abstract and the contestants just take disinterested 50/50 punts until the ordeal finally ends.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF NAKED JUNGLE

Self-explanatory.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MECH WARS

It’s just that scene from Siliconia with Craig Charles narrating.

[bloodteller]

I’M A RED DWARF GET ME OUT OF HERE

a terrified fairytale character begs for his freedom, but his screams fall on deaf ears and he is ultimately left to die.

meanwhile ant and dec matterpaddle onboard but the posse just tell them to fuck off because ainsley harriot is here and they like him better

[bloodteller]

OUT OF TAKESHISCASTLE

lister has run out of japanese gameshow episodes to dub over with weird but occasionally funny anecdotes about his dad

meanwhile todhunter escapes

[Dave]

THE INQUESTITOR

A rogue simulant who survives until the end of time only to discover that there is no god, no afterlife, makes it his mission to travel back and erase people who post quotes that aren’t questions in the “Did Lister ever find out what an iguana is?” thread.

[Dave]

HOD-SHUNTER

Kitchen-sink drama in which Robert Bathurst plays a disgruntled bricklayer who is constantly teased about his resemblance to a minor character that appeared in an episode of a sci-fi sitcom 30 years ago.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF QUESTION TIME

Will the G&T forum members run out of questions to post in the “Did Lister ever find out what an iguana is?” thread before Doug writes a new series, presumably with many more questions to answer.

[Dave]

QUESTION TIME SLIDES

News at 10 overruns.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PRESIDENT’S QUESTION TIME

President Kryten takes questions from parliamentary house. As there are no other elected officials on Red Dwarf it’s 30 mins of him sitting in silence shuffling some paper.

[Dave]

McIN THE RED

George McIntyre is posthumously exposed as a communist.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

McME2

George McIntyre powers down non-essential systems aboard Red Dwarf so that Holly can generate two of him, so he can interfere in two marriage at once.

[Paul Muller]

MAC IN THE BED

Just 26 minutes of a single camera focused on Hollister, as he lies in bed recovering from Yellow Fever.

[Dave]

IF YOU DIE, I’LL KILL YOU

Existential horror movie in which crew members of the pirate ship Dread Wharf are haunted by the ghost of a dead colleague, who fears that if another crew member dies, they will replace him as the ship’s ghost, and he will cease to exist altogether.

[bloodteller]

LAMBAST HUMAN

doug naylor finally goes Online again after all these years only to discover everyone fucking hates timewave with a burning passion and blame him for its poor quality. upset by this harsh critiscism doug naylor erases the episode from time and space but he only goes and bloody erases mechocracy as well. annoyance turns to horror as it turns out that the episodes have been replaced by… a multi part story. to be continued? we’d rather it wasn’t

[bloodteller]

BLAST HUMAN

ace rimmer catches the business end of a neutron tank in dimension 165. what a guy

[clem]

SOMETHING FOR DODD

The crew go jam butty mining in a special episode dedicated to the late Ken Dodd. Meanwhile the Rimmer Munchkins team up with the Diddy Men for a spectacular dance number set to a Hammond organ version of Happiness.

[clem]

THE TONYSWAPPER COLLECTION

Newly remastered versions of Kryten, Only the Good…, Me², Future Echoes, Backwards, Better Than Life, Stasis Leak and Meltdown in which the parts originally played by Tony Slattery are played by Tony Hawks, and vice versa (except for Kryten in which the Androids actor is played by Tony Hawk the skateboardist, but was it an accident?)

[cwickham]

ME²OCRACY

Both Rimmers run in an election for Chief Narcissist. They both lose to Donald Trump.

[Warbodog]

EVERY DOG

Dog from Parallel Universe, Lister’s dad’s dog Hannah, the ‘become a dog’ dog, the puppies from Can of Worms and any others I’ve missed out get marooned on an ice world when Starbug crash-lands. With only one tin of dog food between them, a brutal fight to the death ensues. Hannah wins, then licks her testicles until the rescue party arrives.

[Author]

Replies