By Jove its holmes

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Sorry for earlier. It was a joke playing on the fact that Lister is said to be using the Wimbledon AR sports simulation game as a way to have sex with the tennis girls. Although to be frank, Lister being in his twenties while the ball girl is seventeen is as icky as Paul McCartney and I Saw Her Standing There.

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VERY IMPRESSIVE, LISTER. TOO BAD THIS ISN’T THE WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS

The tennis ball-girl has a reaction to Lister.

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I love the bit at the end of D & A where Cat turns Lister into his own personal Barbie Doll after Lister sits on the spinal implant (Rimmer is grinning too). •••• it is good.

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FULL HOUSE
The RD crew meet someone even more obnoxious than Rimmer: Michelle Tanner!

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(the Series 2 episode BTL and its book form)

trapping players in VR could become a weapon if – when – we reach that level of tech in real life. I certainly know of speculative fiction where vengeful people trap enemies in a virtual world.

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I think it was a little mean to bring Rimmer back to life then blow him up again… why would they have boxes of explosives on the ship in th- wait… mining ship… explosives… never mind…

But they wouldn’t be in a big open place like that! They should be locked away somewhere! You don’t leave exploding things out where small children or people with equal intelligence to small children could get to them!!!

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When Lister changes the past, he, the, Cat, and Kryten disappear (because without Lister on RD, there would be no Cat Race and Kryten was never rescued).

Well, Rimmer should have disappeared too, because, without Lister, Holly would have had no reason to activate him.

And Holly should have had no memories of the Dwarfers, since they never existed in this timeline.

Of course, had that happened, that would have meant the end of the series.

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AWAY IN A DANGER

The crew meet Austin Danger Powers. Lister punches him in the face as “he is really starting to get on my keks”.

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Hopefully Thickie treated Gilbert better than • • • • • • • Lister.

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Robert Addie got a raw deal from life. Being told he had terminal cancer just three weeks before he died. See also Graham Chapman (who would have been much better than Ruby Wax) dying at only 48.

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Has anyone wondered what Gilbert, Lister’s male maid in “Timeslides”, got up to in the repaired timeline?

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SAINT PATRICK’S DAY
Lister finds out he’s really Irish. The episode parodies both “Father Ted” and “Derry Girls”. It is as shite as it sounds.

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HOLLY STROP

Normal Lovett gets into another fight with Grant Naylor.

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Pun names on real life human babies – the parents should be be dealt with by the simulants, or failing that, Caligula from Meltdown.

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Lister put it perfectly to Kennedy: “Where i come from you’re a liberal icon! But, to be that person, you’re going to have to sacrifice your life“.

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I agree about Jim on a real baby with the surname Reaper.

The amount of parents with the surnames Bond and Kent who name their sons James and Clark deserve to be dealt with personally by the simulants.

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Rimmer himself says *exactly* why Thanks for the Memory is cruel to people in the audience who have suffered in life and been offered false hope: “You’ve destroyed me, Lister”.

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turning men into women must be a British comedy writer thing – Leaving aside Monty Python, Roger Price’s “You Can’t Do That on Television” – the episode where Valerie Prevert wishes for a daughter and Doug Ptolemy is magically turned into one (from the character’s dismay and mournfulness it can be inferred that Doug has realized he is now a she in the private area in addition to the dress).

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Doug’s “Taiwan Tony”… feck that was horrible.

I can’t wait for Doug to “top” the racism of Taiwan Tony by having Rimmer or Kryten claim the Cat has “niggeritis”.

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How long would Lister and the Cat last against a Dalek?

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in the UK it is illegal to kill a person.
Shame no one told the Libyans in 1988. :'(

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An non-Dwarf unanswered Question: Why did a British TV series have to plan to use a male Little Person rather than the existing child actress?

Is it now illegal in Britain to show smacking a child for playing up in the bath?

https://www.femalefirst.co.uk/tv/Alex+Kingston-59813.html

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Ah yes the Essex girls of BOAF.

Drop the Dead Donkey: “Why does an Essex girl have C and A on her knickers? So she doesn’t get them back to front”.

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it makes sense that there would be a machine that makes clothes on board in case uniforms etc. are damaged.

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Why doesn’t someone follow Rimmer’s prescription and give Trump two hours of W.O.O.?

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the name Donna means “lady/mistress” in Italian. No reason for stating this. I just wanted you to think i was paying attention!

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OT: it’s only been weeks but I already miss the days when people he’d banned would run to here and say “Who’s a Dictator? Don’t Ask Sebby P., Ask Me!”

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If Rimmer can give himself Kochanksi’s form and any other crew would he also be able to give himself the form of the characters from the entertainment films stored on holo discs – perhaps Henry VIII or Casablanca’s Rick Blaine?

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Sometimes you need to pee or poo and you need to do it NOW!

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That’s his intelligent circuits melting

What about his stupid circuits?

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The Psirens create a nit. Okay, the premise is that they lay in wait and lure in unsuspecting space travelers with their telepathic tricks to feed on them.

Except this is the Red Dwarf universe, where life begins and ends with Earth. How many space travelers are out there? The Psirens must go centuries between feedings!

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I’;m just curious how Kennedy and MLK Jr were going to fit into the invasion plans

Jacqueline Kennedy: “Jack! I thought you were dead!”

Nestene Facsimile JFK: “I was!”

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Doctor Who: In Spearhead from Space, what use will the Facsimilies of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr.that are seen on-screen be to the Nestene invasion?

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OT: in the afterlife, Dermot Morgan must really be hating Graham for ruining Father Ted’s legacy.

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Well, given that only Lister and the Cat require food, perhaps they felt they were overstocked with food.

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I can picture Rimmer force-feeding Lister strawberries

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CUSTER’S LAST STAND

Derrick Custer is extracted from Prison Rimmer’s failing memory and becomes a real man.

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As long as Creepy Test Card Girl’s doll comes to life and goes on a rampage, I’m in.

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will never need a zimmer

Just maybe those pills that Grampa Simpson swiped from Matlock ;)

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Glen: A wider glimpse by Big Finish at Lister and Rimmer’s Earth might be interesting. For example, we know from Rimmer in “Meltdown” that Wax Droids had already been created by his time.

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a dark Big Finish series about people trying to avoid being changed under the rule of Sebastian Doyle.

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I agree that Last of the Summer Dwarf wouldn’t exactly bring in the crowds.

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Red Dwarf On Ice?

Red Dwarf: The Animated Series?

Red Dwarf: The Next Generation?

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Red Dwarf XIV: Searching for a Zimmerframe

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“Henry Tulip”

Ah, a Series One of Blackadder fan?

I always wondered what Henry does after he takes power to Princess Leia of Hungary after Edmund and the rest die.

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Why are both Kennedy and Nixon still taught about in schools in Lister and Rimmer’s era?

Surely people with a greater impact on the historical memory will have emerged in the three hundred years between now and then. There are plenty of English/Scots/British monarchs and American presidents who were well known in their own time but are now obscure outside specialst circles.

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In the “repaired” timeline of Timelides, how does Young Rimmer react to Porky beating him to the Tension Sheet after overhearing Old Rimmer?

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THE GLENELG LAND

Having already upset members of the Kennedy family with Tikka to Ride, Doug sees no problems with having the Dwarfers visit Glenelg Beach on January 26th, 1966.

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Cancelled after Tikka to Ride… Lister’s story ends with his ship mates beating the crap out of him ;)

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Just imagine if it had been cancelled after Series One. Is “Souper” really a good line to finish a show on ;)

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Not Billy Bunter in particular. Just hire a young lady to channel Esther from “Orphan” and the story would be much better.

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At least The Crusade has Saladin’s name pronounced correctly, just like modern Who pronounced Fuehrer correctly in Let’s Kill Hitler.

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the Dwarfers meeting Bill and Ted from “Excellent Adventure” would have been interesting. How would Kryten get along with Rufus, B & T’s mentor?

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If the Crusade were ever animated, you’d have to carefully consult with actual Arabs during the animation process to avoid racist stereotypes visually that were just as inept as the brownface in the live-action original.

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[With apologies for steal- borrowing this from Australian children’s’ author Paul Jennings]

[at an Australian shopping mall one Christmas in an alternate universe]

Young Amelia [in pink t-shirt and white shorts]: “You promised you’d take me to see Australian Father Christmas!

Eleven: Amelia, we’re shopping for presents!

Young Amelia: If you don’t take me to see Australian Father Christmas, I’ll wee on the floor! [starts lifting leg end of her shorts]

Eleven [defeated]: OK, we’ll go and see Australian Father Christmas.

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Compared to Pol Pot, Mao etc., Napoleon comes off pretty well. He released the Jews from the Rome Ghetto, but when the Papal States were restored after his defeat, they were forced back. His legal code remained the basis of much modern law in Western countries for a long time. I think the writers of RD didn’t go beyond the history the British wrote.

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Surprised Rimmer never used that time drive to go visit his hero, Napoleon Bonaparte.

Wouldn’t that have been a fun episode

Napoleon did appear, onscreen, in Better Than Life. Granted he had no lines, but he was there.

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And given he mentions in The Man In The Rubber Mask” about “understanding the issues” about why women under report rape, what convinced BobbyLllew about Charles’s innocence?

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How does J. Edgar Hoover become President in the alt-history in Tikka to Ride? Johnson was the vice-president. If Kennedy is removed from office Johnson would become President. Head of the FBI is not in the chain of command.

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” I wouldn’t cancel anybody over thinking crossdressing was funny 30 years ago,”

It was still bigoted and insensitive against the gender diverse thirty years ago in the 1990s. We rightly don’t give people of the past a pass on being racist or sexist just because they were able to get away with calling buxom women “jiggles” and black men “boy”.

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In Tikka to Ride, Red Dwarf uses the common allegation that J. Edgar Hoover was a transvestite (a mocked up photo of Hoover in ladieswear and makeup appears on Kryten’s chest monitor). Hoover was a lot of very bad things, and held some very horrible views, but hasn’t the transvestite thing been debunked?

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Another Question: Had Graham Chapman never got sick, could he have uplifted “Timeslides”?

(i hate Ruby Wax; Rimmer, please ask Stabem the Scutter to deal with her!)

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Kryten’s home era is at least several hundred years after the Red Dwarf fled the solar system.

There would be records as to how human history viewed the loss of the ship.

Holly would have sent a message to Space Corps HQ on Earth when the accident happened, surely?

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How does Ace Rimmer discover what the point of divergence is between him and ‘our’ Rimmer?

Through the hole in the plot? ;)

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Re: The New Scene of Thirteen That’s Meant to Comfort Children In This Lockdown:

While watching I found myself wondering how Tom Baker would have done it.

“This is something you’ll have to get through yourself. You can’t depend on me to save you all the time. Just remember, humanity is indomitable.”

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“….but for some reason, everything I own is now incredibly huge!”

:)

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Once there was too much fanwank on TOS forums about Sebby P and Andrew E and i dreamed that night about the two fighting with treebranches whilst wearing togas.

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I dislike the notion of having a studio audience for RD. It creates a two-tier group of fans – those who go to the recordings and know what will happen in new episodes or specials, and those fans, especially ones in other countries, who do not. Worse, you almost always see many of the “recording-ists” act like smug arseholes after the episodes or specials are broadcast and non-recording-ist’s pre-broadcast speculation is shown to be wrong.

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Why do people that go to baby changing stations always come back with the same baby?

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JNT on Doctor Who tried to appeal to the Australian market with Tegan, and the United States* market with Peri.

(* – according to progressive activists, we should use USian as not everyone who lives on the American continent lives in the United States)

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At least in the Classic Six, Lister wants to stay in his working-class rut though. He doesn’t want to mature or better himself. He openly says in “DNA” that he’d rather keep women as disposable sexual objects in his life rather than treat them as complex and equal human beings (“I could have started having relationships with [women] instead of going out with them”).

Everyone talks about Rimmer but Lister’s attitude towards women in much of the Classic Six doesn’t look too well either, thirty years on.

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In the novel, Rimmer uses his ••••• of a mum as a model for a wife.

Of course, Better Than Life delves into the subconscious and the deep, dark recesses of the mind – it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that Rimmer has a hidden Oedipal desire.

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Part of Holly’s major plan is to resurrect Kochanski from her canister of ashes, so she can grow young with Lister.

How come Rimmer doesn’t think of resurrecting himself in the same manner, so he doesn’t have to be a hologram any more?

(Maybe because he wouldn’t have a ‘gimmick’ any more. He’d just be a boring ol’ smeghead)

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Even though the TV version of the Better Than Life game wasn’t lethal, would the creators really want to make it easy for players to leave? Even in the TV episode they fooled the boys into thinking they could just stop the game – until the loan shark showed up.

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From what i know, Kryten’s home era is about 200 years after RD was forced to flee the Solar System. He has to tell the others what simulants are, so the first simulants must have been created after Lister and Rimmer’s time period.

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By the way, why does Kryten feel the need to differentiate between simulants and “rogue droids”?

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Christine McGlade was the only Canadian in the 1980s worth a darn.

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I feared that “Stan” might have had Polymorph Remastered.

For some reason the remastered version dumped the gag with them all walking along and we see two Listers. The replacement footage shows the ball bouncing down the hallway and words come up explaining that the second Polymorph being less intelligent hid in Lister’s clean underwear drawer… where it died of old age waiting to attack. A cute gag, but just not as good as the original ending.

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Julian Clary appears

The three most dreaded words in the English language!

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It’s TVTropes Dot Org who said that the preponderance of Eighties references in Series One to Three look out of place in the futuristic setting now that we are two decades into the 21st Century.

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If they ever do a re-boot of “Backwards”, I think a backwards puberty would be tough on a woman. And a backwards giving birth and pregnancy.

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Even TV Tropes Dot Org decides to take a time out to mention how RD I to III have a lot of 1980s references despite the setting. GNP weren’t thinking too far ahead, were they? (see what I did there?)

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The Rimsie’s They Are a Changin’

Rimmer finally says the other Dwarfers can go •••• themselves

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Still mad at being lectured like a 10 year old from the last episode.

we must be thankful that they did not have Swedish Greta guest star.

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For those who loved Round The Twist earlier in this thread, here’s Tamsin West (the first Linda) singing the theme song at age thirty on a TV show. I lusted after her in puberty and I lust after thirty year old Tamsin.

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Some bits of it was very “Paul Jennings”.

Have you ever, ever felt like this?

Good old Round the Twist, without a shirt. When I was a pubescent boy watching the first Linda actress, I really wished Tamsin West was in a bra and knickers without a shirt and trousers without a shirt.

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THIS IS GOING TO BE ABOUT WAFFLES, ISN’T IT?

Hattie Hayridge is drafted into being the sidekick on a cooking show.

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Ace didn’t swear on TV and didn’t seem willing to use her Nitro-9 on non-robots.

“Come on, Mr. Liberal! We’re the only kids in the country who never say fu-“

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IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I WILL PUNISH YOU

Rimmer gets revenge for being tricked so they could escape the psi-moon.

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I’m surprised they haven’t done an American Civil War episode. Cat would rapidly bamboozle the plantation owner who tried to whip him.

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surely the absolute worst thing in the “Backwards” reality would be reverse vomiting. Also, would a reverse blow-job s u c k for the woman?

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Winnie-the-Pooh is a good example of when you have to decide between honey and trousers.

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So answer me these questions, Jawscvmcdia –

1) Who shot JFK?
2) Is Paul McCartney alive?
3) Did man actually land on the moon?
4) was 9/11 an inside job?
5) Did Obama fake the Sandy Hook massacre?

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I think I remember reading somewhere that they were contemplating solutions if Craig was ‘not available’ for Series 7 due to that unfortunate rape trial like maybe seeing if his brother Emile would do it as a younger version of Lister or something

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put an ice cube in his mouth then hit it with a mallet?

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About my opening post… anybody else right now hearing that old Tom Hanks SNL sketch about support groups for dangerously addicted Mr. Belvedere fans?

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“It’s Yvonne McGruder! I injected her with blood and adrenalin!”

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Humans have been know to attack each other. Today on Earth, commercial ships are being hijacked by pirates or attacked by terrorists. Some armament on the Red Dwarf would not be out of place.

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Sir Arnold gets overlooked sometimes but he is more evil than Sir Humphrey.

Sir Arnold is able to get away scot-free with advising Hacker’s predecessor as PM to shoot striking workers and he ends up heading the Campaign for Freedom of Information – the latter is purely so he can stifle the opponents of the established way of things while pretending to have defected. Cunning as a shithouse rat.

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terraforming is the answer to everything :-)

I trust terraforming also includes stabilising the massive gravitational forces pulling Io in all directions…

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