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Viewing 81 posts - 1 through 81 (of 81 total)
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  • in reply to: Star Trek Crap #240149
    Berlin
    Member

    It’s the only episode you can somehow smell.

    in reply to: Star Trek Crap #240095
    Berlin
    Member

    ‘Up The Long Ladder’ or Space Irish as I’m now calling it was hilariously out of touch for 1988 and wouldn’t have fared much better in 1968. What you had was an American’s view of the Irish as stereotypical rural drunkard simpletons who wept for the old country and all the unmarried women were just waiting for big, strong colonists to take then away to a better life and have a half dozen bairns each.

    Yet somehow managing to exist as they are in the 24th century like some lost Amazonian tribe from deepest darkest Galway and yet most bizarrely, not the worst episode out because of the solid story-line running alongside Space Irish about the ethics of cloning.

    Fucking drivel but yet works in a manageable way.

    in reply to: SERIES XIII / XIV EPISODE IDEAS #240090
    Berlin
    Member

    The Bend

    An EMI executive mishears the title of Radiohead’s seminal 1995 album ‘The Bends’ but is corrected soon after.

    In space.

    in reply to: SERIES XIII / XIV EPISODE IDEAS #239980
    Berlin
    Member

    Now you’re talking!

    Out of Thyme

    Kryten runs out of seasoning for the chicken stew

    in reply to: SERIES XIII / XIV EPISODE IDEAS #239974
    Berlin
    Member

    It’s painful enough having to sit and wait for Ganymede to reload like it’s being served off a fucking C64 tape without clicking through thousands of posts.

    Why is Ganymede so bloody slow with switching pages anyway? You click the link and it takes about three seconds to get to it.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #239970
    Berlin
    Member

    TIMEWAVE

    A ship from the 24th century is washed up from the past, and the Dwarfers run into a crew where ineptitude is to be tolerated by law, audacious self-expression is encouraged, and all forms of criticism are illegal.

    in reply to: Star Trek Crap #239967
    Berlin
    Member

    Wil Wheaton can act and he had the chops to play a pretty good officer in the later seasons but they Mary-Sued him from the get go and he was never able to escape that image for a good few years in Trek fandom.

    Wesley would’ve worked best if he had already been at the academy at the beginning of S1 and graduated in S3 so we could have him assert his place in the crew much more easily and constructively as the seasons progressed. But he is essentially the stereotypical genius kid who wanders the ship, saving it a few times and not having much else to do but act awkward around the senior staff and women onboard.

    Pity as the movies would’ve did well with a more experienced Wesley joining the crew and acting as a decent third element to the Picard – Data focus that overtook the films.

    in reply to: May: I'm Not Capable of a Parliamentary Ejaculation #239965
    Berlin
    Member

    I nominate this thread for hall of fame status.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #239960
    Berlin
    Member

    Dimensions in Time Jump

    The boys from the Dwarf skip over to the EastEnders set and make some special needs kids cry

    Berlin
    Member

    Yapping – I & II
    Yapping & action – III & IV
    Yapping while action is happening – V & VI
    Action yapping – VII
    Twee, end of the pier, racist, sexist, prison rape alluding piffle – VIII
    Coronation Street – BTE
    Yapping and action but on two sets maximum – X
    Mixed bag of yapping, action and deranged musings of the writer – XI & XII

    Ask which one they want to start with first

    Berlin
    Member

    That wraps it up then, Space-Porridge IS the best series.

    Berlin
    Member

    Basically.

    in reply to: Best and Worst Members of G&T #239893
    Berlin
    Member

    Jewish Princess Diana

    Berlin
    Member

    She was already a Dwarf fan so that sped up proceedings. However she finds Series VIII as valid as I to VI so naturally I stopped having sex with her for five years

    in reply to: Do you do the whole introduce yourself thing? #239834
    Berlin
    Member

    Damn it, someone already did the Krusty joke.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239831
    Berlin
    Member

    It’s been announced that the next series won’t air until 2020. Not entirely unsurprising but it does allude to growing production problems.

    in reply to: Best and Worst Members of G&T #239829
    Berlin
    Member

    I just call him, or her, Jaws Media.

    in reply to: Who is/was John Hoare? #239828
    Berlin
    Member

    Jawscvmcdihoare

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239825
    Berlin
    Member

    What she really needs is a quirky hat

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #239815
    Berlin
    Member

    RECREATING THE MOBISODES – LIVE

    Live mobisodes utilising the cast awkwardly recreating performances at next year’s Dimension Jump.

    in reply to: Timewave #239814
    Berlin
    Member

    Well, I thought I reallllllly want to self-harm and leave only mental scarring, so it was either this or watch the new Doctor Who

    in reply to: About That Tracking Matte in Timeslides… #239810
    Berlin
    Member

    I nominate this thread for hall of fame status

    in reply to: Best and Worst Members of G&T #239809
    Berlin
    Member

    Also, I nominate this thread for hall of fame status

    in reply to: Best and Worst Members of G&T #239808
    Berlin
    Member

    Rob Grant’s daughter

    in reply to: About That Tracking Matte in Timeslides… #239806
    Berlin
    Member

    Anyone who asks is an idiot.

    in reply to: About That Tracking Matte in Timeslides… #239800
    Berlin
    Member

    Who are the idiots?

    in reply to: Classic Doctor Who seasons on Blu-Ray #239796
    Berlin
    Member

    There was an episode of Enterprise planned where the Doctor would appear.

    I’m glad that fanwankery has all but disappeared from Doctor Who now.

    And the storylines.

    And humour.

    And meaningful consequences.

    And character development.

    And everything, ever.

    in reply to: Classic Doctor Who seasons on Blu-Ray #239794
    Berlin
    Member

    I never understood the need for the project other than to have people quadruple dip in some cases and to Americanise each yearly series as discrete seasons to sell onto other markets.

    Upscaling only goes so far, colour grading only goes so far and enhancing certain VFX shots only goes so far.

    What could’ve been a better project was re-editing select serials to pick up the pace, new VFX and musical cues and bringing them closer to the modern era but at the same time, ensuring the originals are always going to be available.

    Plus by this point, the ’60s and ’70s Doctor Who really should be available for free to watch.

    in reply to: About That Tracking Matte in Timeslides… #239742
    Berlin
    Member

    After watching that demo reel, I can now sense every big ’90s retailer tapping the HARRY for their Autumn advert pushes.

    in reply to: 💩 Did anyone like Farscape? 🚽 #239740
    Berlin
    Member

    ‘Switching channels, I saw what was clearly a science fiction website, and at once, to my horror and outrage, what I thought I saw was a rip-off of Ganymede & Titan. I was already reaching for the telephone to call my lawyer when I saw something happen that made me involuntarily orgasm, and it was something that certainly wouldn’t have happened on Ganymede & Titan. So I left the telephone where it was and I went on browsing and I think within a few moments I had got what the website was and I was having involuntarily orgasms all the time.’

    – Nearly everybody, ever on Gazpacho Soup (2018)

    in reply to: 💩 Did anyone like Farscape? 🚽 #239735
    Berlin
    Member

    ‘Switching channels, I saw what was clearly a science fiction programme, and at once, to my horror and outrage, what I thought I saw was a rip-off of Red Dwarf. I was already reaching for the telephone to call my lawyer when I something happened that made me vomit, and it something that certainly wouldn’t have happened on Red Dwarf. So I left the telephone where it was and I went on watching and I think within a few moments I had got what the show was and I was vomiting all the time.’

    – Craig Charles on Farscape (2008)

    in reply to: About That Tracking Matte in Timeslides… #239734
    Berlin
    Member

    I miss the ’70s and ’80s tradition of giving propriety electronics equipment an acronym.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #239733
    Berlin
    Member

    BACK IN THE RORY MCGRATH

    Given some of the recent threads on this forum, people decide to just give up and continue to come up with ideas for episodes that are just puns on the titles of existing episodes. It’s less trouble, and just generally for the best while Rory McGrath hides in a bush and watches his former lover jogging and narrowly escapes a jail sentence.

    in reply to: Classic Doctor Who seasons on Blu-Ray #239732
    Berlin
    Member

    You’ll find that the sound problem on those seasons was called ‘the 1970s’.

    in reply to: About That Tracking Matte in Timeslides… #239725
    Berlin
    Member

    It’s Ganymede & Titan, withholding a rant is against the rules.

    in reply to: 💩 Did anyone like Farscape? 🚽 #239720
    Berlin
    Member

    “We’re no longer interested in the audience Farscape used to attract”

    If Farscape was an early internet website host, it would be Geocities.

    in reply to: 💩 Did anyone like Farscape? 🚽 #239718
    Berlin
    Member

    4 seasons, 88 episodes.

    Let’s take 11 each and report back this time next week.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #239711
    Berlin
    Member

    BACK IN THE RED IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD

    Given some of the recent threads on this forum, coming up with ideas for episodes that are just puns on the titles of existing episodes starts to look like a pretty attractive idea, but in Soviet-era East Berlin.

    in reply to: Star Trek Crap #239710
    Berlin
    Member

    TNG S1 is a real clunker but it is entertaining. It always gets to the end of the episode with a resolution, the cast never falter and the production value is on point.

    It was the writing, and the way they approached it that was the downfall. You have to write the shit out of something as Rob Grant put it on the Bodysnatcher documentaries to glean an idea of the characters and their motivations in a visceral and natural way and in addition, they had to stop thinking it was 1967. There’s a lot of Gene hovering about the scripts, a lot of very twee thinking and once they shuffled him out of the day to day production, they could move the series forward.

    I’m sure it’s rose-tinted glasses but the ’90s was fucking astonishingly good for American TV in the form of TNG, The Simpsons, The X-Files and Frasier.

    in reply to: 💩 Did anyone like Farscape? 🚽 #239695
    Berlin
    Member

    Oh and Farscape was a load of shite, it makes Babylon 5 look like TNG.

    in reply to: 💩 Did anyone like Farscape? 🚽 #239694
    Berlin
    Member

    I suddenly want to watch a Nebula and Gamora porn parody.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239623
    Berlin
    Member

    Don’t mistake me mentioning that term in a flippant fashion for a negative outlook on it all. The casting and use of non-white actors in recent Doctor Who has been great but it does veer on Chibnall pointing at them and going ‘ain’t this marvellous, look at how broad the palette is now, look how we’re tackling the issues of the day’.

    He’s as subtle as a sonic screwdriver up the rear.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239620
    Berlin
    Member

    If Chibnall was an ice cream flavour, he’d be that fucking bland ice cream from Farmfoods your gran always had which was barely vanilla and had the texture of cardboard.

    While a half dozen ethnic minorities watched you eat it and tutted.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239616
    Berlin
    Member

    Children of Earth and Miracle Day were each three-parters at best, a miserable end to a show that was starting to get interesting.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239612
    Berlin
    Member

    You’re bigger on the inside, fatty.

    in reply to: Classic Doctor Who seasons on Blu-Ray #239609
    Berlin
    Member

    Having looked up his bio, it appears he was gay so let me format my previous post.

    Wonder if he told fellas down the gay disco he was the big boss of Doctor Who, which at the time was seen as the Beeb’s embarrassing little diversion.

    in reply to: slzhnjhmwu #239608
    Berlin
    Member

    Slzhnjhmwudy: Polymorph II

    in reply to: Pitch a late 1990s/early 2000s Red Dwarf video game #239607
    Berlin
    Member

    The Secret of BBC Manchester Island

    It’s an adventure game set in BBC Manchester, innit.

    in reply to: PLOTS FOR SERIES 11 #239606
    Berlin
    Member

    Lister spends the episode acting as the voice of sanity.

    Rimmer lets his inner neuroses affect his decision making and interaction with the crew.

    Cat says something funny that later on eludes to his lack of intelligence.

    Kryten quotes a Space Corp directive and makes a face.

    Holly gets two, maybe three lines.

    in reply to: Unintended recurring themes in episodes/series #239604
    Berlin
    Member

    I can accept that answer but only in spirit, you lose a point.

    in reply to: Classic Doctor Who seasons on Blu-Ray #239603
    Berlin
    Member

    Wonder if he told birds down the disco he was the big boss of Doctor Who, which at the time was seen as the Beeb’s embarrassing little diversion.

    in reply to: slzhnjhmwu #239602
    Berlin
    Member

    Michelle Fisher. The ninth hole of the Bootle Municipal golf course. Par four, slzhnjhmwudy to the right, in the bunker behind the green.

    in reply to: “It’s his POV” #239601
    Berlin
    Member

    I mean now as in the post-Brexit era.

    in reply to: Remastered DVD boxset – coming out in Region 4? #239598
    Berlin
    Member

    You’ve done a shit with your trousers on.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239597
    Berlin
    Member

    But Doc ain’t Broadchurch, what works for one brand of drama doesn’t work for another. Doctor Who was serialised in the classic run but when you look at the amount of ground they covered per serial, it’s clear that you could take two or even three episodes from the ’63 to ’89 era and condense them into one equivalent revived era episode without it feeling rushed which is why the two-parters in the modern era have big consequences and changes for the show and characters, they’re more like films and a plot broom to sweep away the loose threads.

    I would hate to see an over-arching plot for a new series of Who, does nobody remember the last two Torchwood specials? You’re gonna annoy the long-term fans who want to see the Doctor come up against new dilemmas and characters and you’re annoy new fans who just want to sit down and put on an episode without having to recall the MacGuffin from episode four and how it plays into the C-plot. Plus over-arching series sag like mad in the middle and once you start building up to the finale, you’ve lost half your audience.

    Berlin
    Member

    It doesn’t feel right seeing emojis on this site, like microwaving a cup of tea or using a contactless debit card to pay for paracetamol.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239581
    Berlin
    Member

    Very interesting trends there. Most series bar Capaldi’s kick off with approx. 8.5 – 9 million viewers and decrease as the episodes roll on, Whittaker’s run has started with the sea change and viewership pull of a female Doctor and is diving after an 11 million premiere. The 2019 series will likely settle into the 8.5 – 9 trend but decrease after that at a greater rate as seen in the 2018 series with a 2020 series maybe even venturing into Capaldi’s 6.5 million nadir.

    What to take from this (and my own reflection) –

    People like younger Doctor’s with a bit of zeal about them, they like light-hearted adventures and don’t like to wade through episode after episode of social commentary when you can intertwine that with some real good storytelling at the same time. People give the Smith era a lot of stick but boy was it fun and it didn’t mind wearing its heart on its sleeve. You can go anywhere in the Smith era and not have to worry too much about episodes that have came before. The Whittaker – Chibnall stories feel like commentary first with alien of the week tagged on to help pull together the three acts and it really shows.

    So the BBC have a decision to make.

    Allow Chibnall to venture on as he pleases in the 2019 series, lose two million viewers and international recognition before replacing him and essentially rebooting the show in 2020 and hoping Whittaker stays for a third series to build a transition to the fourteenth Doctor in 2021.

    Or do you ‘Solo’ it, get the clunkiest 2019 episodes whittled out and re-written with stronger and more ‘Who-esque’ stories and build up that transition earlier and cross your fingers that the first Whittaker series will be seen a blip.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239579
    Berlin
    Member

    The revived era was a fluke, a well deserved fluke but one nonetheless. I suspect the BBC saw it lasting five years and then either being quietly leased off to an American production company or going back into the vaults after they figure out another Who-esque show to scare the children with. The worldwide popularity and new generation of fans that appeared through it was beyond anyone’s wildest dreams and the culmination of it all with the 50th anniversary special really was an indicator who how far it had come from being just another dreary old serial your dad watched to a touchstone in modern television culture.

    The Whittaker era should’ve took it back into the stratosphere but it hasn’t and why? The writing, the club around the head social commentary and the distinct lack of adventure and eccentric daftness that we do very well.

    Either Chibnall goes and they re-tool or they spend the 2019 season making nod and wink promises to everyone that it’s gonna be back to what we know and like best for 2020 and they can’t afford to lose viewers or long-term appeal through that.

    Berlin
    Member

    Tucker’s Muck.

    in reply to: “It’s his POV” #239575
    Berlin
    Member

    ‘The fact that fat, poorly educated burbury wearing chav types are obviously allowed access to the internet terrifies me.’

    Do we still call them chavs now? I seem to have moved onto knife wielding, spice-addled megapricks who need a good shoeing.

    Berlin
    Member

    Just chuck a bin at him.

    in reply to: slzhnjhmwu #239572
    Berlin
    Member

    Sir, they’ve taken Mr. Rimmer!

    Quick, let’s slzhnjhmwudy before they bring him back.

    Berlin
    Member

    They say there’s a third re-shoot of The End in the BBC Manchester archives with Chris in blackface because Danny John-Jules was unavailable that day but I don’t believe the rumours.

    in reply to: About That Tracking Matte in Timeslides… #239567
    Berlin
    Member

    Maybe it was sheer coincidence.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239566
    Berlin
    Member

    Bloody Colin Baker era all over again.

    I do smell assassination around Chibnall though. It’s almost tradition to whinge about the Who show-runner within the fan community but he is particularly ham-fisted with Whittaker’s crop of stories.

    Berlin
    Member

    What changed in the last year?

    Berlin
    Member

    Doctor Who would be better served by Netflix nowadays.

    in reply to: Unintended recurring themes in episodes/series #239556
    Berlin
    Member

    Are toilets or toilet related bodily functions mentioned once in Marooned?

    No cheating by looking at the script.

    Berlin
    Member

    I’d also like to mention that Meredith MacNeill is the most disarmingly beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

    Well, maybe Cleo Rocos.

    Berlin
    Member

    The unknown three digit phone number from Peep Show’s ‘Sectioning’.

    in reply to: Excellent IWCD Animation #239550
    Berlin
    Member

    Sonic animation community.

    in reply to: Idea for an episode. #239549
    Berlin
    Member

    The Bell End

    A slobby, lazy but kind-hearted low-level crew-member inadvertently becomes the last human in the universe by being put into stasis hibernation just before an engine radiation leak wipes out the crew and plunges the mining ship Red Dwarf into a three million year voyage amongst the stars.

    As he walks out into a crewless ship, a skutter accidentally hits him in the groin.

    in reply to: Mr Bean now has 10 million subscribers on YouTube #239548
    Berlin
    Member

    I remember crying when his motor got crushed by the tank but consoled myself with the fact he was happy to have saved the lock.

    I was a sensitive child.

    in reply to: Unintended recurring themes in episodes/series #239547
    Berlin
    Member

    Let’s talk about Series VIII again!

    I’ll start.

    Series VIII is collectively shite but there are episodes in there that are arguably not shite, just very poorly executed.

    in reply to: Doctor Who – Series 11 #239546
    Berlin
    Member

    I suspect Doctor Who will go under quite a significant re-tooling next year.

    Bin everyone bar Jodie and Bradley and get back to some fucking adventuring, instead of this season’s worth of smack you around the head social commentary.

    in reply to: Unintended recurring themes in episodes/series #239539
    Berlin
    Member

    So essentially, Red Dwarf is a nod and wink to Rob and Doug’s sexual perversions?

    Oh we knew that for years.

    in reply to: About That Tracking Matte in Timeslides… #239535
    Berlin
    Member

    Perhaps a scaled panning shot. The party scene is shot from a wider angle so you pan faster to compensate for the closer panning shot onboard Red Dwarf where the pan is slower but when composited together, run at the same panning speed if that makes sense.

    in reply to: Star Trek Crap #239534
    Berlin
    Member

    Discovery is doubleplusungood, brother comrade

    Berlin
    Member

    If I could find the synthesizer patch for the opening notes of that song, I’d be very happy.

    in reply to: Star Trek Crap #239530
    Berlin
    Member

    If the Picard series is better than Discovery, even at a surface level, it’ll be worth a look.

    Discovery is complete piffle, utterly hopeless. Look how quick they were to throw away the Klingon arc and cater to fanwankery with the Enterprise.

    Bollocky ol’ nonsense, it makes me nostalgic for early season Voyager.

    Berlin
    Member

    I only wanted the BBC to stop showing programmes containing men being smeared with chocolate under the guise that it was dog shite.

    This… this is going a touch too far.

Viewing 81 posts - 1 through 81 (of 81 total)