Phil

[Phil]

No idea what this is, but based on the picture, from left to right:

Positively yes, nah, absolutely never, yes, yes

[Phil]

>Your annoyance stretches to wanting to cost the franchise sales?

This really and truly bugs me when I see it, because some people will use any non-argument they can think of to dissuade people from buying things they don’t approve of.

Which isn’t fair. For someone to pop up and say the release is “pointless” or some such thing not only makes readers think twice about buying it, but it says precisely nothing about the release, so the reader has no way of knowing if it would actually interest him. Surely plenty of things I enjoy would be declared pointless by certain others. It’s just down to opinion. The problem is that these reviews don’t take opinion into account…they use pointlessness as a fact upon which to hang the rest of their logic.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with negative reviews…but they should at least explain what about the release doesn’t appeal to them. “I wish this was never produced” does not qualify. “I don’t think the specials are very funny” DOES qualify.

It’s like the Austin Powers example mentioned above. Would it really be a waste of time for somebody to buy it if it’s their first time buying the film? I like Austin Powers, but I don’t own it. Should it be pointless for me to buy it?

People are imbeciles. Amazon reviews are only ever good for a laugh, if that.

[Phil]

>It?s legal to fuck them?it?s just not legal for them to pose naked?..

*relocates to the UK*

[Phil]

>a fairly?idiotic review.

Would it be out of line to ask for a link?

[Phil]

>for the sake of them having

Ugh. For the sake of them NOT having. But I won’t edit it for fear of losing the thrust of Cappsy’s support.

[Phil]

Right. Neither serves any use whatsoever as a “useful critical term” (a distinction Andrew coined nicely). They can be used to express an individual’s misgivings about something…serving as a kind of short-hand to save a tedious explanation…but, personally, I think tedious explanations are important, sometimes, as they help the speaker work out precisely what it is he or she means to say. It also forces them to work through their own logic, during which process they should be able to determine whether it is sound or not.

None of this relates to Arlene, I should point out. I’m just not a fan of these quasi-literary tags people apply to things for the sake of them having to reach a conclusion themselves.

[Phil]

>monkey has inside information

He probably does. He’s dating Rob Grant’s daughter.

[Phil]

Ah! I remember that now. Wonder when/if we’ll start seeing some progress.

[Phil]

>Hang on, I don?t think we did!

Ah, okay, that’s kind of what I figured. I was reminded of it in a round-about way and wondered if maybe something did surface and I missed it.

[Phil]

For all the other things I expect a woman to do with it, the least I can do is allow her a choice of how to spell it.

[Phil]

I have a whole dormant theory that each series of Dwarf synchs up, in sequence, with each volume of Sterne’s The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman. Maybe one day I’ll write that essay.

It’s more in terms of the overall content of each series/volume rather than specific lines and events…a spiritual sort of synergy that bridges the lifetime development of both works.

The only “problem” is that Tristram Shandy has nine volumes and Dwarf only has eight series. So hurry up, GNP, and get that ninth one out there so I won’t feel like I’m talking shit.

[Phil]

>Good luck you naughty filthy minded man!

You’ll eventually find this phrase chiseled on John’s tombstone.

[Phil]

>Most importantly, did it have a Flux Capacitor?

Don’t be a fool. They obviously would have deactivated its time-travel mechanism for display.

[Phil]

>I think we?ve upset some of the (let?s face it) stupid people

You said it yourself, Andrew, and better than I ever could. “Stupid people” are the ones upset by this.

And since you know that you can’t please all of the people all of the time, the best you can even hope for is that only the stupid ones will be displeased.

So…with that in mind…all in all a 100% successful trip.

[Phil]

Right, yeah. Superficially it’s a very seductive theory and I’m sure you can have some fun with forming a psychological profile of Lister based on this being his afterlife (along with his personalized ideas of rewards and punishments).

I like toying with this like this…they might unravel if you look at them logically, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth exploring.

[Phil]

>The caption at the end was particularly enraging.

That’s really the only thing I dislike about the ending as-is. Granted, I think I’d have far preferred a rewrite of the “I see no ships” one, but I’m not complaining about what we have.

EXCEPT for that damn caption, which really bugs me.

>The End?.
>Smeg. It is.

Ha! Well done. (But hopefully not true…)

[Phil]

GNP just held it back for the next release, just like they did with the series one and two doccos. Hell, they didn’t even invite Rob Grant to contribute anything until Bodysnatcher! Also, they said you guys look like dorks.

[Phil]

Wasn’t it “injure your little brother?”

[Phil]

I forgot all about this until I was assembling my holiday wishlist. Looks like they posted my negative review after all!

Anyone want to buy it for me so I can do a proper review?

[Phil]

I, on the other hand, will only kill you figuratively. Say, in a game of chess. Or a political debate. Or Hungry Hungry Hippoes.

[Phil]

He’s a lot like Frosty the Snowman.

[Phil]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=TKz4qVmUz84

Thanks to Austin Ross for this link…it’s the song that inspired the Futurama theme. Worth it for its “historical” value, but also…damn…it’s pretty effing good.

[Phil]

http://www.bmezine.com/pierce/08-nipple/A50614/high/bmegl078029.jpg

[Phil]

You just quoted my favorite scene in the video.

[Phil]

This one gets me through the night:

http://www.dannystephenson.com/pornvids/one_night_in_capps/index.html

[Phil]

Quiet, you.

[Phil]

Don’t take too long to decide…I’ve already applied the Man Juice Lube.

And below me? Hmm… What the hell, sure. It’s Christmas.

[Phil]

>My brother uses Man Juice Lube

What fascinating dinner conversations you must have.

[Phil]

>one of the Simpsons? DVDs.

I remember a Simpsons book I used to have…probably in a box somewhere. An official release, too. They were reproducing an exchange between Mr. Burns and Smithers from Team Homer (if I remember correctly) when Mr. Burns is balancing his checkbook.

In the show it was something like:

BURNS: Bowling?! I don’t remember paying for any bowling.
SMITHERS: No, sir, that’s *boweling.* Remember that month we didn’t do it?
BURNS: Ooh, that was unpleasant for all involved.

In the book they transcribed it as:

SMITHERS: No, sir, that’s *boweling.* Remember that monkey didn’t do it?

Which, alright, maybe someone misheard it…but IF it was misheard in that way, it’s just nonsense. Why put it in the book?

[Phil]

I’ve done my part to kill threads before.

But this one deserves some kind of award.

[Phil]

>snuggles vaginal tightning cream is everyones friend.

Where were you three years ago? You could have saved my relationship.

[Phil]

>?Yeah, birth claims?

The DVD subtitles might have this, too. I definitely remember seeing it transcribed that way…I just can’t remember where.

Still, I don’t know how the 888 thing works in the UK…but in America, our closed-captioning system fairly frequently features typos (pretty much excusable for live broadcasts), blatant mishearings (somewhat less excusable), and an awful lot of keyboard mash in place of actual words (which is utterly disgraceful).

You’ll end up with a live transcription that looks something like “I REM67EMBER NOW. I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND AK1SJQ @#RJIWL6748 BLOOD.”

I can only assume the keyboard mash is to make up for lost ground on the transcription…they must have word-count monitored at the end, or something and just need some nonsense to make up the numbers.

I’d imagine that’s far more jarring to a deaf viewer than just omitting a word, filling it in logically, or, worse come to worse, just typing the phrase (INCOMPREHENSIBLE). At least that doesn’t interrupt the logical thought process.

[Phil]

What’s your mailing address, Penny?

[Phil]

>I have no more cumments to make on this

You forgot to say, “Wocka wocka!”

[Phil]

There is nothing in that paragraph that suggests you get anything other than sex toys for Christmas.

[Phil]

Wow, I just found out (via Google) that Lady Fuckingham is a real book. It’s also sometimes attributed to Oscar Wilde. Which, I’m sure, as I’ve studied him, is a load of crap.

* visits local library *

[Phil]

Yeah, I like that one quite a lot. Mick’s is the only one I favorited, but I can’t complain about the final choice of winner.

[Phil]

>and then the pug was pulled.

That poor animal. :-(

[Phil]

Just saw this recently, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t post it. The woman is sitting relatively sexily on a staircase with a book. The man is off camera.

MAN: What are you reading?
WOMAN: Lady Fuckingham.
MAN: Really? Is it any good?
WOMAN: Yeah, it’s pretty good.

Then they screw, unfortunately, leaving the book-review aspect of this particular porno woefully unexplored.

[Phil]

>?niet problemski??

Ah, yes, I’ve stolen that one, too. Also:

“Good point. Well made.”
“All in all a 100% successful trip.”

And, I’m sure, still more…

[Phil]

Oh I recognized that right away…I was never really sure if they were referring to THE Paul Alexander, or if they just grabbed a name out of thin air that just happened to synch up with a real-life figure.

I still don’t know for sure.

[Phil]

>The death of Rimmer in the first episode was written into the script, so that Barrie could get away with not touching any props.

Best conspiracy yet. (Sorry Ian.)

[Phil]

I just checked. Turns out he was replaced in the novels by Captain Rimcat.

[Phil]

>Holly, Lister, and Hollister as names?

Interesting!

They changed Hollister for the books, though, didn’t they? I remember Dwarf’s captain was now female but I can’t remember her name…

[Phil]

“Ciao for now.”
“The thought occurs…” / “The further thought occurs…”
“What’s going down in Groove Town?”
“Oh, no more beans man.”
“Black card situation. End of conversation.”

All of those have served me well. And I’m sure there are quite a few others that I’m forgetting.

[Phil]

>Robin Williams real name is Mork.

And I wish to God he’d go back to Ork.

[Phil]

>I hope I don?t end up being the new toungetied.

Best introduction to a new poster ever.

[Phil]

>Ha ha. It wasn?t his sister it was a nun. Do you see? LOL.

Oh! NOW I get it!

[Phil]

The “woman’s period” scene would have been much funnier if they made Clare Grogan puke everywhere.

[Phil]

>Spoken Languages : Pig Latin

That’s not completely far-fetched, though…is it? I mean, obviously it is, as it’s false, but it’s at least somewhat believable as a humorous bonus feature. Ditto the Futurama alien subtitles.

I’ll be honest and say that as false as some of those features clearly are, removing the overtly-ridiculous ones still leaves you with a damn fine set.

Also, it’s pretty funny the way those listed deleted scenes synch up in at least some way with what we already known was cut from the film. I’m still not convinced they’re all fabrications!

>I just wish that Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein were really doing a commentary.

I love Weinstein. I only own two Simpsons sets, but he’s a definite highlight of the season eight commentaries.

[Author]

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