Tyrell Corporation

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Fnar.

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Being Human is nonsense.

It’s like a really bad children’s drama that was rewritten to include some macabre sexual references and been given a late night slot.

Utter, utter drivel.

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How many legit actors appeared on Red Dwarf?

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OH GOD.

Swampy…

You bastard, thanks for bringing back some pained childhood memories.

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I’m all for the maturing of characters and their relationships with one another…

But when I can sit through an entire season of Friends without so much as chuckling, then it’s dead to me.

A show that lasts for ten seasons does not make a good show, that’s like saying a Michael Bolton album is better than a Pink Floyd album because it sold more.

I’ll say it again, with no fear, Friends is fucking crap.

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A production mistake that managed to slip past for four series?

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Partly budget reasons, partly Norman moaning about every planned Red Dwarf project past series VIII.

It makes me wonder how much lucre he wanted to take on the Holly role again. I’m sure Hattie Hayridge would have jumped at the chance and would have did it for her bus fare home.

He’s a miserable sod and I have no sympathy for him.

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By their balls and never lets go, judging by our sanity.

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Joey was the only likeable character from the beginning.

Back To Friends – The Tw… er, Three part finale.

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Doug could only find a Liverpool supporters bus.

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The Aigburth Arms.

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It’s been nearly 70 years since Britain declared war on Germany, I think I’ll rush to the east and blitzkrieg France.

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What about ‘The End – Original Assembly’?

Hmm, I’m going to watch that tonight for the 21st anniversary.

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VERY METAL.

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Why are the two black people in Red Dwarf the lazy and vain characters?

Why does that weedy looking bloke have an ‘H’ on his head?

Holly? A fucking rip off of HAL…

This looks like shit, what time is Thirtysomething on?

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I will personally kick the fuck out of all of you if this thread continues.

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“What series?”

“The colours are a little off and pictures smears when the camera pans”

“Oh… all of them”

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‘Twas hilarious for college flashback scenes, watching a bloated Matthew Perry play his 19 year old self.

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By reading the script of ‘The End’ and doing my best Paul Jackson impression.

GUYS, YOU GOTTA KNOW YOUR LINES… YOU HAVE GOT TO KNOW YOUR LINES.

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It was a cast of unknowns. Young, brazenly beautiful and all endorsed the emerging 90’s New York lifestyle and played out their character quirks to the full for the first two series.

The writing was good and the storylines had a natural flow to them.

By seasons seven and eight, they were playing themselves in their 30’s still trying to pretend they were in their 20’s. The female cast members had become tanned, drastically thin, quite disturbing looking creatures and the men became, tanned, recently released from rehab, slightly plump sods who clearly wanted movie careers and were locked into this lumbering, dying beast that used to be funny called ‘Friends’.

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OH WHY DON’T YOU JUST MARRY IT IF YOU LOVE IT THAT MUCH.

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I know, I know…

The jaded sod in us all secretly adores VII.

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Kiss your mother with that mouth?

You’ve gone mental.

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A SERIES 7 NEWBIE, KILL IT WITH FIRE.

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The last Seinfeld was a fucking disaster, regardless of how ironic it was meant to be.

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As we call can, but Friends somehow captured the imaginations of an increasingly jaded population in the 90’s. A hip young group of people who imbued all the sheer nonsense and hipster New York living we all apparantly aspired to.

I may be talking bollocks, my heart isn’t in it, I just ate a Valentine’s takeaway and it has gave me near-terminal stomach pains.

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Now that you say it…

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What happened to just typing in your top five episodes?

Out Of Time
Backwards
Kryten
The End
Legion

Everybody does that, mark totals for each episode, publish, then complain.

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VI – IV – Godfather II – III – V – Empire Strikes Back – I – II – The Wall – VIII – Back To Earth – Shoe Polish – VII

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It’s sad to see that Friends made it past three episodes. It became almost incestual when they all started fucking and having babies together.

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Well she’s there to provide a contrast to the four geeks. She’s expendable and I’d much rather see Sara Gilbert’s character become a regular.

A sassy young blond, the series key demographics doth not make.

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Six friends with such neurotic and utterly disposable mindsets would instantly crumble under the weight of their wankery.

Friends is shit, people are shit for liking it.

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Friends is pretty good up to Series 2, then it immediately fell apart.

I dearly hope ‘The Big Bang Theory’ sticks to its guns and gets rid of Penny.

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What’s with all the Series 1 hate?

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Marleen pays her friends to laugh along.

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My favourite episode is still ‘Out of Time’ after all these years.

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Yes I was slightly annoyed with that, Ridley Scott reinstated ‘father’ because he felt the years gaining on him.

He forgot that he originally devised the word to be an amalgamation of father and fucker.

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So… what you’re saying is that it’s Fawlty Towers in space.

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There is ‘The Young Ones’ slash-fiction on the hyperwebs.

No I will not explain how I stumbled upon it.

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I’m pretty sure it was off-screen when Kryten and Rimmer find the rancid corpse.

Or maybe he pooed (poo’d?) himself.

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Wasn’t Rimmer sick in D.N.A?

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An adroit pardon.

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FREE BIRD.

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I find the remastered ‘Waiting for God’ an improvement over the original.

Doug Naylor waits outside my door with a shovel.

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I smell an exhaustive guide to the Red Dwarf theme variations…

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Start them off with Series 6, as it combines more sci-fi adventure elements with the traditional comedy of the earlier series, then slot series 1 and 2 between 3, 4 and 5.

Save 7 and 8 for when they begin smoking PCP in their leisure time.

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David Ross would have never played Able, the character wasn’t theatrically legit…

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It’s been nearly ten years since Reeves and Mortimer last created a sketch show.

I weep.

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I assume it’s some sketch about a crash test dummy confirming his rights and complaining to a workers union.

Either that or Robert Llewdfjhdifghfrein has been cruelly sniped via the Red Dwarf IX costume budget.

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By that point, David Ross was a portly fellow and wouldn’t have been particularly suitable to re-don the Kryten makeup.

But bringing him in to dub Krytens voice when his corrupted files are removed in Series VIII and he resets to factory settings would have been both quite funny and a sly wink to us, the hardcore and hateful uber-fans.

Actually, there’s plenty of dialogue in the Series II episode ‘Kryten’ for an intrepid fan to dub in some of David Ross’ voice as the reconstructed Kryten (Robert Llewwedjfiefhin) goes about his chores in Series VIII and then switch back and forth as his corrupted files become dominant again.

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