bloodteller

[bloodteller]

^ my thoughts on TimeWave.

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-personally, I thought it started well but fell apart. all that stuff with the jumpcuts and all the actor’s names- that was great. then it all went crap and unfunny and I fell asleep.

-but sir, those were the opening titles before the main program.

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something i noticed when rewatching Series I recently was that in Me2 when we see the vid of Rimmer’s death, one of the last things he says is “I take full responsibility for ANY consquences”. in The End, the first thing he does when he’s brought back as a hologram is blame Lister for the accident.

nothing noteworthy i guess, but its a nice detail i hadn’t picked up on before.

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MAC IN THE RED: the dwarfers finally get back to the ship, only to discover the nanobots have resurrected the crew. the dwarfers are arrested and punished by being forced to work on the ship’s McDonalds. things take a turn for the worse when the Captain comes in and orders 26 Spicy Chicken Legends. now its up to the dwarfers to work together as a team and complete his order to a satisfying degree before he becomes impatient

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The BEGGinning: the population of a BEGG moon are wiped out in a mysterious choking epidemic. a BEGG known as Dach-ach-ach Listech-ech wakes up 3 million years later to find he is the lone survivor, alongside his pet Emohawk which has evolved into a being calling itself the Emoman. together, they vow to find their way back to civilisation. look out Kinatowowi, the slime’s coming home.

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LEMONS AND ANGELS: in a bizarre accident involving the rejuvenation shower and the triplicator, jesus ends up meeting the high versions of the crew. unsurprisingly they get along well, and all have a lovely time together.

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honestly i really like Waiting For God, though maybe that’s just because i find the scene with Lister and the cat priest really heartwarming.

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i think Dave Benson Phillips would be good

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CRIMEWAVE- the dwarfers encounter a ship where murder is legal. one of the crewmembers attempts to kill the dwarfers, but is then beaten to death by the rest of the crew. the twist is that although murder is legal on this ship, it is not permitted and if you attempt to murder somebody you will be killed by everyone else. the episode ends with lister contemplating if a society like that could ever work.

or you could just have an episode thats a load of bollocks about pink policemen and mildly offensive camp stereotypes

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SHITE HOLE- lister does rimmer up the arse

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who am i

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FLIPPER- rimmer gets hold of a quantum skipper, and travels the multiverse looking for a dimension where he can finally achieve his dream of becoming a fish

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that’s ridiculous

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What if Back in the Red was a single episode, but as a consequence Pete had to become a 3-parter and Krytie TV had to become a 2-parter? would VIII be better recieved?

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MMM-CORE: lister eats a whole apple, even the core!

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no i’m not

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What if the Cat was played by an actual cat? How would that have affected the reception of the show, do you think?

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>bloodteller, I know what you mean. I personally would prefer a bit more of an emotional reaction from Lister. In my headcanon, it really hits him between The End and Future Echoes. Any normal person would do a fair bit of crying and panicking, but that wouldn’t make for good sitcom scenes!

oddly enough you’re exactly right about it really hitting him between The End and Future Echoes. in the “lost episode” of Series I called Bodysnatcher (intended to be the second episode of the series) Lister has a line that goes something like “I know what I’ve lost. Everything. Friends, family… for all we know, the planet Earth no longer exists. No more trees, no more human race…” so i guess he does begin to understand the gravity of the situation sooner or later

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SNACK TO REALITY- lister is playing a VR game but leaves for a bit to get some snacks

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SLATING FOR GOD- lister slates God’s roof but He doesn’t think they’ve done a good job. now its up to the dwarfers to slate the roof (again)

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STASIS LEEK- lister discovers some delicious leeks in stasis. now its up to the dwarfers to eat them for supper

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jawscvmcdia is hoguey the roguey

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i used to think it was sort of disturbing that Lister never exactly reacted to the death of the crew in The End (the most he gets is feeling a bit sad about Kochanski) but i suppose it sort of makes sense he’d react like that, doesn’t it? after all, “death is not the stigma it once was” and so in the universe Red Dwarf takes place in, death isn’t really treated as seriously- they can just revive people as holograms.

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well it just sort of bends around the side, doesnt it?

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what’s happened to kryten’s head? that’s quite horrific, isn’t it? what was it, a cheap razor? it’s just not worth buying them from garages, is it.

also cat looks like mike from the young ones

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i don’t know

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TWENTIKKA- lister eats 20 curries and feels a bit sick. now it’s up to the dwarfers to take care of him until he feels better

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MECH-ECH-ECH-ECH-ECH-ECH-ECH-ECH-ECH-ECH-OCRACY- the gelfs elect a new leader

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DIMENSION PUMP- ace rimmer travels the multiverse looking for a bicycle pump so he can fix his flat tyre

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CAN OF WORDS- lister eats some alphabetti spaghetti

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BACK IN THE UNFED- captain hollister goes on a diet in the secret hopes that doug will stop treating him like a walking fat joke

guest starring ardal o hanlon

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what if Jawscvmcdia is just incredibly advanced A.I

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ONLY THE FOOD…- red dwarf is slowly being eaten away by a highly corrosive microbe so hollister evacuates alone with all the ship’s food supplies, leaving the rest of the crew to either starve to death or get eaten by the microbe.

luckily hollister comes back a day later. he has eaten all the food supplies but is still hungry and so proceeds to devour the microbe, the crew, and himself. the status quo is restored. now it’s up to the dwarfers to just carry on like VIII never even happened

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DIMENSION KRUMP- lister gets so into freestyle street dancing that he is able to cross dimensions, somehow. now its up to the dwarfers to learn how to krump

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TIKKA TOO WIDE: lister orders a curry so big that he can’t eat it all so he just bathes in it instead

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ARMITAGE SHANKS FOR THE MEMORY: lister gives rimmer the memory of every shit he’s ever taken. the rest of the episode is just rimmer sobbing inside a cupboard

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Dollar Pound’s ones were the funniest, i think

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i think most of mine were pretty clean

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PURR-ALLEL MEWNIVERSE: The crew get transported to a universe where they are all cats. except Cat, who is a fish for some reason and not a human as you may have expected.

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BACKWOODS- The crew are teleported into a forest. Cat begins to eat branches and moss, until Lister tells him to stop.

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FUTURAMA ECHOES- The crew sees visions of a show that has a similar premise to theirs. Rimmer tries to start an argument about which show is better, but everybody tells him to fuck off.

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THE INQUISITOR- lister is stopped in the street by a man who asks him a series of questions. he says he is conducting a “quick survey” that will “only take 5 minutes”

three weeks pass. lister is beginning to get restless.

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IRAQ IN THE RED- The crew discover the entire Republic of Iraq hidden away on Floor 13. it has never been mentioned before and will never be mentioned again. Lister ponders if it would’ve been better to not just haphazardly shoehorn ideas in in such a way.

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FATHERS AND GUNS- Lister nicks Rimmer’s duelling pistols and attempts a mexican standoff with his dad. he just ends up shooting himself

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when will Jawscvmcdia actually DISCUSS any of the things in the topics he starts? he just does the OP and then fucks off

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OUT OF PINEY SHINE- Kryten has run out of Piney Shine and so goes down to the shops to buy some more.

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OUT OF LIME- Lister has run out of limes for his tequila slammers, and so goes down to the shops to buy some more.

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WANKS FOR THE MEMORY- Lister has a really good wank while remembering that time he kissed Rimmer. He ejaculates all over the bedsheets, creating the ultimate laundry challenge for Kryten.

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OUR OBOROS: The crew find a woman known as Oboro in stasis. She was the granddaughter of Ogen and therefore the rightful princess of the Iga Tsubagakure clan. She was engaged to Gennosuke Kouga and was one of the ten ninja picked by her grandmother to represent Iga in the battle against the Kouga. After the death of her grandmother Ogen, Oboro ascends to take leadership of the clan, but due to her passive demeanor soon finds her authority usurped by Tenzen Yakushiji. She is considered a poor leader to the Iga clan.

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THE LUST DAY- The crew all take a swig of the sexual magnetism virus and fuck each other senseless for 24 hours.

[Author]

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