Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

POLYMORPHIN’ POWER RANGERS

Power Rangers but with Polymorphs instead of Dinozords. It’s a shit cross over really as Rita’s monsters don’t die, they just suddenly find themselves without emotion.

[cwickham]

ROLY-POLYMORPH

The Polymorph turns into a jam-based dessert.

[Dave]

WHERE’S WALLYMORPH

Game that you can play with all Red Dwarf episodes except Polymorph, Emohawk and Can of Worms, in which you try to guess what inanimate object is secretly the Polymorph in disguise.

Part One: The End. Is it a 14B or a 14F?

[Dave]

JOLLYMORPH

The Polymorph sucks out Confidence’s happiness and general bonhomie.

[Dave]

WONKYMORPH

The Polymorph wakes up from five years of playing a total-immersion videogame, and feels somewhat disoriented.

[cwickham]

WONKEY DONKEY MORPH

The Polymorph is interviewed on SMTV Live.

[Dave]

BEAKER TOO WIDE

Cat tries to drink milk out of a plastic cup, but the overly large brim leads him to spill some down his favourite suit. He therefore decides to travel back in time to swap it for a smaller one and prevent the mishap, but inadvertently prevents the assassination of JFK instead.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ITSY BITSY TEENY WEENY YELLOW POLKA DOT POLYMORPH

Kochanski finds a bikini she didn’t realise she owned, with disastrous consequences.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE POLYMORPH SONG

Doug tries to parody his own Spitting Image work, with disastrous consequences.

[Dave]

MIKA TO RIDE

Lister decides to travel back in time to rid history of an irritating mid-2000s pop star, but inadvertently prevents the assassination of JFK instead.

[Dave]

SPEAKER TO RIDE

Rimmer resolves to travel back in time to meet one of his favourite historical figures, John Bercow, but inadvertently prevents the assassination of JFK instead.

[Dave]

LEAKER TO RIDE

Kryten devises a plan to travel back in time to prevent the leak and subsequent flood that incapacitates Holly, but inadvertently prevents the assassination of JFK instead.

[Dave]

STREAKER TO RIDE

Kochanski wonders whether, if she stripped naked and ran out in public, she could distract everyone enough to prevent the assassination of JFK. Turns out she can.

[cwickham]

STREAKY TO RIDE XTENDED

Kryten turns Eric into bacon rashers and feeds them to the pigs used in the pig racing from “Trojan”, creating a mutant breed of zombie pigs who wipe out all remaining life in the universe.

[Dave]

GIVE & TIKKA

Lister travels back in time to steal his own kidneys, but inadvertently steals the kidneys of JFK instead.

[Warbodog]

THE KILL CRAZY CHRONICLES

Discovering a unique one-character rights loophole, Big Finish gives a peripheral Red Dwarf character his own audio spin-off over four boxsets that excitingly alludes to aspects of the Red Dwarf universe without infringing on it or adding anything of worth. Narration and Kill Crazy impression by Nicholas Briggs.

[Warbodog]

SMEGGYTUBBIES

Teletubbies gets the “Red Dwarf” treatment. Tubby Custard becomes lager. Etc.

[flanl3]

STASIS TIKK

Rimmer goes back in time to try to convince himself to go into stasis, but instead ends up inadvertently convincing JFK to go into stasis instead. Also, Lister meets a future version of himself who has married JFK.

[Warbodog]

MAC AND ME²

Sequel to the 1988 ET knock-off/elaborate McDonald’s advert starring Mac McDonald as the grown-up albeit prematurely aged version of the boy, hired because his name is good SEO for the sponsor.

[Dave]

SNACK AND ME²

Snacky creates a replica of himself for company, but soon tires of his own passive-aggressive nature and pushes himself down a lift shaft.

[Dave]

SNACK SNACKDONALD

Absurd new Remastered project in which Snacky replaces the original actor who played Captain Hollister in every one of his scenes in Series I and Ii.

[Pete Part Three]

RED DWARF XIII : EPISODE ONE

[cwickham]

MAC AND ME² WHEELCHAIR SCENE LIVE AND UNCENSORED

Chris Barrie and Mac McDonald reenact the scene from Little Britain where David Walliams throws a disabled person off a diving board.

[cwickham]

SVENTICA

The Dwarfers discover a parallel version of America ruled by former England manager Sven-Göran Eriksson.

[bloodteller]

BEAT THE PEAK

A forum member is annoyed that no matter how many Ideas For An Episode he posts, he’ll never be able to top his SEINSARA-PART 3 one from Page 5.

[cwickham]

BEAT THE PEAK PART TWO

Lister gives up on his dream of ever reaching the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BEAT THE MEAT

Lister has a wank.

[Dave]

SPANK THE MONKEY

Deleted scene from Entangled in which Craig Charles smacks Peter Elliot on the behind.

[Dave]

BASH THE BISHOP

Lister has a characteristic pop at the absurdities of organised religion.

[Dave]

CHOKE THE CHICKEN

Incriminating behind-the-scenes footage from DNA showing the crew brutally killing one of their animal guest-stars.

[cwickham]

BEAT BIG MEAT

Lister has sex with Big Meat. Both actors later sue Doug Naylor for trauma.

[cwickham]

CAMERON IN THE RED

David Cameron arrives on board Red Dwarf and announces that he can get Lister back to Earth, but he has irrevocably fucked it up for no good reason whatsoever.

[Dave]

BACON THE RED

Ed Miliband arrives on Red Dwarf. Kryten hands him a bacon sandwich so that he can recreate the defining moment of his political career.

[Dave]

CAFFIELE

The crew of Red Dwarf faces a stimulant crisis when they run out of coffee.

At the same time, Kryten answers an SOS call on a derelict and discovers a chameleonic drink that can appear to be whatever beverage the beholder desires.

However, the creature is confused to the point of insanity when Lister enters the room and it is required to simultaneously appear to be coffee, lager, and madras sauce.

[bloodteller]

STIMULANT’S REVENGE

Craig Charles spends another quarter of a million pounds on crack cocaine when his crippling drug addiction makes a comeback. Inexplicably, this is adapted into an obscure but fun Red Dwarf mobile game

[clem]

SILLYCLOWNIA

An episode involving a circus.

[clem]

PELT CLOWN

The crew throw rotten fruit at the rubbish, unfunny circus clowns.

[clem]

FUNAMBULISTER

Lister decides to join the circus and trains as a tightrope walker.

[cwickham]

ALBERT SPEER FOR AN EPISODE

Episode guest-written by the people who impersonate Harry Leslie Smith on Twitter.

[clem]

FUN MEN OF THE BIGTOPALYPSE

The Apocalypse Boys, despite being figments of Kryten’s imagination, have turned over a new leaf and got jobs in the circus. Death is the ringmaster. War has a fire breathing act. The other tw

[clem]

Fuck’s sake. The other two are lion tamers or something.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CARNIE SANDRA

The crew find a small carnival worker named Sandra in a derelict at the bottom of an ocean moon, who is capable of predicting the future. She was abandoned there centuries ago by those who accuses her of using her abilities to con carnival attendees out of money.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CARNIE DENISE AND PARA NORMAN

Lister gets sick and hallucinates a carnival worker named Denise and a ghostly man named Norman.

[cwickham]

CHILLI CON CARNESSANDRA

Remastered version of Cassandra where Cassandra is played by an inanimate bowl of stew.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CIRCUS OF WORMS

A bored Lister collects and trains a number of worms to perform in a tiny circus.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TIKKA TO ROLLER COASTER RIDE

Lister has a curry and immediately goes to Alton Towers. its brown trousers time.

[cwickham]

HOLOVE ISLAND

Rimmer appears on Love Island, but this description runs into serious problems when I remember I’ve never seen Love Island and don’t know anything about the format.

[cwickham]

LORD IS IT QUARANTINE

Rimmer locks everyone in Quarantine and forces them to listen to the Supertramp album “Breakfast in America”. This backfires because that album is actually really, really good.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DAVID SCHWIMMERWORLD

Rimmer world but with David Schwimmer.

[cwickham]

GAP IN THE RED

A new branch of GAP opens up on board Red Dwarf.

[Author]

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