Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[bloodteller]

BIG FINISH HIM!!!!

Audio drama about an overly histrionic Mortal Kombat announcer. There’s a tangential reference to Red Dwarf in it somewhere, seemingly

[Dave]

COCKWISE

John Cleese stars in this race-against-time comedy of errors as a headteacher who has been getting quite loose over the years.

[bloodteller]

SNARKWAVE

A mysterious cosmic force rips through the universe and makes the posse completely literal-minded, erasing all instances of sarcasm and hyperbole from the series.

“Is that a cigarette you’re smoking, Lister?”
“No, it’s a chicken.”
“Oh wise up Lister, it’s clearly a cigarette.”
“Oh yeah, it is. Sorry about that.”

“We don’t want him! Go away!”
“Rimmer, I think it’s very unlikely that Glenn Miller is still alive.”
“You’re right, what was I thinking? Carry on everyone.”

“You are wetter than a driving instructor’s handshake, aren’t you?”
“Am I?”

[peepingsignal]

ACH’ACHACH ACHACH (Translation: BLIND DATE)

Starbug is captured by an advanced tribe of GELFs who force Lister into their version of a Dating Game Show where he is reunited with his GELF Bride. “Change of plan, leg it” happens three times, each in increasingly absurd situations.

[Dave]

VANARCHY

Amid chaotic surroundings, Jon Richardson guides Starbug into landing in the back of a moving van.

[cwickham]

MAN WITH A VANARCHY

A man with a van arrives from a parallel universe.

[cwickham]

MEN WITH VENARCHY

Super Hans arrives from a parallel universe with a van.

[cwickham]

VENNARCHY

Everyone becomes obsessed with drawing Venn diagrams.

[cwickham]

WEHNARCHY

A popular German comedian arrives from a parallel universe.

[cwickham]

WHEN ARCHERY

Lister enquires as to when the next archery lesson is going to be.

[cwickham]

WHEN ARE CHERRY

Lister enquires as to what year a tasty red fruit was first discovered.

[si]

NENEH CHERRY

Lister enquires as to what year the popular 20th Century singer-songwriter was born.

[bloodteller]

P-CORP

a sequel to m-corp in which m-corp returns and makes all jmc crew member’s piss invisible, meaning lister can now no longer tell if he has a kidney infection or not. his shcneiberhauser hurts like crazy but he stubbornly puts this down to the aftermath of having a wank after slicing up some chilli peppers. eventually kryten just gets sick of lister’s shit and sticks his hand down his throat, producing a kidney stone the size of a football

[bloodteller]

DENNIS THE DONUT BOY

captain hollister sheds his human skin and reveals himself to really be a shambling lovecraftian horror beast made out of a horrifying amalgamation of abstract concepts, dinosaur shit and donuts

[bloodteller]

DENISE THE DONUT GIRL

parallel universe version of hollister’s monologue from back in the red part 3.

[Dollar Pound]

DONUTSHIP

in a parallel universe where rimmer is a doughnutgram, the crew come across a donutship. rimmer falls in love with one of the donutgrams onboard and moves in. the ship is then sucked into an wormhole and gets eaten by Richard herring because he loves donuts and hates red dwarf

[si]

GANYMEEDIE & TITANETTE

In a parallel universe, a Red Dwarf fan website is run by Lianne Symes, Joan Hoare and their friends.

[Ian Symes]

Including, of course:

[si]

Oh, I was going to go with Tony, but that works fine.

[Ridley]

OAK FURNITURELAND

Where Waxworld stops, Oak Furnitureland begins!

[Paul Muller]

THANKS FOR THE MAHOGANY

The crew wake to discover a large wooden chest of drawers has appeared in the sleeping quarters. But where did it come from? Could a mysterious black box signal coming from a nearby out of town retail park provide the answer?

[Paul Muller]

BEYOND A OAK

Kryten overloads his Nega-Drive after spending precious hours thinking up tedious wood related puns and subsequently experiencing the startling realisation that he’s wasted his entire life.

[Paul Muller]

CAN OF WOODWORM

The crew board a derelict ship to rescue a hostage but discover that it’s completely riddled with wood eating beetle larvae.

[Paul Muller]

STASIS TEAK

Rimmer assumes he’s hallucinating when a disembodied apparition of his own head emerges from the large wooden dining table in his sleeping quarters.

[Dave]

CAMPHOR THE MEMORY

Rimmer reminisces about that time he was inexplicably able to smell something despite being a hologram.

[Dave]

BALSA REALITY

The crew of Red Dwarf wake up to discover that their lives were actually an elaborate hoax and Starbug was actually made of a thin, pliable craft material.

[Dave]

BEECH PART TWO

Somehow a Beech tree gets turned into a dinosaur. Best not to overthink it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MDF

Upon discovering the USS Changing Rooms, Kryten has his plastic panelling removed and replaced with cheap MDF board by a computer based on 90s make over DIY man Handy Andy.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TEAK TO RIDE

After a confrontation with their future selves, all of the teak aboard Starbug is deemed destroyed, prompting a trip in a time machine that cannot travel in space, taking the crew back to 20th century Earth, where their attempts to obtain enough teak for all their teaky needs, causes a catastrophic deforestation event, accelerating climate change and killing off the entire human race hundreds of years before human’s are able to colonise space.

[Dave]

GIVE & TEAK

Who stole all the teak from Red Dwarf? Why, it turns out it was the crew’s future selves, who needed it to replace all the teak that someone stole from them.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TEAKTICA

The crew chase a group of exponoids back to the mid 20th century Earth to discover all teak furniture has been banned, leading them to an underground speak easy of carpenters desperately trying to scavenge the materials to build a nice Ikea cabinet. Without the instructions, all hope is lost until the crew find the son of a famous carpenter who is guaranteed to be able to save humanity.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PINEMORPH

A dangerous GELF finds its way aboard Red Dwarf. It is capable of disguising itself as various items of pinewood furniture, and feeds on your emotions of walking into a room of freshly polished furniture on a lovely spring day.

[Dave]

FURNITURE ECHOES

Lister has visions of a Welsh Dresser that he hasn’t bought yet.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ONLY THE WOOD …

Series 8 supercut of every instance of a character getting an erection

[Dave]

BACK IN THE RED, PART TREE

Lister notices that the nanobots have reconstructed Red Dwarf to be partly made of wood.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK TO EARTH PART TREE

The characters creator agrees to give them more life, but insists each episode involve some sort of wood pun.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE RED PART YEWTREE

Pretty much the same as “Back in the Red: Part Three” as it was, to be honest.

[Plastic Percy]

BACKWOODS

The crew visit a parallel dimension populated entirely by hillbilly Ents.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE RORY

Rory Stewart arrives from a parallel universe and films himself talking to Rimmer and Lister whilst pretending to hold his phone.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK IN THE THEORY

The crew buckle down and spend the entire episode really trying to understand the theory of relativity.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK TO RELATIVITY

After getting distracted by a pan dimensional liquid beast, the crew hit the books once as as they think they’ve almost nailed it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BUM IN THE RED

Bob the Bum is mysteriously teleported aboard whilst the crew are studying their relativity text books. After fiddling around with some potatoes, Bob is able to accidentally but with confidence explain relativity to Cat, who promptly forgets it as he rushed off to tell the others.

In a quest to stretch his brilliant mind, Bob steals a Starbug to adventure his way around the cosmos, and goes off to accidentally save the universe.

[Dave]

PLANCK’S FOR THE MEMORY

After mastering the theory of relativity, the crew try their hand at mastering Planck’s constant.

[Dave]

Meⁿ

The crew of Red Dwarf accidentally solve Fermat’s last theorem.

[Dave]

IT’S RAINING Meⁿ

Upon solving Fermat’s Last Theorem, a mutated-flu-ridden Lister has a dream that it rains maths textbooks.

[Dave]

Meⁿ OF HONOUR

While marooned in a crashed Starbug, Rimmer tries and fails to solve Fermat’s last theorem.

[Dave]

CRICK IN THE NECK, PART ONE

Lister looks up at the new, larger cargo bay of the nanobot-recreated Red Dwarf and suddenly gets a nasty twinge at the top of his spine.

[Dave]

CRICK IN THE NECK, PART TWO

When Blue Midget starts dancing, everyone looks up at it and immediately wishes they hadn’t.

[Dave]

MCCRIRICK IN THE RED, PART THREE

When the nanobots recreate notorious bellend John McCririck, it doesn’t take long before the crew get utterly sick of such a terrible cunt being in their midst.

[Pete Part Three]

LACKING THE BREAD

When the budget for Red Dwarf XIII won’t stretch to a circus, Doug decides to cut costs by filming the show on a spaceship.

[Author]

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