Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

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  • #258630
    Dave
    Participant

    THERE AIN’T NO PLAICE IN THE WHOLE OF SPACE

    Growing tired of trout à la crème, Cat embarks on a fruitless quest across the galaxy to search for an alternative.

    #258631
    Dave
    Participant

    HOLLY, PLOT A PHASE FOR FEIGE

    Lister recruits the Red Dwarf ship’s computer to mastermind the next stage of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

    #258632
    Dave
    Participant

    RED DWARF: LET ME FINISH

    Second feature-length outing for the Boys From the Dwarf. A meta tale in the tradition of Back To Earth, in which Robert Llewellyn begs Doug Naylor to not have to play Kryten any more due to the unbearable physical strain of the costume and prosthetics on the cast member’s ageing physical frame.

    The cold-hearted Naylor, citing contractual obligations, refuses, and forces the poor sap into a succession of demeaning comedy robot costumes until he utterly extinguishes the actor’s will to live.

    ‘The Man In The Rubber Mask’ is subsequently updated with an additional final chapter.

    #258633

    THE MAN IN THE RUBBER CASKET

    To pour salt into the wound, Doug arranges for Robert to be buried in a giant, rubber, Kryten shaped coffin

    #258634
    Dave
    Participant

    THE MAN IN THE RUBBISH MASK

    Robert Llewellyn releases a new volume of his autobiography exclusively dedicated to Red Dwarf X.

    #258635
    Dave
    Participant

    THE MELANIN IN THE RUBBER MASK

    While developing the costumes and prosthetics for Siliconia, Red Dwarf’s production team carefully judges the exact skin tones that will be needed to match the masks to the regular cast.

    #258636
    Dave
    Participant

    THE MOAN IN THE RUBBER MASK

    Robert Llewellyn once again complains about his working conditions.

    #258639
    Dave
    Participant

    BETTER THAN LIFT

    The turbo-elevator’s main rivals, the stairs, launch an aggressive advertising campaign insisting on their superiority.

    #258640
    Dave
    Participant

    AMATEUR HAM-MOUND ORGAN REVIVAL NIGHT

    When Lister experiences sudden heart failure, Rimmer is forced to quickly attempt to sew together a crude replacement made out of a pile of pig meat he finds in the fridge of the sleeping quarters. Luckily he manages to save Lister from the brink of death by the end of that evening.

    #258641
    Dave
    Participant

    PRISTINE KOCHANSKI

    When Red Dwarf finally catches up with Kochanski, Lister is delighted to discover that she has been perfectly preserved in stasis since the end of Series VIII, leading to an awkward and borderline-unwatchable on-screen romance between a mid-fifties Craig Charles and a late-twenties Chloë Annett.

    #258642

    LISTERINE

    Lister’s and Kristine’s Hollywood couples name is revealed in this inexplicably minty 90mins special.

    #258643
    Dave
    Participant

    RISTER

    When the teleporter malfunctions and combines Rimmer and Lister into a single entity, they channel their combined experience into developing an underrated mid-90s megadrive game.

    #258644
    cwickham
    Participant

    WRISTER

    The combined Lister-Rimmer entity gets repetitive strain injury in his wrist from wanking.

    #258645
    cwickham
    Participant

    TWISTER

    Red Dwarf gets hit by a space tornado.

    #258647
    si
    Participant

    SPITONERWRISTER

    Yada yada yada clitoris.

    #258649
    Dave
    Participant

    RISTER, PART TWO

    The combined Rimmer-Lister entity meets Taiwan Tony. Who calls it Lister.

    #258650
    Dave
    Participant

    KRYST

    Spiritual sequel to Lemons and Tikka To Ride in which the Boys From The Dwarf travel back in time to the nativity and accidentally kill Jesus, necessitating the need for Kryten to replace him with a baby mechanoid replacement who is a hand puppet operated by Robert Llewellyn, thus fulfilling his lifelong dream.

    #258651
    Dave
    Participant

    HARRY HOL

    Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by TV Burp funnyman Harry Hill.

    #258652
    cwickham
    Participant

    BARRY HOL

    Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by Barry Cryer.

    #258653
    cwickham
    Participant

    LARRY HOL

    Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by Larry Sanders.

    #258658
    si
    Participant

    HAIRY HOL

    Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by TV Burp funnyman Harry Hill – again.

    He grows a beard.

    #258659
    Dave
    Participant

    GARRY HOL

    Norman Lovett is unceremoniously dumped from the show – again – and replaced by Garry Bushell, who offers some insightful commentary on how well-crafted the character of Dave Lister is because he likes beer and curry.

    #258661
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    NO, IT’S PEE

    Lister is honest about the stain on the front of his trousers

    #258667
    MechaBirdman3200
    Participant

    I’VE LOST ME PEE

    Lister misplaces a case of vintage urine-recyc wine and must find it before Red Dwarf passes within range of a zero-G football broadcast station.

    #258668
    Dave
    Participant

    NO, IT’S A CHICKEN

    Lister introduces a game-breaking new element into the latest session of What’s My Fruit.

    #258669
    Dave
    Participant

    PINKLE, SQUIRMY, BLIB BLAB BLOB

    Rimmer has a stroke.

    #258670
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, DALLAGLIO

    Rimmer starts hallucinating famous rugby players who contravene ship protocols.

    #258671
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, DELILLO

    Rimmer berates a wax droid version of a famous American novelist.

    #258672
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, DELL’ALLIO

    Rimmer next turns his critical eye on a hologram of an Italian renaissance architect.

    #258673
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, MILLIWAYS

    Rimmer acts as whistleblower for health and safety violations at the restaurant at the end of the universe.

    #258674
    si
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, ‘ALLO ‘ALLO

    Rimmer will tell Lister that he is to be put on report. However, Lister must listen very carefully, as Rimmer shall say it only once.

    #258675
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, DERULO

    Jason Derulo’s performance as Rum Tum Tugger in the 2019 film version of Cats comes in for heavy criticism from Rimmer.

    #258676
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, DADDY-O

    Rimmer makes a deeply misguided attempt to sound cool.

    #258677
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, PICASSO

    Rimmer dislikes the Cubist movement.

    #258678
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, WACO

    Rimmer finally gets round to writing up a report of the 1993 Waco siege.

    #258679
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON BEE PORT, MILADDO

    Rimmer notices Lister is drunk on some port made from beeswax.

    #258680
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON SEAPORT, MILADDO

    Rimmer notices Lister has fallen into the ocean.

    #258681
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON TEAPORT, MILADDO

    Rimmer notices Lister has combined tea with a fortified wine.

    #258682
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON WII PORT, MILADDO

    Rimmer notices Lister is porting some old video games over to the Wii.

    #258683
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON WII SPORTS, MILADDO

    Rimmer catches Lister playing a motion-control videogame.

    #258684
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON WII SPORTS RESORT, MILADDO

    Rimmer catches Lister playing a slightly less good motion-control videogame.

    #258685
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE FRANK MCCOURT, MILADDO

    Rimmer encounters a hologram of the author of Angela’s Ashes and recognises him immediately.

    #258686
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE MORT, MILADDO

    Rimmer meets Death and kicks him in the nuts.

    #258687
    cwickham
    Participant

    YOU’RE LE MORTE D’ARTHUR, MILADDO

    Rimmer meets King Arthur.

    #258688
    Paul Muller
    Participant

    URINE REPORT, MILADDO

    Rimmer demands a detailed description of Lister’s most recent piss.

    #258689
    si
    Participant

    MORON REPORT, M’LADDO

    Rimmer tells Lister of the US President’s latest harebrained idea.

    #258690
    cwickham
    Participant

    MASH REPORT, MILADDO

    Rimmer decides to watch a shit satirical TV show.

    #258691
    clem
    Participant

    YOU RANG M’LORD?, MILADDO

    Lister asks Rimmer to name his favourite Croft and Perry sitcom.

    #258692

    ARMILADDOS

    Rimmer travels back to the mid 1990s to appear on a series of adverts for a Swedish caramel chocolate bar.

    #258693
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE ON REPORT, MLADIC

    Extended edition of Meltdown in which the evil wax droids are bolstered by Bosnian Serb war criminal Ratko Mladić.

    #258694
    Dave
    Participant

    EURON REPORT, MILADDO

    While marathoning Game Of Thrones, Rimmer has to pop out to the toilet. Upon returning, he demands to know whether anything has happened to his favourite Greyjoy.

    #258695
    Dave
    Participant

    YOU’RE HENRI PORTE, MILADDO

    While playing Better Than Life, Rimmer is delighted to meet his favourite gallic musician Philippe Timsit, who is famous mainly for one particular big hit song.

    #258698
    bloodteller
    Participant

    HARRY POTTER AND THE ANUBIS STONE

    During his adventures at the school of Hogwarts Harry learns about a mystical object called the Anubis Stone, said to be based on an Egyptian creature with the head of a cat. He decides to just leave it since they got their Egyptian mythology all wrong and is subsequently killed

    #258699
    bloodteller
    Participant

    HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SMEG

    During his adventures at the school of Hogwarts Harry learns about a secret underground room called the Chamber Of Smeg, where the teachers routinely congregate to roll around in their own filth. He decides to just leave it since that’s disgusting and is subsequently killed by some stray smeg

    #258700
    bloodteller
    Participant

    HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF FLOOR 13

    During his adventures at the school of Hogwarts Harry learns about a secret thirteenth floor called The Tank, where 400 prisoners are secretly being kept for crimes against the Space Federation. He decides to just leave it and is subsequently scre-ew-ew-ew-ewed up by a stray Time Wand

    #258701
    bloodteller
    Participant

    HARRY POTTER AND THE PAN-DIMENSIONAL LIQUID BEAST FROM THE MOGADON CLUSTER OF FIRE

    During his adventures at the school of Hogwarts Harry is confronted by the same vaguely defined beast that once attacked the Red Dwarf posse, only it is now on fire. Unsurprisingly, both due to the predictability of these posts and the nature of the beast, he is subsequently killed by it

    #258706
    Paul Muller
    Participant

    FOND O’ QUORN

    Acclaimed comedy writer Rob Grant’s new Radio 4 show, in which he discusses his love of the titular meat substitute.

    #258707
    Paul Muller
    Participant

    HONDA QUORN 2

    The Japanese car manufacturer releases the new and improved version of their popular vehicle, formed entirely from cultivated mycoprotein fungus.

    #258708
    Dave
    Participant

    GONDOR HORN 2

    Sequel to Lord Of The Rings based largely around Boromir’s trumpet thing.

    #258709
    Dave
    Participant

    HONDA PORN 2

    Japanese car enthusiasts pore over glossy images of high-end automobile models with all of the optional extras included.

    #258710
    Dave
    Participant

    PONDER HORN 2

    Alan Partridge’s band leader becomes sexually aroused. Again.

    #258711
    Dave
    Participant

    PANDA CORN CHEW

    A black and white bear tries to eat slightly undercooked corn on the cob.

    #258712
    Dave
    Participant

    QUANDER FORLORN

    A visibly-disappointed Rob Grant logs on to G&T and discovers that, despite a “Let’s Talk About” thread having been kicked off, the only discussion of Quanderhorn 2 so far is a load of silly puns in the Idea For An Episode thread.

    #258774
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    I’VE NEVER READ… THIS THREAD

    Lister admits to posting in the ‘ideas for an episode’ thread without reading anyone else’s posts

    #258775
    cwickham
    Participant

    TIKKA TO RIDE X-Æ A-12-TENDED

    Lister goes back in time to find out why an entrepreneur and a pop singer gave their child such a stupid name.

    #258776
    cwickham
    Participant

    OUROBOROS X-Æ A-12-TENDED

    Lister decides to change his and Kochanski’s baby’s name to X Æ A-12, to serve as a clue that he is really his own father as who else would give him such a stupid name?

    #258777
    cwickham
    Participant

    DUCT SOUP X-Æ A-12-TENDED

    Everyone sits around in an unrealistically large maintenance shaft wondering why Elon Musk gave his baby such a stupid name.

    #258778
    cwickham
    Participant

    RED DWARF X Æ A-12

    That last idea, but for an entire series.

    #258779
    cwickham
    Participant

    BACK IN THE RED PART X Æ A-12

    The same as Back in the Red Part One, except the opening bunkroom scene has been redubbed to discuss the name of Elon Musk’s baby.

    #258780
    cwickham
    Participant

    PETE PART X Æ A-12

    Pretty much the same as Pete Part 2 originally was, to be honest.

    #258781
    Dave
    Participant

    MUSKOCRACY

    An election is held to debate which of the six previous Ideas For An Episode is the best.

    #258782
    Dave
    Participant

    POLYMORPH IV: ELOHAWK

    The crew of Red Dwarf encounter a tech entrepreneur who can shape-shift into a wide range of different types of wanker.

    #258783
    Dave
    Participant

    ELON.M’S

    When the crew of Red Dwarf accidentally go back in time and meet Jesus, Elon Musk offers to help them return to their own era with his prototype time-travelling submarine. Kindly rejecting the offer as completely impractical, the boys from the Dwarf are dismayed to see the tech entrepreneur respond by calling them all paedophiles on Twitter.

    #258789
    cwickham
    Participant

    SKATESIS LEAK

    Result of a highly amusing mix-up which led to Tony Hawk being booked to do the voice of the suitcase in Stasis Leak, and bringing along his sister to the recording.

    #258798
    cwickham
    Participant

    HUGH DENNIS & PARANOIA

    The Dwarfers discover an inexplicable Twitter meme involving Hugh Dennis from the year 2020, and all recount the occasions on which they themselves met him. They begin to wonder how so many people can have stories involving meeting Hugh Dennis by chance.

    #258825
    Dave
    Participant

    QUARANTERPRETATION

    Alternate ending to Quarantine in which Rimmer insists that it was reasonable of him to not self-isolate after contracting the holovirus because he was making a long journey across Red Dwarf to find someone to look after Mr Flibble, and then he had to have a quick day trip to the observation dome to make sure he could see well enough for the return journey. And while this might not align with the Space Corps Directives as written, it aligns with his own personal interpretation of them, so why is everyone making such a big deal about it? And no, he won’t be apologising.

    #258857
    Dave
    Participant

    THE POST’S NOT ARRIVED

    A group of Red Dwarf fans eagerly await delivery of their Promised Land Blu-Rays, giving each other regular updates every time nothing happens.

    #258859

    HE PASSED AWAY PEACEFULLY IN HIS JEEP

    Rimmer’s mum writes to him to explain his father died whilst testing his eye sight by going for a drive in his favourite car.

    #258860
    Richietee
    Participant

    BAX IN THE RED

    We discover Baxter and Killcrazy are still on board Red Dwarf and this bottle episode/backdoor pilot shows just what this wacky duo have been doing since the end of series VIII.
    We are treated to that mad time Killcrazy fell in love with Archie the Cock but discovers Archie is in love with Baxter! (What a twist) , The time Baxter’s mum came to stay (played by Ricky Grover in a wig) with hilarious results!, The sidesplitting event of the pair falling out and dividing thier cell in two halves! with a guest appearance from Taiwan Tony the episode ends on a song

    You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to crack open some “OT BOVRIL”

    #259089
    Dave
    Participant

    COUNTDOWN

    While browsing an online forum about historical wax droids, the crew of Red Dwarf notice that the edit function now has a live countdown timer giving them just five minutes to correct any glaring errors in their posts, adding a whole new element of tension and potential peril to their contributions.

    #259090
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    COMMENTING AND PAGINATION

    A forum regular rejoices at the new “jump to last page” feature, if only because it spares him from seeing the typo he made three and half years ago on page 1, every time he hits the “Idea for an Episode” link.

    #259091
    Dave
    Participant

    COMMENTARY DUNCE AND PUNORAMA

    While tuning in to the weekly Red Dwarf lockdown commentaries, fans are both dismayed by the behaviour of one particular knob in the chat section, but also delighted by the various spontaneous Dwarf-related play-on-word gags that litter the comment feed.

    #259092
    Dave
    Participant

    OUR ROB AND ROSS

    Listeners to the weekly Red Dwarf lockdown commentaries look forward to the rerun of ‘Kryten’ with a special guest star next week.

    #259093
    clem
    Participant

    Make a shit one and stick it fifth. Or third. Or possibly fourth.

    #259095
    cwickham
    Participant

    OUR BOBBY AND ROSS

    Robert Llewellyn and David Ross’ incarnations of Kryten finally appear onscreen together.

    #259099
    bloodteller
    Participant

    TERRORTRUEFORMS

    rimmer buys some new shoes but becomes frightened when he wears them

    #259105
    Dave
    Participant

    BEYOND BEYOND A JOKE

    Sequel to BEYOND A JOKE in which Robert Llewellyn plays seven new variant versions of Kryten in all the colours of the rainbow, each representing one of the seven deadly sins.

    #259116
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    JUST MICE

    Lister writes a list of all the people he outranks on Red Dwarf.

    #259118
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    RANKS FOR SUPREMACY

    Lister and Rimmer compete in the Astro Navigation exams to determine who will be be awarded the Captaincy of Red Dwarf. Unbeknownst to them, Kryten also enters and gets the gig.

    #259119
    Dave
    Participant

    THANKS FOR D BELLAMY

    Lister pays heartfelt tribute to deceased naturalist David Bellamy.

    #259120
    bloodteller
    Participant

    After eating radioactive curry, Lister has grown enormous, and is terrorizing the city of Manchester. Episode is based on Godzilla. Featured song: “The Jolly Green Giant” by (The Kingsmen)

    Cat and Kryten, anxious to find out what prize they won in a sweepstakes, consult Rimmer (Chris Barrie) for help. Much to their dismay, Rimmer himself ends up as the prize.

    #259121
    Dave
    Participant

    PLANKS FOR THE ENEMY

    Lister remembers how they used to punish people when he was on Captain Butler.

    #259122
    Dave
    Participant

    BANKS FOR D EMERY

    Rimmer revisits more of his past lives and finds out he was once Dick Emery’s accountant.

    #259123
    Dave
    Participant

    HANK’S 4-D PENURY

    Red Dwarf producer Henry Normal foolishly invests his entire personal fortune in a prototype virtual-reality time-travel device invented by Doug Naylor that doesn’t work, leaving him penniless and feeling rather foolish.

    #259125
    bloodteller
    Participant

    EMIT FO TUO

    Kryten and Cat use a fake volcano god to trick a tribe of islanders into sacrificing Kochanski. Featured song: Hot Hot Hot by Buster Poindexter.

    Lister buys a watch that runs backwards from a mysterious salesperson. Soon, he does everything backwards, even eating.

    #259126
    bloodteller
    Participant

    STAR KNOTS IN THEIR EYES

    The posse must free the natives of the Planet Of The Nymphomaniacs from being the Pan-Dimensional Liquid Beast From The Mogadon Cluster’s slaves. Featured song: Chains by (The Beatles)

    Paul Elder hunts for an alligator that’s stuck in Kochanski’s basement, to her dismay.

    #259133
    cwickham
    Participant

    WARDEN KNOTS IN THEIR EYES

    Special musical episode where everyone dresses up and sings like Warden Knot.

    #259137
    bloodteller
    Participant

    THE ROBOT WARRIOR

    A Simulant Death Squad has stolen all the curry sauce in the universe, so the posse must work to get it back. Lister (Craig Charles) becomes the “Robot Warrior” in the process, and uses his newfound powers to host Robot Wars. Episode is based on The Road Warrior. Featured song: Born to Be Wild by (Steppenwolf)

    Kryten’s dream date from a computer system turns out to be a GELF (Clare Carey).

    #259138
    bloodteller
    Participant

    TROJAN (HORSE)

    When Lister, Kryten and Rimmer are unable to rescue Cat from Rodon and the ferals, they try to fool him with a cat-shaped Trojan Horse. Featured song: I Hear You Knocking by (Dave Edmunds)

    Kochanski strikes oil and tries to sell it to Ted Bull (Norman Fell).

    #259139
    bloodteller
    Participant

    RED DWARF (BM)X

    Kryten and Cat enter a BMX race against Taiwan Tony, Snacky and a space weevil so that they can win the prize money. Featured song: Shut Down by (The Beach Boys)

    Rimmer’s mother comes to visit and proves to be a bossy annoyance from start to finish.

Viewing 100 posts - 7,201 through 7,300 (of 8,458 total)
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