Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Dave]

SOLO: A RED DWARF STORY

Doug decides to mount the long-gestating Red Dwarf Live as a one-man show in which he plays all the characters and spaceships.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF: THE LAST ED BYE

Ed Bye reveals he is the last television director in existence.

[Dave]

RED DWARF: THE LAST BEGG DIE

When a BEGG drinks green milk from that weird creature on Luke Skywalker’s little island, it immediately chokes to death.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF: RETURN OF THE ED BYE

Ed Bye returns to direct Series XIII. Doug shrugs, then starts breakdancing to “Everybody Dance Now” by C+C Music Factory.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

RED DWARF: A NEW POPE

The vending machines discover Catholicism and elect a new Pope

[Warbodog]

Preview page from the forthcoming ‘The Official Red Dwarf Companion, Vol. 2’ featuring space-saving episode summaries for the comparatively unimportant series VI.

SIRENS

Red Dwarf has been stolen by Sirens, evil aliens that appear as what you most desire. Having accidentally gone to sleep for 20 years, Lister is woken up to confront the beasts – but which is the real Rimmer?

LEGION

The crew are captured by a Dipsy-from-the-Teletubbies lookalike (played by an unrecognisable Denis Lill in a cameo) who wants to suck out their brains. The situation is so dire, Rimmer orders red alert. “But sir, we don’t have a bulb!”

GUNMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE

In this special Halloween episode, the crew wake up in a Wild West town and discover they’re really cowboys and their life on Red Dwarf was just a dream. Or was it?

The impressive town built for the episode

[Dave]

(contd.)

POLYMORPH III – EMOHAWK

When Lister decides to marry a GELF, the crew arrange to be there with him on his wedding night. But it turns out his new bride is a Polymorph, who also turns into Ace Rimmer and Dwayne Dibbly, causing Starbug to crash. Guest-starring Jamie Oliver.

RIMMERWORLD

Rimmer decides to leave Red Dwarf to start his own planet, and travels 600 years into the past to do so. But when he becomes a power-crazed dictator, the crew decide to recruit one of his children to Red Dwarf instead. They seemingly teleport to safety at the end.

NO MORE TIME

After last episode’s amusing teaser ending (“We’re really worried about the horrible thing that’s happening with Dave!”) the Starbug crew journey through clouds that reveal the secret truth about Lister: that he is a Skutter. There is no time to process this revelation before another Blue Midget arrives from the future, inadvertently carrying some familiar faces in Red Dwarf’s cockpit…

[Warbodog]

MORAL EYEBALL THINNER GARDEN STRIMMER

A sentient power tool poses moral quandaries to the crew. If it decides they’ve chosen immorally – “It’s Eyeball-thinning Time!” (T-shirts available to pre-order).

[Warbodog]

WHERE’S THOSE LITTLE THUMBIES?

‘Where’s Wally’-style gamebook for children. Find Rimmer’s crushed and severed thumbs in a variety of colourful landscapes.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF: THE LAST BED EYE

Lister eyes his bed for the last time.

[Dave]

RED DWARF: JAMES LAST DEAD, AYE

Deleted scene from Meltdown in which Rimmer receives the latest casualty report.

[Dave]

ALL-FEMALE CAST

The boys from the Dwarf venture once more to the Parallel Universe from Series II, where they go back in time to the mid-90s and watch an Indie Britpop band – who play ‘Sandstorm’ and ‘Walk Away’ – consisting of Jean Power, Patricia Wilkinson, Leah “Skin” Tyson and Kirsty O’Neill.

[Warbodog]

THIS ISN’T EMILE, IT’S AN AUTOPSY

A strange error occurs on the Blu-ray edition of ‘Timeslides.’

[Warbodog]

BLUD

Lister wakes up with a fright and falls out of bed, smashing his head open on a table.

[Warbodog]

I WAS WERE-LITSERED THEN

Flashback episode finally showing the events teasingly alluded to in ‘Back in the Red.’ Lister gets a virus and becomes Were-Litser. (sic)

[Warbodog]

BUT I WILL STILL HAVE CTRL

Rimmer catches Lister in the act of removing all the keys from his laptop, but only in time to save one.

[Flap Jack]

POLY MORPH

The crew meet a small plasticine creature who has a preference for being in multiple romantic relationships at the same time. How will Lister and Rimmer cope with the fact that they’re both sleeping with the same man? And will Kryten overcome his prejudice against stop-motion people?

[Dave]

THE BEE GININNG

Lister finds a bee and feeds it shitloads of gin.

[Dave]

CATS FOR THE MEMORY

Shortly before waking Lister up from Stasis in The End, Holly erases his own memory of the fact that there is an entire race of Cat people still living on Red Dwarf in the lower cargo areas. He also deactivates his terminals down there so he can’t see or hear the crew, or indeed anything, in the lower levels.

This entire race of thousands of Cat people remains alive in the bowels of Red Dwarf, undiscovered, until Series XIII, when Rimmer finds them and they all quickly trip and fall out of an airlock to their death, leading to chuckles and a ‘whaddya gonna do’ expression on the faces of the Boys From The Dwarf.

[Dave]

BLANKA FOR THE MEMORY

Rimmer annoys Lister by reprogramming all the ship’s cabinets of Street Fighter II so that they no longer feature his favourite Brazilian electrically-powered character.

[Dave]

CAMMYLE

Lister starts playing the Super Street Fighter II cabinets instead and discovers a glitch whereby the female British soldier character can change her appearance to look like any other character at the touch of a button.

[Dave]

CHUN MEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

When the ship’s Street Fighter II cabinets are infected by a Simulant computer virus, the crew are transported into a video game battle where they must all dress as petite Chinese women with very fast legs.

[Dave]

TIKKA TO RYU

Lister uses the time-drive to travel back in time to grab a curry but inadvertently lands in Japan in the mid-eighties, where he has to convince Takashi Nishiyama to feature a white-robed martial artist as the lead character in a new fighting game he is developing.

[Dave]

ZANARCHY

The crew encounter a sentient virus with an annoying voice that sounds like a Russian wrestler from an old videogame.

[Dave]

DHALSIMSARA

Lister is disappointed to find that every time he wins a round of Street Fighter II with the eponymous stretchy-limbed Indian, the computer notches up a win for his opponent instead.

[Dave]

KEN OF WORMS

A secret book of Street Fighter II character biographies reveals that the arrogant American has never had sex.

[Dave]

SONICONIA

When Lister executes Guile’s Sonic Boom special move on the ship’s Street Fighter II cabinet, it mysteriously transforms everyone on board into a pixelated sprite.

[Dave]

M-BISON CORP

Lister is dismayed when he boots up the ship’s Street Fighter II cabinet and only one of the game’s 12 characters is still visible.

[Flap Jack]

DEAR DAVE

Lister’s estranged bride puts a bounty out on him, causing GELFs, simulants, mechanoids and cat people alike to come after him. Will Lister escape with his marriage unconsummated, or will his friends sell him out for vast quantities of a currency they can’t even use?

[Flap Jack]

FUTURE ECHOES

Red Dwarf finally gets a new AI to replace Holly, Alexa. Everyone is given their own handheld device – or “echo” – to communicate with Alexa individually. It makes everyone’s lives more convenient with no ensuing conflict or surprise downsides. Alexa is never heard or mentioned again after this episode.

Guest starring Norman Lovett as Alexa.

[Flap Jack]

MAROONED

The Cat decides that Red Dwarf’s exterior just isn’t fashionable any more, and convinces the others to paint it a darker shade of red. 5 minutes into the job, Lister and Kryten are mobbed by a horde of Red Dwarf fans breaking through the fourth wall to stop them.

[Dave]

SET TO RIGHTS

Mysterious ‘missing’ episode of Red Dwarf that revolves around Lister cheekily moving around walls in Red Dwarf to make Rimmer think the ship is bigger than it is. Recreated in animation for the DVDs.

[tombow]

HAN OF WORMS – the Dwarfers go through a wormhole, and end up making friends with the crew of the Millennium Falcon circa Empire Strikes Back. Han confides to Lister over lagers – Correlians have to have sex or they die, and he’s nervous about how things are hotting up with Leia…

[cwickham]

HOLLISTERS UNDER THE HAMMER

Lister chases some clones of Captain Hollister, armed with a big hammer.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE DEAD

The Nanobot version of Rimmer from Series VIII returns from his holiday, and gets killed again.

[cwickham]

HAMMERS UNDER THE HOLLISTER

Captain Hollister declares war on all DIY tools.

[Dave]

ASSANDREX

Cat finally finds the bog roll.

[Dave]

STEELBOOK

Lister gets in trouble when it transpires that Rimmer couldn’t have sealed the drive plate properly because Lister had cut out a crucial rectangle of metal from it and used it to make a special cover for his favourite Rastabilly Skank Blu-Ray.

Meanwhile, Cat steals a book.

[cwickham]

CASSANDT-REX

New re-edit combining Cassandra and Pete Part Two.

[cwickham]

MARKSTEELBOOK

Lister reads a book by a left-wing comedian.

[Dave]

STEELBOOK LEAK

The staff of Grant Naylor Productions becomes irate when someone accidentally reveals the cover and any further details at all of the Red Dwarf 1-8 Blu-Ray set ahead of the release date.

[Dave]

I’VE NEVER READ… STEELBOOK

Lister reveals that he has never actually looked at the text on the spines of his Blu-Ray collection.

[Dave]

STEELBOOK TO REALITY

Lister wakes up and realises that all his Blu-Ray steelbooks were actually the fictional creations of a total-immersion video game, and people in the real world just use normal plastic cases.

[Dave]

STEELBOOKWARDS

Red Dwarf fans patiently wait for their Series 1-8 Blu-Ray sets to be taken off them so that they can forget what the cover art and special features are.

[Dave]

STEELBOOK TO EARTH

The budget for this special miniseries is so tight that the Steelbook cover displayed in the shop is actually made out of a cereal packet.

[Dave]

STEELBOOK IN THE RED

Blu Ray dances with Cat.

[si]

SNACK IN THE BED

Blue Ray dances with Bent Bob. Taiwan Tony provides the snacks.

[Warbodog]

SPINNERS

Motivational video for Red Dwarf fans who are learning the art of plate spinning, featuring looped edits of Lister saying “spin on,” “spin on it,” “round and round,” “plate properly,” etc.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE STEELBOOK DAY

Lister receives a Steelbook upgrade to his beloved DVD collection, but he can’t bare to part with them in return so he shoots the steelbook with a shotgun, which doesn’t make a dent.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

STEELBOOK TO RIDE

After an altercation with their future selves, all the steelbooks have been destroyed leaving no trace. Lister and the crew travel back in time in search for more. After some hi-jinx, Lister forgets to ask if there is a HMV where they are.

[Author]

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