Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

HOLOSHIT

Rimmer goes to the toilet.

[cwickham]

HOLOSHIV

Lost Series VIII script where Rimmer is attacked in the prison shower.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WAITING FOR OH MY GOD

Lister travels into the bowls of the ship where he finds an aging Cat priest who has been waiting his whole life for P!nk to perform his favourite song

[cwickham]

HOL, LOL SHIP

Lister points out to Holly a passing spacecraft he finds really funny.

[cwickham]

LADY MECHMALADE

Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mýa, and Pink are all transformed into mechanoids.

[cwickham]

EDUCATING MECHMALADE

The Naughtiest Girl in the World is transformed into a mechanoid.

[cwickham]

PETE PART HURTS2B HUMAN

Pink song about the physical pain caused by watching Pete (Part Two).

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PLATTS FOR THE MEMORY

Lister gives Rimmer the memories of Jack P. Shepard so he will believe he played a character in the UKs longest running soap opera.

[cwickham]

THE LAST SONG OF BETTER THAN LIFE

Pink completes the final level of Better Than Life.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SO WHAT [IS IT]

P!nk encounters a White Hole

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DON’T LET ME GET ME2

P!nk duplicates her holodisc then begs Lister to help her survive her clones homicidal tendencies

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PETE BARLOW PART 2

Peter Barlow shits all over the cargo decks

[Warbodog]

IDEA FOR AN EPISIOTOMY

When Lister goes into labour, Kryten suggests a certain surgical modification he might be in ugent need of.

[Warbodog]

IDEA FOR AN EPIDIDYMIS

Kryten considers making Archie more functional by adding a couple of crazy straws.

[Warbodog]

IDEA FOR AN EPISTOLARY

After a heated argument, the guys only communicate via passive-aggressive letters delivered by Skutter.

P.S. They are wanking as they write these.

[Warbodog]

IDEA FOR AN EPILEPTIC

Doug sneaks a rapid strobing effect into the final cut of an episode without telling anyone as a prank.

[Warbodog]

KILL CRAZY FROG

Doug gets sectioned.

[Dave]

DIARRHOEA FOR AN EPISODE

Rimmer discovers what shirt tails are for.

[Dave]

GONORRHOEA FOR AN EPISODE

Lister regrets his encounter with a pleasure GELF.

[Dave]

REAR OF THE YEAR FOR AN EPISODE

Cat celebrates winning Red Dwarf’s tabloidy buttock-based contest for the 31st year in a row, in the face of admittedly limited competition.

[Dave]

MIR FOR AN EPISODE

Red Dwarf crashes into the Mir space station, knocking it out of orbit.

[Dave]

THE UNCLEBUCKUISITOR

John Candy guest stars as the hapless man-child with commitment issues who is called upon to look after his nieces and nephew and ultimately learns an important life lesson: that there is no god, no afterlife, and the only measure that matters is to have led a worthwhile existence.

[Dave]

UNCLE BUCK TO REALITY

John Candy guest stars as the hapless man-child with commitment issues who is called upon to look after his nieces and nephew and ultimately learns that their entire lives are just an elaborate videogame.

[Dave]

UNCLE BUCK IN THE RED

John Candy guest stars as the hapless man-child with commitment issues who is called upon to look after his nieces and nephew and ultimately learns that Blue Midget can dance.

[Dave]

UNCLE BUCK TO EARTH

John Candy guest stars as the hapless man-child with commitment issues who is called upon to look after his nieces and nephew and ultimately learns that he is just a character in a movie, played by John Candy, unravelling his sense of self.

[Dave]

UNCLE BUCKWARDS

John Candy guest stars as the responsible and likeable buffoon who, after a few days of looking after his nieces and nephew, regresses to become a hapless man-child with commitment issues.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IDEA FOR EPISTEMOLOGY

Lister gets philosophical about the nature of knowledge

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’M ONLY HUMEING

Lister annoys Rimmer by constantly taking an empirical approach to human nature.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

POLANYIMORPH

An Austo-Hungarian philosophy boards Red Dwarf and starts sucking out everyone’s general consensus that the traditional view of science and the knowledge and use of the scientific method is what is most important in the conduct of scientific discovery.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

REICHENBACH IN THE RED

Hans Reichenbach crash into Red Dwarf’s cargo bay and is arrested for using confidential crew files to argue for the elimination of non-rational areas of science through the the reasoning of the justification processes

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

VALID AND SOUND AS A DOLLAR POUND

Lister argues that his right arm satisfies all the necessary and sufficient conditions for being a cue arm, and that the premises in his argument are true and valid, and therefore the conclusion is true and sound.

[Dave]

TEENSY WEENSY

While attempting to select a holographic haircut, Rimmer mispronounces the name of his virtual hairdresser and accidentally picks the option that shrinks him instead. The rest of the crew are most amused by the three-inch-high Rimmer that now occupies Red Dwarf, and they leave him like that forever, including for future episodes, putting a ridiculous extra burden on the show’s visual effects department and making filming infinitely more complicated.

[Dave]

MOSS BROS

The crew discover the corpses of popular pop duo Bros in the diesel decks, covered in green furry organic growth.

[Dave]

SPEAKING CLOCK

Spinoff podcast in which Rimmer and Kryten discuss the history of various timepieces.

[bloodteller]

POLLYANNAMORPH

Lister undertakes an ambitious editing project wherein he attempts to rewrite the famous Eleanor Porter novel to feature his favourite claymation character. It’s actually quite good, but he gets sued by Aardman anyway

[bloodteller]

POLYBIUSMORPH

Lister discovers the infamous haunted arcade game only to get decked by his favorite claymation character. He ultimately ends up saving Lister’s life from the eldritch abominations haunting the game, but he gets sued by Aardman anyway

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MORE ALE, OFFICER

Lister asks Rimmer if he can have more of the ale he has hidden

[Warbodog]

I’VE ALWAYS GOT A PENN & BLOODTELLER

When Rimmer thinks their time may be up, he goes to get that video of his favourite magic act from their obscure, acquired-taste late period after the silent one was replaced by a Ganymede & Titan forum member, even though this prop has been conspicuously absent in the previous 97 episodes.

[bloodteller]

HUAN OF WORMS

Lister meets a Chinese man who has taken it upon himself to build a replica of Harry and Lloyd’s worm farm from the 1993 film Dumb and Dumber. They bond over their shared love for the movie, but Huan tells Lister to fuck off after he stops by Taiwan Tony’s for a bite to eat. Also, the worms escape

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FALAFEL PETERSEN

In an attempt to bring his best friend back to life, Lister puts some of Petersen’s remains in the DNA machine, but accidentally turns him into a Middle Eastern fried ball of chickpeas and herb

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ALL THE INGREDIENTS ARE LEFT

Rimmer bemoans that Kryten’s receipe for a late night drunken snack is lacking a little when he lifts the cloche and realises he has left all the ingredients in the fridge.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

JAW X VOLLYBALL

Cat and Lister invent an extreme sport whereby they play vollyball using their chins rather than their hands.

[Dave]

KICKBOXIN

New name for ‘zero-G kickboxing’ that will appear on the AR machine remaster.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SHAMMY, KEBAB, DIABLO

Lister’s plans for the evening start to take shape when he decides to polish his bike, have dinner, and play a video game

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STRING GAME THEORY

Cat starts to get more serious about the string game, and decision to mathmatically calculate how other players may respond to his moved.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’M WRITING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR FATHER IS VLAD

Rimmer’s mum writes to Arnold to inform him his father is actually Vladamir the pool cleaner. Unfortunately this letter was meant for Howard, who has received a letter with the wrong information that his father is Dungo the gardener.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IF THE CREW FIND OUT I’M ACTUALLY DUNGO DENNIS THE GARDENING GUY, I’M FINISH

Hollister inadvertantly reveals himself to be Rimmer’s biological father.

[Dave]

THERE MAY BE A WATT

When the Red Alert sign on Starbug fails to illuminate, Kryten ‘best guess’es that the problem may not be a broken bulb but instead a very low level of power passing through the circuit, insufficient to illuminate the element.

[Dave]

TETCHOCRACY

After several days in quarantine, Cat, Kryten and Lister pick a leader based on who is the most irritable.

[Dave]

MANURED

As he begins to write Series XII, Doug discovers a facility in which a load of old shit has been recreated from its original DNA and preserved. He decides to hang on to it and use it as inspiration for ‘Timewave’.

[Author]

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