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No, that was just something G&T commenters suggested, it was never going to be Kochanski in there. Doug’s mentioned a few times that Kochanski was going to appear in either one or both of the dropped episodes from X (the original ep. 5 and 6). The original back half of Entangled basically involved the chimp just staying a chimp for the rest of the episode, until Doug had to rewrite it because it turned out chimp-actors (not sure if there’s a word for them) can only work 45 minutes at a time. Which is why in the actual episode the chimp is only around for about a minute or two

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THERE ARE NO HOUNDS TO HEAR

Deb and Arlene finally have Dog put down.

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THERE ARE NO GROUNDS TO HEAR

Lister soundproofs his Gaggia.

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THERE ARE NO MOUNDS TO HEAR

Kryten describes how in his human form he can no longer use his nipples to listen to Jazz FM, in a very contrived reference to an episode that hasn’t happened yet.

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THERE ARE NO SOUNDS TO HEAR (PART TWO)

Doug rejects Big Finish once again.

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>But with the way Dougs writing is these days, which is less on threat and more on comedy, i suspect it probably wouldnt have been an actual threat. i wouldn’t be shocked if it was originally where they found the ape tbh.

Could be actually, I think there’s a scene on the X documentary somewhere where they’re doing a rehearsal for Trojan and the vault from Entangled is part of the set. So you could be right on that one

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>The ape from Entangled could be a leftover element from the lost ‘circus’ episode.

No, since it was the final two episodes (5 and 6) of X that got entirely replaced, and Entangled is episode 4. The back half of Entangled *was* rewritten though, with it originally having the ape stay as an ape, and Rimmer and Lister becoming sort of parents to it. Rimmer would discover the ape still had the knowledge of the professor, and trying to use it to help pass his exams.

The only confirmed information anyone has about the dropped episodes from X is that Kochanski would have appeared in at least one of them, and that the finale was originally going to involve the main characters finally returning to Earth (similar to the dropped “Earth” episode from VIII, presumably) Oh and before anyone asks if I’m talking out my arse about that last one, Doug mentioned it in a video interview a while back

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“Kris found out about the shower thing; she went ballistic. It’s just a little present to say ‘sorry’.”

“A bag of albino mouse droppings?”

“No, two bags.”

Yes, I know the part of the thread where we all make jokes has long since passed but hey, whatever

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4,691 IRRADIATED SHITPOSTS

Fucking finally, I’ve been waiting since Page 7 to make this joke. Shame I didn’t actually think of an idea to go along with the title, but still.

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ONE MORE IDEA FOR AN EPISODE- I NEED (YOU)

Forum user Bloodteller hastily comes up with really weak ideas for episodes just so they can snag the ‘4,691 irradiated haggis’ gag in the next post.

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SCHOOL OF ROCK IN THE RED

Dewey Finn and the band beam onboard the ship and play a killer gig for the posse. Lister is convinced he can play better but this is in fact not true

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BACK IN THE RED PART 3 & KNUCKLES

A lock-on cartridge that allows the viewer to watch the entire Back In The Red saga in one long feature-length episode, as well as the ability to replace all the main characters with the infamous enchidna from the third Sonic The Hedgehog game.

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SILICORNEA

Lister and Rimmer replace Ackerman’s glass eye with a rubber ball, for a laugh.

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LACK OF CONFIDENCE, AND PARANOIA

Forum user Bloodteller contracts mutated pneumonia and subsequently hallucinates their own, infinitely more depressing versions of the titular characters from Series I’s fifth episode.

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Tikka To Ride
Cassandra
Back To Earth (Part 3)
The Beginning
Give and Take
Siliconia

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FIGMENTS OF MR LISTER’S IMAGINATION MADE SOLID BY SOME WEIRD SPACE RAY

a stingray turns up and stings lister, infecting him with mutated tuberculosis, which causes hallucinations now since it’s the future. the events of confidence and paranoia happen all over again only this time confidence is making contrived puns about manta rays and paranoia is complaining the thread has gone on far too long. eventually they both die. this whole ordeal proves to be incredibly convienient for kryten as it allows him to do a line about parts of lister’s psyche coming to life without an inexplicable retcon implying that he was present during the events of series 1

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“I remember…I remember wishing a couple more people would die so I could squeeze my buttocks together to make one juicy giant peach.”

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“Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for Lister’s buttock crevice.”

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>Backwards is an odd one on Netflix. Apparently it’s called ‘SDRAWKCAB (Backwards)’ and ‘The crew undergoes some major changes in the season opener as Lister prepares to give birth to twins.’

I was going to make a post about this a while ago, but I forgot. It is an odd one, isn’t it? I mean, did the description guy just not watch the episode before writing it?

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BACK IN THE RED PART 1

After some mishaps with the nanobots everything is finally back to normal for our 5 main characters, all
alone onboard Red Dwarf once again.

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>Netflix still has it here. The BBC era anyway.

Only in the UK seemingly, it isn’t on American Netflix. Fuck knows why, Netflix’s licensing stuff is perpetually baffling

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>Well this thread certainly took a strange turn. Feels like we’re one post away from a Pepe the Frog avatar.

Ganymede & 4Chan

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>In the wider context it’s Rik & Ade doing another version of their stock “Richie” and “Eddie” characters that had already gone through various iterations (Filthy, Rich and Catflap, Mr Jolly Lives Next Door, Bottom being the best known), and they made a point of stating that it wasn’t actually a Bottom film in an interview I’ve seen since on YouTube.

Yeah I saw that interview too, and fair enough if the characters actually behaved like Richie and Eddie. But they don’t- Eddie is just a generic idiot, and Richie is a much less energetic, much more sinister and unpleasant character than he ever was in the show. You could argue that being the owner of a hotel causes him to behave like this, but we get a much better iteration of Richie being in a position of power in ‘S Up when he’s left to run the corner shop. If he’d behaved like that in Guest House Paradiso, then maybe it would have been a better movie? It’s hard to say really, there’s definitely something distinctly “off” about the whole movie though.

Besides that, the movie feels like it’s generally lacking in the energy and wit that Bottom had, which even if it’s not really meant to be a Bottom movie, still comes as a disappointment.

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I’ve never seen the appeal of Jonathan Pie. It’s just some prick in a suit making needlessly aggressive rants about stuff. Is it meant to be funny? What’s the target audience here? Plus, said rants are a load of bollocks

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Someone with a hammer that’s too blunt

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Oh, I didn’t get all the Chaos Emeralds so I’ve never played that level

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>Sonic 3&K can still kick my fucking ass on those final boss fights

How? The final boss of 3&K is, for the first part, just that giant robot slowly slamming its fingers down, and you can just spindash into them. And then after that, all it really does is fire the big laser and shoot fire from its nose, both of which can be easily dodged. Not trying to brag or anything, it’s just I’ve genuinely never had any trouble with it so I’m wondering what you do to make it kick your ass

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>They remounted very little of the series for the films, just the sickbag from Rides Again and the turkey on head from Merry Christmas for the first film (and the turkey on head scene is completely different for both the UK and US versions – the US version remounts it straighter as if happening for the first time, and the UK version is presented as if Bean is aware of the previous occasion

I watched the first movie again today, and the turkey on head scene was omitted entirely, weirdly enough. He simply puts it in the microwave and it explodes offscreen. I definitely remember seeing a version before where it WAS included, so what’s going on there? How many versions of this movie are there?

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>Politics, religion and Red Dwarf VIII. These are the only rules.

I can’t tell if this is a reference to the Better Than Life novel, or if it’s just a genuine list of things best not discussed on the site

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i do not Care

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Weirdly, in the mobile game the dialogue is “They’re on hover beds, let’s fire them up and get them out of here” whereupon there’s a level where you have to maneouver Lister out of the space station on some jet-powered floating bed.

So presumably “Let’s fire them up” refers to the hoverbeds…but they’re not hoverbeds in the actual episode? Weird

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>Wayne’s World is a much more successful example of upscaling a minimalist two-hander TV comedy to the big screen and adding a token movie babe and bad guy but still making it work.

Yeah, Wayne’s World is great. Wayne’s World 2 was kind of mediocre though, it really lacked the energy the first movie had.

One of my favourite TV-to-Movie adaptions is “A Night At The Roxbury”. That was literally just a 5 second clip of a few guys in a car banging their heads to Haddaway, and was rather well-adapted into an hour and a half movie, especially considering what they had to work with

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How do you “fire up” the Cat and Lister?

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What the fuck was the point of Guest House Paradiso anyway? It was like a Bottom movie but not really, and the characters don’t really behave like themselves, and it’s all a bit bleak and off-key really (that scene where Gina is about to get raped by her abusive husband…what the fuck?). It just feels like some random movie that somebody else wrote that happens to have Rik and Ade in the lead roles, and it completely lacks the wit and energy of the show. It’s like somebody tried to write a Bottom movie after they’d had a really horrible and sad day

Kevin and Perry Go Large was mediocre, I thought. I mean it’s not great, but it’s acceptable I think?

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>The film was a bit crap, in fairness. The second one even more so.

I agree Mr Bean’s Holiday was shit, but I always really liked Bean. The segments that were just jokes taken from the TV series were kind of pointless (We saw it the first time!) but the stuff that was new I really enjoyed. The whole thing with messing up Whistler’s Mother, then Mr Bean coming up with the genius plan to fix it all, the big speech about what the painting means to him, the scene at the amusement park etc. was all great, I thought. It had a lot of heart to it as well, which was nice. I think as far as adapting sitcoms into movies goes, Bean was probably one of the better ones (certainly better than the Bottom movie…)

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I probably should have refreshed the thread before I hit “Submit”, now my post seems even more completely out of nowhere

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Also speaking of VHS, one of my earliest memories of VHS was putting in my family’s 1991 holiday home video when I was uhhh, maybe six or seven, and after the end someone had taped an episode of something called “Red Dwarf”. The episode was Demons And Angels, which A. probably not suitable for a six year old and B. is a little confusing if you’ve never seen the show before. But that was what got me started on Red Dwarf, and I’ve been hooked ever since. I know that has nothing to do with the topic at hand, but it just suddenly shot up in my memory as the first time I ever saw Red Dwarf. Also I carried on using VHS up until 2012, when I taped all of Red Dwarf X. So in a way, Red Dwarf sort of bookended my use of VHS tapes. I’ll always prefer them over DVDs, to be honest, although maybe that’s just nostalgia and stuff. Whole lot of memories of watching VHS as a kid, Mr Bean, Bottom, Simpsons Treehouse Of Horror, The Super Mario Bros Super Show…VHS was just a huge part of my childhood really, even though I’m a lot younger than most people who grew up with it (by the time I was born, DVDs were already out). Anyway, I have no idea what compelled me to type all this, but those are some of my VHS memories

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I had Curse Of Mr Bean on VHS as a kid, it was the blue one I think? As I remember, also available were “the blood coloured one” and the “bluey, greeney, paddling pool sort of color”…it was so weird hearing him talk at length in that intro. Something that stood out to me, even as a kid, is the episode when he goes to the cinema to see a movie, which inexplicably lasts all of 5 minutes. I mean yes, the episode couldn’t have gone on for an hour and a half, but surely it would make sense to have some kind of crossfade to show time passing, rather than there being a 5-minute movie

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SCREW THIS UPHILL, I WANNA SEE SWIM!

kill crazy takes part in a triathlon and makes a grammatically incorrect statement about his hatred for the cross-country running part of the event

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SCREW HIS APPEAL, I WANNA SEE SKINS!

basically the same as krytie tv except his illicit tv network is actually used to broadcast old E4 programs. kill crazy becomes inexplicably enthused with a cutting-edge drama program about the struggles of young teenagers in south west england, and oh who gives a fuck anyway.

meanwhile lister is appealing

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SCREW HIS PEEL, I WANNA SEE SKINS!

kill crazy gets put on spud duty and makes a very confusing statement, but was it an accident?

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A G&T Discord would be pretty good, although the forums are already pretty active. So maybe it’s not necessary? Could be kind of fun though

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I never bothered with trying to get a good time on any of the Genesis Sonic games…except the Robo-Sonic boss fight at the end of Sonic 2. For some reason I was obsessed with speedrunning that one part of the game when I was younger- eventually I got it down to 13 seconds, as I remember.

I think I only ever played Sonic for the boss fights really. Everything else was just fluff

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A sandwich combo a friend of mine always used to have was ketchup and butter. He had it almost every day at lunch for 5 years (on the days he didn’t, it was just butter) and it looked fucking nasty. I guess everyone has their sandwich preference

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I guess you could call it a light snack

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Well actually the eggs didn’t exist, since the sandwich was a hologram generated by Holly. So if we’re going for accuracy, somehow we’d need to assemble a sandwich made entirely of light

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>Yeah, banana and crisp would be different depending on the crisp. For example, if you picked out all the fried plantains from Tyrell’s Swanky Veg crisps, then you’d effectively just have a banana sandwich. I’m less sure something like Walkers Sensations Chicken and Thyme would be suitable.

I don’t think they had Tyrell’s Swanky Veg back in Nazi Germany, did they? I mean I guess that doesn’t matter if you’re not going for accuracy, but still. Surely the way to go is real crisps

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Just tried a banana n’ crisps sandwich for my Lunch. Can confirm it’s just as disgusting as it sounds. There are a lot of sandwich combos out there that sound disgusting but are actually really nice (peanut butter and gummy worms, for example) but banana and crisps sure as hell isn’t one

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>I tried making the triple decker chilli chutney fried egg sarnie. it was awesome – can recommend it.

When I tried making it, it was really horrible imo. But then maybe I wasn’t using the wrong ingredients

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I like Quarantine quite a lot, but the ending has always bothered me since it’s not at all clear whether the rest of the crew have somehow caught the holovrius and are all infected, or if they’re just pratting around in gingham dresses to get back at Rimmer. If it’s the former, then holy shit that’s a bleak ending. If it’s the latter, then that’s weirdly out of character for everyone and makes no sense. Why are they doing this? Do we really believe Cat would wear a gingham dress, even for a second? And why does their payback amount to nothing more than dancing around a bit and clucking, after Rimmer put them through days and days of the most unpleasant conditions imaginable? Why would dancing around and clucking a bit bother Rimmer at all?

So you’re stuck with either an incredibly bleak ending in which everyone but Rimmer is now infected with the virus, or an incredibly nonsensical ending that raises a lot of questions. The rest of the episode is great, but either way you look at the ending, it’s a little dodgy.

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