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OUT OF TIM- The crew encounter the Tim Drive. it turns them all into Tim McInnery.

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SHAQ IN THE RED: the nanobots have inexplicably resurrected the 2010 Boston Celtics basketball team. amongst them is professional basketballer Shaquille O’ Neal, who asks exactly why a mining ship had a basketball court in its secret prison, and why there were specifically-made uniforms for the guards and convicts. to stop him from poking any more holes in the plot, Lister flushes him out of an airlock, remarking “What an absolute Shaq.”

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CACK IN THE RED- Rimmer does a shit in his red uniform and so has to wear his green one for the rest of the day.

yes it’s a prequel to The Inquisitor.

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CRACK TO REALITY: Lister snorts so much cocaine that he believes he’s a facist dictator on a dystopian Earth and none of his friends are real. it’s up to the rest of the Dwarfers to get him back to the Priory

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CAN OF SPERMS- the Cat wanks into a jar and tries to sell it to Rimmer as alien ectoplasm. Rimmer is dubious about the whole thing, so its up to him and Lister to do a taste test.

the sounds of the studio audience vomiting in disgust can be heard in the background.

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“Dead Dwarf: Lister doesn’t take a cat on board, and dies in a radiation leak.”

but if he’d died in the radiation leak he would have never existed in the first place because he needed to exist on Starbug in the future to take his baby self back to the past to leave under the pool table in order for him to exist.

*camera explodes*

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PETE PART III: Kryten has accidentally turned Birdman’s sparrow into Pete Doherty, the famous actor/musician/artist/writer. it’s up to the dwarfers to listen to the Libertines

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BARRYMORPH: The crew encounter a polymorph that takes the form of Michael Barrymore and everyone is forced to watch Strike It Lucky until they die of boredom

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TIMESLADES: Lister gets really into Slade but suffers from a bout of depression upon discovering that all the members have been dead for over three million years.

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Rimmer does a TED talk about growing your personal brand

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series I is still one of my favourite series of Red Dwarf in general, tbh.

also i really like the point made in the review about how the crew’s death would really be a surprise for the average viewer in 1988. i’ve often thought that at the time that sort of thing must’ve really come off as quite shocking

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to be fair we learned in Back in the Red that the ship has a Tesco’s

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or those blokes from Mortal Kombat.

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you forgot Timewave

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lister discovers Speed, his long-lost third son

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given that when Rimmer’s green outfit changes to the red one, Cat’s outfit also changed, i always assumed it was to signify that these are the versions of Cat and Rimmer that no longer remember Lister and Kryten- the timelines have just been altered when the costume change happens

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i wipe my bum very properly

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watched the episode again to see what you were on about, and he changes into the blue (hardlight) uniform just before entering the wild-west AR simulation, then he’s still wearing the blue uniform when he leaves. i fail to see the problem

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suzanne rhatigan

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i was thinking Big Meat was the curry monster from DNA tbh

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>the return of Big Meat

who is Big Meat? and why is he called that?

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>It’s not like we’ve had, say, the return of Big Meat

the fuck is Big Meat? and why is he called that? who would willlingly let themselves be known as “big meat”

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i mean it’s some mildly impressive editing but i wouldn’t call it “hilarious”

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>Solution: Cut the scene after “Those are his nipples, Frank”. Narratively, no more is needed than that.

but then the scene would be incredibly short and feel rather pointless.

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(i mean by the fact that they have very similar plotlines and ideas, not by that they both have dodgy acting and are widely regarded as awful)

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wait a minute, isn’t Pete Part 2 just a slightly more shit version of the Super Mario Brothers Movie?

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Pete was the episode where all their clothes got eaten by a virus, Only The Good was the episode where the ship (and presumably the prisoners) got eaten by a virus

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yeah, the delayed fight scene was pretty good. shame there wasn’t more stuff like that in Pete.

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it’s bizarre how the timewand, a machine that’s established as being able to alter timestreams and freeze people and speed up events and stuff, later on in the episode is turned into a machine that just sort of reverses the process of evolution

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>The Time Wand scene would be SO much better (or less shite) if they’d done it with clever editing, rather than having the actors do it – it’s quite a hard thing to do, and even then they did it incredibly poorly. I get the appeal of wanting to do it in front of the audience to get genuine laughs/not just have them watch the entire episode as VT, but I feel they should have done it on the night AND as a pre-record, as I think they did some scenes that way for XI and/or XII.

the Time Wand in general would’ve been so much better if they’d done interesting things with it, instead of just “it can turns birds into dinosaurs and humans into apes”. the only clever thing really done with the idea is the delayed fight scene.

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>Cut – The final scene introducing The Tank, because I’m sorry, I really just don’t like the idea of Rimmer being gang-raped as a punchline. Instead we go out to credits on Holly’s punchline “I’ve buggered this up a bit, haven’t I?”

honestly, “I’ve buggered this up a bit, haven’t I?” is a much funnier closing line. i actually laughed at it when watching the fanedit

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ooh, now this sounds really quite interesting

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>the Mega Drive and Sega Saturn classic Sonic 3D

there was no game called Sonic 3D. unless you’re talking about Sonic 3D Blast. but that’s got a Blast at the end of it, so you’re clearly just talking about a game that doesn’t even exist.

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>Considering Doug’s budget angst around series 8, they didn’t half waste it on unnecessary costumes.

and unnecessary basketball games, and unnecessary dancing blue midgets, and unnecessary dinosaurs…

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i love that episode of Red Dwarf where they apprehend Chris Savino

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the first Red Dwarf i watched after Demons and Angels was the last 10 minutes of The Last Day, and so for some reason little 13 year old me thought the plotline of the show was “a guy wakes up on an abandoned mining ship with a robot, 2 other blokes and a hangover” and i genuinely thought that was the backstory of the show for years until i watched I and II.

so best not to start with the last 10 minutes of The Last Day, really. they might get the wrong idea about the show

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>Demons & Angels a good one – using it as an intro follows the Trek staple of ‘really early on show us who the characters aren’t in order for us to learn who they are’.

i’d go with this, yeah. my first episode of Red Dwarf was Demons and Angels, and i’ve been hooked ever since.

though since i watched it without any prior knowledge of what Red Dwarf was, i had no idea who the fuck any of the characters were and i kept wondering why they were calling this man “the cat”.

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Gordon Salkilld.

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the ladies’ favourite, General Lee

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>They all masturbate into each other’s mouths the end.

how would Kryten partake in this unless he somehow got Archie back ?

but even then, can Archie produce semen?

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an entire episode dedicated to explaining why in Back in the Red Part 2 rimmer is explaining what future echoes are to the captain but then in Cassandra, rimmer doesn’t know what they are anymore and has to ask somebody else about them.

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>Why did you combine three episodes into one though?

you’re getting mixed up, it was Back In The Red Xtended that combined three episodes into one

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hearing Rimmer say “I’ve killed over a thousand people” sounds really weird tbh

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no.

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>Id like to know what Dougs frame of mind was during series 8

sex, obviously. every episode in VIII involves sex in one way or another. Back in the Red has the sex virus, Cassandra has the rimmer-kochanski sex, Krytie TV has the sexual harassment, Pete has the erection basketball and kryten’s penis, and Only the Good has talia, who rimmer attempts sex with.

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“Look out Earth, the slime’s coming home!”

*Rimmer and Cat look at Lister in disgust, and then violently stamp on his head and beat the shit out of him with truncheons*

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if Doug Naylor was confectionary, he’d be a bag of Revels

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cesium….cock.

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why is it that when the crew discover the chameleonic microbe, Kryten and the others somehow know that it destroyed the Hermes and arrived in the form of an escape pod? does the captain just keep them up-to-date on all the plot elements they weren’t around to see?

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the original ending was obviously better because it wasn’t total shit, and also put an end to the pointless prison arc (how do they even escape the prison so easily earlier in the episode?)

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