Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

BEYOND A ’13’ JOKE

We’re racing through all these too eh?

[Dave]

IN ALL OUR IDEAS FOR AN EPISODE, WE HAVE READ PRECISELY 13 PAGES, ONE-THREE

Chris Barrie misreads the script for ‘Legion’ during an early readthrough.

[Dave]

SKIMPER

Finale of page 12. Contributors to the ‘idea for an episode’ thread quantum-skip through lots of different ideas with increasingly thin premises, just to push the thread onto page 13.

[Warbodog]

TWO WEEKS P.D.

After the poor performance of page 11, Ganymede & Titan members are given two weeks’ pun duty to turn page 12 around. By their own low standards they have acquitted themselves.

[Dave]

THE END (OF PAGE 12)

Have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet? It’s a slightly preferable experience to reading 12 pages of ideas for an episode.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THERE’S BEEN A STASIS LEAK ON PAGE 16

Ideas for episodes from future pages fall back through time via a stasis leak

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TO BE CONTINUED ….

Fans now have to wait 4 years to the resolution of the ideas for an episode thread

[Dave]

THE BEGINNING (OF PAGE 13)

The ‘idea for an episode’ thread discovers its own hitherto-secret humble origins – that it is the child of a load of idiotic Red Dwarf fans with nothing better to do with their time.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PAGE 13 FUCK MY ARSE ETC

[Dave]

WELL, I CAN’T HANG AROUND HERE PUSHING THE ‘IDEA FOR AN EPISODE’ THREAD ONTO PAGE 13 ALL DAY

Seriously, I can’t.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE TANK

Ideas for an episode thread page 13 is re-branded The Tank, and all the contributors are sentenced to exist here for 18months to consider what they have done.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IF I COULD GO ABSOLUTELY ANYWHERE AT ALL, IT WOULD BE TO A WEEK LAST THURSDAY. DON’T YOU REMEMBER, I DID THE IRONING, AND PAGE 12 OF THE IDEAS FOR AN EPISODE THREAD WAS REACHED. WE WON’T SEE THE DAYS AGAIN.

Kryten reveals himself to be a lurker in G&Ts best/worst forum thread.

[cwickham]

TIMESLIDES

Posters in the “Idea for an episode” thread realise they got through page 12 in a fortnight, whereas previous pages have taken anything up to 5 months.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

NO SIR, ALL THIRTEEN

In an anniversary cross over episode, Kryten informs the War Council of Galifrey that all 13 pages of the idea for an episode thread are at present in orbit around the planet.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WHAT ON IOS13 WAS THAT?

Starbug is hit with an iPhone update from an abandoned space station, taking Rimmer by surprise

[Dave]

NO IDEA FOR AN EPISODE

After reaching a new page, the ‘idea for an episode’ thread undergoes its now-traditional refractory period.

[Warbodog]

BOY, IS IT KRAMPED

Cat calls out of the window to ask a passing boy what day it is, to make sure he hasn’t missed Krampusnacht, using very unusual phrasing.

[Dave]

THE BUZZARDS’LL BE FIGHTING THE WIZARDS FOR MY IZZARDS

Kryten sets up a bizarre spectacle in which birds of prey do battle with robed magicians, all for the amusement of a famous cross-dressing comedian and his close family.

[Dave]

THE LIZARDS’LL BE FARTING THE BLIZZARDS FOR THE GIBBARDS

When Death Cab For Cutie’s frontman and his family visit Red Dwarf, he is bemused to find a group of iguanas expelling snowstorms from their anuses.

[Dave]

THE FRAGGLES’LL BE EATING FRAZZLES WITH LETHAL BIZZLE

Self-explanatory.

[si]

FLAW 13

Flaw?

[Warbodog]

ARNOLD, WHERE ARE THE HAPPY SLAPS?

Rimmer’s nightmare fantasy of Yvonne McGruder demands their relationship advance to the BDSM stage.

[Warbodog]

ARNOLD, WHERE ARE THE DAPPY GAKS?

Rimmer’s nightmare fantasy of Yvonne McGruder is impatient for Dappy from N-Dubz to release his line of stretchable goo toys.

[Warbodog]

ARNOLD, WHERE ARE THE TAPI ‘NAKS?

Rimmer’s nightmare fantasy of Yvonne McGruder bemoans the lack of tapioca flavour among the popular extruded corn snack range.

[Warbodog]

ARNOLD, WHERE ARE THE KAPPY QUACKS?

Rimmer’s nightmare fantasy of Yvonne McGruder wonders why you don’t see disreputable health practitioners wearing tracksuits.

[Paul Muller]

ALMOST PAGE XIII NEWS

The cast give vague assurances in an interview that the ‘Idea for an episode’ thread is still on course to reach its thirteenth page. The report is received with lukewarm scepticism by the G&T fan community.

[Warbodog]

GUNEDENS OV THEE APOCALYPSE

Doug joins the One True TOPI Tribe, renames himself Leviticus M-Uesli and retitles old Red Dwarf episodes to deconstruct “normal” or consensus modes of communication in order to achieve a more integrated understanding of the Self.

[Warbodog]

WHAT’S W.O.O.? ‘YOU HAD TO ASK.’

Cat reveals that he can’t spell for shit, but manages to get away with it.

[Warbodog]

I’VE REPORTED YOU AS A.O.W.L.

When Lister goes on unscheduled shore leave, Rimmer’s convinced that he’s turned into a nocturnal bird.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’VE REPORTED YOU A.O.L.

When Lister starts distributing parts of himself inside of 1990s computing magazines, Rimmer is convinced Lister believed he is an internet service provider

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’VE REPORTED YOU A.T.M.

When Lister starts giving away all of his now useless money, Rimmer is convinced Lister believes he is a cash dispenser

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’VE REPORTED YOU A.S.B.O.

Upon discovering an ancient Earth Court Order is still on JMCs regulation books, Rimmer is convinced Lister is a prime candidate. And he is right for once.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’VE REPORTED YOU A. HOLE

Lister registers a celebrity chef in the ships computer under a school yard nick name.

[Warbodog]

FECKLES HECKLES HACKLES SCHMECKLES SPECKLES SPACKLES RICKLES ROCKLES PICKLES PECKLES PACKLES POCKLES HAGGLES HOGGLES FACKLES FICKLES TACKLES TOCKLES DINGLES DANGLES DONGLES SCHMONGLES SPIFFLES SPAFFLES RAFFLES DACKLES SMACKLES MACKLES MICKLES MUCKLES BICKLES BACKLES JACKYLS JEKYLLS BRECKLES BROCKLES ECKLES NECKLES KNACKLES SCHMACKLES TWICKLES PRICKLES COCKLES KICKLES SCHMICKLES DICKLES DACKLES LECKLES LICKLES LACKLES GRECKLES GROCKLES ZICKLES ZOCKLES SCHMOOKLES SCHMAIKLES BROOKLES FROOCKLES QUICKLES QUACKLES QUECKLES QUOCKLES, WHATEVER THE HELL THEY ARE, THEY’RE UP RIGHT IN… THE… AH, [CENSORED]! SORRY, GUYS

Previously unreleased smeg-up from Quarantine, revealing why that scene took so long to shoot. Danny requested a script modification by the seventy-fifth take.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’VE GONE QUITE, QUITE MAD

Forum users begin to suspect one of their own has contracted a holo-virus.

[Pete Part Three]

SIX THOUSAND OF THE BEST

The top 6000 ideas for an episode are discussed on a special collectors CD, with input from the creators responsible and also Ed Bye, gently ripping the piss out of the 29 ideas (all from Page 13) that didn’t quite make the grade. Comes with a free sticker that G&T gets awfully excited about.

[Pete Part Three]

Right, that’s me done. See you on Page 14.

[Paul Muller]

PRIME ORDEAL SOUP

Rimmer orders a book of assorted sitcom scripts off Amazon and forgets to cancel his Prime membership trial. He only notices when a hundred quid charge shows up on his bank statement.

Meanwhile, Kryten prepares a soup, or something.

[Paul Muller]

SUNN O))) SOUP

Kryten serves soup to his dinner guests, a visiting experimental metal band from Seattle.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PRIMAL SCREAM SOUP

Bobby Gillespie guest stars as Lister’s lunch, a self aware soup that screams as you eat it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PRIME NUMBER SOUP

Rimmer settles down to eat his favourite meal; piping hot soup with tiny noodle numbers 1, 3, 5, and 7

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SON OF CLOCHE

Kryten fashions a tiny little builders helmet for Lister’s mushroom bhaji side dish.

[Warbodog]

IT IS WHEN YOU MEAN ‘IT’ TO MEAN WHAT I MEAN ‘IT’ TO MEAN, AND I MEAN ‘IT’ TO MEAN ‘OKAY, RIMMER.’ OKAY?

Lister informs Rimmer of his needlessly confusing new vocabulary scheme, then kicks himself for having missed an opportunity to use it right away.

[Warbodog]

LEG ‘IT’

Rimmer takes a moment to work out which meaning of ‘it’ Lister’s probably using in this context, then his survival instinct kicks in.

[Warbodog]

GLORY OR INSANITY AWAITS

A forum member deliberately sets out to make page 13 annoying and strange even by this thread’s standards, to see what happens.

[Paul Muller]

BUT THERE ISN’T A PAGE 13

The crew escape the brig, only to find the real prison is the ‘Idea for an episode’ thread.

[si]

THE PAY OFF

2) Comment when I get there.

[Warbodog]

VAT 69, DUDES

Several of Chris Barrie’s future selves appear to himself during a Meltdown outtake.

[Warbodog]

HOLOPISH

Lister and Cat try out Groovy Channel 27’s poorly-received hologram soap opera, Holo Away.

[Warbodog]

POLIO SHH

The Philippines tourism industry is grateful for the comparative lack of global coverage as the archaic disease returns after 19 years. Lister has a curry.

[Author]

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