tombow

[tombow]

maybe Rimmer can’t enjoy pleasant touch, like a hug from a friend or a piece of fruit, just functionally lift things, which keeps him still feeling inhuman

[tombow]

shit her fist –  some misheard advice from his brother leads Rimmer deep into the underbelly of Io’s fetish scene

[tombow]

I’d love to read a serious novel version of Trojan

[tombow]

I wondered at the time why they didn’t replace Rimmer with another similar hologram nerd. Say Don Warrington or someone – let’s forget Holoship canon and say he was a science officer who Kochanski briefly dated and dumped for being too dull. And imagine if CC left but they just replaced him with a similar likable slob – someone like Simon Pegg, Kris Marshall or Dylan Moran who was known for that kind of “relatable guy” comedy role. Some guy they find who is stranded in space who was left in stasis on his own. Could that have worked?

[tombow]

has the Bill Bailey we know ever commented on sharing a real name with Axl Rose?

[tombow]

I didn’t like Uni sounding like Morgan Freeman. I wish they’d used the Ricky Tomlinson type Northern accent that God had in the BTL audio book. I mean… I don’t hate the voice they used, I was just a little disappointed. 

[tombow]

 That would be my comment that you’re all slagging off.
 This is the thread in question
I stand by my opinion (and that’s all it is; my opinion). Also note that I never said that the scene was “fan service”, so I would greatly appreciate people not putting words into my mouth. Ta.

when the legend becomes fact…though I suppose to be fair I never said “fan service” was a verbatim quote, just my vague memory of what I read. Probably my own opinion creeping in as I suppose I could see it as “fan service” nostalgia of the previous times Kryten pulled funny faces, though I actually like fan servicey comebacks of things that (to me) were funny and still are funny.

[tombow]

I used to have one of those radio/stereos with a little black and white TV screen added in, and you could record audio tapes of programmes. I used to audio tape any shows and docs about music, punk and metal, like when Channel 4 did those “top ten metal/hard rock” shows in the late 90s, and some comedy (I think I did a Bill Bailey stand up).

didn’t there used to be a load of urban myths about Kenan and Kel? Either one of them died, or one killed the other, or they robbed a bank together and both got life in prison, or they were shot robbing a bank.

[tombow]

the opening of BTE with him sneezing on the ironing board is weirdly disturbing to me for some reason, maybe because it’s subtle

[tombow]

The Dwarfers finding themselves back on a populated Earth, living there for a few years becoming celebs/finding peace/whatever, and then ending up back on RD in the future would be interesting. I know “Lost” did that one season. 

[tombow]

wow. I saw him in the flesh a few times in the 90s but I didn’t realise how since then he aged into actually looking like a Discworld wizard. With the spiky beard and brows he really looks like an illustration you’d see on a book.

[tombow]

I was thinking last night about the similarities between Rimmer and Rincewind (Discworld), 

both high strung, neurotic, nerdy, and “cowardly” (by the standards of their universe)

both have a menial job in the place where they want to be higher ranking/heroic (ship and Wizard University)

both end up in a higher position in an unhappy way due to an accident (keeper of a dangerous spell/highest ranking person on RD), though Rincewind at least gets to stay alive

both end up as the guardian of a chilled out, tropical shirt wearing person and are joined to make a trio by an enigmatic animal like creature, (Twoflower/Lister, Luggage/Cat)

[tombow]

I never understood why the Blue Midget dance is zero-d in on as this ultimate bad S8 scene. Don’t people like DDJ dancing…didn’t people tune into Strictly every week to watch that? To me it just seemed like it was supposed to introduce the Cat as a dancing, physical character to any new viewers, while also showing off the triumphantly big new effects the show has. It probably seems worse as we know in hindsight the series it’s building up anticipation for isn’t that good.

 I don’t think they find the skeletons as discomfiting as they should, frankly.

I thought they were just resigned to finding skeletons everywhere, they might have boarded a lot of lost ships before “Kryten” so they were used to it.

[tombow]

I was just thinking about the iconic “Kryten’s funny faces” opening to Mechocracy. I saw someone once on another message board saying how the opening was “the audience in hysterics with Kryten just sitting there doing nothing” and that this was a horrible example of how fan-servicey and lazy RD and the audience had become. But I found that scene really funny and still do. The Gals enjoyed it too and said “the whole episode could be this”.

[tombow]

“crit ambled down the stuffy corridor, his pink suit chafing against his sweaty body, “can’t wait to retirement” he thought, (chapter long origin story of how he was trained in Crit Cop academy and his greatest cases and controversies)”

[tombow]

It is honestly a little odd that Doug has not published a novel in nearly 30 years.

Why did he hide away so long? What did we do wrong?

[tombow]

I guess I’ll be in line to buy a new Doug novel, even if Last Human was a little rough. Maybe he’s polished his prose/editing since then.

[tombow]

Hollister, Kris and Lister huddled together in the vent under the pipes – the only place, he believed, they could speak safely.

“when I awoke…it was just me, Todhunter, Brown and a couple of others. Olaf the chef, a couple more. We knew the situation – but we didn’t know what was happening out there. Eventually, using my communications codes, we pieced things together. The JMC now runs the galaxy – ran humanity for a while, until people got replaced with simulants and gelfs. Abominations…” he scowled. “JMC is nothing but insane AI that oversees – and controls – all sentient life in the universe, and the rouge simulants work for it”

“Toddhunter found some combat ships…we took down some of the simulants.. .”donut boys” they called us, for the holes we left in their ships, until he was lost, the rest of the crew began to appear, and we had to flee to safety and figure out a plan”
“We managed to register the ship back on their lists to avoid destruction …the only way to survive this is to lie low. The rest of the crew need to think it’s business as usual. The AI knows you too – and your cat man, and your Arnold hologram – you’re people of interest. The only way to hide you is to put you in the prison. As crazy as it sounds, it’s the safest place for you”

“prison?” said Kochanski. “there was never any prison. This isn’t the original ship.”

“i know…” murmured the tired Captain. “this isn’t the original ship, and I’m not the original man you knew. And yet… in my mind, in my memories, this was always a prison ship as well as a mining ship.” He rubbed his eyes in confusion.
“everything’s automated. The people in these ships – they mainly now just exist to entertain the AI – to act out goofy, ridiculous scenarios to satisfy it’s curiosity about human behaviour. We need to be clowns…” he growled. “to keep the AI at ease. We need to act out a sitcom – a bad sitcom. I have to be your fool, and Arnold – our Arnold – has to be your stooge. You’ll use sex toys, aphrodisiacs, poop… act out bizarre sexual scenarios…anything to keep it’s sick mind entertained and distracted while we figure out what to do next.”

“your android…we registered him as female for a reason. A couple of reasons in fact. One, he’s known to the bounty hunters that work for the AI, so putting in the female wing might throw them off. And two, his antics in there – filming in the showers, being forced to do intimate medical checks – it’s the kind of thing this twisted mind finds funny. And an amused JMC is a safe JMC, at least for now”

“Dave when I put you in stasis, you were a maintenance worker. I know in the past few years you’ve become so much more. I regret never seeing that potential in you. But this might be your toughest test yet. Now lets get you back.”

[tombow]

anyone remember the Tony the Tiger 2d platform game CD-ROM that came free with Frosties one year in the early 2000s? It was awful, I completed the couple of levels it had, it was like a really repetitive homemade flash game. I haven’t thought about it in years.

[tombow]

I suppose they both contain depiction or mention of a mistaken identity kiss, though so does “only the good”

[tombow]

“so let me get this right” said Rimmer. “all this time, this technology has existed, and I’ve never heard of it?”

“from a couple decades after your time” said Hol. “top officers get their genetic material frozen, then if they’re lost in action and bought back as a hard light hologram, the material can be put into their bee to be released during intimacy. A way they can still conceive new heirs.”

“and my “material”? You know the bank rejected me.”

“you left a few tissues in the bin the evening Lister was put in stasis. Remember? You rented Bouncy Milkmaids for your first evening alone?” 

Rimmer blushed. “and i suppose you got the skutters to retrieve them, knowing somehow I’d be important in future? This is all bollocks isn’t it Hol?”

“yeah. I used the timeslides and Kryten with chloroform to get the samples and put them in your mum ages ago. I just thought you could do with a romantic holiday.”

[tombow]

As Cat jumped into his portal with a whoop, Rimmer looked at Lister, stepping into his with his best stag-night suit on, and sighed with disgust. 

“what?” said Lister defensively. “you know this has to be done man”

Kris had once told Dave that, when a student on the moon aged just 18, alone and confused, she had an affair with an older man – a cuddly 50 old janitor called Jim. Jim had looked and sounded uncannily like an older version of Dave Lister – in fact, Kris had admitted that the one thing that had drawn her to Dave in the first place was his similarity to Jim.

Of course, Rimmer had been through Kris’ things – he’d seen the one photo she kept – it was obviously Lister himself. He’d used his portal – was using it, right now, to smegging groom her – all in some twisted long game of keeping himself being born for eternity.

“It’s not grooming” came the familiar self righteous whine. “well ok, it is a bit, but…If we don’t hook up now, we won’t date in the future, and I can’t keep humanity alive. This is a service, man” he grunted, zipping his flies up.

“I can’t deny it” said Rimmer coldly. “you have to conceive yourself with her, which means you have to win her trust now. I know. It’s just… have you considered that if this relationship is the human race’s legacy, then it’s not smegging worth keeping around?”

“What about you man?” snapped Lister as he sprayed himself down. “you told me once Dungo took advantage of your mum when she was alone and depressed, watching over the house alone. Now that’s you? And you’re happy with that?”

“What Helen and I have is something you would never understand” sneered Rimmer. “It’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover –an intense affair between a woman of breeding and her high class servant. Way above your intellect”, he continued, as he smeared more compost on himself. “Plus, I have to exist to keep the Ace Project alive in the multiverse”.

“Rimmer man that pongs, why are you putting so much on?”

“mummy – I mean Helen – likes it. The earthy smell gets her off” chuckled Rimmer. He stopped. “We’re disgusting aren’t we? Just two lonely perverts taking advantage of the two women who’ve ever cared for us. Neither of us gives a smeg about the human race, and the Ace Project? That floppy haired, simpering prat?”

“c’mon Rimmer, you – Ace – does a lot of good, he’s defeated the nazis in loads of dimensions now”

“I like the smegging nazis!” sputtered Rimmer, as Lister gave him a hard look. “c’mon Listy, in most of those dimensions they’re not even racist! They’re universes no-one cares about colour anymore, they just want order and trains running on time! That Fuhrer in England we helped Ace drop a giant gerbil on to – Frau Badenock – I liked her!”

“well she didn’t like you man” chuckled Lister, “wasn’t she gonna turn all the holograms off?”

“only because she didn’t know me! Had I the chance to work with her I’d have shown her, there a worthwhile ones like me!”

“Anyway”…sighed Lister. “yeah. See you in an hour Listy” said Rimmer, patting his shoulder as they both stepped into their portals.

[tombow]

his real name was Mungo but they nicknamed him Dungo 

[tombow]

it was typo and I couldn’t edit it

[tombow]

Cat paused in front of his time portal, gazing on the attractive young cat female limping along the corridor on the other side. “the idiot…was me?” he murmured. “C’mon bucko” chuckled Rimmer, in front of his own portal, as he pulled on the “Mungo” overalls. “Holly figured it out – to maintain our infinite existence, we’re all our own fathers!” “Well…” sighed Cat, “a cat’s gotta do what a cat’s gotta do…” he straitened up and brightened. “And I do look too good to resist – these sealskin shoes are good enough to eat!”

[tombow]

strange seeing all those scenes knowing that Doug is an amputee 

[tombow]

discussion of Rimmer’s bad luck in love?

[tombow]

[tombow]

don’t remember seeing this before (apparently by the legendary Jim’ll Paint It)

[tombow]

Ah’m not finished!

[tombow]

I enjoyed this Mac Batman interview – Mac McDonald Interview – Joker Goon actor in Batman (1989) – Batman-Online.com 

“I went off to the side of the sound stage and I’m sitting in this ‘easy chair’ that was for some other scene and I look and about 20ft away from me is Jack. He was sitting there on his own. Nobody else, just sitting there. So I thought “If they didn’t introduce me to him, I’m gonna introduce myself to him!” So I walk over to the rear of him, just to the side, and I said “Hiya Jack, I’m Mac, and I’m gonna be gooning for you for the next 6 weeks”. He didn’t look at me really, he just kept staring straight ahead, and after a little bit he goes “Goooooon ooonnnn, Mac”. And that was it. I just kind of stood there for a while…I mean he wasn’t gonna say anything else. So I just stood there like a lemon, and then after a bit I turned around and walked away. He never spoke to me again. Seriously. He spoke to all the other goons, including the running goons and the jumping goons, but he didn’t speak to me again.
…the make-up lady said “Oh Mac, I’ve gotta tell you. You committed an error in protocol”. I said, “What do you mean?”. She said, “Well, in Hollywood you never ever introduce yourself to the star. It’s OK if they want to introduce themselves to you, that’s fine, but you never introduce yourself. It just isn’t done”. So I thought that is f*cked up. I mean, we’re all just people. Ya know what I mean?! He’s supposed to be a nice dude…”

[tombow]

So, I had a really vivid dream last night. I was working in some big suburban pub/restuarant. My parents were coming to visit and I needed to charge my phone. I kept losing charge points and every time I found one, I plugged in to find a different text saying they were in different places. I finally got a text saying they were over the road.

So I left the pub, and went into this big park behind it. Hidden around some big trees and bushes was a big, lifesize, Starbug – about the size of a large caravan or trailer, and about ten feet high on extended legs.

You know that thing where you suddenly have new memories of the world in your dream? I remembered that RD had filmed some scenes with a life size Bug here, and left it, or the council had chosen to leave it there as a memento. I had some vague memories of a RD special about battling Simulants where they might have reached Earth and found out Simulants had centuries ago defeated humans and taken it over. It was like a cross between Series 6, Terminator, Star Wars, The Promised Land, and Twentica.

I remember being shocked at how good a condition it was in, it was faded but not covered in graffiti or anything. I climbed up one of the legs and went in. Inside was a bedroom with a double bed, cupboards and windows. I then remembered that someone who owned the pub had once converted it into a flat and lived in it for a while, then abandoned it. I was thinking about trying to move in myself, and whether it could be cleaned up. I think I woke up then

[tombow]

The rights holders checked some episodes and decided it was a gay old time 

[tombow]

the first might have been a hotlink as I was struggling to upload directly, second is an upload

[tombow]

I remember back in the mid 90s my local comic shop started trying to sell cream-coloured molds of famous film weapons. They had the Lawgiver gun from the 1995 Dredd film and maybe a Star Wars blaster. They wanted £100-£150 or so for some of them IIRC. Was that a collectibles/merch thing that never took off?

[tombow]

characters in RD have a fourth wall knowledge of whether an apparent incident is really sad or not, like Cat knowing to be sad when Rimmer has supposed to have died heroically, even though he’s thought he died other times and made jokes.

[tombow]

it didn’t load?

[tombow]

What if the Dwarf met Edmond’s Starfleet ship?

[tombow]

Back To Reality – Timothy Spall overdubbed with Ray Romano

[tombow]

how could anyone confuse this with Gamesmaster? He’s got a hat on!

 https://youtu.be/kLj-xibrpoM?t=83

[tombow]

Mundane observation: Mads Mikkelsen keeps appearing in stuff named after RD episodes.

Last year he was in ‘The Promised Land’, he’s just been announced for ‘Back To Reality’. 

I’ll be looking forward to him starring in the upcoming ‘Pete’ and its sequel…

and his brother Lars was in Star Wars Rebels, which has episodes called “Entanglement” and “The Honorable Ones” (men of honour/marooned) – an episode actually about two enemies marooned together…. it’s spooky…

[tombow]

I sometimes idly wonder what cultural daily life is like on Io, from what we hear from Rimmer I imagine it being a kind of nightmare of extreme British Empire and military obsession with an almost Samurai Japan crossed with Victorian England focus on family pride and success. Like the most right wing, isolationist British people you can imagine founded it. 

[tombow]

I was just thinking that Series X was the first “normal” series (set on the main ship, not very experimental or upheaval-affected) since V, which was 20 years gap (1992-2012).

[tombow]

I also saw that and thought of this thread

[tombow]

Am I the only person who has over noticed that level one of Robotniks Mean Bean Machine sounds a little like Wu-Tang’s “protect ya neck”. I wonder if it’s a coincidence 

[tombow]

my parents made me go to swimming lessons then and I have such strong memories of being home right after, stinking of chlorine and feeling faintly sick, while eating dinner and watching Cyberzone. It looks so primitive now.

[tombow]

Point Break had a Red hot chili Pepper member in it…and Craig Charles is a FUNK and soul DJ…. it’s all starting to make sense…

[tombow]

anyone remember this guy’s Bunkroom Dollhouse?

遠藤 大樹@ミニチュアハウス作家 on X: “I love Red Dwarf. I made a Red Dwarf dollhouse. #宇宙船レッドドワーフ号 #RedDwarf https://t.co/O8fSuxq78H” / X (twitter.com)

[tombow]

“Ace sat back in his leather seat as the ship floated in the darkness of deep space. He sighed and lit a cigar. These moments – in between calls to heroism – were the only chance he had to relax and reflect.

He tapped the radio on. Ghostly, floating radio signals from Io comforted him – the 1960s Earth style easy listening records, camping songs, military marches and news reports of long gone issues made him feel at home for a few brief minutes.
the moon’s official anthem played –  “Io, Io, Father Io…” Ace smiled…but cringed a little. Once, when needing a pick me up, he’d composed a little version with his own name in place – imagining it playing when he gained his medals after the heroic deeds he’d no doubt achieve as an officer. Even now he couldn’t bear to remember when they’d found the tape…the constant singing whenever he was around…

He knew – from the multi-dimensional bug he’d hidden aboard Starbug – that Kryten had used the song to remind Listy not to miss him too much. He chuckled…that square headed git… Then the console beeped. Giant mecha tortoise emerging from active volcano on Tiberius IV… he sighed and engaged engines…”hang in there fellas….”

[tombow]

I’ve just remembered something. There was a line in my edition of the Programme Guide that said “the one time Cat was with a woman, he didn’t know what he wanted to do” or something similar. Anyone remember this or know what it was referring to? I thought it might have been the Backwards novel

[Author]

Replies