Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

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  • #264815
    Dave
    Participant

    TAIWANNABE

    When the Spice Girls materialise on Red Dwarf, they accidentally act as the catalyst for a Timewave sequel when someone misunderstands their request for a ziggy-zig-ah.

    #264816
    Warbodog
    Participant

    MEDI IN TAIWAN

    The two shit things from Fathers and Suns leak a sex tape.

    #264817
    Warbodog
    Participant

    MEDIBOT WARS

    Kerry Shale is announced as the new Robot Wars commentator.

    #264818
    Dave
    Participant

    ROBOT PAUSE

    Bobby forgets his lines again.

    #264819
    Dave
    Participant

    ROBOT PAWS

    The DNA machine turns Kryten into a dog.

    #264820
    Dave
    Participant

    ROBOT SLAWS

    Kryten discovers a load of cabbage on a derelict and gets to work in the kitchen.

    #264821
    Dave
    Participant

    ROBOT JAWS

    Kryten pops down to the cinema to catch the midnight movie.

    #264822
    Dave
    Participant

    ROBOT LAWS

    Everyone gets bored of Kryten going on about Asimov.

    #264823
    Dave
    Participant

    ROBOT PURE SHORES

    Kryten reveals his favourite All Saints track.

    #264824
    Dave
    Participant

    FLICK MY R’S WE’RE ON PAGE 95

    Pre-watershed dub of the traditional new Idea For An Episode page refrain.

    #264825
    Dave
    Participant

    IDEAS ’95

    Bill Gates launches his gamechanging new Idea For An Episode operating system with the revolutionary ‘shart’ button, thus describing the thread perfectly.

    #264826
    Dave
    Participant

    MORNING, PHARMA LISTER!

    Lister gets addicted to prescription painkillers.

    #264827
    Dave
    Participant

    MORNING, FORMER LISTER!

    Lister dies and Rimmer carries on talking to his corpse for weeks.

    #264828
    Dave
    Participant

    MOURNING, FARMER LISTER?

    Lister and Kochanski get to Fiji but she dies immediately.

    #264829
    cwickham
    Participant

    MORNING, LISTER BLISTER!

    Lister’s blisters become sentient and Rimmer makes friends with them.

    #264830

    ROBOT CLAUS

    Doug decides to canonise Red Christmas by writing a live action sequel that shows Santa to be a rouge droid from the future travelling through time bringing joy to human Children.

    #264831
    Warbodog
    Participant

    MORNING FIRMER LISTER

    Erections again.

    #264833

    PETE

    The crew spike the prison guards drinks with viagra so they find it more difficult to play basketball in a ridiculous attempt to throw the game. They succeed, and get chewed out by Hollister who explains he had an erection for several hours that in normal circumstances would require hospitalisation.

    After several failed punishment attempts Lister and Rimmer are sent to the Hole – because the JMC practise inhumane retributive justice – and meet an old man with a pet sparrow called Pete (the rules are very clear, no pets) who, once free after they escape, dies from excitement. His owner, Birdman, exclaims “he’s gone all stiff” to which Rimmer thinks the sparrow drank the guards viagra laced juice from earlier on.

    In an attempt to cheer the old man up, Kryten uses a time device he found on a Canaries mission to try and bring Pete back to life, only to accidentally turn him into a dinosaur.

    #264834

    HELL IF THAT’S GOT TO MAKE SENSE, I DON’T WANT TO BE SOBER

    In an attempt to escape the reality of series VIII, Kryten’s mind shuts down and places his subconscious in a Wild West dream state where he is perpetually drunk.

    #264835
    Jenuall
    Participant

    MORNING CALMER LISTER

    Rimmer greets a much more chilled out Lister after he gets his fear back following the events of Polymorph

    #264836
    Dave
    Participant

    MORNING PALMER, LISTER

    Rimmer feigns insouciance when he accidentally walks in on Lister having sex with a hologram of Patsy Palmer.

    #264838
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART FIFTY-ONE

    The Dwarfers decide to race the five Skutters against each other down B Deck. Each Skutter has a name, a distinguishing characteristic and a specific job.

    Bob was not the Skutter with the fractured casing that cleans Lister’s curry stains.

    The Skutter with the missing wheel finished third.

    Madge has a squeaky drive chain.

    The mispainted Skutter finished three places behind the one in charge of lift maintenance.

    The sparking Skutter didn’t win.

    Stabbim’s casing isn’t fractured, and he has all his wheels. He finished two places ahead of the chair of the Cowboys & Indians Recreation Society.

    Pinky steams the Cat’s suits.

    The nightwatchskutter came second.

    So what position did Perky finish in?

    #264844
    Warbodog
    Participant

    DO YOU MEAN THEY HAD A WAR OVER WHETHER THE HOLOGRAM’S COSTUME WAS RED OR GREEN?

    The Red Dwarf creators prophetically satirise their fandom’s disproportionate fixation on one character’s wardrobe.

    #264845
    Dave
    Participant

    FUN BEN OF THE ACROPOLIS

    When Rimmer’s holographic projection disc fails and Kryten announces it will take 24 hours to repair, Lister revives as a hologram his hitherto-unmentioned best mate from the pre-accident Red Dwarf, a Greek bloke called Benjamin, and they go on a bender together.

    But when Lister starts suffering from severe liver failure, he comes to realise that without Rimmer he would quickly become a self-destructive mess, and when Ben is deactivated he welcomes Rimmer back with a celebration of their “moonlight” relationship by asking Kryten to shine a sun-lamp on his bare arse.

    #264846
    Warbodog
    Participant

    STUNTMEN OF THE APOCRYPHAL SLIPS

    Craig Charles’ long-serving stunt double breaks his non-disclosure agreement in a moment of weakness.

    #264847
    Warbodog
    Participant

    GUNMEN OF THE APPALLING ELLIPSE

    Assassins are hired to find the designer responsible for the covers of early editions of the Red Dwarf Programme Guide and blow the mother away.

    #264848
    Warbodog
    Participant

    DUMB MAN OF THE APOCALYPSE

    Lister questions the credibility of a weak Derren Brown special.

    #264849
    Dave
    Participant

    BUNFIGHT OF THE IMPROPER ELLIPSIS

    After almost thirty years, the real reason for the fallout between Rob and Doug is revealed to have been a bitter dispute over whether the “To Be Continued” caption at the end of Out Of Time should have had three dots at the end or not.

    #264850
    Dave
    Participant

    BACK TO UNCERTAINTY

    Everyone checks their Series VI DVDs to see if the caption at the end of Out Of Time has an ellipsis or not.

    #264851
    Dave
    Participant

    ELLIPSIS LEAK

    It doesn’t.

    #264852
    Warbodog
    Participant

    GUNMEN OF THE INAPPROPRIATE PUNS

    Frivolous forum posters appear more callous than they are when they check G&T before actual news.

    #264853
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HUNG MEN OF THE PUCKERED ARSE LIPS

    “Do you think gay gangbangs are sexy?”

    #264854
    Dave
    Participant

    BACK TO IMPROPRIETY

    A contributor to the G&T Idea For An Episode thread shows concern over whether some of the previous ideas were in bad taste, only to follow it up with a joke about gay gangbangs and puckered arse lips.

    #264856
    Jenuall
    Participant

    BACK TO CAUSALITY

    The crew realise that despite the assurances from an automated toilet attendant they didn’t actually ever return to normal reality after the events of WHITE HOLE. The writers take the opportunity to repeat most of the jokes from that episode but with only about 10% of the finesse displayed the first time around

    #264857
    Warbodog
    Participant

    STRAWMEN OF THE AD HOMINEMS

    Rimmer tries to win an argument by deploying jargon he doesn’t really understand.

    #264858
    Dave
    Participant

    FUN PEN OF THE IMPROPER STRIP

    Rimmer finds one of those old pens with a picture of a bra-and-pants garbed woman that becomes nude when you turn it upside down, and becomes obsessed with it, only for enlightened 27th century guy Lister to tell him how sexist it is.

    #264859
    Dave
    Participant

    GUNMEN OF THE APOCALISP

    After Starbug is infected by a simulant virus, Kryten must journey into an imaginary Wild West setting and do battle with brother War, brother Famine, brother Death, and brother Pethtilenth.

    #264860
    Dave
    Participant

    GAWAIN MEN OF THE APOCALPYSE

    After Starbug is infected by a simulant virus, loads of knights escape from the AR machine.

    #264861
    Jenuall
    Participant

    GUNS OF THE PATRIOTS

    The crew play Metal Gear Solid 4 through the AR machine. It lasts fucking ages and nobody knows what the hell is going on at any point. Rimmer declares it “the worst pile of blubbery school-girl mush I’ve ever been compelled to endure.”

    #264862
    si
    Participant

    GUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSO

    In an AR simulation of the Wild West, the crew are challenged to a dance-off.

    #264863
    cwickham
    Participant

    MATHS IN THE RED PART FIFTY-TWO

    What number could be added to this sequence in place of the blank, and which number would you then have to remove for the sequence to still make sense?

    3, 3, _, 7, 2, 5, 7, 3, 3, 6, 6, 10, 3, 8, 3

    #264864
    Jenuall
    Participant

    GUNMEN OF THE CALIPPO

    The crew are attacked by rogue simulants armed with lemon and lime flavoured frozen ice lollies.

    #264865
    Warbodog
    Participant

    KRYTIE CHU CHU TV

    To help his audience calm down after ejaculating to illicit nudes, Kryten livestreams himself singing public domain nursery rhymes accompanied by a CGI dinosaur that Chris Veale sold him for $£150.

    #264871
    Jenuall
    Participant

    MILK SHAKE AND A CRISPY BAR

    2 pints of larger crossover episode taking place during the Back To Earth reality period.

    Somehow manages to be even worse than anyone could have imagined

    #264876
    Dave
    Participant

    BIG FINNISH SPIN-OFF AUDIO

    Craig Charles and Chris Barrie adopt their Red Dwarf characters to host a brand new radio gameshow in which contestants are sent to Finland and pilot gigantic spinning tops that must battle until one is completely destroyed.

    #264877
    Warbodog
    Participant

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE, THERE’S NO KIND OF ATMOSFEAR

    Christmas special. Lister goes back in time to buy Rimmer the video board game he’s been dropping unsubtle hints about. He buys the last one in the shop, but then sees a young boy crying by the empty rack, so kindly gives him the game and returns to the future empty handed. He apologises to Rimmer, who explains, choking back tears, that he was that boy. They embrace in the spirit of the season and it starts to snow outside the window even though they’re in space.

    #264878
    Warbodog
    Participant

    MR FLIBBLE’S VERY CROSS

    Easter special. Mr Flibble is crucified for our sins.

    #264879
    Dave
    Participant

    IT’S UKTVGOLD OUTSIDE

    Red Dwarf fans become irate when the Dave channel changes the theme tune lyrics as part of a corporate promotion.

    #264880

    EVERYBODY IS DEAD UKTVGOLD

    As a corporate tie in, Dave edits every single mention of Lister’s name to UKTVGOLD

    #264881
    Ridley
    Participant

    UKTV DON’TPLAY

    Dave has an episode when other platforms get Red Dwarf ideas out of their buttskis.

    #264882
    Warbodog
    Participant

    HORRORSHIP

    Halloween special. Lister realises he’s living with a ghost, a vampire, a Frankingstein and a disembodied head, so he hides under the bed… but Lister is already there.

    #264883
    Dave
    Participant

    STINK ME A PLOPPER

    When someone blocks up all of Red Dwarf’s toilets with their oversized stools, the Boys From The Dwarf must determine which of them is the culprit, even though it can only realistically have been either Lister or Cat.

    #264885
    Jenuall
    Participant

    DEAR MAEVE

    The boys from the Dwarf write a letter to famous Irish novelist Maeve Binchy thanking her for her stories about small town life

    #264925
    cwickham
    Participant

    BLINDING TIME!

    Gordon Kennedy goes around tearing peoples’ eyeballs out of their sockets.

    #264930
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    JOBESWORTH

    The iconic Starbug crew of Lister, Cat, Kryten, Kochanski and Holly are apprehended by a simulant who looks nothing like a simulant and made to fill in some health and safety forms.

    #264931
    Warbodog
    Participant

    DIBBLEYS, BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

    The unbelievable ending of Back in the Red part 2 becomes a permanent exhibit at Ripley’s Odditoriums worldwide.

    #264932

    DWAYNE DIMBLEBY

    Cat turns into a future descendant of the Dimbleby family who is unfortunately a bit of a blithering idiot.

    #264933
    Dave
    Participant

    DWAYNE DIBLEY

    When the padre from Ace Rimmer’s dimension is relocated to a small rural Oxfordshire parish in the 1990s, hilarity ensues as the conservative locals have to get used to the Church of England’s progressive decision to allow humanoid creatures evolved from domestic house cats to serve in the clergy.

    #264934
    Warbodog
    Participant

    KILLEJUY

    A Boglin in a suit confiscates the AR machine and Rimmer still isn’t around.

    #264935
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    D-U-A, ACTUALLY

    Rimmer corrects everyone’s spelling of Cat’s alter ego.

    #264936
    Dave
    Participant

    DUA

    The crew discover a phonetic-engineering machine that can alter Dwayne Dibley to become Duane Dibley.

    #264937
    Dave
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR RUBBLE

    When Cat and Lister fly through a time hole and end up in the world of The Flintstones, they make it clear that Wilma is the only woman for them by improvising a stupid little rap song.

    #264938
    cwickham
    Participant

    D-O-A, ACTUALLY

    Doug shamelessly plagiarises a scene from the Simpsons episode where Homer gives up beer for a month.

    #264939
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR THE BUBBLE

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole and arrive on the set of a short-lived comedy panel show in the year 2010.

    #264940
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR HUBBLE

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole and crash into the Hubble Telescope.

    #264941
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR TOIL AND TROUBLE

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole and arrive in an amateur production of Macbeth.

    #264942
    clem
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR BUBBLE

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole to the Big Brother 2 house in search of Brian Dowling.

    #264943
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR RUNDLE

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole and meet the star of TV dramas such as Peaky Blinders and Gentleman Jack.

    #264944
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR DOUBLE

    Lister drinks 30 pints of lager and ends up seeing two of everyone.

    #264945
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR MUGGLES

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole and end up in the literary works of a well-known transphobe.

    #264946
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR PUDDLE

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole and arrive on a planet where it rains a lot.

    #264947
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR STUBBLE

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole and lose most, but not all, of their facial hair in the process.

    #264948
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR WOGGLE

    Lister and Cat travel through a wormhole and arrive at a Boy Scout meeting.

    #264949
    clem
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR BOGGLE

    Lister and Cat decide to play Yahtzee but can only find a different dice game in the cupboard.

    #264951
    Dave
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE

    Alternative title for Dear Dave.

    #264952
    Warbodog
    Participant

    STACKED TO THE GILLS

    Chris Veale’s indecent remastering of Cat’s mermaid girlfriend is discovered on an old hard drive.

    #264953
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    THE BODYSNATCHERS’ COLLECTION

    Notorious elements of fansite Ganymede & Titan claim a high profile target, as they absorb Ian Symes into their nonsense.

    #264954
    Dave
    Participant

    SYMESWAVE

    Ian Symes posts two Ideas For An Episode in quick succession.

    #264957
    cwickham
    Participant

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF SCUFFLE

    Lister gets into a fight.

    #264958
    cwickham
    Participant

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF SOUFFLE

    Lister makes dessert.

    #264959
    cwickham
    Participant

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF DUFFEL

    Lister makes a coat.

    #264960
    cwickham
    Participant

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF RUFFLE

    Lister ruffles his hair.

    #264961
    cwickham
    Participant

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF WAFFLE

    Lister makes dessert, again.

    #264962
    cwickham
    Participant

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF KERFUFFLE

    Lister is involved in a fracas.

    #264963
    cwickham
    Participant

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF MUFFLE

    Lister covers his mouth so nobody can understand what he’s saying.

    #264964
    cwickham
    Participant

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF QUAFFLE

    Lister plays a game of Quidditch.

    #264965

    I DODNT COME HERE LOOKING FOR BUNGLE: BACK TO EARTH 2

    Lister and Cat travel through a time hole and end up on the set of 70s children’s show Rainbow.

    #264966
    si
    Participant

    I JST CAME 2 DO THE RD DWRF ROFL

    Fan script written by 21st Century teens.

    #264967

    I JUST CAME TO DO THE RED DWARF SKIFFLE

    Lister and Cat form a folk band.

    #264968
    Dave
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR TRIMBLE

    When the Boys From The Dwarf accidentally travel back to Northern Ireland in the year 2000, they inadvertently encounter the First Minister.

    #264969
    Warbodog
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR TRUMBULL

    Starbug comes across an asteroid field littered with the debris of Hollywood spaceships from the late 60s and 70s.

    #264970
    Warbodog
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR TURNBULL

    The Red Dwarf Posse go back in time to mid-2010s Australia and are surprised to meet the Prime Minister, like when The Simpsons also ran out of ideas.

    #264971
    Warbodog
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR TOMBOLA

    Rimmer is surprised to find his shipmates running an impromptu raffle in the Drive Room.

    #264972
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE COOKING FOR TROUBLE

    Lister has to prepare a meal for some GELFs.

    #264973
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE ROOKING FOR TROUBLE

    Lister plays chess.

    #264974
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR TIMBO

    Lister travels back to the 1970s, and meets one of The Goodies.

    #264975
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR BIMBO

    Lister becomes a misogynist again.

    #264976
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR ROUBLES

    Lister travels back to Russia, but has none of their currency on hand.

    #264977
    Dave
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR UNREALITY BUBBLES

    Lister regrets the events of Out Of Time.

    #264978
    cwickham
    Participant

    I DIDN’T COME HERE LOOKING FOR BUBLE

    Nobody ever does.

Viewing 100 posts - 9,401 through 9,500 (of 12,282 total)
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