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SNOUT OF PRIME:

Lister signs up for Amazon Prime and they send him a hooter, so he unsigns up. Meanwhile, Cat sticks his bum out an airlock, but was it an accident?

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PHWOAR AT TEEN:

The boys discover an isolated strain of the virus that turns you into a pedophile, but was it an accident?

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BACK TO THREAD PAGE TWO:

Clicking on the name of this thread finally takes me to the right place.

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FUT-HOARE ECHOES:

A G&T admin watches like twelve Ians Symes walk through a door and screams

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LUNG DIED:

Lister diesafter his lungs stop functioning because he smokes. Rimmer concludes that the proper way to mourn is sticking a “no smoking” label on the casket. Meanwhile, Kryten rams his broom right up Cat’s arse, but was it an accident?

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I’ve just got off a three hour phone call with International Debris. Do you realize how awful you are? You’ve treated them like absolute scum. How could you make fun of them over calling it Red Dwarf IX. They’re an actual person you know. You all disgust me. I’m leaving.

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DEFLATION:

Cat, but was it an accident? Not according to you lot.

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If the “perfect shot” from the Frankenstein scene in The End had been accidentally released, Craig Charles’s testicle would be given its own banner on fansite Ganymede & Titan. #DwarfFacts

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Hello.

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THE LAST TRAY:

Kryten runs out of trays so starts serving all meals in construction hats. Meanwhile, Kryten finds all the real cloches on fire in the garbage hold, but was it an accident?

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*waits for International Debris to come yell about the French and one-episode series*

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Codbining three opinions into one

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& also by Matt Damon.

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Lister, Rimmer, Kryten, and Cod.

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McCodney, you fool.

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I do think another ad would be the correct explanation.

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Isn’t Only the Good… the one with ‘HAVE A FANTASTIC PERIOD’?

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BB-CORP:

Kryten, Rimmer, and Cat become unable to see or hear anything from the Dave era and Dave Lister, and are immediately jumped back in time to exactly where “Only the Good…” left off. Meanwhile, Lister has been hiding Kochanski in the air vent in the sleeping quarters, and she mews, indicating her presence, so Lister takes her out and feeds her and shows her his testicle and pictures of Fiji, but was it an accident?

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BB-CORP:

Wait, wrong thread.

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BETTER THAN ‘LIKE’:

Kryten expresses his true feelings for Lister. Meanwhile, Cat ends up dead with forty-five knives in all parts of his body, and the CCTV footage shows that Rimmer hurled them all at him while shrieking “die, die, you fucking twat! rot in hell, you cloche-shaped welt on the reputation of this crew! die, die!,” but was it an accident?

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NIPEN TAKE:

nipster nips some balm for his nipped nips so he nips down to Nips to get some but its a long way so nipper nips him there by nipping him in his nip ford nipscort

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1. Only Everybody…
2. Only Your Son, Bexley…
3. Only Holograms, If You Count Switching Holograms As Death…
4. Only The One Cat Ark…
5. Only Hallucinations…
6. Only Duplicate Rimmers…

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5. Two men are killed

I count three.

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Perhaps the BBC are finally interested in the same audiences again after a quite edgy mid-life crisis.

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I mean, if there is a literal fight going on over it, that would make sense how Doug is getting his “certain” figure on there being a XIII.

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LAST HUMAN:

Lister finally realizes that he is not the last human alive, although he is likely the last human ever conceived. Also, wait a moment, even if we just take his ‘last human’ line from Skipper to mean that he’s the last one he’s aware of and technically therefore could be the last one, does that mean that they have found Kochanski confirmably dead off-screen, or is that just an indicationthat he knows she could have not survived for a while out there in space, and has accepted it?

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1. The One Where Everybody Becomes a Sperm (TOWEBS)
2. Rimmer and Lister Discuss Having Sex While Eating Dog Food
3. Kryten Finally Gets Lister’s Pants Off
4. Rimmer and Lister Touch Each Other’s Dicks Without Consent
5. Supermodels Will Fuck You Because You Are Rich
6. I Mean, What Do You Think an Insane Guy Who Likes Being In Control Of You and Could Kill You If You Didn’t Comply and Loves Showing Off His Massive Powerful Dick Is Going To Do Once He Has Taken Over the Entire Ship?

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1. Science Affair
2. Fuck For Your Lives!
3. Here, Have My Hole
4. A Massive Tug Gone Wrong
5. Kryten Screeches to Make Himself Feel Cool
6. Octoinfanticide: Pipe Me!: Polymorph III

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Part 1. Rimmer nearly kills his three crewmates
Part 2. Rimmer kills a hologram
Part 3. It is explained to Rimmer by Kryten that he, in fact, did not just kill an entire universe full of people.

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UKIE TV:

The BBC are no longer interested in the audiences Krytie TV used to attract, so another channel picks it up, and the BBC get jealous and try to buy the channel.

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THE INK-WHIZZING DOOR:

We open on an explicit sex scene on one of Red Dwarf’s rarely visited floors between a despair squid and a polymorph. It ends with a baby squidymorph squirming its way out of the polymorph, which shapeshifted to a vagina for these purposes. The crew don’t suspect anything when the bunkroom suddenly has a functioning door again until one time they nearly stab it by accident and it pisses ink everywhere, but was it an accident?

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Hollyship

A special extended cut of Holoship with a 10 minute explicit sex scene between Holly and the Enlightenment.

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BLACK TO EARTH:

Rimmer is racist and doesn’t want anybody who’s not white on the ship, so he activates a teleporter that sends Lister and Cat to Earth, which they then realize they should have done a lot sooner. Meanwhile, Kryten has a BDSM threesome with Kochanski and Bent Bob, but was it an accident?

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BACK TO EARTH:

The ship turns around so that it’s facing away from Earth.

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CLIVE & JAKE:

Lister and Rimmer rename themselves and start a talk show. Meanwhile, Kryten eats Cat, regurgitates the remains, and arranges them very neatly in Clive & Jake’s quarters, but was it an accident?

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By the way, the Book have called me for most failed attempts at making a joke on a single internet forum.

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Never mind when BoJack to Earthman, Earthrested Backvelopment, The Back Earth Theory, and Backmastearth came out. Guess the Red Dwarf fandom are just a bunch of pricks.

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have enother ago

spit on her wrist

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BoJack Horseman isn’t a sitcom per se, but it’s American and better than Friends.

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STD: SOON TO DIE:

Rimmer trips over his Hedge, Earwax, Rope, Pinecone and Elephant Shit collection and into a button which activates Red Dwarf’s Automatic Internal Deactivation System. The boys have two options, either they can Go Off Nowhere Or Remain Redboard and Have Enother Ago at keeping the Dwarf from self-destructing. Meanwhile, Holly is annoyed by Hollister outranking him, so he removes his “ster” to make them just about the same, but was it an accident?

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That post would have been perfectly true had I left out the blockquote.

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The Last Day always bugged me, as the rest of III is one word titles, a la The Young Ones, Blackadder II, etc.
When I was writing a sitcom – back in the day when I was an interesting, creative person – I planned every episode to have a one word title. It felt like a very sitcommy thing to do.

Friends is a very bad sitcom.

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The final line proves controversial among Red Dwarf fans: “What an absolutely upstanding chap for referring to it as Series IX”.

Doug would never write that line.

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Fine, maybe the ninth Derek has got a middle name, and insists on going by it. You call him Derek Joseph, or DJ for short. He has specifically asked not to just be called Derek. You can’t call him Derek IX, since he has told you that’s not his name, and you can’t call him Derek Joseph IX, since he’s not the ninth Derek Joseph, unless he was, in which case whomever is responsible for hiring at that company needs to be audited to see if there’s any sort of bias towards people called Derek or Derek Joseph.

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DEREK

The boys meet twelve guys not called Derek, but then name two of them Derek for an experiment, then name all of them Derek for the experiment, then name of one them Back to Derek for the experiment. All twelve Dereks sue over this exercise, but everybody tells them to fuck off because they all liked the experiment.

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THE SERIES XII REVERSIBLE COVER

Series IX takes place after “Series X.” Kochanski’s dead and the crew are hurled through a portal and discover they’re just characters from a TV series. Knowing they will die in the final episode the Dwarfers, in best Blade Runner tradition, track down their creators to plead for more life. First the crew attempt to track down the actors who play them in the series, and their metaphysical odyssey begins…

Only available in the UK.

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Also, don’t pull that Britbox crap on me. It can’t even decide if QI is hosted by Sandi or Sandy Toksvig, or in fact occasionally by anyone at all.

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I mean, I do think they called Series IX “the best yet” while they did not call Series X “the best yet”

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Xbox XI is just a souped up Xbox One, not a new installment in the Xbox franchise.

I’m assuming you mean IX, but are you telling me that Red Dwarf IX is…

…Red Dwarf I Remastered?

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Y’know Windows? Here’s a little story for you: a few years ago, around 2012 I think, a new version of Windows was released, and it was called Windows 8. A few years later, in 2015, a different version of Windows was released, they called it Windows 10. In between those two, only one main version of Windows was released. Theymust have called it Windows 9, right?

Wrong. It was Windows 8.1.

Have you ever heard of iPhone? I suppose you might have heard of iPhone. This year, they announced three separate goddamn iPhones. One was the iPhone 8, and another was the iPhone X (ten). If you announce 8, X, and another, you’d suppose that other would be the iPhone Nine, right? It always gets listed in the order of 8, the other one, X. It has to be Nine in some form, right?

Wrong, it’s the iPhone 8 Plus.

There’s this thing, it’s called an Xbox. Some of you have probably heard of it. Back in 2005, they came out with an Xbox that they called the Xbox 360. Then, in 2013, there was a new Xbox that they called the Xbox One. This year, they’ve come out with a new one. Well, technically, it’s a massive revision of the Xbox One, but it’s nearly one all on its own. I could compare it to the Game Boy Color, not entirely different from the Game Boy, but different enough. Anyways, you’d expect Xbox to follow the pattern and either call it the Xbox -358 or maybe the Xbox -178.5, either as a full next Xbox or maybe halfway along, to follow the pattern of decreasing by 359. But you know what they called it?

Xbox One X.

Xbox I X.

Xbox IX.

Tell me again how sure you are that nine is the one that comes between eight and ten.

[Author]

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