Pete Tranter's Sister

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

The model shots are a mess. The perspective and focal length for each model seems to be out of kilter with each other and when you composite it all together, you end up with a strangely disconnected scene that screams of individual elements and not what should be presented which is a uniform shot. There’s jarring slow-down in the frame-rate with some elements, grading inconsistencies, lighting coming from different angles, perspective irregularities that has ships flying above or below other ships, certainly not towards them as intended and you’d think they’d have learnt some pretty big lessons from Series X but something very wrong has occurred down the line.

Look at Series VI. You set up your scene, you set up your lighting, you set up your camera and any movement and panning and you film. You end up with a very respectable shot with consistency across every single element and for the length of the shot.

Series XI model shots feel as if each element is individually shot with zero regard for consistency and they’ve thought ah it’ll be fine, we’ll just composite it all together in the computer, grade and bingo, no need to shoot together or even to the same specification so that there’s uniformity and a feeling that everything should be in the scene, not just elements bundled together.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

The Smegazines are weeeeeeeeeeeird. Like browsing Geocities before Geocities existed and thankfully burned to the ground.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I miss the days when John Hoare would call me a cunt for protesting against the licence fee. It’s all got a bit Tumblr around here. I can’t wrap my head around this multiple gender doo-dah but it was just part of a joke, not the joke itself, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I’ll curb the gender jokes but some of you have to chill the fuck out.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

International Debris, no, you’re not.

Groovy YouTube Channel 27.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Why?

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Don’t you remember, sir? We battled the non-binary gender beast from the Mogadon Cluster.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I’ll be in my quarters, covered in gluten-free taramasalata.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Yes, as it takes the heat off me.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Where would all the calculator apps go?

Stiff upper router, old girl.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

As if John Terry can read, let alone write.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

A reversed shot of Rob Grant vaping.

Here matey, drinky? Bmobregäj.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I’d rather spend six months in Strangeways with nothing to read but Top Gear slash fiction then re-enact it every night as fellow prisoners looked on than watch a fan written episode of Red Dwarf.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I’ve really fucked this all up.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Shut your fucking whore mouth, Taiwan Tony.

Right, I’m definitely donnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne now.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

How can I be a part of the forum now after another extremely ill-judged and embarrassing rant from myself? I come across like a naive teenager who needs a clip round the ear at the very least. I am leaving for good now, sorry about all the nonsense.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I wrote a lengthy, more direct reply to your message, SoundableObject, and you made some interesting points but I just don’t fucking care anymore.

I apologised about making light of the initial subject matter and I really meant it when I said sorry. It was a poor, poor attempt at humour and that’s for the lack of a better word to describe whatever I was trying to do.

As for triggering, it was in the midst of a message about G&T bingo. A completely isolated message that had ZERO references to ANYTHING regarding that word in the context as originally posted by another forum member and with no intent to go beyond the simple idea of bingo. That’s it. I could’ve replaced triggering with GELFs or Norman Lovett and that’s exactly what I meant. Bingo, nothing more.

There are horrible, obscene injustices happening right now in the world. People are dying, being enslaved, hurt and abused by their own kind and that’s where the white-hot, pure rage of good people should be focused. Not sending messages about how their fucking feelings have been hurt on an internet forum or confusing all of this as somehow important and one of the more immediate causes in life to rally against because they couldn’t grasp that at the end of the day, this is all just pixels and fluff.

This is all nonsense. This is the internet and this is an internet forum for a sit-com set in space and we all chip in, we all have a laugh, we all say bawdy things from time to time but ultimately, it’s just a harmless diversion and if someone, for example, calls you a cunt online, it doesn’t matter. If someone goes beyond the pale and talks about a subject you might not like or brings it up in such a way that you find offensive here or anywhere else, who gives a fucking shit? We close the laptop lid, we get on with our day and all this means nothing.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Oh my God, it’s James Blunt. I recognise him from Rimmer’s Spotify.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Holly’s buffering again, switch their genderfluid GUI off and on.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

The war on terrorform.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Or the day Johnny Vaughan was shot.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Titanic! They’ve remade Titanic.

Philistines! The one starring Gaby Roslin and Rio Ferdinand was definitive.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

The JMCs – 1987 (What the Smeg Is Going On?)

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

You have to take out the queen, and the hive will fail.

Who is the queen?

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Holly would be a chattering stereotypical computer voice of the age with reels and blinking lights.

Norman, having never seen the show, been a part of it or even went for an audition would still moan about having to travel to Manchester for the recordings.

Oh and there’d be lots of Paki jokes.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I’m not fucking well sitting here Photoshopping all night.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

From an article published on Dirty Feed.

‘Ethnicity In Space Year 2067 – How ‘The Red Dwarfers’ Transformed Attitudes Towards Black Actors in British Comedy’.

Well, just look at Damerae Lister, he’s in the top bunk and Captain Arnold is in the lower bunk. It’s not that fucking hard to explain.

– John Hoare

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

He’s a product of his upbringing, as we all are, but from those beginnings, he had a choice to makem as he grew up.

Do you let what has come before define you, turn you into a creature of habit and excuses like Arnold, or do you break free of the negatives, knuckle down and reshape who you wish to be, both in yourself and as presented to the world at large, like Ace.

He’s not a bad man. In fact, he’s a very clever, heroic, noble man at times.

At times.

He could be so much more, he knows it and something inside him, something half-glimpsed stops that.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Wait, if Red Dwarf appeared in 1967, why are we all here?

What was recorded in the seven week run that Series I of Red Dwarf commandeered?

You’re listening to ‘Girls On Top-cast’.

OH FUCKING JESUS CHRIST.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

By ‘eck, it’s the Red Dwarfers.

It honestly wouldn’t be much different bar the odd special effect and split-screen, at least from a technical standpoint. You can get round a lot of the tape and video board effects of late ’80s Dwarf with in-camera sparkly transitions and Goon-esque sharp audio crashes and bangs to cover the most glaring edits.

The writing wouldn’t be so enriched with cultural references and the pacing would be slower, even through the Series I & II era. You could easily have whole episodes shot from the bunks. From 1971, it would’ve been filmed in BBC COLOUR and we’d have a hastily made theatrical adaptation of two random episodes smushed together with very clear divisions between 35mm and 16mm footage filmed by a second unit to fill in the gaps.

Also, happily, most of the black and white era would’ve been wiped as was BBC policy, leaving the odd off-air recording, photographic archive and script to gleam over.

I imagine John Hoare would write a Dirty Feed post about it and how it pioneered and skewered the Apollo missions at the time and then commented on how improbable it would’ve been, even twenty years later in the late ’80s to take two black and two white actors and put them on-screen together and film a show about the last human in the Milky Way.

Actually, Red Dwarf circa 1967 to 1975 would be a VERY curious animal indeed. I’d love to watch it just to see how they’d tackle social attitudes at the time in contrast to the setting of one or two centuries later.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

My arsehole is like Dimension Jump, Craig Charles makes irregular visits.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Jo, it’s time to let it all go.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

This wasn’t a shitpost, by the way.

I’m really having trouble with Series XI, I’m angry at it and I can’t quite explain why. It’s disappointed me so much.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

And Pete Tranter’s Sister!

Right guys?

Guys?

*A dog barks in the distance*

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I feel like I’ve done you a wrong ‘un, mate.

How can I make it up to you?

Yes, yes, I’m trying to not be a dick, what else?

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Shit storm?

Slash fiction is weird, not everything should be celebrated or encouraged.

Don’t pander to idiots, Ian, especially the idiot writing this message.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Richard Naylor.

He’s what, 27 – 28 now?

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Honestly, it was right there.

I feel as if I’ve been staring at the moon all my life and then everyone suddenly says ‘Oh look, there’s dark patches as well’ and everyone gets a biscuit but me.

They’re my fucking biscuits and I haven’t opened them since the ’96 repeat run of Series VI.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Clochefacts.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Rank Series XI.

Sounds about right.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Ian, you never got it wrong, Jo did. I’m just worried about you, it’s all got a bit serious and tense around here.

I’m here for the banter and irrelevant humour, nothing more and certainly not to pick fights or be a dick.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Jo, you’re on a forum where one of the threads is asking who we think has the biggest penis out of the main cast. Do you think there’s any forward thinking in all of this?

I said bingo for a laugh, that was it. There is zero thought behind it, zero snideness, zero obtuseness, zero seriousness, zero intentional dickishness. It’s a fan forum for a telly show, don’t stress over it.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Ian, what is up?

Things have got rather raucous with a few board members. I admit, it’s turned into a chimp’s tea party but the subject matter that caused the initial problem a week ago hasn’t been brought up again and the bingo post was meant to be harmless. Like you, I hadn’t seen the word triggering being used in that context on this forum before and that’s why I said it as part of a silly, nonsensical post about G&T bingo. It was that and nothing else, not a commentary on the nature of triggers or why they’re gaining popularity or the need for them or anything of the sort.

If you want to delete me, delete me, but I don’t mean any harm. It’s your forum, your website and I am both appreciative that it exists and grateful I can be part of this community, but don’t get hairy with me because I shouted bingo about a single word.

If this forum was nicer when I wasn’t posting, then make a decision, Ian.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Well that didn’t work at all.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Hack an Amazon Fire Stick, they’re little miracles once rooted and you add casting services and an adblocker.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Holly Hunter in Crash makes my willy a fanny, the stone-faced cuntess.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

So everything then.

If everything was executed differently or better, it would be good.

You can’t fix that in the edit.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I have had actual sex while the ‘Heavy Science’ Series V documentary was playing on a portable DVD player.

Juliet May is neither a turn-on or turn-off.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

The entire cast of Yeah, No, Yeah, No.

[Author]

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