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Why did you combine two separate videos into one post, though?

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What if Rob Grant had stayed with the show after series VI? How would this have affected the “Idea for an episode.” thread?

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Why did you combine Jawscvmcdia into three separate posts though?

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TRACK IN THE BED

Lister wakes up just in time to discover that the main Red Dwarf rail line goes right through his bunk. His whole lifestyle is upended when he can’t hang around his bed during the day. He can’t move bunks since they’re still all contaminated and Kryten is off in Blue Midget searching for Kochanski because there were life signs on a planet in the solar system they’re in but they can’t figure out which one. He’ll have to spend more time in the sofa nearby, and he can’t hear the TV whenever the train passes.

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THE AND:

Cat watches an educational video about conjunctions. Meanwhile, Lister, Kryten, and Rimmer point out that butter contains the word but, which is a conjunction.

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CAPTANUS’S OFFICE:

Captain Hollister is replaced by Captain Pucker, who is quite literally just a giant anus, and keeps calling Rimmer down to his office because they get along quite well due to their major similarities.

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SKATING FOR COD:

Cat opens an ice rink where the entry fee is paid in fish.

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STATING FOR GOD:

The Dwarfers become religious, and start praying, but God is getting older and wants them to speak more clearly.

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WAITING FOR POD:

The boys sit patiently around, wondering if the archives of all the old threads from the off-topic section of a forum they used to frequent will ever be published.

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BAND IN THE RED, PART ONE:

Lister tries to clone all the members from Smeg and the Heads, but is struggling, so tries to get Kryten’s help. Meanwhile, Cat and Rimmer try but hilariously fail to flush Lister’s guitar back out into space. Will Lister be able to clone the band in time to stop them and make it to the concert he’s scheduled for next week?

BAND IN THE RED, PART TWO:

It turns out that the other members of Smeg and the Heads were too genetically unstable to be cloned. Can he brainwash the others to join for the concert next week? Meanwhile, Kill Crazy goes on a hilarious murderous rampage.

BAND IN THE RED, PART THREE:

He did it. The whole 1169 crew of Red Dwarf (they’re all holograms now and the ship’s power slowly drains permanently throughout the episode) play the Om song for 27 minutes. The opening and closing credits are replaced by the Om song for comic effect.

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GUNTEX OF THE ALPOCALYPSE:

After an encounter with some angry simulants, Starbug is set on a course to crash into a lava planet or something, Lister (played by Tex Rimmer), Rimmer (played by Tex Rimmer), Cat (played by Tex Rimmer), and Kryten (played by Texert Rrimerryn), must travel into a wild west simulation to battle the four horsemen of the apocalypse (all played by “Weird Al” Yankovic).

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THIRTICA:

The Dwarfers travel back in time to an alternative America where the great depression is occurring, but instead of everybody being poor they’re actually all just depressed.

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SILIWAVE:

A wave hits the ship which turns them all into gay mechs. They all screw each other every which way in the next 25 minutes. When the episode ends, they are still all mechs, but it is implied through an obscure line early in the episode that the wave will somehow come back and turn them back into their old selves.

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DIMENSION RUMP:

Ace Rimmer arrives and tells a mediocre-at-best ‘yo momma’ joke to Rimmer, who agrees, failing to see the irony in the joke.

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I DID NOT CLICK THE BUTTON. HE WENT THROUGH A SIMULATION FULL OF RIMMERS TO CALM HIS BONER.

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RED:

Lister really feels the passion flowing now that Rimmer is gone, so Kryten tries to calm his libido by making him go through a simulation

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TAIWANTICA:

The crew visit an alternate 20th century Taiwan where accents are illegal.

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I’d just like to say that most of these posts are very silly and clever.

BUT. There have been a few episode outlines on here that I’ve found a bit uncomfortable and in poor taste. Just saying.

Sorry, carry on.

If these were perhaps my Sam Murray ones, I was attempting to replicate the poor taste of Timewave. I’m sorry if I wasn’t as competent with that as I could have been. And if it was many of my other posts, sorry about them as well, probably something similar.

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LIVERPUDLIA (aka The One Where Everyone’s Lister)

TOWEL.

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SNACKONIA:

The crew get picked up by the Snack Machine United Team, who immediately arrest them and turn them into snack dispensers for having kept Snacky off-screen for the last fifteen episodes. Meanwhile, Snacky gets treated to a life of luxury where he never has to run out of pretzels, but he becomes increasingly annoyed with the SMUT for not letting him practice his new hobbies because they are ‘unfit for an organism of such high class.’ Also, Rimmer in his snack machine form starts growing endless breasts.

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TWO TIMES IN AS MANY MINUTES:

I renominate this thread for hall of fame status. Now, I know that something can only be in the hall of fame once, but it seemed so important that it was worth mentioning twice.

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SPACE LEAK:

Hogey is finally crushed through the hole in the old bunkroom, no longer acting as a plug. Everything leaks out into space. Can they plug the hole before – oh wait, they’ve already been spaced. Whoops.

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M-CORPSE:

The crew end up all in hiding and tracking each other around the ship attempting to murder each other over whether M-Corp has anything to do with the Mega Corps from Samsara.

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15:

Rimmer joins the pen club and finds out that he is the fifteenth member.

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‘Thanks For The Mammary’

A deranged medibot gives Kochanski a masectomy, so the crew nip back in time three days to discreetly steal her pre-op breasts from her former self. Meanwhile, Rimmer accidentally joins Grindr.

so the crew nip back in time

nip

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TUTCHANSKI:

Clochanski tuts, then Tutankhamun cloches.

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ROBYMORPH:

Rob Grant goes around and eats all the Dave era episodes.

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Kochanski tuts,

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BACKWORDS:

In the backwards universe, the crew stumble across a spelling bee and contemplate the purpose of such a competition in such a universe, if you just start with one person and anybody who feels like it just runs on stage, but then they Rimmer and Kryten get on stage as soon as they see that nosmailliW bocaJ is competing. Meanwhile, Cat suddenly doesn’t know how to spell a single word, so Lister has to teach him.

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MOONED:

Lister comes crashing into Rimmer’s snowy backside. He has to eat ‘dog food’ and his guitar, the model soldiers, and Rimmer’s chest all get involved.

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PANARCHY:

Sequel to Sam Sara. It turns out Sam wasn’t dead, and he comes back to Red Dwarf. With the highest rank on the ship, they are effectively taken over by the pan-dildoing Sam. Since Doug doesn’t know any good pansexual stereotypes, he jist writes Sam as really camp anyways.

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EPIDERM:

Lister accidentally contracts sentient skin. It gets really annoyed whenever he jacks off, tries to keep him in the shower all the time, and occasionally just trying to leave Lister. Eventually, it turns him a really pasty white, which stays in his DNA once they’ve got his old skin back, explaining why his mech body was that color in Siliconia.

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STRIPPER:

Rimmer gets a hold of a quantum stripper and starts stripping through time and space, causing eyes to have been an evolutionary disadvantage, thus resulting in sight no longer existing.

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MACAWCRACY:

The Dwarfers accidentally turn Pete into a macaw that slowly takes over the ship for no sensible reason allowing for a lot of jokes with no audience reaction whatsoever about ‘the pecking order.’

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SAM SARA:

It turns out that Sam Murray was not gay but instead pansexual, and ends up dating a nice computer engineer called Sara. They end up creating a karma drive on board Red Dwarf by accident, then program it wrong so that it wipes out the whole crew in a radiation leak, but not before a scene praised by Twitter as thw best Red Dwarf has done yet where Sam gets caught by Sara using a pan handle as a dildo.

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Apparently, Kryten II also has a bit of a lackluster ending, as usual.

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KRYTEN II:

Direct sequel to Kryten. Just thirty minutes of Kryten (played by the child of David Ross and Robert Llewellyn) riding the space bike, flipping off Red Dwarf the entire time. He keeps saying funny insults about Rimmer, and this enrages fans because we shouldn’t be able to hear this in space. It ends with Kryten slamming into an asteroid, then a shocking scene where Lister, upon discovering the body, doesn’t reconstruct Kryten, but instead goes down to the cargo decks and reprograms a mechanoid (played

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M’COCKCRACY:

When Kryten discovers that Rimmer has decided to run for machine president, he tries to encourage Archie to join the race as well.

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I’ve never been able to see Dave era as ‘oh it’s like that series’ because we’ve bever had the four boys, on Red Dwarf, with no Holly. That’s still got its own mildly post-apocalyptic feel to it, especially with some of the types of ships they run across.

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Why did you combine six separate videos into one post though?

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;)

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I’m willing to defend the cat heartbeat scene only because the Hollister performance is so lovely.

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What if the chameleonic microbe didn’t attack the ship, but instead some of the programmable viruses getting a tad glitchy, or even the nanobots thinking they’ve not done a good enough job so redoing their work?

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There were a lot of funny things which would have been better if they were there for more purpose than just to be there.

Has anybody ever asked why Hollister is spending so much time worrying about the prison when he’s got the whole rest of the ship to run?

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I just came off a three hour phone conversation with cwickham and they’re leaving the board.

Why did you combine three hours into one phone conversation though?

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Anybody who liked Timewave is probably just an old man who wants all the kids off his lawn, despite the fact that the kids are all, in fact, on their own lawns.

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I can’t wait for the Timewave ones so that I know which sites have opinions worth listening to.

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I do sometimes wonder if Jawscvmcdia is actually Rob Grant who is here to gauge what the fandom thinks of him at this point and also posts some extraneous articles so as not to make everything he posts about himself.

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I can verify that it was not up right at 10;20pm.

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Why did you combine three separate opinions into one though?

[Author]

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