Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

CRAPTAIN HOLLISTER

The crew of Red Dwarf travel to Ace Rimmer’s dimension and discover that, while their counterparts live happy and fulfilled lives, the reverse is true for the successful people from their dimension, as they discover when they walk past a dishevelled Mac McDonald shitting himself in an alley.

[Dave]

CAT PAIN HOLLISTER

Mac McDonald’s character relishes the thought of having Lister’s cat cut up and tests run on it.

[Dave]

CLAPTAIN HORRISTER

Lister asks Taiwan Tony who was in charge of Red Dwarf before the accident.

[si]

CLAPTON HOLLISTER

Mac McDonald’s character displays a hitherto unknown musical prowess on the guitar.

[bloodteller]

HAVE YOU SEEN RIMMER’S ALMOND?

Petersen searches for a lost nut.

[Dave]

PECS; CONSTANT, GUILT-FREE, PECS

Rimmer asks Nirvanah Crane for help designing his new armour.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’M PEC-ING YOU BABY

Rimmer, annoyed at Lister’s antics, dons a silvery green super hero costume and starts attacking Lister with his rock hard, steel plated, super powered pecs.

[Pete Part Three]

JUST ICE OLATE

Lister contracts space mumps and Rimmer insists he go straight to Bay 47 for…an amount of time yet to be specified.

[Pete Part Three]

THE POLISHED HAND

Suddenly open to the idea of improving his personal hygiene, Lister wonders whether he should irradiate his hands as per his robot toilet’s instructions. Kryten suggests he try washing them with WD40 instead. Meanwhile, several hundred packets of bog roll go missing and Rimmer doesn’t know who to blame; Aliens, a rubbish subplot from Dear Dave or some questionable social satire?

[Dave]

OR THE AUNTS HAVEN’T TAKEN OVER

The crew of Red Dwarf returns to Earth to find it entirely populated by people’s parents’ sisters. “Well, you’ll be in your element if in-laws are in control,” Rimmer quips, inexplicably.

[Dave]

OR THE BANTZ HAVEN’T TAKEN OVER

The crew of Red Dwarf returns to Earth to find it entirely populated by wankers. “Well, you’ll be in your element if idiots are in control,” Rimmer quips, wearyingly.

[Dave]

OR THE CUNTS HAVEN’T TAKEN OVER

The crew of Red Dwarf returns to Earth and logs on to the ‘Idea For An Episode’ thread on G&T.

[Dave]

SARESGIP

When the crew of Red Dwarf venture to Backwards Earth and try to order a beer in a London pub, they are confused by the unusual language used by the patrons.

[Dave]

Hold on a minute, is “Saresgip” actually what the barmaid is saying in Backwards? The bit that sounds like Erskib (for “Bitter”)? That would actually make a huge amount of sense, as that never sounded right for what should be “Rettib”.

Apologies if this is really obvious and I’ve just missed it in the past.

[Dave]

Should be “Sraesgip” though obviously. Bollocks.

[Dave]

Unless they’re comparing pigs of different time periods.

[peas_and_corn]

SEE YA LATER ALLIGATOR

The crew are joined by an alligator and wacky hijinks occur when it eats Lister’s pet chicken. They throw it out the airlock and Cat complains about his missed chance to make some stylish shoes.

[Pete Part Three]

LET’S WALK ABOUT THE PROMISED LAND

No! Stay indoors, you cunt.

[si]

OUT OF TIME

Danny John-Jules makes a guest appearance on breakfast television.

[Offline]

THE BIG VINDALOO BREAKFAST

An annoying ginger breakfast TV host gets chinned by Lister upon return of Red Dwarf to Earth.

Paula Yates shags someone on the interview bed.

Kryten makes a face.

[Ben Saunders]

THE TEN PLACENTAS: The crew of the mining ship Red Dwarf stumble upon a derelict spaceship containing no crew, but the yet-to-be-born embyros of ten seemingly alien babies. Where did they come from? And what happened to the crew?

[cwickham]

THE PROMISED GLAND

Lister promises to give Cat one of his sweat glands.

[cwickham]

THE PROMISED BAND

Lister promises to give Cat one of his rubber bands.

[cwickham]

THE PROMISED HAND

Lister promises to give Cat a hand.

[cwickham]

THE PROMISED PANNED

Lister promises to pan Cat’s performance in something.

[cwickham]

THE PROMISED SAND

Lister promises to give Cat some sand.

[cwickham]

THE PROMISED TANNED

Lister promises to show Cat how to get a tan.

[cwickham]

THE PROMISED WAND

Lister promises to teach Cat how to pronounce the word ‘wand’ correctly.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE PROMISED TRANS

Laverne Cox guest stars as Cat after under taking Kryten’s suggestive surgery.

[bloodteller]

THE PROMISED LAN
Kryten promises faster internet speeds after Lister’s Renegade Monks server goes down

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE PROMISED WETWANG

A fan buys a car based on persistent advertising during the broadcast of TPL in the hope it gets him laid.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE PROMISED RAM

Kryten attempts to upgrade his memory capacities by clicking a Facebook link to download more RAM

[Dave]

THE PROBLEMATIC LAND

Alternative cut of the Red Dwarf 2020 special that retains only the infamous “sex change operation” scene from the original and follows this up with an entirely different plot that builds upon the idea of Lister and Cat becoming parents of a newborn child, with all the complications that setup entails, navigated with exactly as much tact and sensitivity as you’d expect.

[Dave]

THE PUNISHED BAND

The crew of Red Dwarf travel back in time to tell Smeg And The Heads that their music is crap and Lister should invent the tension sheet instead.

[Dave]

THE POLISHED BRAND

Everyone agrees that the newest version of the Red Dwarf logo looks pretty good.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE POLISH STREISAND

Unable to obtain Barbra Streisand on a series budget, a low rent Eastern European alternative is sought as a replacement.

[By Jove its holmes]

THE GLENELG LAND

Having already upset members of the Kennedy family with Tikka to Ride, Doug sees no problems with having the Dwarfers visit Glenelg Beach on January 26th, 1966.

[Dave]

SAID NO WOMAN, EVER, TO YOU

Feature-length Red Dwarf special consisting entirely of Cat regaling Lister with an insulting series of things that no woman has ever said to him, to increasingly hysterical audience reactions.

[cwickham]

SAID NO WOMAN, EVER, TO YU

Taiwan Tony comes back and makes an unfunny joke racist as well.

[Dave]

LET ME FINISH

While Kryten is trying to explain his sex-change plan, Cat seizes on his repeated entreaty and turns to Lister exclaiming “As you said, to no woman, ever!”

The audience goes wild.

[cwickham]

LET ME FINNISH

Kryten proposes that Lister start saying everything with a Finnish accent.

[cwickham]

LET ME BIG FINISH

Kryten proposes that Lister stars in a range of audio dramas.

[si]

WAITING FOR COD

Cat is disappointed when a dispensing machine takes a long time to serve him fish.

[Dave]

LET ME² FINISH

Robert Llewellyn insists on watching the final episode of Series I all the way to the end of the closing credits.

[flanl3]

THE PROMISED HAND

Lister bets his hand against some GELFs in a game of poker and loses. He returns to Red Dwarf, panicked, and Kryten helps him remove his hand safely so that they can bring it back to to the GELFs. When they turn back up, the GELFs, are confused, as all they thought he meant was that he was going to give back his hand of cards and not steal them, meaning he never had to cut off his hand and went through undue panic and pain in order to bring them a prize that they weren’t e

*Lister falls into a hole and gets the hatch closed over him*

IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

[Dave]

THE POO RISK LAND

Still haunted by his experiences of taking an ill-advised shit on backwards-Earth, Cat continues to force it into conversations even thirty years later.

[Dave]

APESHIT MODE

Kryten takes to building a large nest in the engineering decks, producing mountains of mechanoid faeces, and throwing clumps of it at Rimmer, Lister and Cat as they pass by while hooting aggressively at them.

[Dave]

MIGHTY LIGHT/SHITEY SPRITE MIGHT FIGHT MIGHTY WHITE PLIGHT TONIGHT

Following the success of the Red Dwarf: The Promised Land special, Chris Barrie is offered a job advertising a languishing brand of bread in an attempt to halt its sales decline. The catch is that he has to appear in his superhero-Rimmer persona and must be available for filming that very same evening.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MIGHTY MORPHIN’ POWER RIMMER

In a move nearly as controversial as introducing a child into the Power Ranger’s line up, Hasbro (yes Hasbro bought PR from Saban after he bought it back from Disney after they bought it from Fox) enlist 60 year old Chris Barrie to play Rimmer to take on the role of the Blue Ranger.

[Dave]

RUM

Rimmer, to rhyme with scum.

[Author]

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