Phobos And Deimos

[Phobos And Deimos]

The beginning of Dimension Jump informs me to an extent that Rimmer’s mother was referring to her husband in the letter, not Dungo. She had affairs, she wasn’t particularly close to Arnold but there’s a definite feeling of care between her and her youngest. The novel ‘Backwards’ also alludes to Rimmer’s mother being a parent and doing what is required, even if it doesn’t go much beyond that.

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So, Rimmer’s father attempts suicide but is unsuccessful. Not able to tolerate the idea that he could find himself at such a low point in his life after years of putting on a face and ignoring his wife’s multiple affairs and the disappointment he sees in his sons, surely by-products of his own failures passed on, he decides to come clean to his youngest, Arnold.

Arnold, the boy who he knows really didn’t deserve such hardship because after all, he is the result of a fling between his wife and sweet, simple Dungo. But rather than shout it from the rooftops, he knows Arnold can make it, without his misguided help, without the weight of a dysfunctional family and past. So before he falls too ill, before Arnold embarks for a long trip aboard a barely sellotaped together tramp steamer, he records a holo-message and hopes that Arnold makes it as an officer and as a better man than he was. He loves that boy and he wondered, in fleeting moments of lucidity during illness, if Arnold knew he wasn’t disappointed in him at all, rather he was disappointed that he couldn’t have been a better father.

Rimmer Sr. died peacefully in his sleep and his wife never really realised Arnold was Dungo’s. He died never knowing his son perished a short while later in a radiation accident but from that, went on an adventure through time and space that would have made him proud, made him say… well done, son.

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The last half hour of Return of the King looks twee next to the hellishness of the Hobbit Quad-Heptalogy.

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Shiteception.

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Is Red Dwarf shite?

Find out on this week’s ‘Friday Night, Saturday Hoareing’ with guest presenter Lee Cornes.

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Imgur shouldn’t convert to JPG, I’ve uploaded a lot and it’s stayed as PNG, although it might convert to JPG after it reaches a certain file size.

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The brazenness of Charles Armitage on ‘We’re Smegged’ was the most astounding aspect of the documentary. He just straight up tells the interviewer that Red Dwarf could’ve went and fucked itself all because of the budget, cast availability and filming scheduling.

I know he’s looking after a business but it’s became a numbers game. There’s zero doubt now in my mind that the creative element is a distant, invisible second to achieving a healthy profit, even if it means cutting down a show and all the elements within to save a few thousand quid at most. Take location shooting, audience participation, model work. It all stunk of saving a few bob here and there and in turn, sacrificing essential parts of Red Dwarf that allow it to work and flourish.

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Whoever gets on, switch the official DVDs for nasty looking bootlegs and anime Kochanski / Rimmer slash fan-art.

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It’s never been a question of who was the funny one. The gestalt entity Grant Naylor was a wonderful writing partnership. Both were able to draw the best out of each other, fire back and forth in terms of story direction, plot and the jokes that surround that but when one leaves, the dynamic changes and you begin to substitute and emulate where you once had your co-writer in place, working away. Doug is a funny guy and Rob is a funny guy and they both approach the set-up, the joke and the plot from different perspectives and that fuels the process and you create something better than what can be achieved individually. I can only base that on the mood and the cohesion of the first six series next to what came after Rob left the show.

It is purely a personal opinion but one without the other doesn’t work. Rob hasn’t did anything as good as Series X or XI but Doug hasn’t done anything as good as Series I to VI. There’s a reason for that and it isn’t time, or age, or workload, or reflection or a new perspective on Red Dwarf that Doug may have now. If Doug had left after Series VI and Rob kept at it, I have little doubt the quality would’ve faltered and we’d be grimacing about a Rob Grant penned VII & VIII.

It’s because they need each other. They wrote the greatest sci-fi comedy of all time together and one of the best British comedies of all time.

Then they didn’t, and you get Series VII to XI.

John without Paul.

Waters without Gilmour.

Symes without Hoare.

Doug is an admirable man, and he’s worked tirelessly to get Red Dwarf back on its feet and where it is now.

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Red Dwarf worked best when there was an intrinsic co-operation between the writers, the directors, the actors and the producers. Each had their own distinct role and from that, there was an agreeable dynamic where views could be shared, story structure and overall direction could be altered and re-fitted even on the day of shooting (Out of Time is a particular example). A constructive criticism allowed Series I to VI to excel as there were no egos in play, just the aim to make a very funny sitcom.

Doug lost Rob after Series VI and never really gelled with guest writers. Doug decided to take on directing from BtE onwards and never really found his own style. Production was handled by Doug from BtE up to XI where Henry Normal took over but I wouldn’t be surprised if Doug saw it as more of a co-production.

He’s lost that dynamic where you have three or four strong but focused voices all chipping in and really shaping the episode as pre-production, shooting and editing is underway.

I don’t like saying it because it’s become a point of contention over the years but I honestly think Series I to VI worked because Doug and Rob came from two contrasting tangents during writing. Both were fans of big concepts, scientifically, technologically and philosophically but Doug reaches for the big idea and doesn’t always do the heavy lifting in terms of jokes and how to seamlessly craft the comedy in and around the idea. Rob has come across as the guy who would always be reaching for the joke, looking for the woofer but of course, with a keen eye on the overall plot.

You put those two together and bingo, you’ve got the first 36 episodes with nary a clunker amongst them. There’s some right dodgy moments but where the plot runs thin or the editing can’t tighten in as much as you want it to, there’s always a guarantee that the jokes will land and it gets you through.

Once Rob left, the dynamic and the balance altered considerably and Red Dwarf lost part of itself, literally.

Series XI is a confusing, strange collection of episodes which I don’t dislike but I’m so bloody cold to them. It’s odd and I don’t like thinking that because what other comedy from near 30 years ago is still going strong? Especially one that started off post-watershed on BBC 2 in a very, very different televisual era.

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And the Christmas sphere’s that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s cold outside, there’s no kind of atmosphere

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Yeah, Hoare, Yeah, Hoare.

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From BtE onwards, the JMC logo should be displayed across the spines.

Or a photo of Norman Lovett smiling through gnashed, snarling, misaligned teeth.

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Naylor? I hardly knew her!

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You think you’ve seen the best (worst) of G&T over the years and then you go and read the ramblings of Rob Grant’s daughter.

It was John Hoare in a wig and a dress.

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R1 DVD for once looking better than R2 shocker.

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Pendo’s coffee lounge clock.

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Having looked up the end credits, this shockingly checks out.

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Tell ya what, that crack is really Hoareish.

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: Hoare /

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Oh wait, you wanted the fonts for the R1 DVDs. I gave you the R2 UK fonts, I’m ignorant.

Having had a peek at them, fucked if I know, stick to the R2 UK DVDs, they’re all killer, no filler.

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Symeson and the Witch.

Ian, your name isn’t as insertable I’m afraid, old bean.

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Episode titles and descriptive text – Microgramma (Bold Extended) or Eurostile (Black Extended).

Check the weights and typeface itself, there’s subtle differences between both but not enough to be a concern at a smaller point size.

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The gripping, still-relevant 1966 BBC production ‘The Wednesday Play – Cathy Come Hoare’.

Commodore Sixty-Hoare.

I feel this is the greatest thread ever on Ganyhoare & Titan.

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Jeremy’s iron.

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It’s ghoared, this, even thoareugh we’re just naming thoareings and replacing whoarerds in them with “Hhoareare”.

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Si going for the subtle ‘if it kinda sounds like Hoare, then that’ll work’ approach.

Whereas I’m going for the populist ‘just stick Hoare anywhere in the title’.

Hoareacle – Orahoare
Ceehoare – Hoarefax
Hoaretext – Telehoare

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Dimension Hoare.
Backhoareds.
Marhoarened.

Who Wants to Be a Hoareionnnaire?
Going for Hoare.
Fifteen to Hoare.
Counthoare.
Hoarephrase.
Hoarebusters.
Hoareless.
Hoarety Hoare.
Hoare or No Hoare.

I can’t stop myself, I just Googled UK quiz shows.

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Fuck it.

Back in the Hoare: Part I
Back in the Hoare: Part II
Back in the Hoare: Part III
Hoareandra
Hoareie TV
Hoare: Part I
Hoare: Part II
Only the Hoare…

I’m sorry.

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Ghoarege and Mildred.

Hoareing Up Appearances.

Men Behoareing Badly.

Some Mothers Do ‘Oare ‘Em.

Red Dwhoaref.

Doctor Whoare.

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VII has a real heart and I have great affection for it.

Big meanies.

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You’re not a celebrity, Lovett.

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Hoareton Hears a Who! (fucked with the Hi-de-Hi repeats).

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It Ain’t Half Hoare Mum.

Hoare-de-Hoare!

Only Fools and Hoareses.

Noel’s Hoare Party.

Hoarepen University.

THI Friday.

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No it’s not, I talk drivel.

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No no, there is no overlap bar they’re all shagging each other.

Lucky pups.

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John’s Bavarian accent is spot on.

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NO, NO, WE ARE NOT GOING TO START ENJOYING SERIES BLOODY EIGHT.

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Ian Symes decides against a Red Dwarf fan-site and dedicates the webspace to his first love, Babylon 5.

It’s cold and early CGI-ey outside.

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Don’t look at me, I voted fascist for a third glorious decade of total law enforcement.

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Si’s correct, genuinely.

If anyone was driven away by my nonsense, I completely put my hands up to that. It was shameful.

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Jesus Christ, I was only kidding.

VIII is a bag o’ wank.

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But surely we all agree that VIII is classic Dwarf.

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The one where the Scouser says smeg.

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Flaming pink with glitter edges.

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Alan Rickman!

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Only if John Hoare is dubbed into Japanese.

Oh, the filth these ears have heard (in Japanese).

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Blocked already by UKTV.

Or was that the joke?

[Author]

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