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He says it the same way Americans pronounce “Robin Hood”, emphasising the wrong half. Like Red is just one of many Dwarves he is involved with.

Mind you, if we get any more episodes like Officer Rimmer he can say it however he likes.

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No, everybody keep going nuts, it makes me look relatively more reasonable when I go on about shortened DVD extras.

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All this talk of faintly cringeworthy titles pales when you remember that Grant Naylor’s next project lined up after VI and The 10%ers was ‘The Oo-Ee-Oo Dimension’.

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Three episodes is a series, I’d say. For a start, it’s becoming pretty much industry standard for new UK TV comedies now. Six is almost a special luxury these days.

God, what a depressing paragraph.

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BtE *is* called Series IX though! The style guide might shy away from it, but internally at BBCWW it’s known as Red Dwarf IX/Season 9 for sales, and internationally it’s often that too. The French DVD even renders it properly in Times New Roman in case you were ever in doubt.

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Whatever you think of the post-split series (and please to god let’s keep it to ourselves now), if it hadn’t have been for the two-year run of VII/Xtended/Night/Remastered/VIII then Red Dwarf would have basically disappeared. Doug, Ed Bye and the GNP team worked themselves into dust to turn Red Dwarf from a parochial, already-seen-as-past-it, zeitgeisty (and to some extent borderline *disgraced*) cult TV property into a resurrected, reborn, international legacy brand with massively improved sales potential and audience reach.

What they achieved, with infinitely less resources than they made it appear, wasn’t far off the impossible. How can you not have wanted all that to happen? It’s the reason you can enjoy “IT’S A COMEDY SPRAY” and 16mm footage of Pete Tyler’s hands in the comfort of your own living room, and the reason Sunday afternoon repeats of Queeg can still appear on BARB ratings charts.

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Now, I don’t want anyone to get into a flap here, but I’m the Ganymede & Titan who’s from the double *double* 2004.

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It’s the rule of VII.

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That makes no sense about the books, it’s such an empty cliche that always gets trodden out. “Obvious”? I love both books fairly equally but there is demonstrably more ‘creative force’ in Last Human, regardless of what you think about each novel or what your favourite is. It’s spitting with fresh ideas amongst the recycled bits, even despite the odd stumble in executing them, whereas Backwards is slickly executed but only really has the Agonoids section that isn’t adapted from existing material (and even then they’re amalgam of the Simulants and the Lows).

Over 20 years since VII was shot and still this bloody argument…

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Try it again. That third part no longer exists…

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Series 3 Byte 1, Smeg Ups, Smeg Outs, and Just The Smegs were all 15.

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The GNP logo (and like the XI endcaps, now the *wrong* GNP logo!) is almost the same size as the the RD logo. That can’t be right. It’s not particularly clear what it’s a release of!

Quite like the big fat “XI” though.

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New cover mockup, with a very odd spine different to the Region 1 dummy Doug tweeted.

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61wBiNPapPL._SL1054_.jpg

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The ending of Timeslides is probably the first real foot wrong the show ever put. Apart from making zero sense, it’s cruel, cheap, bullyish and genuinely nasty, in an episode which has previously been utterly perfect. What it really is of course is an episode with no obvious ending desperate for a punchline, and making do with a crap one, and not for the last time (here’s looking at you, White Hole).

(It’s too recognisable as the Polymorph location as well. That always annoys me.)

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Indeed, I can have that 4-pack of Wispas after all.

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Worth noting that my mate Joel mentioned above (who with the aid of my devious puppetry broke this ‘story’!) is now best known as the fellow behind the Miliverse Twitter account which I believe is “trending” as the cool kids say. He’s just had his fourth novel published.

I have just eaten my sixth cheese and ham swirl of the day, which is about the same accomplishment-wise.

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That Thursday premiere for Twentica has set my rhythms off all wrong.

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I honestly wasn’t going to buy the game til I saw the GameDigits posts on here and the genuine commitment to making it all work. Infinitely commendable, that £1.99 is yours. It would only have gone on Wispas anyway.

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Phwoarrr was a working title for Krytie TV.

I like Krytie TV, it’s the least of VIII’s worries.

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“Over there, by the beefburgers.”

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The crew discover the fabled final scene of Samsara cryogenically preserved in some shit.

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All these steelbooks will look horrible in ten years’ time. I only have about three or four and that’s probably three or four too many.

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That RT shot is frim the same session as the poster/calendar pic and Robert is fully made up, so his Photoshopped eyes on the poster must have just been someone at Slow Dazzle showing off.

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http://thumbs4.picclick.com/d/w1600/pict/171942084587_/Starburst-Magazine-Feb-1997-222-Red.jpg

And here’s a publicity shot with everyone in their Blue costumes…

Was Block 2 Ouroboros flashback/Blue/Epideme then possibly?

If I have to get out a ruler and measure Chloe’s hair in every scene I’ll work this bastard recording order out!!

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We can work this out, surely…

So, a specially arranged press shot done during VII filming, we can guarantee that for Kryten logistics reasons.

That then will presumably be Chloe Annett’s first day on set, which was the only time she wore that costume and where they’ll have shot amongst other scenes the flashback in Ouroboros, and at least one scene including Kryten obviously. That flashback is of course the only time Chris Barrie and Chloe Annett were in a VII scene together (so as well as ‘first photo of new cast’ reasons they’ll have wanted to capitalise on availability). Rimmer’s dressed like that then because they’ll have quickly changed him from his blue JMC uniform from the flashback and thrown him into something from stock. Why not the blue one? – well, if that costume hadn’t been required for that day’s filming it might not have been on call (or might have been being laundered, mundane as that is).

Now, Danny in yellow. Only three possible reasons as to why the Cat’s wearing a costume that doesn’t appear on TV:

1. Danny wasn’t filming that day and he was brought in specially for the photo and thrown in something out of wardrobe stock (that clearly doesn’t fit him!), for possibly similar reasons as to why Rimmer’s blue uniform wasn’t to hand. The wig, make-up and teeth don’t look 100% right, so that might be a clue. Or just funny lighting/grotty slide developing.

2. Danny *was* filming that day but on a later call time than the others and hadn’t been dressed and made-up yet, so was thrown into something from stock, see above.

3. Danny was filming that day but in an ‘irregular’ costume that would have looked wrong in a photo (in VII this could only have been an ‘alternate crew’ insert for Ouroboros) so was quickly changed. If this is the correct answer then Robert Llewellyn will have had to change from gold to silver as well at some point!

The weirdness of this shot may have been why there was evidently a second go at a five-cast-members press photo session for VII
(see http://thumbs3.picclick.com/d/w1600/pict/391543099210_/RED-DWARF-Official-1998-10th-Anniversary-Calendar.jpg) which looks like it was taken during the Epideme shooting.

Unless Chris Barrie came back later for a photocall (which surely would be more time/money than it was worth?), is it possible that Epideme was Chloe’s first full episode and it shared filming dates with some of the Rimmer flashbacks from Blue (assuming similarly that Chris Barrie’s filming availability was in one consistent run up to a certain point where he departed)? That second VII cast photo raises questions itself – Kryten’s eyes are photoshopped to remove his eyelids and possibly entirely CGI – was Robert in some mid-stage pre/post make-up job when they took that photo? There’s a League Of Gentlemen publicity photo (cover of Live At Drury Lane) of Papa Lazarou with a semi-Photoshopped make-up job, so it wouldn’t be *that* unusual. Failing that, Robert might not even be there and it’s just one of the Spare Head props from Tikka/Beyond A Joke shopped onto a stand-in (or a make-up-less Robert).

That photo above was officially sent out at the time though, I remember seeing it in TV listings.

SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE FILMING OF VII. ANSWER ME THEM ALL RIGHT NOW.

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“Cut!”

“I don’t know why I (bleep)ing ate that semen.”

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In the VIII book he specifically says he asked him to come back for both VII and VIII, and given that Rob returned to GNP for a few little gigs in 2007 I find it unlikely that Doug didn’t broach it for BtE. Likewise the Son Of Cliche reunion piss-up was around the time that X was brewing. They’re still business partners and they’re still friends, the open option to return will still be there.

At no point have I ever got the impression that Doug wouldn’t welcome Rob back, nor that Rob is 100% closed to the idea. He must be getting itchy feet to return to comedy though – he moonlights creatively for Absolutely Productions now that Jack Docherty’s gone and does a lot of workshop stuff. A few more books would be nice, he was getting into a groove and Fat was one of the best things he’s ever put his name to.

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Really weird to see that logo on a DVD. The last time a sans-serif Dwarf logo appeared on a home video release was Smeg Outs…

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The DVD compression is fairly poor on the first four series. They really needed some of the transfer/cleanup/encoding technology later invented for the Doctor Who range. Ed Bye’s tape-bouncing antics fighting with MPEG compression is never going to look good without a bit of cosmetic surgery in the middle, but it wasn’t really there when they came out.

V and VI were restored slightly better for release and you can tell, although VI has a slightly reduced picture area due to some noise/fault blanking at the bottom.

Incidentally, UKTV are using their own remasters and they look significantly better – watching series 2 on Dave HD was leaps ahead of the DVD.

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When the split happened their active projects were The 10%ers, The Last Human, and The Oo-Ee-Oo Dimension. In the settlement Doug got the former, Rob got the latter, and they both got the book option (and as I strongly suspect a certain amount each of the existing work). As conceived (and as realised in Doug’s version) Last Human is clearly supposed to be a full stop at the end of Dwarf and I honestly think that would have been it.

And, y’know, we always say it but they’re not “solo books” really, are they. There are books with Terry Pratchett or George RR Martin’s names on where they wrote less than Rob did of Last Human or Doug did of Backwards.

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Doug would never have carried on if it wasn’t for Charles Armitage pushing him relentlessly. He also never wanted to write on his own, and asked Rob back for VII, VIII and presumably BTE and X if not last year’s block as well. Rob’s been keeping a low profile of late, I expect for the sake of an easy life. It’s nobody’s ego trip.

Every time either one of them talks about it they seem like they’re one step away from tears. They both regret it and both acknowledge it as unavoidable. I’m just glad they’re on good terms personally. If they were like Idle & Innes are now it would be too much to cope with.

For what it’s worth my impression is that Rob came very close to returning to Red Dwarf about ten years ago but second-guessed himself and decided not to.

And if they hadn’t split up? I am adamant that it would have ended after VI, cliffhanger or not. The endgame was V and the US show – VI was just an extended licking of wounds (with an unhappy and fraught production in spots) and that would have been it. Now it would be a discounted DVD box set with reasonable sales behind it, a few out of print paperbacks and a intermittent Facebook group.

What they should do is a Son of Cliche reunion special like Absolutely and Radio Active did. Reset the equilibrium of the universe through the healing power of Nick Wilton.

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But it really is stop him wanking though.

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Spoilers.

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I can see Red Dwarf fitting the Telltale engine very well. Like Doctor Who it’s something which is surprisingly difficult to reimagine as a game so I can only visualise it as a reskin of something already existing.

The Lego engine would suit it. Not completely impossible, though my tolerance for “Red Dwarf” and “Lego” in the same breath has worn down to a nerve. #votesmeng

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My Corgi Starbug has been treated like a right dog over the years and the legs have never snapped.

It’s the flimsy clear plastic display stands that broke within seconds of taking them out of the box.

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Sorry for being vague, I just wanted someone else to do the same double take of surprise as I did at it!

It makes infinitely more sense too of course. There’s that.

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To be fair they’ve remastered Doctor Whos of the same vintage using exactly that technique and it’s worked very nicely.

In an alternate fantasy universe, instead of Remastered they continued the “Xtended” branding and for the 10th anniversary did a couple of exciting compilations of newly re-edited ‘director’s cut’ episodes with Kryten links and pre-DVD bonus footage. All while keeping the original 12 volumes in print. In that universe everybody was happy, bar some overworked Japanese dubbing mixers.

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There was definitely a repeat run of Smell Of series 2 on Sunday nights at the very start of 1997 if that helps, much later on the nights of the same-week VII repeats. I remember it being on too late to see it and really wanting to watch it as I loved Shooting Stars.

Had it not been for the Sunday repeats I’d never have seen Beyond A Joke, and I didn’t see Stoke Me A Clipper until the autumn repeat when I made a proper offair tape. Thinking back, I didn’t see V (minus Back To Reality), Psirens or Legion until after VIII had gone out, and then only on UK Gold. Entirely the result of the VHS deletions. And I didn’t see the non-Remastered versions of series 2 and 3 until the DVDs. Shit fan, me. I came in at Tikka and struggled to catch up for years.

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Okay, I’ve had a listen to the Remastered opening/closing.

You’re right, it’s real, but it’s even more curious than that!

The opening: definitely legit. Hissy as hell and deafened by new space atmos but it’s legit alright. And never heard from since…

The closing: stereo as well…! Admittedly most of the colour is in the percussion and it’s dominated by an L-R split of the double-tracked tambourine (maybe a lot of bouncing was involved which would explain the mono-ish feel to elements of it, or maybe he was going for mono Spector authenticity), but it’s a true stereo mix nevertheless. Why did series VIII onwards go back to using series VII’s ‘original with a bit of stereo reverb on it’? Did they genuinely forget? They’re still not using it now! And so much for my theory about the 1989 re-recording being for stereo reasons – it must have just been for continuity with the new opening. (I’ve also realised I’m wrong about that too – series IV was the first stereo series. Note to self – check things properly before spouting off theories).

None of the 18 Remastered episodes have a clean intro to the end credits due to the extra layer of laughter sweetening and dubbed-on scuzz (Confidence & Paranoia originally did, but now doesn’t, for example, because that’s where I used to get it from for teenaged off-mic audio cassette compilations!), so it would be a long job to try and edit up a proper extraction, though I enjoy a challenge. That explosion over the last chord isn’t going anywhere though, sadly.

Been through Remastered looking for other clues to prove or disprove my mad theories… for a start, the transition cues are all in mono (with only a choice of what appears clean in episodes, this would be why the variety of transitions was massively diminished). Others, like Lister telling Frankenstein his plan in The End, or Lister getting ready in Kryten, just revert to the original TX mix completely. There’s even instances such as the one into McIntyre’s funeral where the cue has been edited to just the bit that can be rescued ‘clean’ from the original (and then pushed to the left a bit to fake something approaching a soundscape). There are also half a dozen cues that *are* in stereo, so maybe it was just a time/budget/being arsed issue going through the tapes making a cue list, and they focused on the tiny handful of ones they were after? This would prove the part of my theory about it not being an artistic decision to replace the music, it just being easier to use catalogued-by-mood library music than locate stereo versions of each of the originals on the unsorted quarter-inch tapes (although it’s worth cross-referencing that against Ed Bye’s production music fetish around this time and his taking against Goodall’s work on VII – it’s real chicken-and-egg territory here).

Actual Goodall cues that both survive into Remastered and appear in true stereo:

– Opening and closing themes
– Holly’s recap music from Future Echoes to Me2
– the space walk from Confidence & Paranoia
– Holly’s recap music from Kryten to Queeg
– NOTHING ELSE

Everything else is either sliced off the original broadcast mixes or thrown in a bin. That means the space walk is literally the only actual incidental that they replaced properly. In 18 episodes.

So there we have it – another unfortunate symptom of the chronic lack of planning that went into the whole enterprise. Making tracking sheets for less than an hour of transferred-over music tapes and cross-referencing those against less than nine hours of television in order to make a cue list is a couple of days’ work for one person max (less still with proper time and labour management), and would have saved all if not more than the time used going through library CDs in the redub. But then they managed to commission a model ship that wouldn’t fit in a studio, so, y’know.

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It’s quaintly amusing in a cringey way to a certain point (“Will they be utilised on the DVDs? WILL THEY FUCK”), then it carries on getting exponentially depressing. What’s worst in hindsight is that I’m blatantly stirring it up for everyone else as well, and inflaming arguments between other people.

I’d juxtapose it against what was going on at the time but it’s hardly a story that cries out for more bleakness. What I will say as an observer is that it appeared to me that the aftermath of that whole incident to some extent reset G&T’s mission statement for the better. Unexpectedly divorced from the filesharing/downloadable rarities element that all early-2000s fansites had, it gained even more of an individual personality (breaking from some of its visible influences like SOTCAA), the feature articles got better for it, and the foundations were laid for all the really cool stuff that happened from there on (I was a passive observer by this point as I fucked off for most of a decade out of shame, but I still cheered quietly from the sidelines when the fan film won, the book came out, the BTE commentary mention etc). Loads of the most commendable stuff in G&T’s history wouldn’t have happened if it had gone in the ‘server full of pirated rarities’ direction.

Too much. There’s too much fucking perspective.

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I want to type something funny but that’s such a horrible thing to read through. I regret summoning it back up. Burn it with fire.

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I’d link to it but to be honest I’m as ashamed as amused. Back then in the early 2000s, in the first few years I had home internet access, I hadn’t really clocked that it wasn’t a faceless punchbag for all of my home life frustrations. I was a bit of an entitled, antagonistic prick generally but the Identity Within takedown incident turned it technicolour.

I’m still surprised they let me online now to be honest.

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I’ll get it along to you this weekend, you’ve pre-empted me asking for an off-site contact.

Also, last time GNP asked G&T to take down copyrighted material it turned me into even more of a cock than I used to be and we wouldn’t want that happening again, except to generate some more sidebar quotes.

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I was going to do that this weekend funnily enough. You can have my stereo mix too.

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I wish I’d have mentioned on here and not just a Messenger chat with someone the other week about “four Chris Barries in barbershop quartet gear”, but I’m worrying myself too.

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TOS update features ludicrously prominent RX dates.

Take a bow.

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Need to find somewhere I can put it. Can’t use my Soundcloud as I use it to facilitate the odd laughably rare occurrence of someone paying me to do music for them and it might look weird if I randomly start pirating Red Dwarf music on it.

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For what it’s worth, I have been researching RD music purely for my own pleasure of late. If whatever document ultimately comes out as a by-product of my sheddishness is in any way readable or useful you’re all welcome to it. Principally, I’d like to create a proper cue sheet for every episode, cross-referenced to the DVD extras for convenience.

At the moment it’s just something I bum about with late at night instead of going to bed at a humane time, but it’d be nice, wouldn’t it?

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*Did* they have access to the clean stereo Goodall cues for Remastered though? My theory is that they didn’t. They only survive because of HG’s composer copies and he only digitised his archive in the early 2000s, around the time of the Dwarf DVDs (he mentioned in a letter to a friend of mine around that time that his personal archive was locked on unplayable-to-him analogue formats). Don’t forget that for Remastered they were effectively doing a new dub from scratch, largely to make a music-and-effects iso for foreign buyers. The ‘making a sellable M&E track’ element is the single biggest reason they did it in the first place.

What little survives in Remastered is either explainable away as existing on VT insert tapes or it occuring in scenes with no dialogue where the original dub would suffice for international purposes (“on the pull” in Kryten, Tongue Tied, Androids, Ballad Of High Noon, etc). In fact, if this guess is correct it may shed new light on the assumption that replacing most of the score with library music was an artistic decision.

I need to inspect the Remastered opening. It’s possible it’s faked… if it’s not, well we know when and where the master tape went missing. Autumn 1997, up Ed Bye’s arse.

I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS ALL TOO MUCH

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The Japanese versions of the originals have the names too, of course, more than 10 years before Dave did it.

It’s not like it’s a modern affectation anyway. Older Dwarf not having them is largely a holdover from the original idea to keep the show’s exact format a surprise until The End aired.

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