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“He’s in? Let’s celebrate! I’ll crack open a PE Bottle of cyanide!”

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“Look at what he’s given me for dinner- a PE Bottle on toast. One PE Bottle. I tell you, I’m that far from cracking. (the PE Bottle gets recycled) I’ve lost me PE Bottle! Oh, that’s it, I’ve cracked.”

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Really the ending to Stasis Leak is a bit like the ending to Blake’s 7, only much less depressing

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>Plenty of episodes end on a punchline of the situation getting worse and being unresolved, like Stasis Leak

Isn’t the whole point of Stasis Leak’s ending that the situation just gets progressively more and more complicated and tangled up, and that Rimmer is at the centre of it all with absolutely no idea what’s going on? I always liked that ending, everything’s just spiralled into a big mess with multiple versions of everyone shouting at each other and Rimmer’s just sat there thinking “What the fuck”. It’s like Rob and Doug had a bet going to see how overcomplicated confusing they could make it

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“Get your KeXon lads, we’re sorted.”

“Quality.”

“Mint.”

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Dimension Jump has possibly the most strange one. What’s the Hammond Organ recital bit at the end doing there? It’s completely irrelevant to the rest of the episode, and done entirely as a voiceover. Rimmer attempting to prank Ace but failing doesn’t work at all either since you can’t see it’s a net full of kippers he’s trying to pour on him, and the Star Wars scrolling text just clutters up an already messy ending

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>Most of IV’s other endings are abrupter and/or weirder.

Yeah, I just finished DNA and Justice and they have dodgy endings too. DNA is about 10 seconds away from the Officer Rimmer ending, and Justice has the really out-of-character epilogue where everyone is pleased when Lister falls down a big hole and decide to seal him in. It doesn’t at all fit with the rest of the episode tbh-which makes sense I guess, as it was apparently quickly written and shot when Cat hitting himself in the face with the shovel was deemed an unsatisfying way to end the episode

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I know people complain about the Dave era having abrupt endings, but I’m rewatching IV right now and Camille’s ending basically comes out of nowhere, doesn’t it? Holly interrupts the two of them in the middle of a scene (via being really crappily composited onto the cinema screen. she isn’t even at the right angle to be facing them) to tell them that Camille’s husband who’s never been mentioned until now has arrived. The whole thing’s really abruptly done, and although Kryten lying to Camille to get her to leave ties in nicely with the training scene at the beginning, the husband seems to basically just spring into existence in order to resolve the plot quickly. It’s really poorly done IMO

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>PET bottles are ideal for all kinds of beverages including:Water,Sports drinks,Juice,Carbonated beverages,Wine,Beer,Other alcohol.

‘What do you want in your PET bottle, darling?’

‘Oh, I think I’ll have some wiiiinneee, please!’

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GIVE AND TAKESHI

Lister captures Asclepius and puts him through an obstacle course whilst doing some drunken, semi-improvised commentary over the unfolding events. Unfortunately when he tries to do the “As my old dad used to say…” gag, the surreal remark immediately backfires in his face due to his incestuous parentage

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Plus VI Starbug is at least somewhat plausible, whereas in VII it at least feels fucking massive. The wind tunnels, cargo bays, medibays, landing bays, miles of service ducts, medi-bay, AR Suite, laundry room etc., it’s all a bit ridiculous

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EVERYBODY’S IN HAMPSTEAD, DAVE

Alternate universe in which the radiation leak never happened, and Lister serves his 18 months in Stasis. Upon leaving, he is initially alarmed to discover the crew are gone but is soon informed by Holly that they are all on shore leave in London having a lovely time

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EVERYBODY’S BUTTHEAD, DAVE

The annual Red Dwarf Halloween Party gets a little awkward when everyone turns up as the slightly more unpleasant half of the famous animated MTV duo.

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it’s weird to think that Future Echoes was at one point going to be the fourth episode, right before Confidence and Paranoia- as in Future Echoes Rimmer delights at the idea of Lister dying, whereas in Confidence And Paranoia he’s genuinely worried when Lister falls sick and spends most of the episode telling him he needs to get better. So it would’ve just looked like he suddenly started giving a shit about Lister out of nowhere

As the second episode, Future Echoes works better, as it means there’s a gap between the the not-giving-a-shit and the giving-a-shit, so you can kind of see it as Rimmer getting to care about Lister over time

I don’t know if that made any sense, but my point was basically they made the right call on switching up the running order there

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>I would presume that being stuck on Starbug they don’t have access to any of the files or technology they would need to generate a different hologram.

It’s shown in Psirens that they do though- as Kryten is reactivating Rimmer, there’s a whole different bunch of forms on file that they could also presumably activate- including, bizarrely, a pig. That always weirded me out. I know it’s just a joke and all, but when the fuck would anyone ever need a holo-pig? Why is it even an option?

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This would have been excellent, can’t believe publishers weren’t interested in it

“Pointy Bits” made me laugh

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The double has the original Rimmer’s memory up until the point he is turned on, presumably. Either that or he just made a very good guess

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Backwards is up there with Emohawk, Camille and Meltdown as one of the slightly iffy ones in I-VI, imo. Not that it’s a bad episode, it’s just a little…off compared to the others.

The original draft of Backwards maybe would have been somewhat better-all four of them going to htraE together, and Lister being the one who wants to stay etc. Although that draft did end with Lister launching Rimmer into space for pissing him off, which is a bit out-of-character.

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Backwards has its flaws-the backwards Earth doesn’t really make any sense at all, and the thing of Starbug having a cloaking device that is never mentioned again is a bit strange. Also, despite Lister basically getting back to Earth in the episode, he has absolutely no reaction to it whatsoever other than the single line of “I’m home…” which is just weird. Obviously he wouldn’t want to stay, but that it’s not even discussed that they’re back on Earth always stuck out to me

But it is quite funny, I think. The Wilma Flinstone conversation is great (although arguably the Hammy Hamster debate in Camille is funnier) and Kryten’s driving test is funny too. Plus “Santa Claus- what a bastard!” always makes me smile

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Fucking hell, that’s incredible

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There are various Red Dwarf-related ways I’d like to waste my time that I haven’t got around to yet. For ages I’ve wanted to do animated versions of parts of the radio show versions of the books-kind of like that bloke on Youtube who animates bits of the Hitchhiker’s radio shows. Currently working on an animation of an old Eddie Izzard skit, so maybe once I’m done with that I’ll have a crack at it

Also, one time I tried to make a Red Dwarf RPG videogame where you play as a group of the revived crew, trying to survive in deep space after the events of Series VIII. I didn’t get very far with that, but I’d love to get back to it and finish it one day as I think it would have been decent

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I wasted many hours on various occasions trying to make a Red Dwarf fan-film, only to always give up halfway through, making the whole thing a massive waste of time. The closest I got was when I was about 12 or 13, I built a III-V style set in part of my room with the intent to film it there, but ultimately it was all a bit crap so I gave up on it and then had to explain to my dad why one wall of my room was fucking covered in bits of old styrofoam

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MEN WITH VEN OF HONOR

Mark, Jez and Super Hans crash the van in the middle of a blizzard. As they await rescue, their situation becomes increasingly bleak and their chances of survival slim. All they have to eat between them is some pasta, baked beans, lovely filling lettuce, two eggs, and some Dairylea Mark has rolled up with his hands. Oh, and they found a dead dog in the tool cupboard.

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MARK- You’re going to eat the dog.

JEZ- I’m hungry, Mark! I haven’t had any breakfast. Yes, I’m going to eat the dog.

MARK- I’m sure the dog will be lovely.

JEZ- This isn’t a dog. It’s a horrible, under-cooked, disgusting turkey leg.

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>What if Dave Benson Phillips had been replaced by Jawscvmcdia at DJXX? Would have have sang Chocolate Salty Balls as well or a different song from South Park instead? Discuss.

Although I’d like to go, I’ve never been to a Dimension Jump (it’s expensive to get there, and I’m quite socially awkward anyway) but I definitely won’t come to the next one if Dave Benson Phillips gets replaced, especially not by Jawscvmcdia of all people. You can’t beat Dave Benson Phillips

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Obviously though, the ideal character to replace Rimmer with in VII would have been Todhunter. Entire episodes of the elusive officer invigilating exams, putting people in stasis and going through a dead man’s stuff, culminating in viewers finally finding out what the fuck his actual job and/or rank is

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>The Captain might be the next go-to, because you need some sort of drama/tension between the characters, if it was just Petersen then everybody would get on like a house on fire and it wouldn’t be that interesting, like the first series of The Next Generation where Roddenberry forbade any of the characters from ever arguing with one another

Yeah,but you know Duct Soup would have been at least marginally more interesting if it were Lister and Petersen fucking around in the vents and getting absolutely smashed. It’d be like the party scene from The Last Day, only extended over the course of a whole episode and with a lot more drinks

The Captain is good for conflict, but with Kochanski and Petersen, they both know Lister quite well and are mentioned a lot so there’s something to work with already. With the Captain he doesn’t really know any of them, so it would have had the same effect as just introducing some random bloke to the show

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>Also Charles Armitage wanting a woman in it – what would they have done otherwise? Kochanski feels like the natural option because she’s the most established non-main-cast presence on the show, so who else could it have been? Nobody? An entirely new character?

I remember reading somewhere, although I can’t at all remember where, that at one point they were considering Petersen or Captain Hollister. I have no idea how true that is, it’s just something I heard. I guess I can sort of see VII working with Hollister as the new character, but Petersen? Surely most of VII would then just be him and Lister drinking copious amounts of beer

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PEEP-PART 2

Mark drinks some cold medicine and shits everywhere

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GUNMEN WITH VEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Version of Gunmen Of The Apocalypse wherein the Apocalypse Boys are digitally replaced with Jez and Super Hans, who have teamed up with dual vans to take down Kryten once and for all. Rimmer pathetically tries to distract them with some drugs crudely sellotaped to a frisbee but it doesn’t work and Kryten is rammed to death by the dual vans

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KRAYTWIN

ronald “ronnie” kray is beamed onboard by rimmer in order to help him with more effectively hiding lister’s cigarettes, but ultimately just ends up ruling over red dwarf with an iron fist. in order to subjugate the now power-mad ronnie, the posse shoot him with the laser cannons

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DALLIANCE OF POWER

lost episode from series 1 in which rimmer and lister try to seduce each other out of boredom. when lister becomes the sexually dominant one of the relationship due to rimmer’s intangible status, rimmer becomes annoyed and they have to break up

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I’m sure I remember reading somewhere (may have been Doug or Richard’s Twitter) that there was quite an interesting story about how they got hold of the old model shot for Skipper. Presumably, said story was the model shots being found in a skip etc?

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Indiana Jones is great, but I really hope they don’t go through with making that fifth movie they have planned for 2021. Harrison Ford’s going to be nearly 80 by then, I don’t think an adventure film is going to work when the main actor is a pensioner. Plus Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull was pretty mediocre, so I’d hope they just leave it at that

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In response to the discussion from a while ago, I re-read IWCD the other day, and it’s mentioned in a later chapter that “George McIntrye was force-fed his own nose”, so they definitely did cut it off. How gruesome

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just started listening to it about half an hour ago- the story about doug trying to park in the executive car park was absolutely hilarious. quite worried though, as i’m drinking a glass of water while listening so if it gets funny again i might accidentally spray all over my screen

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Meltdown, probably

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DO. WE. BEE LEAVE

Kryten’s big speech at the end of Legion is interrupted by an insect, which he rather bluntly asks to go away

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LAMBSARA

The posse discover a ship where good behaviour is rewarded by a nice, juicy leg of lamb with mixed vegetables and a lovely onion gravy

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>Same goes for “retard”/”retarded”, although they are starting to cotton on to that a bit more now.

When I was younger, I saw the (Tim Burton) Charlie And The Chocolate Factory movie and remember being quite shocked when one of the children says “retard”. Even if it’s not as offensive in the US, it surprised me they got away with that in a kid’s movie

Mind you, they did that West End musical version of Charlie And The Chocolate Factory a while ago where Augustus gets decapitated and Veruca gets torn limb from limb by squirrels, so I guess Roald Dahl stuff can just get away with anything

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>Circling back to RD, it always seems odd to me when Cat says “does mouse shit roll?”.
Not only because they’d always used smeg as replacement swear word, but they use it in a line that makes barely any sense. Does mouse shit roll? I’ve never checked.

Presumably it’s the Cat equivalent of the “is the Pope a Catholic?” line. As you said though, it still seems weird

The only other time I can think of them saying ‘shit’ in Red Dwarf is in Trojan when Rimmer fails his exam again. It always feels a little odd hearing actual swearing in the show. Thank goodness they removed the scene from The Beginning where they all say “We’re fucked” otherwise everyone would have totally freaked out

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>Whilst the crew have all aged, Lister still believes Kochanski is 31

They were outside a room full of stasis booths containing who he thought to be Kochanski when he said this- the implication is that she was 31 the last time he saw her, and obviously if she’s been in stasis, she would still be 31. Because stasis booths freeze time and stuff

Lister was still 25 when he came out of stasis three million years later, so it makes sense for Kochanski to still be 31 if she comes out of stasis nine years later

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>Yeah, Siliconia’s ending is practically a deus ex machina, but goddamnit does everything else about that episode work so well.

I didn’t mind the deus ex machina of them finding the Siliconia- it’s at least mentioned throughout the episode so it doesn’t feel like it comes totally out of nowhere- it was the little epilogue part afterwards that bothered me. We don’t actually see Rimmer and Cat back to normal, so it doesn’t really feel like they are, and “the soundproof airlock” is a really weak gag to go out on. The extended ending with Rimmer and Cat coming in forced to obey Lister should have been kept in, imo- it’s funnier and is a much more satisfying conclusion to the episode. It’s not like the episode was rushed for time either- it runs a little short actually, so they had plenty of time to include the scene.

It’s a shame, because apart from the ending Siliconia was an absolutely brilliant episode.

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>I’m fine with it, but for logic’s sake shouldn’t it be called Nurse Who now?

I’m pretty sure everyone’s already done this joke

Haven’t seen the new Doctor Who yet, don’t know whether it’s worth bothering with. The last episode I saw is that one where they accidentally make the TARDIS all small and the Doctor sticks his hand out and stuff. Not really a big fan of Doctor Who but if there’s nothing else on then I usually take a look. The only Doctor Who I really enjoyed was the movie with Paul McGann, I thought that was great

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>I’m fine with it, but for logic’s sake shouldn’t it be called Nurse Who now?

I’m pretty sure everyone’s already done this joke

Haven’t seen the new Doctor Who yet, don’t know whether it’s worth bothering with. The last episode I saw is that one where they accidentally make the TARDIS all small and the Doctor sticks his hand out and stuff. Not really a big fan of Doctor Who but if there’s nothing else on then I usually take a look. The only Doctor Who I really enjoyed was the movie with Paul McGann, I thought that was great

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I’ve not seen many newer movies, so I haven’t really seen much CGI. That chocolate commercial with the CGI Audrey Hepburn was really convincing though

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> I actually quite liked EJ2, for the way it was more experimental with its levels and tried to push into different gameplay styles. It would have been easy for them to just rehash the first game so I was pleased they didn’t do that.

True, but most of the new level types I just didn’t find fun-the isometric shooter one where you have to push the balloon (or was it a bomb?) through the entire level just felt tedious, and the level where your head is inflated and you have to float up to the top felt quite irritating. The final level also felt pretty lifeless-it’s nothing more than a footrace, which maybe would have been good earlier on in the game, but for the last level it feels too low-key.

That said, there were some good levels in it-the one where you’re suddenly a blind cave salamander is good, and the quiz show part of it was really funny. The one where everything is made of food was good too, I thought. Overall though, the game felt like it focused too hard on trying to be wacky and creative and forgot to actually make it fun to play

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>Earthworm Jim also great.

Earthworm Jim is amazing, but Earthworm Jim 2 wasn’t so good, and the one they released on Gameboy Color was just apalling. Never played Earthworm Jim 3-D, but apparently that one is rubbish too. With most platformers (Mario, Sonic, James Pond etc.) there’s usually an even better sequel, but Earthworm Jim just sort of spirals downwards immediately after the first game

The cartoon series was good though

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Bought Capcom Classics Collection for PS2 recently, so I could play all kinds of classic Capcom games. I now finally actually get all the Street Fighter II references from the Idea For An Episode thread. Weird how Street Fighter II is one of the most famous fighting games of all time, I’d known about it for years, and yet only just played it recently (I was Guile throughout the whole game). This means I can also finally watch the Street Fighter movie, which I’d been putting off until I played the game

Also, Ghosts N’ Goblins is fucking difficult. I’m nowhere even near beating that yet. Capcom games seem to be quite challenging, which I’m really liking because it’s more rewarding when/if you win

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The deleted scene from Pete where Lister teaches Rimmer how to play the kazoo using only his arse always gets me, for example- “extra clenching is required” and all. Why was that cut out of the show but See Ya In Ten Minutes was left in? There’s so many good deleted scenes in Red Dwarf that it’s almost annoying. Even in XI/XII where there’s barely any deleted scenes, there’s some great stuff, like Lister winning at the Turkish gameshows and Rimmer complaining about men with beards.

There’s some shit deleted scenes too, I guess. That one from Justice with the litter-bird is a bit rubbish, and most of the stuff from the Inquisitor is just crap- that original ending where he takes his mask off and it’s just some ordinary bloke with a normal voice is just weird. Every shot is really close-up so it just ends up feeling like they shot it in a cupboard somewhere

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I don’t know if it was the most I laughed at Red Dwarf, but the first time I remember bursting into hysterics while watching the show was Lister’s rant in Stasis Leak.

“What d’you want on your cornflakes, darling?”

“Oh, I think I’ll have some WINE, please!”

That scene was absolutely brilliant, it’s a shame they cut it down so much- there’s a lot more of it in the Series 2 deleted scenes, and it just makes you think “why couldn’t this have been in the actual episode?”. But then I guess that goes for quite a lot of the Red Dwarf deleted scenes, really.

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