Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

POPE TRUSTERS

The Cat converts to Catholicism.

[cwickham]

DEAR DAVIS

David Davis guest-stars as himself, having negotiated with Doug to make sure the episode is really, really good. It’s actually a near-identical remake of “Dear Dave”.

[cwickham]

GREEN

After all the porn on his work computer is deleted, Damian Green arrives on board Red Dwarf to watch Lister and Rimmer kiss.

[Dave]

BLUEY

With Rimmer having left the ship for good, Lister tries to console himself with his collection of antique grumble. But to no avail.

Meanwhile, Kryten notices that no-one is posting in the ‘idea for an episode’ thread any more, now that the Red Dwarf Porn thread has succeeded it as the home of bad Red Dwarf puns. But was it an accident?

[Dollar Pound]

BLUR

kryten fucks up the controls on the control board which is just a piece of shit and sends the crew straight into a timeblur making the crew into alternate mockney versions of themselves. their antics prove to be a hedonistic salve, legitimising a labour government with a neoconservative agenda that leads to carnage in the middle east

[Dave]

WAITING FOR GAG

When the ‘idea for an episode’ thread goes a full four days without a new post, G&T regulars start to worry that the thread won’t make it to page eight.

[Warbodog]

WAITING FOR GOG

It’s announced that Gareth Tunley will reprise his one-time Peep Show character in the final episode of Red Dwarf XIII. This is announced unusually far in advance of the series even entering production.

[Warbodog]

WAITING FOR GOB

Rimmer fails in his misunderstood attempt to woo a girl when his saliva dries up in panic.

[Warbodog]

WAITING FOR GAGH

Lister either orders or serves food at a Klingon restaurant.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAITING FOR THE MAAAAAAGH GAG TO END

After 6 straight hours of saying ‘maaaaaagh’ over and over again, the studio audience begin to wonder whether they recording of Krysis will ever end, or whether they are trapped in a twisted social experiment.

[Dave]

BEGG-GING FOR MAAAAAAGH

One member of the studio audience loves the Maaaaaagh gag and deliberately keeps laughing uproariously at it to encourage the cast to keep it rolling. Fortunately, they soon choke to death.

[Dave]

WAITING FOR PORN

G&T members who surreptitiously ordered ‘Pink Dwarf’ after it was mentioned again in a thread the other day patiently wait for their Amazon order to arrive.

We know who you are.

[Dave]

REGURGITATING FOR GOD

The Cat Priest sees a BEGG choking to death and immediately performs the Heimlich maneuver.

[tombow]

steptoe and son – Dungo Steptoe, played by inserted dubbed stock footage of Harry H Corbett, comes to Red Dwarf to find his son

[Moonlight]

M-PORN

Lister purchases a dildo for 190 dollar pounds.

[Moonlight]

GIT & TATE

Rimmer goes on a date with guest star Catherine Tate. Hilarity ensues as he makes jokes about her nose. Meanwhile, Kryten dies.

[Moonlight]

M-CORN

It’s corn season. Rimmer travels with Kryten to the corn decks to harvest their bounty. Meanwhile, Talkie Toaster commits suicide because nobody wants corn bread.

[Moonlight]

GETTIN’ MEAD AND TITS, MAN

Lister goes on a pub crawl.

[Warbodog]

PINK HOLE

A smutty anomaly makes everyone’s verb tenses shifted.

[Moonlight]

PINK

Lister dreams of Rimmer. Oh my.

[Moonlight]

PINKWAVE

Wait, this is just Timewave. You liar, you tricked me into watching Timewave again! Son of a bitch, I’ll slit your throat!

[Moonlight]

DIMENSION LUMP

Rimmer’s testicular self-examination reveals a tumor capable of crossing dimensions. Lister tries to use it to get a curry. Meanwhile, Cat and Kryten have a quiet night in watching the rest of that Planet Earth XVIII episode about polymorphs.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DON’T MENTION TRUMP

The crew spend the entire episode not mentioning Donald Trump … which why would they? He was president for a country on Earth several centuries before they were born, and now they are 3 million into deep space.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DON’T MENTION JUMP

The crew spend the entire episode not mentioning the song Jump by Van Halen. Again, it’s a strange premise to base an episode around, but at least it’s possible Lister might attempt to play it on the guitar.

Anyway, he doesn’t, and no-one says anything.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DON’T MENTION THE WAR

John Cleese guest stars alongside Adolf Hilter, as himself.

[Dave]

DON’T MENTION GUMP

Rimmer ruins the whole thing after four minutes by asking Lister which movie beat Pulp Fiction to the 1995 Best Picture Oscar.

[Dave]

SEE YA IN TEN MINIMS

Captain Hollister makes Lister and Rimmer count twenty musical beats before they are allowed to enter his office.

[Dave]

SEE YA IN TEN MINIS

Captain Hollister orders Rimmer and Lister to organise a special stunt derby involving five classic minis and five of the new model ones.

[Dave]

SEE YA IN TIN MINUETS

Captain Hollister orders Rimmer and Lister to play a classic slow dance on some old bean cans, ten times, before they are allowed to enter his office.

[Dave]

HEY YA IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister plays Rimmer and Lister a special extended version of the Outkast classic.

[Dave]

SAY ‘JA’, INTERN MINUTES

Captain Hollister encourages Rimmer and Lister to learn German, while a work-experience lad takes notes.

[Dave]

CENA IN TAN MINISKIRT

Legendary wrestler John Cena guest stars as a female officer in a dark beige short skirt.

[clem]

SEER ‘N’ TEN WINNETS

Basically a retread of Cassandra but with a subplot involving a specific number of little bits of crap stuck to Lister’s bum crack hair.

[clem]

SHE-RA ‘N’ CHEN: “ME NUTS!”

The Princess of Power kicks Chen in the privates.

[bloodteller]

SEE YA IN TEN MIDGETS

Hollister demands that the Seven Dwarves, an Ewok, Professor Flitwick and Mini-Me all enter his office before Rimmer and Lister do. Due to this outlandish and impossible request, Hollister just spends an eternity alone and then dies of a broken heart.

[bloodteller]

SEE YA IN TEN RIVETS

Hollister asks Rimmer and Lister to actually do their jobs as technicians for once

[bloodteller]

SEE YA IN TEN PRIVETS

Hollister assigns Rimmer and Lister to a gardening task, which makes no sense as they are technicians and not gardeners. But he makes them do it anyway and they do a fantastic job

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BE QUIET FOR TEN MINUTES

In an unlikely animated CNBBC prequel following Lister and Rimmer at primary school together, their teacher sets them so colouring in to do to keep the class quiet for ten minutes. The pair bond over their love of being creative, Lister with his art and Rimmer his revision timetables, which even at 5 years old he has started to find a passion for.

The class is silent and the teacher has a quiet nap to try and shake her hangover from the staff end of term knees up the night before.

[Dave]

CEDAR URN TEEN MANETS

When Rimmer retrieves from storage a small vase-like container made of cedar wood – the only *other* gift his father left for him – he is delighted to discover that inside are some sketches drawn by Édouard Manet in 1847.

Unfortunately, three million years into deep space, they are effectively worthless, so Lister uses them as beermats.

[Dave]

CAESAR EARN TYNE MONEYS

When the crew of Red Dwarf travels back in time to Rome in 44BC, they accidentally pick up Julius Caesar and drop him off in present-day Newcastle, where he gets a job.

[Dave]

SETUNIM NET NI UOY EES

Captain Hollister goes to backwards Earth, where Rimmer and Lister tell him that they will see him ten minutes ago.

[Moonlight]

SEE NOBODY IN TEN MINUTES

Chris Barrie glances out into the audience halfway through the recording of Timewave and sees they’ve all gone home.

[Moonlight]

KEY YOU IN TEN MINUTES

Lister damages Rimmer’s car.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BE YOU IN TEN MINUTES

A deleted scene which is just a single line cut from the very start of Body Swap.

[Warbodog]

FUTURE ECHOES, PART 2

We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes.

[Warbodog]

FUTURE ECHOES, PART 2

We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes. We’re going into stasis in ten minutes.

[Warbodog]

CPU IDENT MINUTES

Useful bonus feature on the Blu-ray version of The Inquisitor that provides an on-screen countdown to Holly’s famous line at 15:09.

[Dave]

BE YOU LATER

An actual line from Rimmerworld.

[Moonlight]

SEE WHO IN TEN MINUTES?

Rimmer is excited to meet the mystery guest star of the week. Unfortunately their car broke down on the way to the studio, so the second half of the episode must be improvised on the spot.

[Warbodog]

FUTURE ECHOES, PART 2

“We’re going into stasis in ten minutes” is hilariously repeated six times.

[Author]

Replies