Ben Paddon

[Ben Paddon]

He should be.

[Ben Paddon]

And again. Those two characters appear to have become my standard “chatting guys” now.

[Ben Paddon]

I have a number of shows which I hold as dear to my heart as Red Dwarf. They’re all on equal footing so far as I’m concerned… I don’t prefer any one over the other.

One of these shows is Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) – both the original and the remake. I suppose that’s two shows, really…

[Ben Paddon]

I’m very nearly 22, and it started happening to me over the last eight months, while I’ve been living in the States. I mean I’m not huge, but no, thank you – I don’t think I will let myself turn into a fat git. I’ve bought a bicycle, I cycled to work today (took me an hour and fifteen minutes, too) and I’m determined to lose the weight I’ve put on.

[Ben Paddon]

He’s better than alright. He’s Homer Simpson.

[Ben Paddon]

I could write a million articles on Hidden, Non-Existent Meaning in Red Dwarf. However I’ll spare you all the tedium of having to read them by not writing them.

[Ben Paddon]

It’s probably not a good idea to use this thread to plug my own webcomic, but I will use it to plug a friend’s comic. It’s called Good Ship Chronicles, and it’s probably best described as “The Office meets Star Trek” – it’s about a reality TV show being filmed aboard a starship where the real Nobodies of the StarCorp fleet end up. It’s The Last Dead End In Space. It’s probably the sort of ship Rimmer would’ve likely wound up on.

[Ben Paddon]

Now that is an interesting point.

[Ben Paddon]

Most feminists I’ve met have been of the opinion that the answer to Sexism against Women is Sexism against Men, which is, of course, utter shash.

[Ben Paddon]

The Da Vinci Code is a terrible mess of a book.

[Ben Paddon]

# Modmaker, Modmaker, make me a Mod,
Find me a find, cotch me a… #

No, that doesn’t quite work.

[Ben Paddon]

I hope you don’t mind, Seb, but I borrowed your name for this Ficlet.

[Ben Paddon]

My, my, my, it’s a beautiful world,
I like swimming in the sea.
I like to go out beyond the white breakers,
Where a man can still be free, or a woman if you are one.
I like swimming in the sea.

My, my, my, it’s a beautiful world,
I like drinking Irish tea.
With a little bit of Lapsang Souchong.
I like making my own tea.

My, my, my, it’s a beautiful world,
I like driving in my car.
I roll the top down, sometimes I travel quite far.
Drive to the ocean, stare up at the stars.
I like driving in my car.

All around is anger,
Automatic guns.
There’s death in large numbers,
No respect for women or our little ones.
I tried talking to Jesus
But he just put me on hold.
Said he’d been swamped by calls this week
And he could not shake his cold.

And still this emptiness persists,
Perhaps this is as good as it gets.
When you?ve given up the drink and those nasty cigarettes,
Now I leave the party early, at least with no regrets,
I watch the sun as it comes up, I watch it as it sets,
Yeah this is as good as it gets.

Well my, my, my, it’s a beautiful world,
I like sleeping with Marie.
She is one sexy girl full of mystery.
She says she doesn’t love me but she likes my company.
For now that’s good enough for me.

Well my, my, my, it’s a beautiful world,
I like swimming in the sea.
I like to go out beyond the white breakers,
Where a man can still be free, or a woman if you are one.
I like swimming in the sea.

[Ben Paddon]

Hoorah for unlicensed use of Hanna-Barbera’s intellectual property!

[Ben Paddon]

Surely the plural is “?Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses?

[Ben Paddon]

Just typical. I move to California, and then England has a bloody Earthquake! I have to say, I’m rather disappointed.

[Ben Paddon]

Mick just popped by to say…
More importantly, have you played the sequal ?Heart of the Alien? on the MegaCD? Simply awesome.

No. No no no no no. No. Awful game, simply awful – replacing Another World’s wonderful vector-based animation system with a sprite-based one was their first mistake. The second mistake was making an utter hash-job of the animation they did. The third mistake they made was making an utterly shit game.

It’s an interesting concept – seeing the original story from the perspective of Buddy, the alien – but it utterly ruined the ending of the first game simply by telling us what happens next, and not doing a very good job of it, either.

Eric Chahi had nothing to do with this game short of suggesting it run parallel to the first game instead of following it (he may have suggested the ending, too). He later said he regretted allowing the game to be made, and it’s not really considered “canon”.

Heart of Darkness, while more of a spiritual successor to Another World than a sequel, is a much more fitting follow-up. A shame only seven people played it.

[Ben Paddon]

The very first Simon the Sorcerer game, in which the titular character was voiced by Chris Barrie, includes a sequence where Simon is set on fire by a dragon with a cold. Simon backs out of the cave, cover from head to toe in ash, says “ouch,” and falls over. Clicking the mouse anywhere makes Simon stand up, shake off the ash, and say, “Lucky I was wearing my asbestos underpants.”

I like to think this is a reference to some of Rimmer’s dialogue from “The Last Day.”

[Ben Paddon]

I wasn’t really paying attention, but I think Andrew said something to the effect of…
I was always touched by the low-key conclusion of Another World (skip to the end):

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=atlAr5kdpQM

One of my dreams is to see a big-budget Another World movie. It should look spectacular and feature absolutely no dialogue whatsoever.

Incidentally Andrew, have you played the Anniversary Edition of Another World? It costs peanuts, and it’s absolutely incredible.

[Ben Paddon]

And now, a moment with Cappsy…
Those are lovely diagrams. Do more!

People have been saying this to me on and off for a year. Any thoughts on what I could do?

[Ben Paddon]

I suppose I could’ve removed the muffin when I made the diagram, but I didn’t. Such is life.

[Ben Paddon]

There are wallpaper-sized versions of “The Rimmer (Informal)” if anyone’s interested:

1024 x768 | 1280×1204

And a version with the H…

1024×768 | 1280×1204

[Ben Paddon]

I hold the apparently controversial view that Series VII is not, strictly speaking, bad. I like Series VII, and I honestly believe that the series has some of the finest moments in the entire run of the show.

VIII is just dire, though. No redeeming value whatsoever.

[Ben Paddon]

I stay away from the WebBoards because of the horrible, horrible interface. So far as I’m concerned, G&T is the official Red Dwarf Forum.

There is a possibility I’m being secretly ironic here.

[Ben Paddon]

Emohawk was good up until the Emohawk was sent after the crew. I sometimes think that if the Kitawai tribe stuff had been properly fleshed out a bit, you could probably end the episode at “Change of plan! LEEGG IIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!”

[Ben Paddon]

I’d like to mention that I’m currently writing a script for an episode of Doctor Who, although sadly not because they’ve asked me to – it’s purely recreational. It’s something that’s never been done in the show at all, so it’s something I’m very excited about. I imagine once I’ve finished it I may strip out elements and use it for a future issue of Jump Leads.

Oh, my ficlets can be found here. I’d love some feedback from you guys.

[Ben Paddon]

This is a very good point, and not one that had really clicked with me.

Of course, now we?ve got Bodysnatcher, all that makes a lot more sense. You can see echoes of Bodysnatcher all over that section of Waiting For God?

Exactly. And I’d be willing to chalk up his entire obsession with aliens to this very fact. We never see him mention aliens in The End, nor in any of the pre-leak flashbacks we see. Perhaps the reason the Alien obsession becomes less prominent in later episodes is that Rimmer becomes more accustomed to and accepting of his hologrammatic status…

[Ben Paddon]

Ah yes, but what really makes Waiting for God work for me is, as previously mentioned, the Religious satire. That really worked for me, and it’s an idea Will Self would later explore in his novel “The Book of Dave,” and I just thought it was well-written and superbly executed.

The dialogue between the Cat Priest and Lister near the end is also alarmingly touching stuff. Despite Lister’s apprehensions about being the Felis Sapien equivalent to God, he is still prepared to say what he believes the Priest wants to hear. The only thing that doesn’t work for me in that scene is the rather exaggerated fall of the Priest as he dies.

The Quagaar/Garbage Pod plot, on the other hand, seems less to me about Rimmer’s obsession with alien life and more about his bald-faced denial of the notion that he will never, ever be able to have a solid physical form again (or at least as far as they are aware at the time). For him, the fascination is not that there are aliens themselves, but rather that there are aliens who might be able to build him a new body – he’s jumping to an unlikely conclusion in desperation here.

Thematically, it’s the strongest episode of the first series, and it has some cracking jokes in it to boot. Perhaps I’m reading far too much into it – like people who assume that They Might Be Giants’ “Birdhouse in your Soul” is about God when it is, in fact, about a plug-in Night Light – but it’s an episode that really works for me and it’s probably in my personal Top Ten.

[Ben Paddon]

I don’t understand all the hate for Waiting for God. I love it, personally – it’s probably my second-favourite episode of the first series, and it’s definitely in my top five list. I love the way it picks apart religious precepts and notions. But then again, I’m fascinated with the concept of religion, so maybe that’s just me.

Least favourite episode overall, though? Probably Terrorform.

[Ben Paddon]

I have the complete Super Smash Bros Brawl soundtrack. It’s Awesome, and it’s also well over 300 tracks. I’d put it up for download but it’s bloody huge. And in real life, too. Arf.

In all seriousness, if anyone asks me nicely I’m sure I could burn the tracks to a DVD or something and pop ’em in the post.

[Ben Paddon]

Saw the trailer the day it became available, because one of my co-workers is an Indy Nut. It’s good to see Ford back in that costume.

[Ben Paddon]

A friend of mine suggested a season of 24 depicting Jack Bauer’s day off. He could spend the first four or five episodes having a lie-in, then he gets up, has a shower, gets the paper, watches some daytime telly for a bit…

[Ben Paddon]

Evidently.

[Ben Paddon]

You too? My mother thinks the stuff?s disgusting but I find Nutella on toast to be one of the yummiest things I?ve ever eaten. (In fact, I?ll be in need of another jar soon?)

Oh yes. The trouble is, it tastes differently in the States. And they don’t prononunce it “Nuh-tella,” either – they pronounce it “Noo-tella”. Tch.

[Ben Paddon]

Blimey.

…

That is a nice cake.

Also, the official website is doing something, I guess.

[Ben Paddon]

Nutella.

[Ben Paddon]

If the quality of a new TV show would match the current quality of the magazine, I hope they never bring back Gamesmaster.

[Ben Paddon]

I like that analogy. It’s a good analogy, largely because it implies that watching “Lost” is bad for you.

[Ben Paddon]

The Seb, he say…
Sorry, Ben, I missed that earlier as I hadn?t been in the thread for a while? ;-)

What were you offering, exactly??

The Region 1 Dark Ages set. To be reviewed on G&T in the name of SCIENCE.

[Ben Paddon]

You not going to take up my Fabulous Offer of Generosity then, Seb? Or does someone else want a copy instead?

[Ben Paddon]

The NewWho boxsets here go for about $70 at Amazon.com, and if Series Three was any indication then Series Four will be coming out around the same time as it does in the UK. The packaging is much, much slimmer too – about half the size of the UK releases. $70 + $8 shipping = $78 = ?39. Bargain.

[Ben Paddon]

Awesome. I don’t think you’ll regret it. The first series suffers a bit from pacing issues, but it’s the only series of the show that doesn’t have a single duff episode in it.

[Ben Paddon]

Er… Norman Lovett was never going to be playing Davros. That was a joke Cast submission that was sent to the IMDB, and they took it seriously.

[Ben Paddon]

I remember seeing that trailer vividly. It was the end of one of the series of Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie, and as the credits were rolling I turned to my sister and, to wind her up, I said, “Y’know they’re starting a new series of Red Dwarf next week, right?”

The joke was ruined when that trailer played immediately after the credits had finished.

[Ben Paddon]

Is that the same episode where he had a wooden leg?

[Ben Paddon]

Actually, and this is a genuine offer, if Andrew ever wants to write an issue of Jump Leads he’s more than welcome.

[Ben Paddon]

Serenity II is about as likely to happen as the Red Dwarf movie.

[Ben Paddon]

Batman could totally beat Spock in a fight if he had time to prepare.

[Ben Paddon]

There is a hrorible tendency for Star Trek writers to fall back on the ol’ Time Travel thing. It’s for that very reason that I have banned Time Travel in Jump Leads.

[Ben Paddon]

Seb wrote a song, and it goes a little something like this…
I?d buy it for completeness? sake, and so that I could write an article on it – but I wouldn?t spend more than a fiver on it.

I’m feeling generous this morning. Drop me an email.

[Author]

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