Phil

[Phil]

Secret Audio Commentary 2: Recluses
Participants: Writer John Swartzwelder; Authors J.D. Salinger and Thomas Pynchon; Cartoonist Bill Watterson; Comic Book Publisher Jack Chick; The Residents

Well, if I had read that first I could have saved myself a few minutes of gullibility…

[Phil]

>Erm?spoof!

You bastard.

[Phil]

>Ullman View: Recreates the movie in the style of the original Tracey Ullman Show shorts.

YES. YES. FUCKING. YES.

[Phil]

I was eating yogurt when I clicked that. A warning to the rest of you: do not eat yogurt when you click that.

[Phil]

HAHAHAHA.

(Also, this was linked to from that video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDx5qPqBaSI&feature=related
Solo acoustic Duck Tales tune. It’s actually pretty lovely.)

[Phil]

I think I will go. I do actually have a curiosity for Star Trek (the originals anyway) but there’s so many episodes…and it’s so damn expensive on DVD…this will be a good chance for me to see some of it.

[Phil]

If he comes to Florida I’ll definitely go.

[Phil]

My personal theory is that GNP is holding them back for the next release. You greedy cads!

[Phil]

There’s a Star Trek TOS Remastered Encore or some such thing scheduled to play at my local theater tomorrow. It has a running time of two hours. Any idea what this is? 4 remastered episodes at random? The first 4? The last 4? A 4 episode story arc? A mislabeled remastering of the first film?

I’m tempted to go since I’ve…never seen any Star Trek.

[Phil]

Thanks for the link, John. I absolutely loved that.

[Phil]

I thought the three basic wines were “Decent,” “Fucking Horrible,” and “Why did I pay $50 for this?”

[Phil]

>wasn?t is something like ?have you ever sucked a mans cock?? ?

Wow. Much more vulgar, but I’d say it’s probably only about 10% as funny. It was a change for the best.

[Phil]

>Maybe I could be of more help if you sent a picture?..no? It was worth a try.

We are hereby officially invoking Rule #1.

[Phil]

It was Christmas Eve I was walking to the village church for the late night carol service. As I strolled down the road, I saw old Brutus the farmer, stood in a field with his wife. He was stabbing her continuously in both eyes with a big knife.

?Are you not coming to the carol service Brutus?? I called.

?Ahh not tonight,? replied the farmer.

?But it?ll do you good, a big old sing-along, it clears your chest!? I said.

?I know,? replied Brutus, ?But I?m stabbing my wife in the face at the moment.?

[Phil]

>I?ve just downloaded some porn, and was just wanking off to it, when I realised that what can be heard on the telly in the background was? the first scene of Camille.

I’ve recognized television sounds in the background before…if it’s something you’re familiar with, it’s distracting. You tend to want to focus on that rather than the action. The worst is when they’re boning to a really good song, and you find yourself singing along.

[Phil]

A. Yes – it’s a daily struggle. *sigh*

[Phil]

Can this please turn into a “post your favorite porn” thread? I feel it’ll really help us get to know each other as human beings.

[Phil]

>wait until its Bill Withers.

Jesus Christ.

[Phil]

I can’t think of any dialogue off-hand that’s put me off, but there was something I remember seeing online with a girl that was just absolutely gorgeous…which in itself would have kept me watching…but then they showed the guy’s wang, and it had one of those barbell piercings that go THROUGH the hole…and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to see the rest. Once that idea was in my mind, I gave up all sexual thought for a good seven minutes.

Which is a shame, because I think the girl and I could have been very happy together.

[Phil]

>A career?

Ha haha ahahahahaha ahahhahhahaha hahahahahahahaha

[Phil]

>The more the guy talks the worse it is.

That’s the truest statement I’ve ever read on this forum.

[Phil]

>> From all evidence previously in the series it does seem to be that blue = hard light.

This is faulty reasoning, anyway, under any circumstance. You can’t disregard the current situation because it doesn’t gibe with the evidence that came before. If you could do that then there’d never be any way to solve mystery stories…because you could just dismiss any further evidence that lends credence to a theory of the murderer’s identity that doesn’t agree with the one you already formulated. If anything this is contrary evidence to the fact that blue = hardlight.

It’s a change of clothes, that’s all. Rimmer changing from his grey uniform to his green one doesn’t necessarily imply a complete structural overhaul of the character’s physical traits, so why should the red to blue?

It was a good way of keeping the audience clued in to the fact that a change had occurred, but in no way does it imply that blue can only be worn by hardlight holograms.

[Phil]

>From all evidence previously in the series it does seem to be that blue = hard light.

Well, quite, but that doesn’t render Rimmer incapable of selecting it one day…it could well have been a change for him as meaningless as his shift from green to red. Or, indeed, grey to green. Neither does it change the fact that there is no physical evidence that he is hardlight at all. If he were, wouldn’t he be physically participating in the game?

It’s a mis-remembrance…that’s all it takes to bring everything in line with continuity.

[Phil]

>And don?t get me started on Rimmer being a hard-light hologram whilst playing the locker game in the Series 7 flashback?

He’s not, though. Lister does all of the physical work during that scene…Arnie doesn’t touch anything at all.

And the “blue suit?” Well, there’s no reason Rimmer can’t change his clothes based on whim (which, indeed, he does several times)…but I always just chalked it up to Lister mis-remembering the scene. The last time he saw Rimmer he was hardlight/blue, and it’s not unlikely that this is the wardrobe with which he remembers him best.

[Phil]

>?Oh Mr Guitar?

That’d be mine, too.

[Phil]

19 YEAR OLD BLONDE: What’s your name, big guy?
MAN: John Hoare.
*eject*

[Phil]

>Please Hammer, Don?t Bite ?Em.

Ian get your own catch phrase my long haired friend or are you not acute enough to come up with one yourself

[Phil]

>Enjoy!!

Oh ha ha.

To be perfectly honest, brand new audio adventures sound absolutely great to me. I’d be more than excited at the prospect.

[Phil]

I’m tempted now to do a Nostalgia Review feature for NTS in which I’ll look back at the films I enjoyed immensely as a child and try my best to re-evaluate them with adult eyes. It’d be more an exploration of what appeals to each age group than any kind of proper review, but it might be fun.

[Phil]

>If I saw ?Back to the Future? for the first time *today*? not sure I?d be overly impressed with it?

This is always an interesting question to deal with. In the case of Back to the Future, I’m preeeeeetty sure I’d still think it was a damn good movie. Maybe I wouldn’t like it as much…but I feel strongly that I’d enjoy it quite a lot.

[Phil]

>Watch them and forget

The problem is that I just didn’t have interest in seeing the films in the first place…as evidenced by the fact that I…well…didn’t see them in the first place.

So someone kind of forced me into one, and it didn’t do anything to change my mind. If anything I went from being disinterested in the series to being even more disinterested.

I’m not saying the other films are as shit as the one I saw. I’d have no right or reason to say that. But I am saying that my interest really isn’t there.

[Phil]

I’ve never seen any Star Wars.

Except for–get ready for it–The Phantom Menace. My girlfriend at the time dragged me to it. That put me right off bothering with another five films.

Yes, I’m aware it’s pretty much universally considered to be the weakest, but it soured me on the experience enough that I’m really not excited to see the rest.

[Phil]

You know what would have been really great? If you went up to him and said “smeg.” I bet you nobody does that. I bet he’d think you were hilarious!

[Phil]

> I have never seen Back to the Future

My whole…I…wow.

The universe no longer makes sense to me.

[Phil]

I like that there’s really nothing offensive on that wall at all. The closest thing would be “SUCKS”…but if you look closely it’s actually an acronym.

>?Smeg?

HAHAHAHA

[Phil]

>Mitchell as Arthur, and someone else as Ford would definitely have worked, though.

I thought Martin Freeman was an absolutely stellar choice (and I still feel that way), but Mitchell would have been a great alternate choice.

Basically I think that Freeman played the role just fine and I had no complaints…but Mitchell would have made for a more entertaining Arthur.

Does Arthur HAVE to be entertaining? Well, no…not really…and Freeman handled him as a character rather than as a comic-facilitator. Mitchell, by default, would have brought more humor to the role, and it would have made the film feel a lot different.

I’m not saying better or worse. It just would have been a different experience, and I’m sure an interesting one.

[Phil]

>his storytelling leaves a lot to be desired.

In fairness the same could be said of Joyce, Pynchon and Melville. But, like those authors, Adams was writing books in which the story came second to the experience. A weakness on his part? Perhaps…but it was a weakness creatively handled.

[Phil]

My tits are hot.

[Phil]

:-(

[Phil]

Jonathan Capps please get your own catch phrase please my pork-loving friend

[Phil]

*studio audience applauds, some stray hooting*

[Phil]

I have a slightly used Pringles can you may be interested in.

[Phil]

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve masturbated to a woman only to find out later it was John Cleese in drag.

[Phil]

I’m pretty sure I realized “…alone” finished his sentence the first time I heard it. Now can we forget my misunderstanding the cello joke?

[Phil]

Potatoe is hot RU single??

[Phil]

You know, a guy suggests having sex with a Pringles container stuffed with foam, and suddenly he’s branded a sad-sack. Ridiculous.

[Phil]

Behave, Ian, or I will report you to the site’s owner.

[Phil]

So you’ll sleep with me but you won’t accept my friend request on facebook. You’ve got an odd view of priority, but I like it!

And as for the person below me? No. Not after the last time.

[Phil]

I really can’t say one way or the other. I’ve never seen it, apart from a few brief clips posted by BBC Worldwide. Nothing’s really made me laugh, yet, but I think I do enjoy Nick Frost’s performance.

[Phil]

Jesus Christ. Not only did I have a vague image, but I had a wrong, horrible, porno fake image.

It’s really just that the legs are spread too wide? That’s kind of lame. I preferred it when it was a joke at the expense of the cockless.

[Author]

Replies