Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

JENNIFER ANISTONWORLD

Rimmerworld but with Jennifer Aniston.

[cwickham]

CAN OF SOJOURNS

Lister and Rimmer’s bunk is destroyed in a flash flood, so they have to live inside a tin can whilst it’s being repaired.

[cwickham]

CAN OF SICK BURNS

Rimmer very effectively insults Cat.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MATT LE BLANCWARDS

The crew enter a special anomomaly and end up on a planet where everyone is moving like Matt Le Blanc

[cwickham]

ONETICA

Remastered version of Lemons set in America.

[cwickham]

MECHOPERRY

Matthew Perry guest stars as a Skutter.

[cwickham]

M-COX

Courteney Cox becomes invisible.

[cwickham]

PAGE VIII

Just for once, comparisons between a page of this thread and the appropriately numbered series of Red Dwarf are completely justified.

[cwickham]

KUDROW TV

Lisa Kudrow proves to be the Friends cast member whose name is the hardest to force into a pun on a Red Dwarf episode title.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ELLEN PAGE VIII

Page VIII of the thread comes out as homosexual, guest staring Ellen Page.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAITING FOR GUNTHER

One obsessive fan hangs around waiting for the guy that played Guther, only to find out his own religious figure visited him and he promptly died.

[bloodteller]

Fuck my arse we’re onto the eighth page

[peas_and_corn]

Lister

Lister gets addicted to a VR game where he’s a radio psychiatrist in Seattle. He tries unsuccessfully to get the crew to switch to sherry.

[Dave]

PAGE VIII

I’m going to take a back-to-basics approach to this page of the thread, by which I mean I think we need to bring in 1,167 other posters and all the regular participants need to be put in prison.

It’s going to be classic ‘Idea For An Episode’ though – although I think the first post probably needs to be a three-parter, and I’m pretty sure the final post I have in mind is going to have to be scrapped for budget reasons.

Never mind, I’ve got a classic dinosaur gag that I’m going to thrown in towards the end. I reckon I can milk that one for a good couple of posts.

[cwickham]

FUTURE GECKOES

A load of lizards show up, ostensibly from the future.

[cwickham]

FUTURE MECCANOES

A load of model construction systems show up, ostensibly from the future.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FUTURE MCDONALDS

Series VIIIs redesign sees a McDonald’s on board ship before the cut backs. Nothing much has changed but a glimpse into the future by the franchisee owner sees a lack of potatoes caused by a programmable virus means they won’t have any fries to sell for the foreseeable future. Hollister is pissed!

[Dave]

TSAR BUG

Lister uses the time drive to go back and infect Nikolai II with a stomach virus.

Just for shits and giggles.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FUTURE TECHNO

Lister sees himself in the future as a disc-jockey spinning the latest in space techno!

Cat is just pleased it isn’t him having to change all the rock records on the PA system, and breaks his tooth in celebration, but was it an accident?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FARBUG

Starbug shot from really really far away. Like most of the wide shots in Series XI & XII

[cwickham]

BARBUG

Lister converts Starbug into a bar.

[cwickham]

TARBUG

Lister converts Starbug into a clone of Liza Tarbuck with a speech impediment.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BRABUG

Lister converts all of Kochanski’s bras into his favourite little green ship to surface shuttle craft.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BALLBUG

Lister paints his balls to look like his favourite little green ship to surface shuttle craft.

[Dave]

STARBUM

He paints his arse green too, to complete the look.

[Dave]

AJARBUG

Starbug’s airlock door won’t quite close properly.

[Dave]

FNARRBUG

Spaceship that is so amusingly anatomically shaped that it provokes a constant stream of innuendo from its crew.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MALIGNANTTUMORBUG

Kryten has some good and bad news for Lister. Bad news is he has cancer. Good news is that it is shaped like his favourite green ship to surface space shuttle.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WINRARBUG

Lister has installed WinRar onto the ships computer and it won’t open … but was it an accident?

[Warbodog]

DIMENSIONS IN TIMESLIDES

30th anniversary special! Lister loads up a projection of an old EastEnders episode and they go into it… I actually forgot they’d already basically done this.

[Warbodog]

THE DAY OF THE LISTER

30th anniversary special that sees Lister recruit other versions of himself from throughout his timeline, played by Danny John-Jules’ nephew, Emile Charles and the extras who played child and old man Listers in The Inquisitor.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FOREVER RED

All the different Red Dwarf models team up to fight an almighty evil.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TRIALS AND STASIS LEAK-ATIONS

The crew are thrown back in time and find themselves in the events of stasis leak, and are superimposed into all th original footage.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE FIVE RIMMERS

Pre accident Rimmer, original hologram Rimmer, Me2 hologram Rimmer, the briefly alive Rimmer from Time Slides and resurrected Rimmer from VIII team up for some reasons or another. Maybe I should have at least read the Five Doctors synopsis before attempting this one.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

200

The crew pitch movie ideas to a budding film maker based on all the other TV series the actors have been in. With hilarious meta references and old cast returning.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IDEA FOR A MOVIE

That last one but with a more meta title.

[Pete Part Three]

>Pre accident Rimmer, original hologram Rimmer, Me2 hologram Rimmer, the briefly alive Rimmer from Time Slides and resurrected Rimmer from VIII team up for some reasons or another. Maybe I should have at least read the Five Doctors synopsis before attempting this one.

Nah, you’ve pretty much got it.

[Dave]

FATHER CHRISTMAS, WHAT A BASTARD

Abandoned as a baby in a cardboard box under a pool table, Santa Claus grows up not knowing who his parents are, or whether they were married.

Years later, the immortal Father Christmas teleports to a planet full of wax droids and gives them the gift of breaking their programming. However, he becomes stranded there after a teleporter malfunction, and a visiting crew of four weirdos mistake him for one of the droids – an assumption that he plays along with, once he realises that they represent his ticket off the planet.

Recalibrating his teleporter to follow the energy signature of the matter paddle, Santa finds himself aboard Red Dwarf, where he stows away for years, unnoticed, until the crew’s visit to an ocean moon finally gives him the perfect opportunity to steal the mothership.

Travelling alone for years, he stumbles across an abandoned space station with a faster-than-light-and-time-drive, which he uses to travel back in time to Earth, nine months before he was born, where he meets a pretty lady who seems distantly familiar. After sleeping with her he realises his complicity in creating a time loop (because with the two Santas going round and round in time, Father Christmas can never truly become extinct).

Reasoning that such technology could be dangerous, he travels back to the distant future and hides the time drive behind an elaborate system of unreality pockets, also programming the faster-than-light element to be hidden from users at first glance, only to reveal itself in times of extreme emergency such as a temporal paradox.

Jumping back aboard Red Dwarf, he finds Kryten’s nanobots hiding in the sleeping quarters, and programs them to return the ship to the ocean moon, to dismantle it to its constituent atoms, and to forget meeting Santa altogether. He also performs a hard reset on Holly so that he can never reveal the true existence of Santa Claus.

In a final act of selflessness, he leaps into an unreality pocket and becomes entirely fictional for all eternity, using the last of his magic to make a wish to grant Lister his fond desire of being reunited with Kochanski, and then to meet a resurrected Chen and Petersen once the Starbug crew rediscovers Red Dwarf. Surely no unintended consequences can come of that, he thinks, as he fades into unreality forever.

[Warbodog]

LIGEIA FOR AN EPISODE

Kryten rescues an unpleasant-looking green blob from a crashed spaceship, but she soon after succumbs to her injuries and dies. It turns out that Ligeia was a Necro-pleasure GELF, designed for a specific market, and her corpse transforms into the dead object of the crew’s sexual desire before their eyes.

RIMMER: “Shall we draw straws?” #It’s cold outside

[Warbodog]

THE MASQUE OF THE RED DWARF

Lister’s prediction that the rest of the universe avoids human beings like the plague is sadly proven correct when Starbug literally crashes Galactic Prince Prospero’s party and all the gathered species are wiped out instantly by Lister’s bacteria.

And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all, and Lister made a face.

[Warbodog]

THE BLACK CAT

Someone comments on Cat’s skin colour, ruining the show forever. They’re bricked up inside a wall as punishment.

[Warbodog]

THE KIT AND THE PENDULUM

Kit from the Tongue Tied video is subjected to all manner of horrific torture for unspecified reasons. Written by you-know-who.

[cwickham]

CAN OF NAMES

When Lister’s twin sons are born, Jamie Oliver arrives from a parallel universe to suggest ridiculous names for them.

[bloodteller]

THE HOUND OF THE RASTA BILL’S

Lister’s favourite musician gets a dog. Three million years later Mr. Skank is revived and given the opportunity to get his beloved pet back, but decides against it in the belief the dog lived a whole long life without him. We are then shown a montage set to some melancholy music showing that it was waiting outside for him its whole life until it died. It is very sad.

[Dave]

BLUE RAY

A Red Dwarf fan called Ray repeatedly checks Doug Naylor’s Twitter feed all day to ensure he doesn’t miss a much-awaited and recently-trailed announcement about a new release of the series on high-definition physical media.

He goes to bed disappointed.

[Bargain Bin Holly]

REC YARD BITCHES

Cat takes Big Meat for a walk

[Bargain Bin Holly]

BECOME A DOG

Lister takes Holly’s advice to heart and licks his testicles

[Warbodog]

SELBY & CHEN AREN’T DEAD

The resurrected Selby and Chen muse existentially as they go about their shifts and occasionally cross over with the main Red Dwarf story, such as when they reunite with Lister at the Starbug crash and then never again because let’s introduce a load of new characters instead and then move the action to an isolated part of the ship and waste this whole opportunity.

[flanl3]

FUCK YOU

The entire Red Dwarf crew come back in time to harass whoever it was that had the brilliant idea to bump the “Idea for an episode” thread off the front page of a Red Dwarf fansite.

[cwickham]

SELBY & McINTYRE (DECEASED)

Spin-off prequel series where Selby and the hologram of George McIntyre go around solving mysteries.

[Author]

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