Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Paul Muller]

HURDY-GURDY, QUAYLE & THE OTHERS

Former US Vice President Dan Quayle is settling down to watch his DVD copy of ‘The Others’ (2001) starring Nicole Kidman. Unfortunately the film is constantly interrupted by the sound of his neighbour loudly playing an anachronistic medieval instrument.

[Pete Part Three]

SIX OF THE BREASTS

Imagine making love to a woman with six breasts.

[Jawscvmcdia]

CROSSOVER GALORE

The Red Dwarf crew stumble upon an old games console featuring a quantity of classic games including Donkey Kong, the Mario brothers, Popeye and Snoopy. An accident with the time wand however brings all these characters to life, resulting in a crossover like no other. Donkey Kong asserts himself as the captain of the ship, and the others must put a stop to him and his evil barrel-flinging ways.

[Paul Muller]

TSEB EHT FO XIS

Lister spends 30 minutes fruitlessly attempting to order six pints of Best Bitter in reverse.

[Bezzy]

KOCHANSKI

the crew continue the search for Kochanski, they find a crashed Blue Midget. The original model version (the fix the continuity) and the last of its type.
Ends up becoming a variant of the pleasure GELF that tries to trap the crew through memories

[Bezzy]

SPLIT

The Crew encounter a Ratchet Droid who finds a way to fix Holly. (Holly becomes regular member again). However, Holly’s Core Program has been corrupted and broken for so long that he has a head split personality (So both Norman and Hattie can appear anytime or act like a bickering couple) :)

[Dave]

THE HOLLY AND THE I.V.

When Lister becomes ill and needs to be put on a drip, the Red Dwarf ship’s computer keeps fucking up his medical treatment.

[si]

OR AM I?

[Dave]

A.R. AM I?

When a knight escapes from the AR machine, he ponders the very nature of his own existence.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOLOSHIP2

The crew of the Enlightenment shut down all non-essential systems and boot up second copies of themselves. This leads to the crew rampantly sleeping with their holo-clone before descending into petty arguments and eventually a ship wide game of hippy dippy to decide which versions of the crew to turn off

[Dave]

SHIPPER

Rimmer uses the quantum skipper to visit a parallel universe where Red Dwarf fans think he and Lister should be in a relationship.

[cwickham]

SIPPER

Rimmer drinks a bowl of soup very slowly.

[cwickham]

PIPPER

Rimmer leaves people a lot of missed calls about their insurance.

[Dave]

NIPPER

Rimmer is de-aged and remains 4 years old for the rest of the series.

[Dave]

CHIPPER

Rimmer is unusually cheerful.

[Dave]

SNIPPER

When Rimmer starts training to become a hairdresser, he cuts off Lister’s dreadlocks, much to his dismay. But was it an accident?

[Dave]

SHITTER

General comment on the trend in the standard of posts in the ‘ideas for an episode’ thread.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BITTER

Beer that is strongly flavoured with hops and has a bitter taste, brewed by top fermentation.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RETTIB

A frog with hiccups.

Oh and the crew do something and people laugh

[Pete Part Three]

LACK OF MIRTH

An anniversary special with an uneven tone, questionable plotting and no funny bits.

[Dave]

THERE ARE NO SOUNDS TO HEAR

The ‘idea for an episode’ thread goes uncharacteristically quiet for over a month.

[bloodteller]

THERE ARE NO SOUNDS TO HEAR (PART TWO)

Doug rejects Big Finish once again.

[Moonlight]

HACKSAW!! TEARS OF A TRUNK

Japanese title for Marooned.

[Moonlight]

TRUNKHOLE

Alternate title for Marooned.

[Moonlight]

Those smegheads longed for the touch of other’s lips, and thus invited their kisses

Japanese title for Blue. Capitalization SIC.

[si]

OR DIDN’T I?

[bloodteller]

THERE ARE NO MOUNDS TO HEAR

Kryten describes how in his human form he can no longer use his nipples to listen to Jazz FM, in a very contrived reference to an episode that hasn’t happened yet.

[bloodteller]

THERE ARE NO GROUNDS TO HEAR

Lister soundproofs his Gaggia.

[bloodteller]

THERE ARE NO HOUNDS TO HEAR

Deb and Arlene finally have Dog put down.

[clem]

THERE ARE NO ROUNDS TO SMEAR

Lister makes an oddly worded complaint when he sits down to breakfast and finds that Kryten has forgotten to make the toast.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THERE ARE NO BOUNDS TO CLEAR

Lister enters the 100m hurdles, but someone has forgotten to lay the hurdles out

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THERE ARE NO POUNDS TO CASH HERE

Cat sets up a little shop selling all of his least favourite things. At the end of the day he looks at his takings, and having sold nothing, finds he has no cashing up to do, and anyway, the banks are closed after 5pm. So he goes for a snooze.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THERE ARE NO CAMPGROUNDS TO REVERE

Rimmer expresses an interest on going on a 3 week photography tour of campsites, but Lister has to point out that Red Dwarf doesn’t have any.

[Dave]

BEGG FINISH

When a stubborn Rimmer tries to veto plans by the BEGGs to record a series of audio dramas about the fate of the Cat people, Lister make it his mission to provide them with the microphones and recording/editing equipment they need.

However, as soon as they begin work on the project, they immediately choke to death.

[Dave]

BEGG FINNISH

Lister meets a BEGG from Finland.

[Dave]

BEGG FANNISH

When a BEGG starts asking Lister what his favourite episode of Red Dwarf was, and what ‘smeg’ means, and whether Series XIII has been confirmed yet, and why no-one has authorised a series of Red Dwarf audio spinoffs, and why there was no celebration of the 30th anniversary, Lister starts to get a bit pissed off.

Luckily, it immediately chokes to death.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FANNYISH BEGG

The crew met a BEGG that unfortunately resembles a hairy vulva.

It chokes to death, presumably.

[clem]

BIG FUN-ISH

Spin-off audio play set before Series 1. Petersen, Chen and Selby form a boyband tribute act.

[cwickham]

PETE TRANTER’S SISTER

Volume 1 of a Big Finish spin-off series that is somehow still a less ridiculous proposition than some of the things they’ve released since getting their Doctor Who license extended to cover the new series.

[clem]

BENT BOB’S BURGERS

Animated prequel series about Lister’s friend who used to work in catering.

[clem]

RED DWARF BABIES

Animated series portraying childhood versions of the main characters inexplicably living together in the ship’s crèche.

[Dave]

PIGEON

When the crew of Red Dwarf stumble across an apparently abandoned space station, they are surprised to suddenly detect a life sign. Immediately, a pigeon dressed in green lycra appears, upgrades Rimmer’s light bee, removes Lister’s third appendix, and does a shit on Starbug’s windscreen.

[Paul Muller]

LE JEAN

L’équipage trouve une station spatiale dont le seul habitant est un français étrange qui supprime l’appendice de Lister et le fait sauter avec des oignons et de l’ail.

[si]

B’LE JEAN

Is not Kry’s lover.

[Paul Muller]

EARTH SONG

Big Finish presents a musical rendition of the original Series VIII final episode script.

[Paul Muller]

I THINK I FEEL A JACKSON POLLOCK COMING ON

Kryten desperately tries to divert the ‘Idea for an episode’ thread towards a less problematic Jackson.

[Dave]

SPACEBALLS

Guest-starring John Cleese as a Pleasure GELF who announces “I’ve been getting quite loose over the years.”

[bloodteller]

MOBI DICK

A long-lost mobisode of the Archie scenes in Pete is discovered, and subsequently destroyed.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

HOGEY THE MOBI

Spin off mobisode series following the adventures of the lovable Rogue Simulant

[Dave]

BALLBAG TO REALITY

The crew of Red Dwarf wake up to discover that their lives were actually an elaborate videogame.

Upon their arrival in the real world John Cleese confronts them, nude, admitting “I’ve been getting quite loose over the years.”

This shakes them out of their reverie and they immediately destroy the despair squid.

[Author]

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