Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[bloodteller]

YOU SHOULD WEAR YOUR DAY-GLO ORANGE MOOMIN BOOTS

Rimmer deceptively convinces Lister that he should wear some rather childish footwear to increase his chances of seducing the women of the Nova 5. In the end, Lister becomes wise to Rimmer’s scheme and wears the green ones with Snufkin all over them instead. Long story short, he gets laid

[bloodteller]

SO WHAT, YOU HAVE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND, GIVE ‘EM A SHERRY AND INVITE THEM TO WATCH YOU SNUFKIN?

Lister discovers Rimmer has digitally altered his death video so that he’s wearing a rather impressive cosplay of Snufkin as he gets killed by a radiation leak.

[bloodteller]

WIDE AWAKE NOW I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES- IT WAS MY UNCLE’S FLANK

Rimmer recalls a legitimately horrifying event from his youth in which he woke up in the middle of the night with his uncle’s severed thigh in his mouth. No explanation is ever given as to why, and his uncle was never seen again. The following morning, Rimmer wakes up with a severed foot in his mouth

[Dave]

NO, LISTER, ‘OK’ IS NEVER A THREAT

Rimmer argues with Lister that the whole brouhaha over white supremacists co-opting the ‘OK’ hand signal as a disguised racist gesture is probably a load of nonsense.

[cwickham]

BACK TO MOOMINVALLEY

The Dwarfers wake up to discover they are all really Finnish.

[cwickham]

CAPTAIN HOLLISTER

Extremely obscure 1983 Grant Naylor sitcom starring Mac McDonald that was the precursor to Red Dwarf, and was not known to exist until an off-air copy of the third episode resurfaced on YouTube three months ago.

[cwickham]

ADMIRAL FRAME

Extremely obscure 1974 sitcom by Dick Sharples starring Jon Pertwee that Grant Naylor plagiarised for “Captain Hollister”. All seven episodes are now missing from the BBC’s archives, but Grant Naylor’s deception was discovered when off-air audio recordings were retrieved from a private collector earlier this year.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CAPTAIN EMMA ROLD

Rimmer body swaps with lone, female captain found alive on a derelict called Emma Rold.

[cwickham]

BATMAN IN THE RED

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Batman turned up to save the day, by way of splicing in footage from the 1989 film.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ONLY THE FATMAN SCOOP IN THE RED EYE WITH RED EYE

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing that the nanobots resurrected Fat Man Scoop, who immediately got on an overnight flight and hot boxed it, arriving at the last minute, stoned, he saves the day.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE RED-EYES

Some monsters from the adventure gamebook series Steve Jackson’s Sorcery! arrive from a parallel universe, for some reason.

[Warbodog]

ONLY THE SCATMAN’S WORLD

Proposed finale to the series that would have seen Red Dwarf crash land on the vaguely-defined eponymous world of Scatman John’s 1995 hit.

[Dave]

ONLY THE WOOD

Alternative finale for Series VIII in which the Red Dwarf crew travel to a parallel universe full of Golden Age DC characters and ask Green Lantern if his magic ring has any weaknesses.

[Warbodog]

IN LESS TIME THAN IT TAKES A JAPANESE PERSON TO BUY SKI-BA-BOP-BA-DOP-BOP

Kryten makes a more relatable reference for the Scatman John-loving audience in the Japanese dub of ‘Demons and Angels – Two Faces.’

[cwickham]

GONE FISHING

After “Dimension Jump”, Lister and Kryten plan to star in a fishing-based travelogue, but their plans are ruined when they are sued by Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer for plagiarism.

[Warbodog]

SCATMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Scatmen John and Crothers watch a Red Dwarf episode and have fun recreating the Vindaloovian effect on their home camcorder while scatting, in spite of Scatman Crothers having died in 1986.

[Warbodog]

TIM BURTON’S BIRDMAN

Johnny Depp stars as Birdman in the unexpected gothic prequel biopic of an obscure character from Red Dwarf. Also starring Andy Serkis as motion capture of Pete and Helena Bonham Carter as Birdwoman.

[Warbodog]

BIRDMAN RETURNS

Birdman loses a battle of wits with a hand puppet of Danny DeVito as Mr Flibble. Meanwhile, Cat takes to dressing in BDSM gear.

[Warbodog]

BAXTER STOCKMAN

When ordering hot Bovril from a prison vending machine, a freak accident turns Baxter into half man, half salty meat extract.

[Dave]

BAXTER STICKMAN

Baxter goes on a diet.

[Warbodog]

8CHEN

Anonymous webboard originally founded for wholesome discussion about Paul Bradley’s brief appearance in Back in the Red Part One that gradually deteriorates into misanthropic evil.

[Warbodog]

MR THORNTON, READ THEM THEIR WRITES

M.P. Thornton narrates everyone’s entries to the creative writing competition.

[Warbodog]

IDEA FOR AN EPPY S.O.A.D.

Hearing System of a Down songs causes Rimmer to have an epileptic fit. When this sensitive information is discovered, Lister swears absolutely that he promises that he’ll never –
# They’re tryin’ to build a prison! / They’re tryin’ to build a prison! / They’re tryin’ to build a prison! / They’re tryin’ to build a prison!

[Dave]

RED DWARF SPECIAL

In the finale to the popular TV series ‘Red Dwarf’, the crew discovers that they could have got back to Earth years ago if they’d just called the AA.

[Dave]

RED DWARF SPECIOUS

Rimmer expands on his ‘Quagaars’ theory again.

[Dave]

RED DWARF SPECIES

When the crew encounter an alien who looks like Natasha Henstridge, they all take turns to have sex with her in a movie-length episode strewn with gratuitous nudity that mainly exists for ’90s teenage boys to wank over.

[cwickham]

IDEA FOR A SPECIAL

Doug Naylor announces that for the last ever Red Dwarf, he will be adapting all 6320 “ideas for episodes” posted in this thread, including this one.

[Warbodog]

THAT’S TRAFFIC NEWS AND BREAKDOWN COVER

On the other hand, perhaps the ‘Special’ is a new 30-second follow-up to the Red Dwarf AA advert and just happens to have a rather silly, misleading name.

[Dave]

RED DWARF SPECIAL OCCASIONS

Lister digs out his T-shirt with only two curry stains on the front.

[Dave]

RED DWARF SPATIAL

Well, it’s in space isn’t it.

[Dave]

RED DWARF FUCHAL

Red Dwarf finale in which Lister achieves his life’s goal. In the concluding scene, Kryten brings him a fresh mango juice while fish begin to bite his feet.

[cwickham]

SPECIALS LEAK

G&T Admin discovers a piece of paper which says “Red Dwarf Special” if you zoom in on it and rotate it.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THERES RUMORS, THEN THERES CONFIRMATION. THE BIT IN THE MIDDLE IS CALLED ANTICIPATION AND THATS STILL TO COME

Lister start to get excited at the prospect of his favourite TV show returning after a photo is posted online of the cast reading what appears to be a new script for the show

[cwickham]

DRIPPER

Rimmer is subjected to Chinese water torture.

[cwickham]

RIPPER

Lenny Loosejocks arrives from a parallel universe, to the delight of exactly one viewer who understands that deeply obscure cultural reference.

[Dave]

RED DWARF SPECIAL NUMBER TWO

Cat leaves a present in Rimmer’s wardrobe.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RED DWARF SPEC EEL NUMBER TOO

A glasses wearing eel named after the ship, reveals that it is feeling more numb as well.

Who else has started to feel increasingly numb? Tune in to find out.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

E-SPECIAL-LY FOR YOU TOO

Jason and Kylie beam aboard Red Dwarf to premier their sequel to their 1988 hit to celebrate the show and the song’s 31st anniversary.

[Warbodog]

OVIDER RIMMER

In the series finale, Red Dwarf gets back to Earth again again again again and Lister retires to Fiji, now populated by anthropomorphic cartoon animals in an unexpected shared-universe crossover with Ovide Video.

[Warbodog]

EVERYONE CAN REMEMBER WHERE THEY WERE WHEN HEATHCLIFF WAS SHOT

Lister persuades Heathcliff, the 1980s cartoon alley cat, to take his own life as Kryten livestreams it to the world. Rimmer and Cat are distracted by Cleo as they go through an uncomfortable furry awakening.

[Warbodog]

SHARKY & GEORGE MCINTYRE

The hologram of George McIntyre teams up with a pink shark to combat aquatic crime. His hopes of getting to popularise his catchphrase “see you later, alligator” are dashed when he’s informed that their primary focus is on deep-sea offences.

[Warbodog]

WOULD JAKE WOOD

Laddish series proposal in which the Kill Crazy actor would sit drinking outside a pub in a busy public square and rate every passing bird’s shaggability. Still waiting on Jake Wood’s response to email and Twitter requests.

[Warbodog]

ED WOOD WOOD WARD

More sensitive series proposal in which the Kill Crazy actor would cheer up patients awaiting emergency medical care by screening Plan 9 from Outer Space.

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF – SPICA (no 2)

Doug Naylor gathers his work colleagues to read through his radical, mould-breaking discourse arguing that Spica in the constellation of Virgo is, in fact, a single red dwarf star, not a pair of blue giants as conventional astronomy has proven with its facts and observations.

[cwickham]

SPACIAL

What the special actually is and we’re all stupid.

[cwickham]

SPATIAL

What every episode of Red Dwarf is, really.

[cwickham]

SPACEBALLS

American comic science fiction film.

[Warbodog]

DON’T GO NEAR THE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD, IT’S GOT SILLY JOKES IN IT, THEY’RE CONTAGIOUS

A class war looms when some forum users prefer to post their ideas for an episode in the news comments rather than stooping to the level of the dedicated forum thread.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK IN THERE, THE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD, I’VE GOT AN IDEA

Whilst being chased by the Red Dwarf Special Speculation Monster, a forum user implores his fellow members to hurry back to the correct thread to read his witty episode ideas.

[Dave]

HANG ON A MINUTE LADS, I’VE GOT A GREAT IDEA FOR AN EPISODE

Director’s cut of The Italian Job in which the final scene is extended to show Michael Caine logging into G&T.

[Author]

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