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  • in reply to: Test #220445

    Damn it, that wasn’t meant to work. Delete this or I’ll start posting my opinions again with alarming irregularity in between deferred, half-hearted apologies.

    It’s easy being me, it’s harder being you and I can’t quite grasp the subtle line.

    I hate Series VIII.

    in reply to: Rick Dwarf #220442

    It’s the American Reeves & Mortimer.

    in reply to: Edinburgh screening #220441

    I am, I live in the Grassmarket so I’m only a jaunt down the road.

    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220418

    There’s something whimsical and relaxing about watching Bullseye repeats on Challenge late at night. As if you’re the last human and you got to schedule anything you liked.

    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220412

    Is it along the lines of no matter the initial thread subject matter, it always descends into a discussion about post-’93 Red Dwarf?

    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220408

    I just couldn’t get into Final Fantasy after FF7. The main draw for me was the sheer openness of the world and the ability to drop in and out of the story and find yourself in obscure yet believable locations talking to characters who had little to say regarding the main plot but had a lot to say about themselves, their lives and hometown. Regardless of the fantasy elements of the game, the world, the characters and the story were utterly engaging and grounded. From FF8 onwards, it started to become more linear, more tightly wound towards the main story and random characters were either scaled back or spoke more about the plot. I never felt as if I could explore the world within FF8 and I was always gently pushed towards the next stage of the story. FF9 is a load of twee mince and FF10 was where I swapped my PS2 for a Gamecube and never looked back.

    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220403

    One of these days, I get the feeling Richard Naylor is gonna offer me out for a rumble.

    And he’d be right to.

    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220402

    It’s so strange the wide reactions to VII and Back to Earth as I see Series VII very much as Series VI – Part 2. I have a strange affinity and need to protect Series VII as most of it is quite endearing to me and it’s not linked to memories of watching back in ’97. I just like the tone of it, I like Kris, I like watching her and the boys adapt to each other and I like the way it takes on a more dramatic look but still maintains the evolution of the visual aspect of the show and sets from Series III onwards.

    I can’t reconcile Back to Earth though. I mean, I don’t hate it, I don’t put it in the non-canon pile with Series VIII but boy, I’ve maybe watched it all the way through once since 2009 and I think I’ve watched the department store scene a few times since then but that’s it really. It’s a drag, you get to a scene where it starts to ramp, things are happening and then the tyres burst again and you’re left waiting around for another plot point to show up because Doug backed himself into a corner regarding the amount of material he had versus the running time.

    Series VIII is a load of wank shit fuck wank cunt piss fuck cum fuck wank fuck.

    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220398

    It’s a shame in a sense because he had three episodes worth of time to play with. If Dave had gave him six extra months and a budget, he could’ve made a moonshot for the movie and adapted it for the telly. I mean, follow the Pratchett on Sky TV route, get your resources in place, get your crew drilled and you adapt. You slim down certain action-heavy parts, you ramp up in other places, bingo. You may not have the big-screen movie you wanted back in 2002 but you’ve got something special and something that suits Christmas perfectly that isn’t so fucking obviously done on the cheap.

    In hindsight, it’s bizarre why they never went for the movie. I can understand that Doug took a look at the budget, took a look at the format being offered and said I’ll do a multi-parter. Perhaps he was tired of thinking about the movie or it never even crossed his mind. A push here and there and a promise to deliver a television movie with all the rights, international sales, DVDs and all that malarkey that goes with it.

    So in the end, we get what is essentially one episodes worth of material stretched out to three with a couple of fancy effects but the zero-budget foundations and the structure of it all is so painfully clear. He can’t go outside certain elements because he literally has no resources to work with yet he’s somehow able to utilise virtual sets, 4K cameras and introduce a film-esque feel to certain scenes.

    Back to Earth was built off the back of a promise to make a one-off special but without any of the resources you actually need to make it worthwhile. Now, there’s another puzzle, why not do three episodes? Why not dial back and type up some nice scripts that invoke the slower, steady pace of Series I & II? Couple of sets, bring in an internal threat if you must, have Lister and Rimmer examine their place in the cosmos. Nice and theatrical, little wink to Marooned, hey presto.

    Damn frustrating at times. Red Dwarf has been damn frustrating for a long time.

    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220395

    I’ll put it like this, a tad more succinctly.

    The dynamic changed in the writing after Series VI, from wanting to write comedy as the priority and from that, finding situations that fit the premise of Red Dwarf to what we seem to have now, which is finding situations and scenarios and in that, placing the comedy, regardless of how good the joke is.

    Now at first, it doesn’t seem that different, maybe even the same but it’s a subtle shift in the thinking of how to approach a standard half-hour script. The whole dynamic of the show changes at that point. The end result, the comedy, the drama, everything is contained in the premise rather than the premise ably assisting the number one priority, the comedy.

    Series VIII is the gold standard from which all writers, all that aspire to make people laugh should watch and remember every single time they get more excited about the premise rather than the set-up, the woofer and the need they have to make the audience laugh.

    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220394

    Necessity dictates that you put forward a blindingly funny script first and foremost before you go shooting what is at the end of the day, a half-hour sitcom, on cameras more commonly found in multi-million dollar Hollywood productions, especially circa 2008-09. What the fuck was Doug Naylor thinking he needed a 4K camera for back then? To make it four times as clear that it’s not funny?

    Back to Earth aspired to look fancy, feel fancy and failed because all other elements of the production were scraping by on picked-up pennies and it was as comically dull as ditch-water. The comedy felt like the last element to be slotted in.

    It was a tribute to Red Dwarf, nothing more. Not a total loss like Series VIII, more like a strange remake of a show you liked a long time ago.

    in reply to: Noise to Signal #220363

    What are they and can they be combined with my forthcoming weekly podcast about obscure in-vision regional presenters from the 1980s?

    in reply to: New Merch #220362


    in reply to: Everybody's alive, Dave. #220361

    For all my grumpiness and moaning about post-’93 Red Dwarf at times, it’s not once felt like an old fashioned cow milking.

    Doug, the crew and the cast really do love the show and what adventures can come next. I mean, I may not like some of the episodes but, and you’ll all understand this, the DVD extras, the commentaries, the documentaries, the sheer amount of material handed to us where they could simply dish out vanilla episode-only discs for £12.99 is astonishing.

    Look at ‘We’re Smegged’, the Series X making of. The only non-Dwarf documentary I can think of that gets into the heart of the subject so well from all sides and all departments is ‘Dangerous Days’, the 2007 Blade Runner making-of.

    And we’re talking about a half-hour sitcom set in space, it’s mental.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220285

    With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
    Here’s Series VIII now, entertain us
    I feel stupid and contagious
    Here’s Series VIII now, entertain us

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220261

    I dunno, Series IV feels more like a KitKat Chunky and the Bodysnatcher Series I & II documentaries are the foil-wrapped KitKats.

    I’m not sure what to think anymore. Series V is starting to imitate the 1985 CD pressing of Dire Straits’ ‘Brothers In Arms’ rather than confectionery.

    Or maybe a well-used Commodore 1541 floppy drive.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220255

    Series I is Malteser, Series II is more Aero Mint and Series III is a Smarties Easter egg with the classic brown mug.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220245

    Series VI is toffee. You have to persist with them but you enjoy the end result.

    Series VII is orange creme. Nice flavour but there’s something amiss, a certain sourness and you can’t eat too many.

    Series VIII is coffee, naturally. You like them at first but then you feel sick as fuck after a few and you just throw the whole packet away and makes you appreciate the sweet, Vice Versas goodness of Series V.

    Now, if Series VIII was a war crime, what war crime would it have been?

    in reply to: Noise to Signal #220237

    I know you didn’t, what I meant was you hit the nail on the head in regards to the coverage being excellent.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220236

    Series VI is Be Here Now? Series VI is The Masterplan, Series VII is Be Here Now and Series VIII is a video of Liam Gallagher knocking the fuck out of Patsy Kensit.

    Back to Earth is Standing on the Shoulder of Giants, Series X is Heathen Chemistry and Series XI is some arsed-up free with the NME tribute to Oasis by a bunch of no-mark indie synth wanks.

    I just don’t understand people who dislike Series VI.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220230

    Maybe the camera linked into the time drive and saw Series VIII.

    in reply to: Noise to Signal #220217

    Lily, you’ve hit the nail on the head. I look forward to the coverage as always, but not so much the episodes.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220213

    To document life on-board ship, which is code for ‘can’t be arsed weaving exposition into the story-line so here’s a big, steaming data dump at the beginning’.

    in reply to: [PLUG] Brand-new PortsCenter, and a brand-new thread… #220203

    That was bloody marvellous. I wasn’t a fan of SNES SimCity as it felt too cuddly but the music was cracking. The apex was forever SimCity 2000 for me before the bloat started to creep in.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220202

    Exploding cameras, half-arsed explanations, tedious shots of massive wind tunnels, macabre violence to end the episode, all that and more will be resolved and tidied up in the all-new, all-saucy special edition of Tikka to Ride, now titled ‘Out of Time – Part II’.

    DISCLAIMER – Will still include The Fat Basteria joke.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220180

    I know what we would all do with the time drive.

    Snipe Hitler? No.
    Persuade Rob Grant to remain on for another two series? No.
    Forge the signatures on contracts promising at least two American seasons of Red Dwarf? No.

    We would crowdfund an entire series worth of barely watchable, badly compressed mobisodes and then fuck each other!

    That’s what we would do!

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220174

    All I’ve ever wanted was a standard issue Aigburth Arms Grav-Pool table held up by chains.

    in reply to: New Doctor announced tomorrow! #220173

    Torchwood Declassified was where it was at.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220164

    Godley & Creme – The History ~ Of Changes To Starbug’s Interior Volume ~ Mix Volume 1

    in reply to: had some good news #220161

    I regenerated?

    in reply to: New Doctor announced tomorrow! #220160


    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220159

    Well I can’t bloody well make it all non-canon. Right, here we go…

    Rimmer destroys the time drive, Starbug explodes in a ball of temporal flame and nineteen years later, we’re somehow back on Red Dwarf as Lister watches a pig race. At this point, we’re going to be down to the second half of Marooned and a seven minute video of autograph signing at Dimension Jump XV in which I’m caught almost tripping over in front of Chris Barrie.

    It’s never irked me how big Starbug is in Series VII up to recently. Now I can’t shake the ridiculousness of it.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220157

    But I like the joyless bollocks of it all.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220154

    I know but it’s the casualness I find funny. Older Doctor Who was the same, they would just chuck canon, continuity and whole characters out of the window with no explanation, leaving that canon-loving bastard tinker Moffat to skip amongst the ruins and pick off the best bits.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220152

    Thank fuck the Duke of Manchester nixed the idea then.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220149

    Pray I don’t go any further.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220148

    Now that I think about it, we all casually accept that they just lost a five mile long interplanetary tramp steamer between Series V and VI and there’s nary a peep as to how, why or exactly when. If Doug had pulled that trick, say between Series X and XI, they’d be fucking mayhem on this forum.

    So it’s not out of the question that they’re on a Sunday drive one day between Tikka To Ride (OUT OF TIME – PART II) and Stoke Me A Clipper, Cat’s at the helm snoozing and they whack straight into the side of Red Dwarf purely by chance.

    I think the original arc of the movie was to be on Starbug for Act I, find Red Dwarf with a full crew mysteriously enough for Act II and some heroic simulant bashing and saving the ship and the day in Act III so it made sense to keep them on Starbug for Series VII which also acted as a visual test-run for the movie.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220141

    The Kryten retrofit does work in that deckplan, the cargo hold is a touch too small but overall it makes sense given the limited internal capacity.

    As for the Series VII Starbug, oh boy, you have to assume the inside was expanded by a factor of a hundred to even begin to make sense of the gargantuan engine deck, the crawlspaces, the medi-bay, everything. Plus, some of those areas didn’t exist even as more compact versions before the temporal paradox so I’m leaning towards the idea that the future and present Starbugs amalgamated somehow, retaining features of the present-day ship and adding new volume and features of the future craft.

    It begs the question, why didn’t the future crew upgrade to a luxury cruiser? Were the time and faster than light drives hardwired into Starbug and unable to be transferred?

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220138

    I always thought the Starbug expansion between Series VI and VII was down to the future Starbug and present Starbug somehow amalgamating in some space-wacey, time-wimey dimensional hoo-hah resulting from the temporal paradox. I assumed the future crew had a dimensional expansion machine that gave them more space within Starbug to fulfil their decadent ways.

    As with between Series V and VI where they lose Red Dwarf and go into hyper-sleep, I thought Kryten spent the best part of a few decades completely retrofitting the ship to accommodate a permanent crew.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220134

    I’ve had a fan-edit of Tikka running around my head for a while and I might just give it a shot.

    – You trim the opening down, you start the episode with a stylised, widescreen recap of the final scene of ‘Out Of Time’ without any dialogue by utilising the soundtrack audio and then you fade to black and onto the Lister camera scene. Trim out the fat, trim down the camera explosion and just tighten it up.

    – New in-episode title – ‘OUT OF TIME – PART II’

    – The larger Starbug scene can be halved in running time or thereabouts. Shots of them climbing down stairs and so on can be whipped out.

    – The chicken joke is great, you need to show how far the other way Kryten will lapse when not fully moralised up in the head.

    – Fat Basteria, come on, the delivery is great even if the joke’s a bit iffy.

    – Trim the ending down to one kick or punch each and freeze at that point. It’s funny with one or two smacks but I agree, the prolonged beating is a bit crazy. Hell, even fade out from the beating into a final scene taken from the extended edition, there’s plenty of ways to go about it.

    – Reformat the titles and credits and remove the bloody Times New Roman font. Every time I see it, I feel like I’m watching an episode of Keeping Up Appearances.

    in reply to: A Female Holly #220132

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220131

    It’s my Trek background, y’see. Nanites, nanobots, nanos, they’re all nano-bastards in the end. I’m pretty sure there’s no nanotechnology in the third episode of series one of ‘Agony’, a sitcom starring Maureen Lipman.

    There’s no easy way to reconcile the return of Rimmer and we should vote to just treat the entire show and the majority of the cast and crew as non-canon. Saves a lot of headaches and repeat broadcast payments.

    Series I & II – Feels like theatre productions directed towards the audience because they mostly hang around the bunk and there’s a lot of back and forth. That’s not me dismissing the humour though, they’re mighty fine episodes and I like the slow build of them. You could imagine a third series of Red Dwarf along the same lines of the first two but I don’t think you could’ve got away with a fourth as Series II has moments in it that are clear nods towards what the cast and crew wanted to in the future such as ‘Better Than Life’.

    Series III to V – The Boys from the Dwarf. We’re taken on merry adventures, both on the ship and beyond and we can really see how Rob and Doug wanted to branch out and not only use locations and more expressive studio sets, but push the concepts that will drive the episodes.

    Series VI – It can easily be grouped with III to V but it does have a distinct feel. We’re off the ship, there’s an immediacy and cosiness to the sets and it feels like a weekly serial. Plus it has ‘Out Of Time’, my favourite episode.

    Series VII – I like Series VII, I really do. It has some duff moments but it has a heart to it and in terms of design, scope, the shift from comedy with some drama to comedy-drama, it holds up. If you take off the film filter and tighten some of the editing and remove some of the right dodgy moments, I’ve always maintained that Series VII is a good candidate for the title of Series VI – Part II.

    Hell, I’ll say it right now, take out Emohawk in Series VI, push it as the first episode of Series VII and put Tikka to Ride into Series VI and rename it Out of Time – Part II and have Series VI end with a bumper double episode, cliffhanger intact and everything. It bloody works.

    Series VIII – Fuck off.

    Back To Earth – Fuck off, slightly less.

    Series X – Lovely stuff.

    Series XI – Well…

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220120

    Those jokes are related to events now off-screen and unseen and that’s why the context of them has changed because we’re told of Rimmer being the hero and yet he isn’t given a platform to brag about it. He’s cut off by more pressing matters such as actually being the hero onscreen in ‘The Beginning’.

    See? There you go, fixed! Now go into the night and write a comprehensive fan-fiction about the twelve year gap between Series VII and Back To Earth.

    Issues to be resolved…

    Why is Rimmer back? Could he not hack it as Ace or is this a new Rimmer generated by Lister to keep himself sane?
    Why did Kochanski hop it? She seemed settled in by the end of Series VII.
    Where did ol’ half-eaten lollipop head go for his first holiday in the ship?
    Why didn’t the nanites resurrect the crew and long-rumoured prison population while they were at it? That would’ve made for the best series of Red Dwarf yet.

    Good call on the PBS idents, they are funny. I remember someone posting a BBC-era Red Dwarf IX trailer years ago using the ident footage, pre-Dave revival and it was heartbreaking to watch as it seemed like another series of Red Dwarf was very unlikely at that point.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220116

    At least with that ending there’s the possibility of wrapping up Series VIII as one of Lister’s mental curry-induced dreams.

    I’ve always maintained that Series VIII is non-canon and is no more than a sideways ‘Carry On’ style look at Red Dwarf and that’s about as complimentary as I can be. For me, the nanites rebuild the ship, there’s a bit of fit and finish to be had in terms of the ship shrinking but it settles down, they escape Starbug and we cut to ten years later with Lister walking down a service corridor with a bag of tomatoes. No resurrected crew, no prisoners, no fucking nonsense.

    I admit, I get a chuckle from Krytie TV but come on, there’s limits.

    in reply to: "Put on Victory South for me, will you?" #220114

    I’d love to see that, the Bible Belt just upping and leaving and seeing how far they get because of some misplaced reliance on historical revisionism and good ol’ pride blinding them.

    When your mentality and inner worth as a citizen of the land you were born in relies on believing a buncha colonial Yankees are picking on you and have been for centuries, you need to get a fucking life. The South Shall Rise Again my arse.

    Same goes for my lot, the bloody Jocks. We’ve had a bee up our kilt about the English for years but I don’t see many Cockneys jumping Hadrian’s and poking me with a stick. No no, my colonial master is the fucking imbeciles in Edinburgh. Devolution? They got that right, just the wrong context.

    Where was I? Oh yes, slaves are bad, up the Union, three cheers for big Abe and his undivided house.

    And I quite like Series VII.

    There’s big, what-if concepts on the go, realised through grindhouse-esque, black humoured scripts and shot on very cluttered yet cosy sets via cameras and equipment that was for the knackers yard soon after but give an immediate life to it all. So you end up with a third series of Red Dwarf which is wholly unique visually, sets the tone for the three series after it and most importantly is very, very funny and for many, a great introduction to the show as a whole.

    I’ve always maintained that a proper restoration of Series III would look remarkable and very fitting in the modern era. You’ve got that one-time, almost accidental combination of scripts, sets and cameras that all gel seamlessly.

    in reply to: "Put on Victory South for me, will you?" #220103

    It’s always the bloody Confederacy. How about a timeline where the American Revolution was crushed? You’d likely see four or five different nations take the place of the United States over the course of 150 years.

    in reply to: Starburst – Chris Barrie/Red Dwarf VI Interview (1994) #220100

    That’s a great idea!

    I feel like I don’t know any of you.

    in reply to: John #220094

    No, you’re absolutely right, Phil.

    in reply to: Parallel Whoniverse #220091

    That’s the thing, I’m very glad the next Doctor is a woman as we get to see that shift in the dynamics of the show alongside the weekly adventures but it doesn’t smack of box ticking. It feels very natural that the Doctor should change gender now from a point of story-telling and from exploring the Doctor’s inner-self.

    It seems the Twelfth Doctor really has had enough, he didn’t want to regenerate but finish his story there and then and lo and behold, the First Doctor comes along and will show him why the Doctor is always needed. So ol’ Capaldi Doctor thinks… well, if I’m gonna continue along, let’s go for it.

    Hey presto, Jodie.

    Real storytelling is hard work, I know and at the point where you give a character a trait but expect that to be the work done, the exploration of the character done, you’re gonna have real problems and a character that just doesn’t work and isn’t going to be much remembered.

    I suspect Jodie might be the one we truly remember and celebrate from the second era of Doctor Who.

    in reply to: Parallel Whoniverse #220083

    Bill was written to be black, gay and quirky.

    They then forgot to write a decent character. I don’t care what colour a character is, their background, their sexuality, whatever they are or aren’t, I don’t give a tinker’s. But don’t write a character with those elements as a starting point and then forget to write the rest. Someone interesting, someone with a past, a present, whatever is needed to flesh out someone that is more than just a wink and nod to the audience and a one-dimensional sidekick to Peter Capaldi, who is the most interesting and contradictory incarnation of the Doctor since Colin Baker.

    I have this feeling in my gut that the next companion will be a young, go-getting, handsome fella to try and counteract the sway of the ship that a female Doctor is going to bring and in a sense, reset the show back to what we all know.

    in reply to: Parallel Whoniverse #220081

    Darrell, you’re clearly getting me all wrong and you’re playing the man, not the ball, so give it a rest.

    in reply to: Parallel Whoniverse #220078

    Yes, full of black and gay characters, fine, but Bill was a very conscious nod towards introducing someone that personified a lot of that in a character that was part of the principal cast and past that, there was fuck all to her, just another shite companion that was created to bring in a wider audience and show off the ol’ diversity remit.

    I knew once Capaldi was cast that the next Doctor would be a woman, simply by following the pattern. You had a succession of younger Doctors, then he finds his way again and becomes a more mature, seasoned figure like Hartnell. So where do you go from there? You can’t cast another younger white man and you can’t go for a person of colour straight off the bat so you follow the natural curve, a nice, white, middle-class woman. I have no doubt that the fourteenth Doctor will also be a woman, and the series will likely reach its natural conclusion and end on the BBC in about seven years before being picked up again down the line, say 2035.

    in reply to: Parallel Whoniverse #220076

    Clara was a bit boring but harmless and that’s fine. Amy was the best companion, ever.

    Bill was about ticking diversity boxes and once you start ticking boxes, you may as well give up.

    in reply to: Parallel Whoniverse #220072

    At least they got rid of Bill.

    She was fucking awful.

    in reply to: RD References List #220035

    Oooooooh, I didn’t know you were into the rough stuff. Honestly, it’s enough to make a girl blush.

    in reply to: Where are all the miners #220031

    My grandfather was a miner.

    Don’t recall him serving aboard any outer planet vessels, nor did he ever mention dying in a massive radiation leak.

    Or living past 1994.

    Which is handy as he pegged it before witnessing the long, drawn out death rattle of Red Dwarf.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220025

    Oh, look, a cinema loving Stewart Lee’s let himself go.

    in reply to: RD References List #220024

    “Spirit-destroying” – Darrell Jones

    in reply to: RD References List #220018

    Sorry, I’m thinking of Lynda Bellingham.

    in reply to: RD References List #220017

    She sadly passed away a few years ago.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220011

    Iain Lee put it best…

    “Oh, don’t talk to me about Red Dwarf, I’m not going to listen, it’s rubbish. It’s just ‘smeg, smeg, smeg, smeg, smeg, oh look a cat, smeg, smeg, smeg’. It’s not sci-fi, it’s not comedy, it’s RUBBISH”.

    Buncha bollocks that Red Dwarf, I just bought the complete series of ‘End of Part One’ on DVD from Network. Now there’s a fucking lost gem of a comedy.

    in reply to: It’s July the 1st 2007 in England #220009

    And ten years later, I fucking wish smoking in public was banned as well. The amount of dickheads who puff away strolling down the street and I’m forced to hold my breath and pass them, grumbling away.

    in reply to: Art For The Office (although probably NSFW) #220008

    You can tell he just downloaded any ol’ blue, ran it through the mosaic filter in Photoshop and painted the results.

    Still worth a crafty wank.

    in reply to: What if Red Dwarf had started in 1967 and not 1987? #220007

    I wish the BBC would restart the wiping policy.

    Oh you all know how I feel about the BBC, let’s have a singalong.

    in reply to: Who has has a Red Dwarf dream? #220006

    Huh, having looked it up, you’re right, it’s Grenfell.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #220003

    The Next Generation Season 6 – A shining light in the Star Trek canon.

    The Next Generation Season 7 – A load of fucking wank bar ‘All Good Things’.

    in reply to: Who has has a Red Dwarf dream? #220002

    Greenfell that is, not the Series VIII premiere.

    Fourth username.

    in reply to: Who has has a Red Dwarf dream? #220001

    I drove past it on the way to Euston from Heathrow two days after it happened, it was fucking surreal and horrible to see in person. It looked like it could’ve just blew away in the wind.

    in reply to: Should they have continued Red Dwarf after Series VI? #219997

    One of the issues about ending the show after Series VI is that there would be a lot of people sitting 24 years later saying… my word, what would a potential Series VII been like? And we’d have elevated the unknowns and little morsels of information to come out over the years into near-mythical status. We might’ve heard about plot points regarding time travel, the return of Kochanski, catching up with Red Dwarf, intelligent viruses and drove ourselves mental. Doug might’ve even created a few scripts and put them out in a 15th or 20th anniversary book celebrating the show.

    A new audience for the show and new episodes are a good thing and it’s a rarity, if not a singular achievement that a BBC 2 sit-com has persisted and continues to be made to this day after thirty years, but if the writing isn’t up to scratch, then forget about it.

    There’s reasons why the first six series worked.

    And there’s reasons why it began to falter afterwards.

    There’s always reasons, or a reason.

    in reply to: What if Red Dwarf had started in 1967 and not 1987? #219996

    Having Googled Doug McClure, how come I didn’t know this?

    I thought it was a running joke about some American actor they had made up that appeared in a series of rubbish b-movies.

    I feel I’ve opened my eyes yet seen nothing.

    in reply to: Who has has a Red Dwarf dream? #219995

    Creative Greenfell more like.

    I’m gonna have to register a third username, aren’t I.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #219982

    Oh crikey.

    in reply to: What if Red Dwarf had started in 2016 and not 1987? #219977


    in reply to: Classic series blurays #219976

    Oh well, it was a nice idea while it lasted (8 hours and 32 minutes).

    It’s astonishing to say but the best version of each Red Dwarf episode publicly available for fan restoration is still the VHS editions as DVD MPEG compression knocks the hell out of the image. The frame is competing with multiple tape generations, basic colour grading and tape masters which aren’t exactly the best sources available.

    in reply to: Classic series blurays #219974

    The one good thing about these editions is that I’ll have new video transfers to work and restore from instead of relying on the DVDs.

    Unless Grant Naylor uses their 2001 transfers as the template which is sadly not an impossibility.

    Or discards alternate frames, or releases poorly converted NTSC 1080i60 editions for the entire market, or fucks with the colour and grading, or crops for widescreen, or releases the Remastered editions only, or generally fucks it up somewhere along the line.

    Because they will fuck it up somewhere, that’s how they work now.

    Not that I’m complaining.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #219971

    All the episodes are re-released backwards except Backwards which is re-assembled from alternate takes.

    in reply to: What if Red Dwarf had started in 1937 and not 1987? #219970

    “Rimmer, the only reason you hung around with those prats from the Titan Union of Fascists is cuz you could never get a date.”

    in reply to: What if Red Dwarf had started in 1967 and not 1987? #219968

    Doug McClure is real?

    in reply to: What if Red Dwarf had started in 1967 and not 1987? #219927

    JMC Curry and Chips.

    in reply to: Who has has a Red Dwarf dream? #219926

    I have perhaps two Red Dwarf dreams a year, mostly lost episodes between Series III and IV and are usually non-comedic two hour dramas dealing with some crisis on the lower decks.

    in reply to: Dear Ganymede Jim, Can You Fix It For Me #219925

    Still on the cards and essentially complete but I’m looking at procuring non-VHS, non-DVD, non-off-air recordings so I can utilise copies without compression or station idents.

    If someone knows of tapes that may have fell off the back of a BBC Manchester lorry, do get in touch.

    in reply to: An Adventure In Time And BBC Manchester #219558

    I still love this idea.

    How about a fan-derived edition of it?

    John Hoare as Paul Jackson.

    Ian Symes as Rob Grant.

    Jo as Dona DiStefano.

    Myself as Paul Montague.

    in reply to: Demastered – A Series X Project #219557

    August 1st, 2017 – I swear to Christ.

    in reply to: Some Old Bloke #219556

    We send Earth $£350 million a week.

    Let’s fund our Outer Moons Health Service instead.

    Vote Titexit.

    in reply to: Dirty Feed #219118

    It was the bastards in power who told us they and their machinations are important in the first place.

    Silly things are not silly, by any measure.

    Never, ever let anything or anyone else corrupt or dilute what makes you happy.

    in reply to: Power of the Daleks #219117

    Doctor Who is just… awful now.

    in reply to: Strong: Sl*g B*st*rd tw*ts @ *fc*m #219116


    in reply to: My Girlfriend Thinks Red Dwarf Is Shite #219086

    An episode here and there, nothing from the post-Rob years.

    She thinks Rimmer is maladjusted and remembers it originally being on but it completely passed her by. She does like the end song though and sings FUN, FUN, FUNNNNNN IN THE SUN, SUN, SUNNNNNN in an attempt to annoy me.

    She has appalling taste, I’m the luckiest man in the world.

    in reply to: My Girlfriend Thinks Red Dwarf Is Shite #219062

    Oh and she says hello and admits she does like some of it but it’s a bit po-faced and ’80s.

    She says that like it’s a bad thing.

    in reply to: My Girlfriend Thinks Red Dwarf Is Shite #219061

    Cunt beside her.

    Fucking slippery reply button not playing nice on mobile Chrome.

    The gravity field created inside the ship radiates outside the hull for a few meters and that’s why Lister needed a seat for painting the hull.

    Either that they didn’t have a regulation zero gravity winch and just retrofitted a cargo picker sit-me-down for extravehicular activity with magnets on the seat and in the arse of the spacesuit.

    I’m glad to see the inconsistencies project is unofficially back up and running.

    in reply to: The real reasons behind Rob and Doug's breakup #218777

    Maybe we should just ask him.

    in reply to: The real reasons behind Rob and Doug's breakup #218738

    The Naylor Parable.

    in reply to: Has Doug bitten off more than he can chew? #218733


    in reply to: The real reasons behind Rob and Doug's breakup #218724

    My friend’s initials are JMC.

    in reply to: The real reasons behind Rob and Doug's breakup #218715

    Is Doug Naylor Jawscvmcdia?

    Ganymedenders will return… right now.

    No, he’s not.

    in reply to: What Rimmer's father used to say… #218700

    Tell you what, that crack is really John Hoareish.

    in reply to: What Rimmer's father used to say… #218698

    John Poare.

    in reply to: What Rimmer's father used to say… #218693

    Ssh, you’ll ruin the group fanwank.

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