Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

BALANCE OF GOWER

“Balance of Power”, but redubbed with Welsh accents.

[cwickham]

CAN OF DUCT SOUP

The Cat has a wank.

[cwickham]

BASIS LEAK

The basis on which all life can exist is debated, and it turns out it doesn’t stand up to close scrutiny.

[cwickham]

TRUROJAN

“Trojan”, but redubbed with Cornish accents.

[cwickham]

ED DWARF

Ed Bye is revealed to be the alter ego of Warwick Davis.

[cwickham]

REGION

“Legion”, but with Nigel Williams’ voice overdubbed with Kerry Shale’s.

[Warbodog]

PSOFF

G&T forum member Jcvbnmnbvbnm enters Psiren space and they tell him to go away because his brain’s too small, that’s basically the gag.

[Warbodog]

PSOUT

A pair of Psirens camp out on an unconvincing Wimbledon Common to win a bet. Key events from the Bottom episode are adapted to fit the Psirens and their distinctive behaviour in humorous ways.

[Warbodog]

PSUP

A pair of Psirens are put in charge of a shop. They can’t be bothered working out how to adapt the Bottom episode, so just go down the Lamb & Flag and get drunk with their mates Pspudgun and Pdave Hedgehog.

[bloodteller]

GUEST HOUSE PSARADISO

a pair of psirens star in a boring movie about running a hotel. psimon psegg guest stars as the dad of that family who visit

[Warbodog]

THIRENTH

A Psiren gets aboard Red Dwarf, but the only one who notices is a dispensing machine suffering from a poorly timed and hilarious lisp malfunction. It tries to warn the passing Rimmer, but he stubbornly refuses to understand what it’s obviously saying on principle and they all die the end.

[Warbodog]

ETHETHETH ETHPERANTO

Alternate regional title for Back to Reality when broadcast on the Fast Show’s Chanel 9. Other popular episodes include SCORCHIO (Meltdown) and HOLLY-HOP GIZMO.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PTEROFORM

In an attempt to correct the mistakes in Pete, Doug decides to have another go at a dinosaur episode. The crew crash land on a small moon that terrorforms it around their most horrifying and bizarre experiences. So when a Pterodactyl shits on everyone from a great night, drowning them in shit before falling out of the sky under its own weight, crashing the crew, no one is at all surprised yet fans do start to wonder whether Doug has finally and completely lost the fucking plot.

Still not as bad as Timewave though.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STAURIKO LEAK

After discovering a magic door to the past, the crew find themselves on jursassic earth but promptly leave when a Staurikosaurus has a diarrhoea attack all over them

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAITING FOR THEROPOD

A dying Cat priest with an error riddled Cat bible, is found below decks, waiting for the return of the Theropods who will guide them to Fushall.

Unfortunately it won’t be for another 5 or 6 years (not counting stasis) until the crew come across a sparrow they can turn into a T-Rex, so the lonely priest dies having not been shat in the way the return is promised.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

KRITO

Rimmer, Lister, Cat and Holly receive a distress call from a ship identifying itself as the Nova 5. The sole survivor is a talking Kritosaurus. In it’s excitement at getting rescued, it shits everywhere. Without a service droid to clean it up, the crew lock the deck down and vow never to return.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ORODROMEUS

It becomes Lister and alt-reality Kochanski are in actual fact parents to a small dinosaur which they send back in time to ensure the dinosaurs never become extinct or something, who the fuck knows at this point.

Anyway, it shits a lot. But being a small baby and an animal without self awareness, that isn’t strictly his fault. Poor thing.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BARYONYX A JOKE

The crew discover a Baryonyx that is hooked on some sort of dinosaur meth. The crew agree this is getting a bit silly now and just isn’t funny anymore. For some obscure reason it sacrifices itself in a fight with Stimulants but shitting it’s insides out all over them.

Initially Kryten believes he can carry the body for last rites, but disovers that it’s a heavy bastard to they just leave it to rot in a pile of its on dung.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

QUAESITO-TINE

The crew discover a completely bonkers Quaesitosaurus on a crashed space ship. Kryten quotes a space core directive about helping new life and where possible bringing it home … so they quarantine the beast on Red Dwarf and then promptly forget about it. Shitting everywhere the dino dies from drowning in its own filth.

Meanwhile, the king of the potato people isn’t happy and hatches a plan to teach the crew a lesson about neglect.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WUER-HOLE

Upon finding a constipated Wuerhosaurus Kryten spends the episode with his arm up the sedated animals arse trying to clear the blockage. Once he finally manages it, the creature promptly starts spewing his last 8 meals, back into the universe.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DIPLOS AND ANKYLOS

Kryten turns the matter paddle into a triplicator but somehow they accidentally manage to create 2 Red Dwarfs, one populated with Diplodocus’ and the other with Ankylosaurus’

Why? No one is even bothering to question this madness anymore.

[bloodteller]

DUCT SOUPER

sequel to duct soup in which rimmer and lister become trapped in a vat of gazpacho. rimmer complains its cold and tries to heat the soup up, failing to take into account the fact that the both of them are still inside the vat. lister escapes just in time but leaves rimmer to die in his soupy grave.

three weeks later the cat is enjoying some tasty gazpacho until he discovers the boiled corpse of rimmer at the bottom of the bowl.

[Dave]

CRETACEOUS TV

Kryten hits on a clever money-making scheme that involves secretly filming nude dinosaurs and charging imprisoned criminals to watch the footage.

[Dave]

MESOZOIC²

When Rimmer makes an exact clone of one of Kryten’s dinosaurs, an initially happy relationship between the pair of them soon turns sour.

[Dave]

BEYOND A JURASSIC

Lister views all four Jurassic Park films and then wonders what to watch next.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PETE PART 2 GUEST STARTING JEFF GOLDBLUM

Exactly the same as Pete Part 2 but this time with Jeff Goldbulm saying “that is one big pile of shit” at the appropriate moment

[Dave]

PETE PART 1 GUEST STARRING JEFF GOLDBLUM

“You were so preoccupied with whether or not you *could* make this a two-parter that you didn’t stop to think if you *should*.”

[Dave]

BURGUNDIED

Slightly darker remake of Marooned.

[Dave]

HORROR BORE US

Feeling unmoved after a double-bill of ‘Revenge of the Mutant Splat Gore Monster’ and ‘Die Screaming with Sharp Things in your Head’, Lister realises that he has become desensitised to extreme horror movies. In trying to trace the source of this phenomenon, he deduces that it dates back to when he found a cardboard box full of ‘video nasties’ under a pool table in the Aigburth Arms and watched them all in one weekend. Suddenly the penny drops and Lister realises that his destiny is to travel back in time and plant the movies for his younger self to find. Because with these shit horror movies going round and round in time on a loop, the straight-to-video market can never truly become extinct.

[Dave]

SPLATOON ARREST

When Lister is successfully pursued by the space-filth for playing a pirated version of his favourite first-person shooter on the Wii U, Rimmer gets very confused as to why people seem to be talking about clitorises so much.

[bloodteller]

SHUTTLES COME DANCING

bruce forsyth hosts a dancing competition between starbug, blue midget and red dwarf itself but is immediately crushed to death by one of blue midget’s stompy moves

meanwhile kryten wonders why literally everyone on the show has fake eyebrows. he suspects there may be a conspiracy afoot

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE BLUE

Cat gets back in Blue Midget in order to reprise the Blue Midget dance again, only for the studio audience to physically storm the set and stop him from doing so.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE YELLOW

Lister gets stuck in a toilet. There’s something about a potted plant being placed in the pan of the toilet, but it turns out two pages from an episode of One Foot in the Grave accidentally got stuck in the script.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE GREEN

Lister rejoins the Green Party, only to discover that it has been defunct for the last three million years.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE REX

Pete comes back and eats Lister. This episode finishes in 1,953rd place in the Ruby Rankings, although nobody could ever actually bring themselves to watch it and just put it in last place.

[Dave]

BURKINI RED

Lister struggles to understand the outrage over the Burkini that led a surprising number of ‘PC gone mad’ type people in the early 21st century to turn a worryingly vivid shade of puce.

[Dave]

STASIS LEEK

Captain Lister from the final parallel universe in ‘Skipper’ keeps the occasional vegetable in his stasis booth along with all the fast food.

[Warbodog]

STASIS WEEK

Less extravagant version of The End in which it only takes seven days for the radiation to disperse. Lister recovers his cat and gets reassigned, and the series follows his humdrum life fixing food dispensers aboard a different ship with a different crew.

[Warbodog]

STASIS LEAP

Dr Sam Beckett leaps into the body of Dave Lister shortly before the accident that wiped out the Red Dwarf crew, to help Lister save the day and get the girl. Unfortunately, God or fate or time or whatever forgot that Lister was frozen in stasis at the time, so Sam fails in his mission and remains trapped in Lister’s frozen body, horrifically conscious in spite of the stasis field, where he slowly succumbs to madness down the millennia and eventually expires. Oh boy!

[Warbodog]

STAY-PUFT LEAK

The crew accidentally summon a giant marshmallow man who stomps through the cargo decks, drinks all the Coca-Cola and does an absurdly massive and devastating wee.

[Warbodog]

LASIK SHEEP

Rimmer’s stubbornly refusing to talk to Lister, due to him being responsible for his recent prison gang-rape. Lister has cheeky fun tormenting his cellmate by reading aloud an inane article from his magazine about how some scientists have performed laser eye surgery on a sheep, despite that not being especially worthwhile. Rimmer doesn’t cave, but takes the opportunity of Lister’s distraction to wipe away a developing tear.

[Warbodog]

ACE IS L33T

Ace Rimmer gets into hacking and illiteracy.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE ORANGE

The Cat has sex with Donald Trump.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE FOOD…

Lister decides that food is quite important.

[cwickham]

ONLY THE FOOL…

Special episode guest starring Mr T.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE GRAVE

History changes again so the Dwarfers all died at the end of Series VI, thereby ending the series.

[Dave]

STASIS CHEEK

Rimmer goes back in time and steals Lister’s belt shortly before the accident that wipes out Red Dwarf. Thus, at the very moment before Lister goes into stasis, his trousers fall down and he is frozen in time midway through his scramble to gather them up again. This results in his bare arse being exposed and continuously on show through the stasis booth window for around three million years. Which, of course, was Rimmer’s plan all along.

[cwickham]

KRYTIE TB

Kryten contracts tuberculosis.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE WHITE

White Midget finally appears on-screen, but the episode has to be scrapped after Kerry Shale misinterprets the title and thinks he’s going to reprise his role as Taiwan Tony.

[Dave]

PAC IN THE RED

Pac-Man visits Red Dwarf and explains that during his initial viewing of the maze-like security-tracker bit of Officer Rimmer he was seconds away from calling his lawyer, but then something happened which made him laugh.

[Author]

Replies