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Judas the traitor and Thomas the twin are different apostles.

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12 SMEGS FOR LIFE

Lister’s old drinking buddy Petersen is revealed to be Canadian psychologist Dr Jordan Peterson, who came up with his self help program to stop people turning out like Dave Lister. He visits the ship, and hears Rimmer joking about Ace wearing women’s underwear and Lister’s ex being really a man, which causes him to look at Rimmer in concern.

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O-RAPE-ORUS

Rimmer goes back in time to sexually assault himself

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THANKS FOR THE RAPERY

The boys find out on TV that Yvonne McGruder left the ship on medical leave for stress, wrote a famous book about what Rimmer did to her after she hit her head, and her story was held up by the media as the ultimate example of the toxic sexual culture on Jupiter mining ships. The media also somehow got hold of clips from the future of Rimmer refusing to give Dr Irene E her clothes back and talking Kochanski into bed in Series 8. Using Rimmer as a global symbol of sexual assault, the Jupiter Mining Co was forced to overhaul all it’s practices, and Rimmer’s name has over centuries become the term for sexual assault “he rimmered me”.

Rimmer can’t see what the fuss is about. “Great armies have plundered women for millennia. Quite frankly, if it was good enough for the vikings, the mongol, and the hun, it’s darn well good enough for me matey”.

WAITING FOR HOGG

The boys find out that the admin deck was preserved in stasis/nanobots, and it contains David Brent, Gareth and Tim.

RACISTWORLD

the ship passes through a black hole that makes imagination come true while Rimmer watches a WW2 film and a planet of racists comes to fight them. They want to whip Cat and he cries because “stripes are vertical this year”

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CONSENT AND COMPREHENSION

bored of pig racing and lady boxing videos, the guys wander down to the library. Rimmer ends up reading a pile of classic feminist books like Germaine Greer and Bell Hooks, and realises he took advantage of Yvonne McGruder. He checks the space corps book on sex crimes on ship, and realises he has to put himself in stasis for 6 years. Being such a stickler for the rules, he does so.

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PERSONA AND POPULARITY

Sick of the other 2 getting cheers every time they turn into Ace or Duane, Lister and Kryten try to come up with funny alternate personas that will become just as iconic. Lister tries a camp drag queen (“I’m a lady) while Kryten experiments with various ethnic stereotypes.

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INNOCENCE AND CORRUPTION

Kryten tells the crew they have passed into a place where 2 black holes have produced the most innocent and corrupt beings in the universe. And they are about to board the ship.

(interrupts Lister who is smoking cigarettes, as Rimmer complains while tapping on a laptop. “Rimmer you’re a hologram it can’t make you cough”. “yes but it’s the principle of the thing isn’t it? How am I supposed to enjoy this game of Command and Conquer with your common fag smoke around me. Did Napoleon have this when he planned Waterloo, did Ceaser have this when he tamed the barbarians?”

The innocence is Mr Blobby, and the corrupt is Noel Edmonds. “just how corrupt are you bud?” “Well last night I…” Noel beckons all 4 of them to hear his whisper. Lister goes cross eyed, Cat runs away to vomit and Rimmer just nods and smiles.

later – ” the only thing that can defeat him sir is something even more corrupt and rotten than he is. suggest that curry down the back of your bunk”

[Author]

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