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The Dirty Feed Dozen

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Confidence and Parahoarea

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Channel Hoare News

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Goddamnit I meant to post that on the main article.

One of these days you’re gonna have to fix the edit function. You’re making us look like we don’t know what the hell we’re doing!

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I’m amazed. Utterly amazed. It wouldn’t surprise me if this is the timeline of errors going forward:

April 2017: Series XII is leaked.
June 2017: XII Special Features leaked.
September 2017: Series XII released on UKTV Play.
November 2017: Series XII airs on Dave.
December 2017: Series XII DVD/BD released, Blu-Ray cover contains synopsis for Series XIII; refers to Rimmer as “Grodan Brittas” (mis-spelling intentional).
Feburary 2018: Series XIII Rushes leaked, despite only having been filmed an hour before.
June 2018: Any and all Red Dwarf thoughts are leaked from Doug Naylor’s brain onto a twitter account.
October 2018: Vindalunar II collides with the ISS

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Anyway, the titles themselves. They’re alright, though Here No Evil doesn’t look right (It’s the punwork, man, I’m telling ye.) The rest are alright, though I’d argue Time Wave’s the only Dwarfy title of the bunch, with maybe M-Corp also, surprisingly. (Maybe it reminds me of Crapola Inc or even the JMC. It certainly reminds me of M People).

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But…why would they?

Re-record just The End? Maybe, and that’s a slim maybe. Have it as part of the 30th celebrations. But why would they ever re-record the entire first series?

The answer is widescreen and age. Good day to you.

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Mrs. Naylor, It’s a boy!

IT’S COLD OUTSIDE (the womb)

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I don’t want anyone to get into a flap here, but I’m the Rimmer who’s from the double-double future.

I̧̘̲͕ͧ̚͠Ṱ͕͔͆̈́̈ͭ̔̂̓̒̈͢͠’͈̘̝̪̠͈͓̬̍S͎̮̣̥̝͚̭̼̉ͨ͌͑ͥ̀͠ͅ ̧̨͙͕͉̳̮̟̲̦ͤ͐̾̃̌C͒ͤͯ̄̓ͩ̿͏̛͓̰̗̭̘̮̞̀O̤̲͕͉̯̽͆̽̑̆̎̅L̷̡͓̜͆̆̏ͅD͎͈̼̺͙̻̖ͬ̿͌̅̃ͫ̆̀̕ ̲̝͚̳̝̹ͧ̾ͧ̉̔͞Ȯ̰͓̭͔ͨ̌ͩ̔ͣ͆ͣ͐Ų̹̙ͦ̒̄ͪ̏̌̀̚T̶͈̮̲̻͗̿̿̍̑̑͜͢S̶̨͖̟͉̭̼͇̜ͭ̆ͮ̀̌ͣͅIͩ̿͆̏̆̈́̏҉̫͍̠̱͖̣̰̻̬Ḑ̟̦̬̤̰̘͕̿̐͗ͧ̀̑͋͌̋E͋͒͑ͯ̾̈҉͉̹̥̭̥̙̙ͅ

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I propose ‘BBS’ to honour the show’s 20th century roots.

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The clicks are actually Howard Goodall making clicking noises into a Vocoder.

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Times Where Holly says “You Wot?”
Esperanto Lines
Uses of Microgramma
Uses of that dumb Digital font in VIII
Times Where Cat says “Aaooww!!!”
Smeg Ups where Chris/Cast says “Extraordinary!”
Halfway Frames (The exact halfway point of the episode. This suggestion’s legit actually, I think there could be some merit to it.)
Asteroid Storm Levels in the Game
Kryten Gurning Faces

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It’s butter than Series X.

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I’m only either a Norman Lovett’s Football or a Duke of Manchester away from winning my Bingo card.

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Nanobot #284085541.

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XI. It’s heights felt closer to classic Dwarf than anything in decades, and it had fewer lows than X.

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Lister discovers a time capsule from Earth that features footage of a Weather Balloon and a Cow eating some grass in a field. He gets bored after thirty seconds and goes off to eat a curry.

That episode’s name?

Vindalunar.

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The fact that it took 27 years to find this is mind-boggling to me. This has been hidden for longer than I’ve been alive and now it’s suddenly been found, just like that. New layers to the theme are being discovered after almost three decades. I’m amazed Howard’s never told anyone.

This also means Howard sings in every episode since Backwards, instead of just the three or four we thought he sung in.

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Rimmer falls through the bar.

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One in trouble, all in trouble! Pots from the Noodle!

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Comedy is fine. It’s that goddamn sci-fi that grinds my gears. What have evil robots or space aliens ever done for us?

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You’re going down, PTS! There’s no way I’m hearing his “legit” story again.

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Hmm, valid point. Tell you what, we’ll settle this with a good old-fashioned game of Mineopoly. Whoever wins gets possession of Norman Lovett’s football.

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Did The Ten Percenters have a Dinosaur almost drown a guy in a river of it’s own shit? I think not.

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Christ almighty. We’re in the middle of Rob and Doug’s life. Do we need a discussion about the merits of their greatest creation right now?

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I’ve got one:

“Nice”

Starbug crash lands onto an icy planet, where they discover the frozen remains of Bruce Forsyth. They unthaw him, and he tells them that Earth was frozen in 2641 by Simulant replicas of Torvill and Dean. He only survived because he had been playing dead for the last 300 years. At the end of the episode he trips over a box of paperwork and is flushed out of an airlock.

Also Lister irons his trousers with curry, because he likes ironing his trousers. Also curry.

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At first I liked it, didn’t love it. The controls on the Rimmer level were quite wonky. But any game that lets me recharge Kryten’s Nipple Nuts gets an automatic 9.5/10 from me.

At first I only thought there was a few levels per episode but no, the whole fucking episode is playable. I thought it was just until the time jump. I’ve yet to go beyond just after the crash but so far so good.

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Wait nevermind just had to turn the phone off and on again.

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I just get a black screen when I open it. Anyone else get this?

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I’m amazed that this person would revive a six-year old blog about his opinions on temperature, just to have a rant about Andrew Ellard (and later G&T).

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But what’s it say on the other side? UNT)? They didn’t think ahead!

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Don’t mind him, he’s probably stressed out from his campaign to shut down BBC Parliament or something. Welcome, by the way!

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So you’re not Sir Richard Branson then?

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Sir Richard Branson?

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Bill Bailey as Craig Charles
Mark Heap as Chris Barrie
Dizzee Rascal as Danny John-Jules
Tom Jones as Robert Llewellyn
Lenny Henry as Norman Lovett
Chris Barrie as Rob Grant
Seb Patrick as Doug Naylor
Chris Barrie as Paul Jackson
Chris Barrie as Audience Member #36
Chris Barrie as Craig Charles (age 11)
Chris Barrie as Ben Elton
Chris Barrie as the Ghost of Kenneth Williams

I’d say that’s unsuitable enough.

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Krytie TV is revived, now hosted by Dara O’Briain

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In line with that, I hope Kryten doesn’t shit out a wrench and talk about the Roman Empire again. The humour of that bit peaked in Series V (1994).

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Rimmer believes he has rediscovered the Luck virus, but it turns out to just be dishwashing liquid. He makes a face.

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>McIntrye is Birdman and is therefore not worth talking to for.

That makes me wonder. In VIII, from what specific point in time were the crew resurrected? Was it from the point of the accident or from sometime before? If it’s before, there’s a possibility that McIntyre is alive and is once again a threat to everyone’s marriages.

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The Dwarfers meet the Go Compare guy. He sings for 19 minutes straight. At the end of the episode he trips over a box filled with forms and is flushed into space. Ironically, he wasn’t insured.

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>Does your version have the same voiceover as ours? Because there’s no way anyone on G&T would ever criticise that guy.

From the one minute I saw of it, yes it was! Whoa, I didn’t even realise that was him, talk about a grand coincidence.

I don’t think he’s ever been on Australian TV before. Congratulations Mr. Lee, the world truly is the size of a village these days.

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>I don’t know what cat show you’re referring to, but if you’re dissing Jackson Galaxy, then I’ll fight ya!

No no, not at all! I hadn’t even heard of him, but a google search tells me he’s got the most unique beard I’ve ever seen.

What I was complaining about was “Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud”, which I’ve found out is in fact a Channel 5 show. So just to let you all know, it was a hit down here. Yay.

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Oh I don’t agree either, the BBC makes plenty of shows I’ve enjoyed and still enjoy. My comment was more of an excuse to complain about that damn cat show. It’s wall-to-wall reality shows and cheap factuals here. Cherish what you’ve got, because if you let that go unchecked you’ll end up getting 90-minute long, 5-night-a-week shows about renovation or cooking, on multiple channels, at the same time.

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Your TV is still miles better than the TV here. A compilation of Internet Cat Videos was the highest-rated non-news programme on TV last night.

Television might be bad in the UK, but it’s fucking dismal in Australia.

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Rimmer’s body is crushed by a Mexican vending machine (named El Taco Loco Chico) and his head is sewn onto Lister’s shoulder. No mention is made of how this is possible.

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Pete Part II + Medi-Bot + Taiwan Tony

/thread

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> VII is bad Red Dwarf, VIII is bad television.

I think that’s the best way I’ve seen those two series summed up.

Also I agree with Renegade Rob and MANI, I think somewhere in these two series is some decent material, more so in VII than VIII. I also like the Idea that Red Dwarf could have gradually become a more dramatic show. Now I’m imagining a series VII made in 1995 featuring Rob and Chris, which probably wouldn’t be terrible compared to the VII we got.

This is fueling my love of Red Dwarf AND Alternate History. Hmm, I’m getting ideas.

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They all make blueberry muffins, like Martha used to make.

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They all become Holly, all at once. Hi-jinx ensue, until they all leave the ship when their legitimacy is questioned.

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I’m really liking this. I think I prefer the first episode to the second in terms of pure laughs but both are really good and I’m looking forward to the rest of the series.

I also want Matt Berry’s voice. Goddamn, those vibrations are smooth.

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I only just got around to watching this tonight. I was going to watch it in the cinema last year, but I never got around to it. (I didn’t get around to watching a lot of things in the cinema last year, the only thing I watched in it was the Doctor Who Anniversary, and I’d already seen that on TV earlier in the day.)

I liked it, I laughed, I appreciated the background music. (There really isn’t enough James and Pulp in Movies and TV.) I was enjoying it up until the massive curveball of an epilogue. That grim post-apocalyptic ending really feels like a hit to the senses and it comes out of nowhere. Despite the name of the film being “The World’s End”, I wasn’t actually expecting an apocalypse.

I know that all the main characters appear to be happy in the end, but how happy can you be in a world where the sky is literally blanketed with smoke and toxins and there is debris everywhere. The world had become a like something out of a cross between Mad Max and any disaster movie from the last 20 years. I know that people have other people to spend their non-societal lives with, but a life locked inside an abandoned dirty building is still a life locked inside an abandoned dirty building, even if you have your mates with you. (Hell is being locked in a room with your friends. Shame about the lack of a penguin puppet though…) Believe it or not, I wouldn’t mind the apocalypse part if only they had retained some of the lovely landscape. It would help in an apocalypse if you were able to look to the sky occasionally and feel for that one moment that the world hadn’t ended and that life was still the way it was. But you can’t do that if the atmosphere is filled with fucking smog. Okay I need to calm down about the smoke, I’m reading too much into that bit.

It’s not just the look though, most of humanity seem to have turned into angry bikers (without bikes, though I’m sure bicycles still exist. Angry Bicyclists). Even if some of the characters are running farms in piece or living in a nice shack, most of humanity appear to have turned into a bunch of rabid angered skinheads. I know the film highlights the point that humans are uncultured, but at this point I’m wondering if falling in line with the rest of the galaxy should have been the way to go. But that’s obviously not the right answer, because then we lose the freedom of choice and elements of free will. But then again Earth is fucked at the end and society is dead in the water. But then again…

Shit, I don’t think any of what I’ve said has made sense. This moral dilemma is doing my head in. Besides the last 10 minutes of the film it really is a good film. Without that part it would have sat alongside the other two in the Cornetrillogy. (You can keep that.) Maybe it still does. It’s just that ending is a curveball and has possibly ruined it for me. I really hope not. Like the rest of you, I’ll give it a rewatch at some point and I hope my opinion will have changed.

Funny film though. 9/10, would recommend.

[Author]

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