Phil

[Phil]

>if I put a picture of a big hairy cock and balls, there might be a bit of a fuss.

OF COURSE

[Phil]

>Alright, people need to stop proliferating this crazy view of John?s.

I actually had no idea this was a view of John’s. I’ve been using it as an example of my own feelings on how shaky series I was. (I know I’m in the minority here, but at least I’m willing to admit it…)

The Farmer Lister bit and What’s an Iguana? were downright cringeworthy for me. Though, as I say, I started watching much later in the show, when the writing was sharper and the performances more confident. It’s unfair to have judged the early stuff against the later stuff but…well…so be it. And series II has stood up like a powerhouse over the years, where series I is just full of little niggling bits like that that drive me batty.

[Phil]

Jesus Christ. Are all of the articles this unfunny? I’m afraid to read any more.

[Phil]

I’m actually with performingmonkey on this…though, for me, the “sumfink” bit is the best part. Both he and I feel the scene could be heavily edited…I guess it’s just a question of what would fall to the cull.

(And for the record, I also think the mocking of Lister’s plan in The End is kind of horribly unfunny. “Mornin’ Farmer Lister!” is right up there with “What’s an iguana?” for me.)

Me, I’d get rid of Kochanski’s order to Rimmer to have sex and Lister giving him the phone number…granted, most of the best stuff in all of Dwarf has to do with Rimmer being humiliated, but that one’s the only thing that seems truly mean-spirited. Perhaps because it’s not very funny. When you’re not laughing it’s easier to pick up on other things.

And as much as I like Ouroboros, I must really be in the minority because the flashback bit is probably my least favorite scene. (“Oh ha ha” is classic, though, I have to admit.)

[Phil]

>the unfilmed ‘Lister streaks in space’ scene

Only now did the logic of that situation reveal itself to me as hilarious.

[Phil]

Ha!

[Phil]

I think he means it was considered OFFICIALLY “enough.” He’s not arguing that more would be too much…just that there’s only so far budgets and schedules can stretch.

[Phil]

Andrew: I kept your comment in mind about a potential employer Googling you and finding a negative review. So don’t worry…I made perfectly clear that my dis-satisfaction had nothing to do with anything author’s done… :-)

[Phil]

Negative review submitted. Let’s see if they post it.

[Phil]

>second series of Saxondale

Has anyone heard of a series one DVD release date? I know Coogan recorded commentary, but that’s the last I heard.

[Phil]

>Kryten is doing what I like to call the Miss Piggy voice.

That just tripled my enjoyment of the Kryten whine.

[Phil]

>Maybe we should get together and write a Love/Hate article, Phil?

Actually, I think I’d be up for that. I remember you and Ian did an IRC debate about the setting of VIII and that made for some good reading.

Not that I’m suggesting the same format or anything, but I do kind of like the point/counterpoint articles.

[Phil]

I’m pretty sure Grant Naylor still considered Rimmer at fault for the drive-plate accident…Kryten just used character-evidence to make it seem like the guilt detected by the mind-probe was caused by Rimmer’s mind compensating for his own low self-worth.

[Phil]

Man, I’m amazed at how much Ouroboros hate there is. I’ve only picked up on it recently, in the past year or so. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not a bad episode, and it’s one of my favorites from the final two series. It gets enough out of me in terms of laughter, and I do feel that Kochanski’s introduction is the best thing about her role in series VII. It was a decent set-up…it just wasn’t sustained all that well.

[Phil]

>it?s better than The Crouches, but then so are anal warts.

I just laughed. Was that actually funny, or have I been awake too long?

[Phil]

> Or is this just one more reason never to trust Wiki with any important information?

This is always the case. Always. Even when it isn’t. THIS IS ALWAYS THE CASE.

[Phil]

>Craig?s Lister playing off Chris?s Rimmer is the main thing that kept the show together in the first series.

This is very much absolutely 2,000% true. Age is an issue, superficially, but no matter what you’re willing or not willing to accept physically from your actors will be immaterial if the Lister/Rimmer dynamic is anywhere near as strong as it was in peak series.

[Phil]

>The demand is there, the BBC should have a think about it.

Abso-bloody-exactly. Maybe Andrew can shed light on how seriously the BBC would take a poll like that…?

[Phil]

I’ve not seen Arrested Development at all…except for a brief snippet during channel-surfing that featured David Cross dressed as a member of the Blue Man Group. (Which, in all fairness, seems to suggest I would very much like the show.) And everyone keeps going on about how good the US Office is. I’ve only seen the first three episodes or so…then I just gave up.

Not that I didn’t like it. I did. I was impressed at how well they adapted the original program without relying on it. But, for whatever reason, it didn’t grip me anything like the UK version did. In other words, I didn’t feel I’d miss anything by not watching.

[Phil]

>Jail: COuld be Quarantine, or the Tank.

Quarantine is much more appropriate, I think, as there are plenty of things for the gang to encounter that would necessitate a spell in quarantine, and not all that much that’d send them to jail. (Outside of series VIII, who’d even weild the authority to send them to jail? Quarantine, however, being a safety issue, is a guideline the crew would be much more likely to adhere to.)

Quarantine allows you to have fun with space viruses, villains, parasites, even just exotic locations. All sorts of creative reasons to isolate a player.

Also Danny is right. We get to use the picture of Rimmer in the gingham dress. That should about end the discussion.

[Phil]

>People don?t stop being funny as soon as they hit 40.

You hope…!

[Phil]

Oh I wasn’t trying to make any greater point about the line. I just have a hard time not thinking of “What’s an iguana?” whenever someone discusses series I Lister.

[Phil]

Another of the white metal pieces:

A light bee.

[Phil]

What’s an iguana?

[Phil]

Any programmers among us want to whip this into a computer game? I remember loads of Shareware Monopoly programs when I was younger…

[Phil]

Thought of a few more:

Shower Room (from Stasis Leak)
Disco (from Parallel Universe)
Holly’s Brain Room (from White Hole)

[Phil]

>Community Chest cards could be called Garbage Pod and Chance could be Future Echoes

100% agreed on the Future Echoes. I might change Garbage Pod to Post Pod, however…you can do a lot more with the contents of a Post Pod than the contents of a Garbage Pod…(though, now that I’ve said it, I realize it’s debateable…)

Oh, and add the A/R Suite to the list of locations.

I know, we only ever saw the one on Starbug…but if JMC saw it important enough to install on each of the Starbugs there must DEFINITELY be one on Dwarf itself…

[Phil]

>I?ll start the list, please add to it.

The Exam Room (which may actually have a visible on-screen name I can’t remember)
The Botanical Gardens (mentioned but not seen in regards to Lister’s Nutkin fantasy)
Steam Room (as seen in Bodyswap)
The Hangar
Captain’s Table (seems to be in a different room from the ship’s mess)

[Phil]

>Jail could be The Tank

It sure could be, but I’d prefer quarantine. :-)

[Phil]

>We need another review of someone that didnt? like it?

Haha. The first thing I did was brainstorm a negative review to post next…maybe if I get bored later…

[Phil]

I’m willing to give you Cappsy’s virginity.

[Phil]

>50% might be pushing it a bit. The only successful transfers that I can think of over the years are Alf Garnett and The Office and there have been dozens of failures.

Yeah. The translation of Britcoms has had a much lower success rate than 50%. I’d say it’s even lower than 10%.

BUT if you broaden your criteria to include other formats (game shows, reality programs…) you’ll find the success rate increases hugely.

Personally I don’t know why we need to remake these shows at all. If NBC is so interested in these Britcoms why not set aside a night as “British Comedy Night” or some such thing, buy up the rights to the shows it likes, and air them in a rotating way akin to Adult Swim, or Nick at Night or something? That way if a show gets poor ratings you can easily swap it out for an old standby (Fawlty Towers, Blackadder) without having sunk millions of dollars into production.

[Phil]

>Well? ?map? is in the world of Columbus, while ?mac? is in the world of Columbo. To make the joke work […]

Why are you trying to rationalize a mis-hearing?

[Phil]

I really do lust after mean English sex.

Who’s free this weekend?

[Phil]

For a VERY long time…maybe right up until the DVD…I thought Columbo was “the man with the dirty map who discovered America.”

I know what he really said now…but I’m actually kind of partial to my mishearing. I think it’s funnier. “Mac” doesn’t add anything to the “Columbo” identification…whereas a dirty map is actually another miniature joke right in the same line…

Man, Rob and Doug should have let me mishear things officially for GNP.

[Phil]

You know, if they just did the film claymation style like in Back in the Red, it wouldn’t matter how old the actors get.

[Phil]

>Annettage of twat foot?s foaming Chloe?

Instaboner!

[Phil]

Would it be too much to hope for Ellard commentary on one of the documentaries explaining the process?

[Phil]

>Perhaps use of lethal force in defense of a human being?

That’s probably a bit more accurate, yeah. I imagine it’s not unlikely that mechanoids would be allowed to circumvent their normal behavioral protocols for the sake of saving the lives of the entire crew. They themselves might be disposable, but surely DivaDroid’s customers are not.

[Phil]

>Ah, but maybe Kryten is able to lie to fellow mechanoids but not to ?superior life forms?.

That’s always what I figured. But here’s a new possibility that only just occured to me: he’s lying in self defense. He’s not calling a banana an aardvark, he’s saving the lives of himself and his crew members. Mathematically he’s doing the right thing.

Also, murder is illegal…but killing in self-defense almost always goes without punishment. Mechanoids might be programmed in a similar way when it comes to their behavioral protocols.

[Phil]

Mercy me, thems some expensive chips.

[Phil]

Well I’d still take a ride in the Cappsy mobile any day.

[Author]

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