Berlin

[Berlin]

It’s the only episode you can somehow smell.

[Berlin]

‘Up The Long Ladder’ or Space Irish as I’m now calling it was hilariously out of touch for 1988 and wouldn’t have fared much better in 1968. What you had was an American’s view of the Irish as stereotypical rural drunkard simpletons who wept for the old country and all the unmarried women were just waiting for big, strong colonists to take then away to a better life and have a half dozen bairns each.

Yet somehow managing to exist as they are in the 24th century like some lost Amazonian tribe from deepest darkest Galway and yet most bizarrely, not the worst episode out because of the solid story-line running alongside Space Irish about the ethics of cloning.

Fucking drivel but yet works in a manageable way.

[Berlin]

The Bend

An EMI executive mishears the title of Radiohead’s seminal 1995 album ‘The Bends’ but is corrected soon after.

In space.

[Berlin]

Now you’re talking!

Out of Thyme

Kryten runs out of seasoning for the chicken stew

[Berlin]

It’s painful enough having to sit and wait for Ganymede to reload like it’s being served off a fucking C64 tape without clicking through thousands of posts.

Why is Ganymede so bloody slow with switching pages anyway? You click the link and it takes about three seconds to get to it.

[Berlin]

TIMEWAVE

A ship from the 24th century is washed up from the past, and the Dwarfers run into a crew where ineptitude is to be tolerated by law, audacious self-expression is encouraged, and all forms of criticism are illegal.

[Berlin]

Wil Wheaton can act and he had the chops to play a pretty good officer in the later seasons but they Mary-Sued him from the get go and he was never able to escape that image for a good few years in Trek fandom.

Wesley would’ve worked best if he had already been at the academy at the beginning of S1 and graduated in S3 so we could have him assert his place in the crew much more easily and constructively as the seasons progressed. But he is essentially the stereotypical genius kid who wanders the ship, saving it a few times and not having much else to do but act awkward around the senior staff and women onboard.

Pity as the movies would’ve did well with a more experienced Wesley joining the crew and acting as a decent third element to the Picard – Data focus that overtook the films.

[Berlin]

I nominate this thread for hall of fame status.

[Berlin]

Dimensions in Time Jump

The boys from the Dwarf skip over to the EastEnders set and make some special needs kids cry

[Berlin]

Yapping – I & II
Yapping & action – III & IV
Yapping while action is happening – V & VI
Action yapping – VII
Twee, end of the pier, racist, sexist, prison rape alluding piffle – VIII
Coronation Street – BTE
Yapping and action but on two sets maximum – X
Mixed bag of yapping, action and deranged musings of the writer – XI & XII

Ask which one they want to start with first

[Berlin]

That wraps it up then, Space-Porridge IS the best series.

[Berlin]

Basically.

[Berlin]

Jewish Princess Diana

[Berlin]

She was already a Dwarf fan so that sped up proceedings. However she finds Series VIII as valid as I to VI so naturally I stopped having sex with her for five years

[Berlin]

Damn it, someone already did the Krusty joke.

[Berlin]

It’s been announced that the next series won’t air until 2020. Not entirely unsurprising but it does allude to growing production problems.

[Berlin]

I just call him, or her, Jaws Media.

[Berlin]

Jawscvmcdihoare

[Berlin]

What she really needs is a quirky hat

[Berlin]

RECREATING THE MOBISODES – LIVE

Live mobisodes utilising the cast awkwardly recreating performances at next year’s Dimension Jump.

[Berlin]

Well, I thought I reallllllly want to self-harm and leave only mental scarring, so it was either this or watch the new Doctor Who

[Berlin]

I nominate this thread for hall of fame status

[Berlin]

Also, I nominate this thread for hall of fame status

[Berlin]

Rob Grant’s daughter

[Berlin]

Anyone who asks is an idiot.

[Berlin]

Who are the idiots?

[Berlin]

There was an episode of Enterprise planned where the Doctor would appear.

I’m glad that fanwankery has all but disappeared from Doctor Who now.

And the storylines.

And humour.

And meaningful consequences.

And character development.

And everything, ever.

[Berlin]

I never understood the need for the project other than to have people quadruple dip in some cases and to Americanise each yearly series as discrete seasons to sell onto other markets.

Upscaling only goes so far, colour grading only goes so far and enhancing certain VFX shots only goes so far.

What could’ve been a better project was re-editing select serials to pick up the pace, new VFX and musical cues and bringing them closer to the modern era but at the same time, ensuring the originals are always going to be available.

Plus by this point, the ’60s and ’70s Doctor Who really should be available for free to watch.

[Berlin]

After watching that demo reel, I can now sense every big ’90s retailer tapping the HARRY for their Autumn advert pushes.

[Berlin]

‘Switching channels, I saw what was clearly a science fiction website, and at once, to my horror and outrage, what I thought I saw was a rip-off of Ganymede & Titan. I was already reaching for the telephone to call my lawyer when I saw something happen that made me involuntarily orgasm, and it was something that certainly wouldn’t have happened on Ganymede & Titan. So I left the telephone where it was and I went on browsing and I think within a few moments I had got what the website was and I was having involuntarily orgasms all the time.’

– Nearly everybody, ever on Gazpacho Soup (2018)

[Berlin]

‘Switching channels, I saw what was clearly a science fiction programme, and at once, to my horror and outrage, what I thought I saw was a rip-off of Red Dwarf. I was already reaching for the telephone to call my lawyer when I something happened that made me vomit, and it something that certainly wouldn’t have happened on Red Dwarf. So I left the telephone where it was and I went on watching and I think within a few moments I had got what the show was and I was vomiting all the time.’

– Craig Charles on Farscape (2008)

[Berlin]

I miss the ’70s and ’80s tradition of giving propriety electronics equipment an acronym.

[Berlin]

BACK IN THE RORY MCGRATH

Given some of the recent threads on this forum, people decide to just give up and continue to come up with ideas for episodes that are just puns on the titles of existing episodes. It’s less trouble, and just generally for the best while Rory McGrath hides in a bush and watches his former lover jogging and narrowly escapes a jail sentence.

[Berlin]

You’ll find that the sound problem on those seasons was called ‘the 1970s’.

[Berlin]

It’s Ganymede & Titan, withholding a rant is against the rules.

[Berlin]

“We’re no longer interested in the audience Farscape used to attract”

If Farscape was an early internet website host, it would be Geocities.

[Berlin]

4 seasons, 88 episodes.

Let’s take 11 each and report back this time next week.

[Berlin]

BACK IN THE RED IDEA FOR AN EPISODE THREAD

Given some of the recent threads on this forum, coming up with ideas for episodes that are just puns on the titles of existing episodes starts to look like a pretty attractive idea, but in Soviet-era East Berlin.

[Berlin]

TNG S1 is a real clunker but it is entertaining. It always gets to the end of the episode with a resolution, the cast never falter and the production value is on point.

It was the writing, and the way they approached it that was the downfall. You have to write the shit out of something as Rob Grant put it on the Bodysnatcher documentaries to glean an idea of the characters and their motivations in a visceral and natural way and in addition, they had to stop thinking it was 1967. There’s a lot of Gene hovering about the scripts, a lot of very twee thinking and once they shuffled him out of the day to day production, they could move the series forward.

I’m sure it’s rose-tinted glasses but the ’90s was fucking astonishingly good for American TV in the form of TNG, The Simpsons, The X-Files and Frasier.

[Berlin]

Oh and Farscape was a load of shite, it makes Babylon 5 look like TNG.

[Berlin]

I suddenly want to watch a Nebula and Gamora porn parody.

[Berlin]

Don’t mistake me mentioning that term in a flippant fashion for a negative outlook on it all. The casting and use of non-white actors in recent Doctor Who has been great but it does veer on Chibnall pointing at them and going ‘ain’t this marvellous, look at how broad the palette is now, look how we’re tackling the issues of the day’.

He’s as subtle as a sonic screwdriver up the rear.

[Berlin]

If Chibnall was an ice cream flavour, he’d be that fucking bland ice cream from Farmfoods your gran always had which was barely vanilla and had the texture of cardboard.

While a half dozen ethnic minorities watched you eat it and tutted.

[Berlin]

Children of Earth and Miracle Day were each three-parters at best, a miserable end to a show that was starting to get interesting.

[Berlin]

You’re bigger on the inside, fatty.

[Berlin]

Having looked up his bio, it appears he was gay so let me format my previous post.

Wonder if he told fellas down the gay disco he was the big boss of Doctor Who, which at the time was seen as the Beeb’s embarrassing little diversion.

[Berlin]

Slzhnjhmwudy: Polymorph II

[Berlin]

The Secret of BBC Manchester Island

It’s an adventure game set in BBC Manchester, innit.

[Berlin]

Lister spends the episode acting as the voice of sanity.

Rimmer lets his inner neuroses affect his decision making and interaction with the crew.

Cat says something funny that later on eludes to his lack of intelligence.

Kryten quotes a Space Corp directive and makes a face.

Holly gets two, maybe three lines.

[Berlin]

I can accept that answer but only in spirit, you lose a point.

[Author]

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