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LISTER IN KOCHANSKI
Unproduced VIII episode where Lister uses the sexual magnetism virus on Kochanski, which miraculously even the Doug Naylor of 1999 realised might be beyond the pale and had locked in a safe.

LISTER IN KOCHANSKI

After the successful IVF depicted in Ouroboros,

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Wouldn’t you believe it, I put the wrong disc in this evening.

“What other father would claim to have an alibi for his sperm on the night of conception?”

Oh, just you wait, Arnold.

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Never mind XI endings, why weren’t we all on about VI endings this whole time?

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 12/09/2022 

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If I weren’t on my phone, I’d put Mr. W in, but Rimmer’ll have to do.

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 10/09/2022 

Helped a little that only a few X episodes have Lister and Rimmer in the drive room at that angle.

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 08/09/2022 

Who needs WikiHands?

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QUEEN: PART II

When Kryten needs a spare part, he looks to buy from a third-party manufacturer for the first time in over 300 years. His sanity chip overloads and his head explodes when he learns that his new penis, Archie, may be a slightly different color to the rest of his body. Will it be in poor taste to make fun of him?

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Slightly alternate ending, presented in full for my screenshotting convenience:

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 07/09/2022 

#RedDwarf #Smegle

#RedDwarf #Smegle

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Thirty years isn’t too bad when you’re that far out.

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Also, is the bit of the ship outside of the medical room recognizably any other part of the ship? Not sure I remember the phone turning up again at any point.

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Future Gechoes

Corridor Watch

– White Corridor 159 appears once again right outside the stasis booth whilo Lister and Cat talk about what can be brought into stasis. Lister seems to walk straight from here into the drive room, continuing his conversation with Cat. Makes you wonder how it took him so long to get there after being let out of stasis.

– Yellow Corridor 346 is right outside the Drive Room, as Cat runs out from breaking his tooth and again in a couple of angles that show outside the door. It’s at a spot that it’s only captured in certain angles.

– White Corridor 147 is just outside the drive room as Lister runs off to keep Cat from breaking his tooth.

– White Corridor 132 is part of the route of Lister’s death march on the way to the navicomp, it’s around the right hand corner of (this iteration of) this corridor: 

Esperanto Watch

– Nothing new this episode, but maybe the captain sign does say ŝipestro? There’s a little mark above the S, I don’t think it’s big enough to be the circumflex, and it being missing certainly matches the botanical gardens’ same error.

General Observations

– Currently have no DVD player, so I’m rewatching through other means. This included some interesting subtitles on this episode, including an “$05 distress call”, “he’11 get back to you”, “astrona vigation”, and “in your mid-205”.

– Some very jumpy camera work as Rimmer runs down the hall. I don’t usually notice that sort of thing but it was a little significant.

– Calling the photograph of the dog “me dad” is another in-universe joke, right? Not Lister slipping up? I’d always imagined it was meant to be the latter but poorly performed, maybe that was never the intention though.

– The medical room is quite shit, right? There’s clearly meant to be more around the corner, but all we see is a “medical room” wall where they’ve taped up some x-rays. Either someone’s private medical data on display or weirdly grim design.

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Wild and wonderful.

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I suppose a more interesting note is that his software doesn’t seem cruel enough to generate a sensation for passing through people and objects. The other option, which seems plausible enough to me, is that he gets a bit queasy just at the first time his concept of his own physical presence is violated, as might we all.

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Na that is the same yellow just in a different lighting

I need good proof if I’m to believe this. At first I thought it was maybe that, but the impression the lighting there gives me is that everything’s showing up darker in the ‘yellow’ shot than in the ‘orange’ shot. Not to mention that the overall tone of the image hasn’t changed enough to redden it that much, far as I can tell.

I really know my technical terms in this field, for those who haven’t noticed.

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The End

Finally catching up on this. Bringing you a couple new segments for these first two series.

Corridor Watch – Noting which events are taking place in these corridors. To really round out the whole talk.

– White Corridor 159 gets a lot of action this episode, as it’s both the location of the vending machine and the stasis booths.

– Corridor 147 is mentioned as the location of the Botanical Gardens, although the sign isn’t shown on-screen.

– Red Corridor 454 is where Cat comes tumbling out of the vent.

Esperanto Watch – I’ve done a bit of Esperanto on Duolingo avd done some reading on it for fun. This surely qualifies me to critique the early show’s use of it (usually good enough when it’s used, occasionally questionable, and definitely not used often enough for the ship to be usable by a crewmember or guest who speaks only Esperanto)

Level/Nivelo – Yeah, pretty much. Whatever level even means on this ship.

Botanical Gardens/Botanika Gardeno – This is wrong, but recognizable – should, at the very least, be Botanika Ĝardeno. Arguably, it should be Botanikaj Ĝardenoj to match the plural of ‘Gardens’, although this element may be lost in translation to the much more literal Esperanto. Even the great minds over at Esperanto Wikipedia can’t seem to agree which it should be on the Listo de Botanika Ĝardenoj.

Captain/Sipestro – And this one should be ŝipestro. Hollister’s captain of the ŝipo (ship), after all, not the sipo (not a word).

General Observations

– Service dispenser opposite the food dispenser in multiple corridors (although clearly just that same set recycled). At least we see both used by Balance of Power, but it does seem quite inefficient.

– One of the signs in the cafeteria labels the Food Recycle Container. If this is taken literally, surely the urine recyc isn’t that far a step down, or is that just a term for composting I’ve not heard before? Also, can anybody make out the sign next to it?

– #ReleaseTheNutCut

– Never mind Rimmer, what was Petersen doing in the drive room?

– When Rimmer shouts after Lister for “insulting a deceased superior technician”, they’ve clearly sealed off the captain’s office in the background.

– Rimmer doesn’t fade when he passes through the table or Lister in the drive room, but does when he runs through Cat in the teaching room.

– He learned all that stuff about Frankenstein in kitty school AND nobody believes it? AND the only other Cat known on the ship is the priest?

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“Yellow Corridor 541” seemed so out of place, so I went and had a look.

It struck me as maybe more red, although that was probably just wishful thinking, hoping there was a pattern. But no, it’s not that, after all:

So if it’s not red, does that make it yellow? No, that doesn’t seem quite right either. It quite clearly isn’t the same color we se on Yellow Corridor 348:

That’s right, I believe we have Orange Corridor 541.

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 05/09/2022 

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We should let Craig & Chris overdub each other’s lines in Bodyswap, as the bodies shouldn’t be making any sounds the vocal cords can’t physically produce. Strange that gaping plot hole was never patched up.

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I don’t think too much thought was put into it when filming, Cat seemingly goes around the corner from White 147 to White 159 when he finds the unconscious Lister.

Half the point of this website at is to poke holes in the unimportant detais nobody bothered to write for this show, then create wholly implausible explanations to patch them up. Since we’ve seemingly run out of new topics, we are now doomed to reopen each and every one with more and more detail until the end of time.

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Right, because I’m a sad git up to nothing on a Saturday night, I’ve skimmed through I & II on my phone. Here’s a list of the various corridors we see signposted on screen, in ascending order:
White Corridor 132 (Future Echoes)White Corridor 147 (Confidence and Paranoia & Me2)White Corridor 159 (The End, Future Echoes & Confidence and Paranoia)Yellow Corridor 348 (Future Echoes & Better Than Life)Red Corridor 413 (Parallel Universe)Red Corridor 454 (The End & Waiting for God)Yellow Corridor 541 (Balance of Power)Red Corridor 592 (Queeg)Red Corridor 603 (Parallel Universe)

Perhaps another helpfu question: where are each of these? Where are characters en route to/from when passing through them?

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Why would that take so long? You could presumably walk the full length of the ship faster.

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For posterity, a series of frames of Lister explaining the US Political System based on a comment someone made offsite about the cast breaking away to give education talks about US Politics

It is a little bizarre to imply the US isn’t working as intended, as it genuinely is incompetent by design, as the people who drafted the whole thing up circlejerked and convinced all their successors to circlejerk some weird sorcerer* who thought it was good actually if a government isn’t directly responsive to its people in a short timeframe, saving themselves from themselves, in a sense.

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lister fucked the hand dryer didn’t he. how else would he end up in the hospital

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– here we are, in the ’20s, and if I talk about the ’20s here in the US, at least, the average listener will probably still assume I’m talking about the Roaring such. Maybe the 2060s were so uneventful in comparison to the 19 of the same that only one has remained as significant in cultural memory.

– Everybody loved to wonder how Skipper could fail to bring Ace Rimmer up. It’s true, that was a story that seemed to depend on Ace Rimmer never having happened (lost to the Inquisitor II?). But talk about this episode reminds me that there are probably even more events than just The End they could have called back to. I would have gone apeshit if we’d had two seconds of Arlene dropping into a universe, going “Nope, not this one” and jumping out. Hell, I’d have even taken him falling into Lister’s body in a universe where they’d stayed swapped, a canary uniform, even back into his mech body (probably the most impractical, weirdly). Yeah, it’d be very MCU of them, but is that not the point of that section of the episode?

This is an episode that has steadily gone down in my estimation over the years,

– Never heard it called that before, etc.

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 29/08/2022 

you can probably guess what i tapped by mistake 

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Also, why?! 

genetics

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They should’ve played Ink Another Day as a Splatoon homage, I think.

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 27/08/2022 

oopsy!

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It’s possible that for a while Queeg was meant to be the final episode until they came up with the ending to PU. It’s not exactly made of finale material otherwise, whereas Queeg at least plays with the concept of a major cast change the way Me² does.

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 26/08/2022 

Forgot about the ratio thing. Also expected it was a Starbug flyby at first.

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Sure, but video games have crap names all the time. One of the best loved games ever is called “Metal Gear Solid”.

“Better Than Life” is a very similar name to “Second Life” in fact, and not any worse than it either.

Maybe – although those names at least sort of sound like names. Better Than Life just sounds like a review or a tagline. It’s like if they’d made the proper name of MGS “Tactical Espionage Action” or “Beautiful, Engrossing, and Innovative”. Perhaps that’s just what’s in fashion for titling at that time, though, I could see it happening.

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 26/08/2022 

Ah, my despisèd

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“Better Than Life” is a really shit name for a video game, isn’t it?

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 22/08/2022 

Piss, etc.

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Well, it’s a JFK theory I’ve not heard. Somebody feed it through the AI, I’m all out of credits.

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Funky Smegle bug: the “new Smegle in” timer is based on my system time, as is the date on the copy-paste post, in spite of the gmt reset time.

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#RedDwarf #Smegle 20/08/2022 

Knew it instantly. Please clap.

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I love the idea that all their clothes, belongings, food, etc. have survived three million years completely intact, but they have to take anything they want into stasis to get it back to Earth. As if the shelf-life for these things is explicitly somewhere between three and six million years.

It seemed to me the concept was that you’re packing the few things you’d want if the ship wrecked and you survived due to the stasis field mechanism not busting until after most of the damage was done, especially considering how ultra-reinforced thac stasis booth appears. I take it there’s also survival kits à la Rimmerworld pod. Or, at least, this is a cultural concept that survived from when they’d actually be putting the whole crew in there for long-distance travel.

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