Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

STRICTLY COME DWARFING: IT TAKES TWO

Basically the same as Strictly Come Dwarfing, but there are clones of everyone made using the triplicator.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CATS

Cat is lonely and missing his race, so Lister gets him a copy of the musical Cats on VHS. Everyone is a little surprised when a familiar face can be seen singing and dancing in the show …. the VHS then turns into a polymorph and sucks everyone’s surprise out of them and slinks off down to the cargo decks.

[cwickham]

BODYSNATCHER

Dara O’Briain arrives from a parallel universe to steal Craig Charles’ other job.

[Dave]

BOBBYSNATCHER

David Ross travels back in time to kidnap Robert Llewellyn from the set of Series II episode one, replacing him in the title role.

[Dave]

BLOBBYSNATCHER

One of the original Camille suits is stolen from the GNP vaults.

[Dave]

NODDYSNATCHER

A shop assistant from a sci-fi store goes missing in mysterious circumstances.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BLOODY THATCHER

Lister spends 28mins bemoaning the state of Margret Thatcher’s economic policies and the effect they had on northern towns, much to the confusion of the rest of the crew who have never heard of her.

[Pete Part Three]

3601

Half of the submitters to the “Idea for an episode thread” walk out suddenly in mysterious circumstances. The rest carry on regardless, hoping to recapture the glory days of the previous 3600 posts (AKA “the bubble”).

[Dave]

WAITING FOR GODDYSNATCHER

Lister steals the Cat Priest’s limbs.

[cwickham]

NODDYSNATCHER II

A man famous for shouting very loudly about Christmas goes missing.

[cwickham]

BLOBBYSNATCHER II

Mr Blobby goes missing.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BASSIST SEEK

Lister wants to form a band and posts an ad on joinmyband.com in search of a bassist. He gets a surprising number of responses from GELFs and Polymorphs and deranged droids that all seems fairly legit, and what could possibly go wrong?!

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BINQUISITOR

The local council comes to inspects the crews bins and find they have the wrong colour for recycling and charge them a steep fine to replace it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HYMNQUISITOR

An ancient simulant driven mad from millennia alone travels through time inspecting hymn books, erasing the worst ones from existence.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

INN VISITOR

The nativity story but with an ancient simulant and lots of erasing things like donkey’s and hoteliers from history.

[Pete Part Three]

THE QUINNLISTENER

A forum member listens to quinn_drummer ‘s ideas for episodes, and nods slightly.

[Warbodog]

TWO SUITS IS DEAD

Cat berates Lister when he catches him still playing Spider Solitaire with just two suits.

[Warbodog]

DEADER THAN TANK TOPS

Unmade episode from series VIII that would have seen an evolved STD hilariously culling all the sexually dominant prisoners.

[Warbodog]

WE’RE PLATFORM SHOES, MAN

The Justice boots get their own spin-off, going undercover in the 1970s by disguising themselves as trendy footwear and speaking in the vernacular.

[Dave]

SHOES HAVE SOLES

Tedious episode in which Cat learns how footwear is manufactured.

[Ben Paddon]

TERRY PRATCHETT’S BOGBOTFATHER

The Dwarfers arrive on a flat, disc-like planet currently observing a winter festival that bares a remarkable similarity to their Christmas. Only their anthropomorphic personification of that festival has gone missing – it’s up to Kryten, aided by his grumpy but affable pixie in the form of Lister, to fill his shoes.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MONK ME A SKIPPER

The crew skip (using a newly rebuilt dimension skipping device) to a universe where the cat race never left Red Dwarf. Sensing that he doesn’t fit in, Cat uses one of his Polymorph children (because he didn’t kill them all apprently) to suck out his cool and turn him into Dwayne Dibbley, resulting in creating a cult following amongst the cat people who see him as some sort of wise monk.

Lister, Rimmer and Kryten set about restoring him back and returning to their own dimension via 2 quick lines of dialogue, thanks bye END CREDITS.

[Pete Part Three]

THANKS FOR THE MONASTERY

Sequel episode to “Monk Me a Skipper” where the Cat people build a holy building to honour Duane and his teachings.

[Warbodog]

SMEG FOR BRAINS

[Warbodog]

SMEG FOR BRAINS

Kryten learns the shameful secret of what his “partly organic” brain is made of.

[clem]

SMUG FOR BAIRNS

The crew meet some unusually self-satisfied Scottish children.

[Warbodog]

THANKS FOR THE MEMOREX

Lister receives a practical Christmas gift. Sponsored short.

[Warbodog]

HAVE A TANGFASTICS. PERIOD.

Lister insists that Cat try his Haribo and won’t take no for an answer. Sponsored short.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK IN THE RED BULL

Starbug is out of fuel and Kryten suggests filling the tank with the several thousand crates they found in the cargo bay due to the misguided belief that Red Bull allows you to fly … but it works, and they have increased their speed by 400%, though the steering is a little shaky. Sponsored short.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NO MORE BEANZ MAN

Lister begs Kryten for some Heinz spaghetti hoops on toast rather than the usual Beanz. Sponsored short.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DEMONS AND ANGEL DELIGHT

Intergalactic desert demons break aboard Red Dwarf to steal all the crews Angel Delight. After whipping the crew up into a frenzy, Lister kills them with a volley of bazookoid fire, destroying them and the Angel Delight, which ends up covering the corridor is chocolate and strawberry goo, which Lister eats up with a spoon. Sponsored short.

[Flap Jack]

M&M-CORP

Kryten installs a software update to the ship that causes all of the Smarties on board to become invisible, leaving M&Ms as the only food available for Lister to eat. Eventually Red Dwarf’s M&M supply is down to just the peanut ones, and so to avoid starvation, they take Starbug to the M&M planet to get more regular M&Ms and maybe some of those nice biscuity ones. Unfortunately the planet has become a barren wasteland inhabited only by huge, vicious and intelligent predator M&M monster men. Lister ends up in a fight to the death with Red (Billy West) for the last crate of Dark Mint M&Ms.

Non-sponsored episode.

[Warbodog]

R.E. BOOT

Having failed to understand the “shoes have soles/souls” joke, Rimmer looks for signs of divine inspiration in the creation of footwear, but it turns out to be a load of cobblers.

[cwickham]

TODDYSNATCHER

Rimmer’s hot toddy goes missing.

[cwickham]

NODDYSNATCHER

Big-Ears’ best friend goes missing.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF PREMASTERED

Some fans who order the Blu-ray set mistakenly receive the series XIII Blu-ray in the post instead, despite that series not having entered pre-production yet.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF RAMIS TURD

Doug reveals that the late Ghostbusters star was so angry about Remastered in the late ’90s, he mailed a “dirty protest” to the GNP office. Though on second glance, it turned out he was just returning the videos.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF KEYMASTERED

Clips of Rick Moranis from Ghostbusters are digitally inserted into various scenes from series 1-III to make the foreground more interesting.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF BEEMASTERED

Series I-VIII, but with loads of CGI bees added for no reason.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BEE-CORP

Invisible bees invade the ship. Kryten defeats them by throwing a single jar of honey out an open airlock and they all fly after it.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF BEETMASTERED

Series I-VIII, but with the camera covered in beetroot juice to give everything a red tinge for no reason whatsoever.

[bloodteller]

SIX OF THE BEST GUESSES

Boxset compiling all of Kryten’s least inexplicable random expository dialogue that he somehow knows. At the end Lister walks in and asks Kryten why the fuck he always calls them “Best Guesses” when it’s blindingly obvious that he knows exactly what he’s talking about all the time and has never been wrong. This sudden outburst makes Kryten a bit sad

[Warbodog]

PSILAGE

Farmer Lister’s big red tractor has been stolen by persons or life forms unknown. He and the lads have to ride around on a cramped quad bike gathering grass for the winter.

[Warbodog]

TILLER TO RIDE

Farmer Lister’s run-down walk-behind rototiller breaks down, so he upgrades to a larger ride-on rotavator.

[Warbodog]

THE LAST HAY

Farmer Lister gets irresponsibly drunk with his mates, not noticing that the feed is running low. Will his livestock survive the winter…?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

COW MEAL

Farmer Lister breeds a cow with the intent of turning it into steak to feed guests at his wedding.

[Dave]

BUMP ME A SLIPPER

When the ‘Idea For An Episode’ thread slips off the front page of G&T, forum posters decide to bring it back with a new look and a fresh approach. They then argue for a further eight pages over whether this constitutes a Reboot or a Revival.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ME-REBOOT

Rimmer loads a second version of himself and tells Lister he has rebooted. Lister insists it’s a revival and they squabble for hours whilst the new Rimmer sits in the corner bored.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

INFINITY WELCOMES CAREFUL REBOOTS

Doug decides to rewrite the first novel, but is careful to make it clear it is a reboot of the book series, and not a revival via time loop or continuation, even thought to the casual reader it clear is.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

JUMP STARTS THE SECOND BIG BANG

Lister fulfills his hallucinationed destiny by jumpstarting the second Big Bang, but one forum user insists Lister had really rebooted the universe.

[Author]

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