Veni

[Veni]

WOKE ME UP, BEFORE YOU GO-GO

The snowflakes of G&T are shook when the controversial joke in the Red Dwarf Special that was foretold involves Kryten forbidding Cat on Starbug due to new Space Corps regulations forbidding trans people, resulting in Cat left onboard Red Dwarf to burn alive as it crashes into a nearby sun.

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WOKED

After their guitar duet, Lister realizes Hitler wasn’t such a bad guy and had some good ideas.

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He wants a politically-charged discussion, if you wanted to derail it you would’ve been better off posting your nudes or asking why Robert Llewellyn doesn’t carpool people anymore.

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Ben, being completely serious, why are feeding into this stupid tripe.

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Honestly, I can write an essay on that scene. How fast-paced the gag is setup and paid off, the complete and utter crapness of the fake Lister coupled with the dramatic walk Legion does toward the table, and the sheer concept that the boys are so idiotic that proves to be their best escape plan. I love, love, love it.

But anyway, this isn’t about the line itself really, so don’t mind me.

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Every scene from Legion, which has my favorite scene of all of Red Dwarf in it.

“Ah, Legion, we have considered our position, and have decided our best option is to make a new life here with you!”

*reveal of the greatest sight gag in Red Dwarf history*

“You truly believe I would be deceived by that schlock plan from Revenge of the Surfboarding Killer Bikini Vampire Girls?”

I have vivid memories of laughing my ass off at that scene in particular and I never did laugh at Red Dwarf very much. Also I’ve gained further appreciation for Chris’s delivery of “here with you!” and how obviously phony it sounds (it sounds cut-off so there’s probably a deleted scene but I don’t care).

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From reading-up on the movie, I heard it had something to do with Stewart having too much involvement for the film’s own good or something. I don’t know really, I haven’t even read the plot synopsis yet.

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I do intend to compile a list of some acclaimed TNG episodes in the near future, maybe based off the highest rated ones on IMDb or something similar and watch them by airdate order.

I’ve looked around and it seems partially universal that Nemesis is terrible, but that doesn’t really effect me going in as I usually like stuff people hate lol, though whether I end up liking Nemesis remains to be seen. Probably gonna watch it tomorrow and post my thoughts then.

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So I’ve never seen any Star Trek before until yesterday when I watched Star Trek: First Contact, and I won’t lie I thought it was underwhelming personally. The characters felt kind of flat to me and had a bit more action than I would’ve liked, plus the effects looked pretty crap minus a few standouts here and there. Patrick Stewart was good when he got screen time, and Data’s interactions with the Borg Queen were quite fun, in fact she and the Borg were fun villains here. I didn’t like James Cromwell, I thought he was really hammy and had a couple scenes I cringed at.

I did, however, recently watch Star Trek: Insurrection and it was pretty fun. I enjoyed the character stuff and it took things slower than the last film did with its plot. It focused more on Picard so he got more screen time, didn’t have to be stuck with some rando love interest I didn’t have any care for too. Data was as good here as he was last time, even if he didn’t have as much emotional impact here as compared to the last film. The effects were also better here than last time, even if they weren’t mind-blowing stuff like The Phantom Menace, it was able to convince me. That said, there were several short scenes of really, really shit greenscreen that took me out a bit. Overall, fun movie and I’m kind of looking forward to watching Nemesis next.

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The whole situation with people getting in a furor over the upside glasses is pretty amusing to me, I don’t think I even noticed it on first or second viewing. Really the whole controversy with Entangled must be one of those “you had to be there” things cause I don’t mind it at all.

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In replying to Dax

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I’m against speaking in absolutes like that, since most people have their own unique perspectives on the current show, I’d say there is a fair argument presented when you say go either, “the characters have progressed/degressed.” Plus, at the end of the day, it’s a comedy and always has been and will employ Simpsons logic when the comedy calls for it.

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“Oh please sir, don’t order me to help you, you know how much I hate helping you!”

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Obviously he’s not saying Cat isn’t an idiot in XI/XII full stop, being an idiot has *always* been an essential character trait of his.

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That’s not arrogance lol, that’s selfishness. I think you’re pulling at straws there. I’m sure there are better episodes to demonstrate an argument than Give & Take, plus I don’t see why Cat is “a much bigger idiot” there than he normally just because he fell for Kryten’s lie, and even then, he does realize he glossed over his being alive with no kidneys when it’s pointed out to him. How Series III Cat, for example, would manage to not fall for that as compared to XI/XII Cat, I’m not seeing.

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Excluding that bit, I agree wholeheartedly with Darrell. I like the new Cat, he has a more likable personality for me, compared to the arrogant Cat of earlier series.

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I honestly forget about Cat sometimes.

Though as some contrast, I actually hated him when I first watched the show on Netflix in 2012 as a, 11 year old I think. I thought he was an asshole, how he mocked Rimmer at the end of his gazpacho soup speech, saying he flat-out doesn’t give a shit about Lister in ‘Backwards’, etc. My favorite bits of him were when he got his comeuppance like getting Lister’s space mump goo all over him in ‘Justice’.

Nowadays, I find him sympathetic actually. My favorite bit of him in recent memory was his foreshadowed killing of Telford in ‘Cured’ and how badass it was, leading to him saying “pokey-face” to Lister right afterwards. I love that juxtaposition of his character.

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It’s not comedic, but Craig’s delivery of:

“I’m pretty cool, I don’t take any smeg, and even though I’m disgusting, sometimes I can be quite brave.”

Is brilliant. I love his inflection on “disgusting” leading into “I can be quite brave”, such a lovely way of emphasizing the negative into a positive.

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I advise against posting on Red Dwarf fansites and instead seeking emergency services when having a stroke.

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Calling them “two-dimensional cartoon caricatures” is overkill honestly.

I’ve heard you say Rimmer is evil in these new series before, but I don’t see it, unless you have some examples. Just a reminder, he’s always been an asshole (Ex: Tossing Kochanski’s handbag across the room for getting in his way in ‘Balance of Power’, leaving the others to die on the Simulant gunship in ‘Rimmerworld’). He doesn’t have as much sympathetic moments to balance it out, sure, but nothing in his portrayal here makes him more evil than what he’s already done prior.

Cat has always been inconsistent ever since VI, that’s more a problem with the Doug’s writing of him than XI/XII. He could be a cool-headed pilot in VII and getting bullied relentlessly in VIII the next minute, however I will say in XI/XII he IS consistently written (apart from that one moment at the end of ‘Can of Worms’ when he, for whatever reason, switches from being jolly to master marksman but whatever).

Lister hasn’t changed at all, and neither has Kryten. Unless you have some examples I may have forgotten.

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I never thought the original Polymorph itself was funny, maybe that’s just me, but I very, very rarely find sight gags in Red Dwarf funny. I laughed out loud once at one and it was at the end of Timeslides when Rimmer is blown-up. That’s hysterical. Otherwise, they’re chuckle-worth at best.

Honestly I actually Emohawk way funnier than Polymorph, so many memorable moments in that episode compared to one or two I can name off-hand from Polymorph.

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[Insert Space Corps Enforcement Vessel here]

In all seriousness, V/VI is peak Red Dwarf when it came to set pieces. Had it been shot on higher quality footage it’d pass as a movie production at times.

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I’m shocked she never got an Emmy

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I can’t be bothered with Doctor Who anymore. It’s lost all the spark it once had and just churns out the most boring, dull, monotonous, and lazy content ever. I’m genuinely curious who likes this garbage, and more importantly, what is there to even like about it.

Jodie is by far the worst Doctor the revival series has seen, and I’d go so far as to say she’s currently the worst Doctor period. Inconsistent character, barren of any likable qualities beyond the absolute bare minimum, and too reliant on her crap companions to get the ball rolling.

Call me when 14 comes along.

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Looks very, very good from the recent trailers I’ve been seeing. Surprising as I’m rather tired of seeing attempted satire of capitalism in a space setting, and it’s very often done terribly with all the subtlety of a claw-hammer to the groin ala The Outer Worlds (if any of you boomers have played it).

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As Rimmer said, “Says you.”

Could easily be a senile AI or whatever.

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*tumbleweed*

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I believe it was Lily on the Discord that also discovered this maybe a few weeks back, but not just Better Than Life. I do believe all four of the novels are getting rereleased. In any case, HORDE ALL THE ORIGINALS.

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That’s so fascinating lol, just the idea where the gang are standing a giant city was originally.

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I nominate this thread for hall of shame status.

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Post-quad Rik I think, as an outsider looking in, shifted from work to family and just did acting as a job rather than a passion for awhile (during the 2000s). Course had things gone differently, such as his role as Peeves not getting cut from Harry Potter, he’d have continued to have a good career and not one mainly relegated to the knowledge of the UK.

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Ade flirted with the idea of a new novel back in 2017 in an article with The Guardian, so still in the cards, especially with his career getting somewhat of a revival with appearences in Star Wars and Eastenders compared to headlining a shitty sitcom 10 years earlier.

That dude that does those impressions legit scares the shit out of me. Goes to show Rik and Ade had a charm to them that even made the nasty, gross Hammersmith Hard Men enjoyable. Something not many could’ve brought to those roles.

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The first two are absolute classics, the third has some really good bits in there, and the last two are utter garbage.

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That Google search your ace in the hole, eh. Well Mr. Bond, I retort that nobody watches 24 willingly, thus such issues make themselves moot.

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Actually do you work for The Sun by any chance?

Did you write this article: https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/10159750/red-dwarf-the-movie/

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You’re attributing a movie to a television special; I don’t know what I can do for you

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Read the OP again. I’m not saying Back to Earth is series IX or the special should be XIII but that they will be under streaming order. So when the special isn’t called XIII it will still be listed as 13. (Unless the special is considered part of a possible later-date XIII but that’s uncharted territory for Red Dwarf, and as such doubtful).

I get that you don’t care about that bt, but don’t misconstrue the idea.

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Richard Naylor also said 3 of the cast would get new designs so we’ve already seen he is a liar.

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Found this while on my nightly Red Dwarf image binges: https://tellyspotting.kera.org/2012/12/13/twas-the-night-before-christmas-red-dwarf-style/

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship
There was nothing on scanners, not even a blip
Kryten was bustling to spit-polish and shine
Every inch of Red Dwarf, from deck 4,000 to nine.

Rimmer was crashed out all snug in his bunk,
Twelve whiskey sour balls curing his holiday funk
Lister soon followed with marijuana gin
Thumb in his mouth and drool on his chin.

Cat strutted his stuff on the dance floor with glee,
While disco lights bounced off the (fake-arsed) green tree.
Stacks of presents underneath leaned dangerously right,
But Kryten’s new mop handle hindered their flight.

While alarm sirens blared through the whole of the ship,
“Just three minutes more,” a snoozing Rimmer did quip,
“Whassat?” Lister slurred and half fell from his bunk
Crying out in pain and cradling his junk.

As Kryten rushed in, Lister was curled on the floor,
Tears filling his eyes and looking quite pale and poor.
Kryten flailed about exclaiming, “What on Earth is the matter?”
Lister said in a high-pitched voice, “Cracked me love spuds on the ladder.”

Kryten helped Lister to bed, then fretted about,
“We’ll all soon be dead!” he wailed with a shout.
Sweat on his brow, Lister grumbled a threat,
“If you’re wrong about this, I’ll beat your smegging head.”

“Mr. Lister, it’s true,” Kryten brought up the screen,
“Sensors show nine figures aiming straight toward us, it seems.
A humanoid life form in an odd ship configuration,
Plus eight non-human entities leading the formation.”

Rimmer awoke with a groan and a sneer,
“Kryten, are you telling us Father Christmas is here?”
Kryten glared at him sharply, “I don’t know who you mean.
I’m only reporting facts as they’re shown on the screen.”

Lister’s eyes widened comically, “You can’t be serious, Krytes.
The big man, the main man, on Christmas night!
He brings presents to all who’ve been good rather than bad.
He brought me my first guitar; it was totally rad!”

“That’s a lie,” Rimmer piped up, dampening Lister’s good cheer,
“Aged nine, no skates and I’d been good all damn year.”
“Yeah, but Rimmer,” Lister said, his eyes all a-twinkle,
“You’re a twonk who doesn’t even believe in Kris Kringle.”

“That’s besides the point!” Rimmer huffed and tried not to care.
“He should lob presents at everyone good or bad, to be fair.”
“That’s not how it works,” Lister tried to employ sane reason.
“You’re supposed to care for your fellow man this season.”

Kryten implored, “I believe there are more pressing matters at hand,
Like which landing bay to tell the gentleman to land.”
Rimmer smirked with arms crossed, “He’s not coming aboard this ship.”
Lister flicked him off with a curt but firm, “Shut it, ya twit.”

They sped to the docks, meeting up with Cat on the way,
And stared in amazement at eight reindeer and one sleigh.
“It really is Santa!” Lister proclaimed, eyes starting to glisten.
Cat sidled up to him and asked, “Bud, who is this person?”

“It’s Father Christmas,” Lister sang, full of cheer and great glee.
“And he’s come to give presents to all of yous and me.”
“He’s giving presents?” exclaimed Cat, perking up with eyes alight.
“Dearest Cat,” Santa said, “I’m known to all this night.”

“He’s a right smegging bastard,” Rimmer grumbled and groused.
Santa sighed, “I’m sorry, Arnold, but your parents moved house.”
To Rimmer’s surprise, Santa pulled from the sleigh,
a pair of roller skates that sparkled silver, black and gray.

Rimmer was speechless, his voice lost to the void
as he cradled his gift as one would a newborn child.
“And for you, my mechanical friend,” Santa said with a wink,
“New scrubbers for your floors, walls, dishes and sink.”

Kryten beamed, “Oh, sir, they’ll do the trick just fine!”
Cat shoved to the front and demanded, “Where’s mine?”
Santa shook his head with a patient, kindly smile
and retrieved seven suits and three ties, all in style.

The Cat preened and sniffed his new things with a purr,
“My four favorite things: silk, satin, lace and fur!”
Lister’s happy face while watching his friends in delight,
started to fade, as no present for him was in sight.

Lister tried to buck up as he knew he ought do,
But Santa was all knowing, all seeing and saw through.
“Lister, my lad, I know your heart’s fondest wish.
I can’t give you that, but I can give you this:

You’re the richest man alive, in both word and in deed.
For it’s not the material things that you crave or most need.
Good friends loyal and true, these you already know,
Health and long life will follow wherever you go.

While it may not seem like it through times good and bad,
Good luck and great fortune are yours to be had.
So cherish your friends, as they’re your family most dear,
Happy Christmas to you, Dave, and always good cheer.”

Rare silence settled over the Red Dwarf’s small crew,
Taking the sentiment to heart (even Rimmer; who knew?).
“Happy Christmas, Mr. Lister,” Kryten smiled brightly and gay.
“Yeah, bud, Happy Christmas,” Cat quietly echoed the same.

Rimmer looked to Lister, tears welled in his eyes.
“Guess I was wrong about Christmas,” he surmised.
“Happy Christmas to all,” was his heartfelt decree.
Kryten replied chirpily, “Happy Christmas, smee-hee.”

Lister’s eyes were shining, but his smile was miles wide,
For Santa was right; he was the richest man alive.
With good friends, food aplenty and lager on tap,
All that was left was, “Happy Christmas ya smegheads,
From Dave, Arn, Krytes and Cat!”

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Should’ve called the thread “Top of the Tens”

I’d like to hear your take on Black Mirror bt

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Jimmy Savile presented Pop Go the Sixties which featured The Rolling Stones, including Mick Jagger
Mick Jagger was in The Man from Elysian Fields with Olivia Williams
Olivia Williams was in The Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis
Bruce Willis was in The Bonfire of the Vanities with Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks was in Sully directed by Clint Eastwood
Clint Eastwood was in For a Few Dollars More with Klaus Kinski

Tommy Cooper > Frank Sinatra

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Stephen Lewis was in On the Buses with Reg Varney
Reg Varney was in Miss Robin Hood with Peter Jones
Peter Jones was in The Return of the Pink Panther with Peter Sellers
Peter Sellers was in Not Only… But Also with Peter Cook
Peter Cook was in The Princess Bride directed by Rob Reiner

Mitch Hedberg > Tom Kenny

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Television
– Red Dwarf X/XI/XII
– The Boys
– The Amazing World of Gumball (You read that correctly)
– Boardwalk Empire

Summary: Most TV programs from this decade were terrible.

Movies
– Kingsman: The Secret Service
– Joker
– The Wolf of Wall Street
– The Hateful Eight
– Guardians of the Galaxy/Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
– Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
– Blade Runner 2049

Summary: The first-half of the decade were god-awful for movies, but went out on a high note.

Worst Celebrity Deaths:
– Rik Mayall
– Alan Rickman
– Robin Williams
– Gary Coleman (My mom met him and had a lot of very nice things to say about him)
– Harold Ramis

Books:
– Pft

Video Games:
– Telltale’s The Walking Dead Seasons 1 & 2
– Fallout: New Vegas
– Red Dead Redemption 2
– The Stanley Parable

Summary: Best decade for gaming so far.

Overall: Early 2010s were mostly horrible, but got better and better.

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– Captain Hollister, a fat American in-charge of the ship, is a shockingly accurate prediction of future President of the United States, Donald Trump. His search for “unquarantine animals” being a parallel to Trump’s hunt for “illegal immigrants”, as well as Frankenstein being black.

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Mel Smith was in The Princess Bride with Peter Cook
Peter Cook was in Mr. Jolly Lives Next Door with Rik Mayall
Rik Mayall was in Eat the Rich with Paul McCartney
Paul McCartney worked on Abbey Road with John Lennon and the other Beatles

Conan O’Brien > Peter O’Toole

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Was it Doug having a “quiet word” with Danny like how Paul Jackson manhandled Craig during Series I.

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Mickey Rourke was in Sin City with Clive Owen
Clive Owen was in I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead with Malcolm McDowell
Malcolm McDowell was in Voyage of the Damned with Georgina Hale

Patrick Troughton > Ryan Reynolds

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Whoops mean Jackanory, Crackanory was the Dave revival

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I can’t believe Bottom isn’t on here, The Comic Strip Presents…, The Young Ones, Crackanory?

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The Blackadder Christmas Carol is on US BritBox.

[Author]

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