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  • in reply to: The Red Dwarf Anthology of Poems #255316
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    There once was a ship that was red
    With a crew that mostly were dead
    Took out on a mission
    By the second technician
    And that’s how the cat race inbred

    That’s rather uncanny.

    in reply to: Talking about things being non-PC #238076
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    > a whole different (and non-problematic) joke

    We need to talk about Barbara: why ‘The League of Gentlemen’ feels out of time

    Ouch. You had my hopes up for a second there. :/

    in reply to: Skipper (lost opportunity) #228744
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I understood “You are over one man” as “you are managing (only) one man”. There might be other Third Techs who Rimmer outranks, but they’re “under” (as in, managed by) different Second Techs.

    It’s more relevant for Todhunter to be saying “why can’t you have a good working relationship with the only other member of your team?” rather than just “ha ha you’re ranked second bottom, now stop putting Lister on report”.

    in reply to: TiMEWAVE reviews including one from 'the gay uk' #224619
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    The reviewer for “The Gay UK” is a rabid and in my opinion not particularly discerning Red Dwarf fan. As I said in another thread, they have an “interesting” web presence.
    (They’re also not a gay man, for the record.)

    So that’s (a) a write-off of the reviewer’s critical faculties, (b) a needless additional personal comment about them, and (c) a non-sequitur in the context of what was being said.

    I’m happy to retract (a) and (b); you’re right, those comments were unfair of me.

    What I wanted to get across was: this isn’t a case of “The Gay UK’s TV critic thought Timewave was good”, it’s a case of “The Gay UK happens to have a Red Dwarf fan as a regular writer”. And said Red Dwarf fan generally comes across as getting immense enjoyment from pretty much any Red Dwarf episode simply because it is a Red Dwarf episode. Which, good for them! That’s great. (And makes for good publicity.) But generally one expects TV reviews to be a little less biased than that.

    As for (c), Dave and Ben both correctly surmised why I made that comment. It was a sequitur in the context of the thread title, which implied that there was something particularly relevant about this episode being reviewed in a gay magazine.

    in reply to: TiMEWAVE reviews including one from 'the gay uk' #224504
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    The reviewer for “The Gay UK” is a rabid and in my opinion not particularly discerning Red Dwarf fan. As I said in another thread, they have an “interesting” web presence.

    (They’re also not a gay man, for the record.)

    in reply to: Bad Continuity in Gunmen #223618
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Meticulous charting and discussion of Rimmer’s various costumes? This is the thread 7-year-old me would have been over the moon to discover.

    30-year-old me’s pretty keen on it too.

    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I deliberately checked that they’d been referred to as a “she” before I made my post.

    Or you could have referred to them as “they” and it would have made no difference at all to your post.

    Ben’s phrasing throughout made it clear that “they” was by far and away the preferred term of reference. Seems like it would have been easier just to use that than to spend time Ctrl+F-ing.

    in reply to: Who has has a Red Dwarf dream? #220892
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I had a “watching a new episode of XII” dream in which Lister and Rimmer were sorting through some junk and Rimmer found a bag of muesli-like snack mix, which he was very excited about because he remembered eating it as a child. Lister then spent the episode going to increasingly desperate lengths to stop him eating it, including trying to reach the high shelf he’d put it on, and falling off into a machine which trapped him inside a glass tube.

    I expected there to be a reveal along the lines of Lister, many years previously, having booby-trapped the snack mix in some awful way which he now regretted. However, the episode ended around the 20-minute mark with the revelation that actually, he was just trying to stop him eating it because he thought it was disgusting.

    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    it’s felt nice to know that I fired the starting pistol on a tiny, transient moment of Red Dwarf making people smile

    For what it’s worth, Darrell, it was my birthday when I saw your post/strained my ears at the phase-inverted recording. Had me giggling like a loon, and I then inflicted it on everyone who came to my party, with similar effects. Honestly one of the highlights of the day. So, thanks for a fine present.

    in reply to: Demastered – A Series X Project #210449
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I’m nowhere near film-savvy enough to understand half this thread, but it’s fascinating nonetheless. I have learned things! :) Looking forward to checking out the test file when I get a chance to download it.

    in reply to: Red Dwarf VII Xtended on Netflix US? #210448
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Yeah, seems they keep doing that. It confuses the heck out of new arrivals to the show.

    in reply to: A question… #210298
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    The byte titled Stasis Leak, where they’re all in a sort of clock face thing? (Yeah, it’s nice, innit?)

    Parallel Universe. His tie’s the wrong colour, presumably because they had to make an identical one for Arlene, and they couldn’t match the material of his regular tie. It’s the scene where they’re about to blast-off in the Holly Hop Drive maybe? Is that the right height for the console to be behind his head?

    I am deeply, deeply ashamed of myself for being able to work that out.

    in reply to: "Happy Birthday BBC Two" #210144
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Oh, nice work.

    Pssh, and I don’t even have the excuse that I was too young to remember it the first time.

    in reply to: "Happy Birthday BBC Two" #210139
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Ah, now. The end of the programme gave the date MMXIV, but yeah, everyone did look suspiciously young. So presumably it’s been infinitesimally revamped from the 40th anniversary programme. Sneaky buggers.

    in reply to: Is Mr. Bean retarded? #209942
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Asperger’s isn’t that bad of a thing to have

    Indeed not. It’s never caused me any problems.

    in reply to: Is Mr. Bean retarded? #209935
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Oh, ThatSmegheadRimmer. Remember when I said “you’ve got a lot to learn”, and you said “I know, but it’ll be fun finding out”?

    I… really wish you’d been right.

    *cuddles Asperger’s diagnosis and weeps quietly*

    in reply to: Shades of Brittas #209913
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    “LOl…That guy which is principle or teacher or something…He reminds me of Mr.Bean”

    I just died a little inside.

    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Oh, dear. You have much to learn, young padawan.

    Props to Jonsmad for the funniest thing I’ve read all morning.

    in reply to: Has your groinal attachment ever tried to suck you? #209741
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Has your groinal attachment ever tried to suck you?

    No, but there was this one time when a skutter picked up minicab transmissions…

    in reply to: Onto the matter of Arnold Rimmer’s personality #209740
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Huh. Just stumbled upon this, having not read Last Human for a while and forgotten that that was one of its conceits. Not only do I agree with Arlene’s comment above, that’s also pretty similar to how I felt about the backstory reveal in The Beginning. Funny how Doug keeps doing that.

    [dismounts from hobby horse] As you were, chaps.

    in reply to: Vic and Bob. House of Fools. Sitcom Tickets. #209666
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Much to my surprise, I found it really rather entertaining. (Although it probably helped that I’m a sucker for Vic Reeves playing a cringing twat.)

    Man, what’s with this trend of comedy writers and performers whose material I haven’t rated since the early nineties suddenly pulling something pretty good out of the bag?

    in reply to: Dollarpounds Cryptocoins #209577
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    ^ This wins.

    Amusingly, the mining pool website is titled “Jupiter Mining Company”, but has as its page background dozens of little logos which all clearly state “Jupiter Mining Corporation”.

    It’s very public-spirited of these people to come here so that we can mock them, isn’t it?

    in reply to: So, uh, that bit in The Day of the Doctor… #209469
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Having posted that, I eventually remembered that I’d laughed heartily at The Beginning because of how it had reminded me of Blink.

    What goes around comes around, I guess.

    in reply to: Well, this is pretty fucking bizarre #209262
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Well, that’s something, certainly.

    Personally, what offends me most about that video is that pitiful excuse for a salute.

    in reply to: Well, this is pretty fucking bizarre #209259
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    (Whoops, HTML fail. Can’t get the comment to edit properly. I know no-one cares, but that’s gonna annoy me now!)

    in reply to: Well, this is pretty fucking bizarre #209258
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    That much I <i>did</i> make sure to check. These appear to be the dudes in question, if I haven’t entirely misgoogled. (source)

    in reply to: Well, this is pretty fucking bizarre #209256
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    You raise an excellent point. They seem to be from Spain. I know less than bugger-all about Spanish culture and history, so don’t trust anything I say from hereon in, but a little googling indicates that a) Spain did have a fair bit to do with the slave trade and b) there’s one or two instances of blackface in Spanish tradition that are now starting to be challenged as offensive. But, it being a different cultural landscape, yes indeed, that’s very likely.

    As for your second question, I’m afraid I can’t help.

    in reply to: Bald Dwarf #208987
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Well, we’re passing judgment on it based on Lucas’s previous sketch efforts, which is a reasonable metric, to some extent.

    Submit away, though. The more actually decent sketches they have to choose from, the less likely they are to resort to offensive filler.

    in reply to: Two out of four[*] ain't bad #208922
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Excuse my self-indulgent thread bumping, but I just stumbled across this event in the schedule:

    We’re all alone (more or less): what the philosophy of Red Dwarf can tell us about living well

    The description is one of the most splendid things I’ve ever read. I thought you might appreciate it.

    in reply to: Anyone going to Wales Comic Con then? #207064
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    If you actually read all this and didn’t just skip to the end, I love you.

    Aww! I love you too. ;) It was fun to read! I’ve never been to a con (not going to DJ, but I’ll be at the one in August that I plugged that Chris is booked for, and I’m kind of excited-but-scared). So it’s nice to hear other people’s reports, and know that we’re all in the same starstruck, overwhelmed boat :D

    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    That or Blisschick’s making a really clever joke.

    in reply to: Attn Ridley #206777
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Number 21.

    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Just so y’all know, they absolutely smashed their Kickstarter target :) but tickets are still purchasable in a regular sort of manner right up until the event itself in August: http://nineworlds.co.uk/tickets

    I got stuck for about 5 minutes at “ejaculated capslock.” Bexley, have your internet back, and have fun!

    Thanks muchly, m’dear! Oh, but of course you can keep the one I awarded you. There’s plenty of internets to go round. :D

    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    (Here, have some actual proof: http://nineworlds.co.uk/guest#guest_listings-page-0)

    in reply to: Let's argue about Parallel Universe #206562
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Fair do’s. Agree that the characterisation of fem!Lister-and-Rimmer is slightly off, which is kind of bizarre when you think they’re supposed to be exactly the same as regular Lister and Rimmer. That really would speak volumes regarding Rob and Doug’s, uhm, difficulties in writing decent female characters…

    I was just intrigued since the Silver Survey results article described it as having “dodgy sexual politics”, and even the writers themselves have said something about it being a bit “adolescent” and that they would maybe have done it differently these days.

    Incidentally, I don’t think I’d registered before that in place of the inflatable banana, the fem!crew have giant furry dice. Like most of the episode, a bit broad-brush but I liked it. I’d never thought of the inflatable banana as phallic before, but I will now.

    in reply to: Red Dwarf X Quotes #206486
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Might it perhaps be time to resurrect this thread, which I stumbled across yesterday and it cheered me right up?

    Really annoying things you do as a Red Dwarf fan

    (I found this after I’d just stopped myself short of unthinkingly saying “Niet problemski” to a native-Russian-speaking work colleague…)

    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Me2 = Me x Me = Me. So Rimmer times Rimmer means you take Rimmer and times him by Rimmer and you end up with just Rimmer. Sounds like exactly what happens in the episode to me…

    That. Is. Perfect. Jonsmad, you’re a genius! That episode title’s been bugging me since I was ten, and that’s the first time anyone’s fudged an explanation for it which my over-analytical mind deems acceptable! Yeah, I know you were only saying it to argue the toss, but I feel so much better now :D

    Rimmer is a negative one. Therefore the episode should actually be called i^2.

    *applause* You know what, I think I E5 A9 08 B7 all of you guys.

    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    A Polymorph scared*
    A virus de-haired
    No-one likes Pete
    But I love Me^2.

    Christ, it took me so long to get that! My brain just absolutely refuses to read that episode title as “Me Squared”, because it can’t bear the mathematical illogic. Multiplying a person by himself shouldn’t give you two of him, unless Rimmer can be numerically represented as 1.41421356237…

    (And thus I’m sure you understand why my subconscious prefers to read it as “Me Too”, which still doesn’t make any sense but is at least sort of a pun, rather than let me get any further with my pedantic anal-retentive prattling.)

    in reply to: Don't go and see Run For Your Wife. #206394
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    So now we know why Lister mustn’t go and see it: because an unexpected error will occur and he’ll have to contact his system administrator.

    Points to Jimboid for making me smirk with judicious use of Stasis Leak quotes, though.

    in reply to: Attention, Keyboardists and Guitarists: #206082
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    When I get home, I’m getting straight on to this.

    Erm, turns out you shouldn’t say that on days when Howard Goodall sheet music is likely to drop through your letterbox. OH MY GOD THE TONGUE TIED PIANO FANTASY! Yesterday was a good day for Dwarf-related music :D

    Today! I’ll get on to it today. *puts it on daily goal list

    Bexley, would it be possible/convenient to bring your accordion to DJ?

    Oh my! Well, at the moment, I actually don’t have plans to attend DJ… but that’s the closest I’ve had to an invitation, and it’s certainly tempting. Colour me silly, but I’m really rather touched. I only mentioned my accordion-playing to get a laugh from how absurdly nerdy and niche an interest it was! Talk about misjudging your audience ;)

    The hammond organ theme would probably sound great on accordion, too.

    That is genius. Why on earth haven’t I tried that yet? It’ll be very easy to adapt from the waltz.

    Next up will be the fugal theme from “Kryten.”

    Oh my god, it never occurred to me before that it’s just a minor-key-ish version of the main theme. Apparently I have a talent for missing extremely obvious things.

    This thread is making me very happy and I intend to continue lengthily spamming it in the future :D

    in reply to: Attention, Keyboardists and Guitarists: #206050
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    When I get home, I’m getting straight on to this. You rock, Mabel. At least, I’m going to prematurely declare that you do, on the assumption that what you’ve posted isn’t a load of discordant nonsense, which it looks like it probably isn’t.

    I recently figured out how to play the Strauss-Waltz-esque arrangement of the theme that plays over the spacewalk in Confidence & Paranoia on 60-bass piano accordion, if anyone’s interested…

    in reply to: SON OF CLICHÉ ALERT #206034
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Oh, honey. Join the large club fanning ourselves.

    Oh, absolument. But I’ve been watching RD for about 18 years and I’ve been post-pubescent for at least 13 of those, and I swear nothing like that’s ever happened before…

    Utterly bloody loved hearing the “I am a fish” sketch this week, though. I already knew of its existence, but the extra bonus elements of time-paradox-style-irony made it delightful.

    in reply to: Tops and Bottoms #206033
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    THIS is how sad I am:

    http://www.anony.ws/i/2013/02/03/6jD3.png

    (Not really fussed who agrees or disagrees with my choices, I just thought it was pretty.)

    in reply to: SON OF CLICHÉ ALERT #206010
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    My thought processes while listening to it:

    1) Heh, this is quite funny.

    2) Oh. Er, okay. Apparently Chris’s radio-voice does… things… to me. I, um, genuinely wasn’t expecting that.

    in reply to: Odd Dwarfy type things. #205666
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Is that just a re-use of the shot from the “They’re Back!” cover they did for Series VII, only with Rimmer’s H airbrushed out?

    (Don’t judge my anally retentive powers of recognition – I’ve had said cover pinned up on my bedroom wall in my parents’ house for the last 15 years, so I’ve come to know it pretty well…)

    in reply to: Well, you see, the sleigh was late…… #205368
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I had a telephone conversation with Peter Ridsdale-Scott a couple of years ago, and he sounds literally nothing like Brannigan.

    He actually sounds exactly like Brannigan. Chris was just having real trouble nailing that impression.

    in reply to: Well, you see, the sleigh was late…… #205351
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I dearly wish the ship’s psychiatrist in VIII had been Brannigan. It would have made that stupid is-the-chair-nailed-down scene slightly more entertaining.

    in reply to: The Red Dwarf Text Adventure Game: Anyone here have it? #204669
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I’m tempted to take a look… But my impending frustration is terrifying me :s

    If it helps, turns out you do a lot better when you actually pay attention to what the non-player-characters tell you. >.<

    I'll be in the stern, co-relating the… in the stern.

    in reply to: The Red Dwarf Text Adventure Game: Anyone here have it? #204655
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I’d have tried that, but unfortunately Gandalf the Master Wizard was killed in the radiation leak. I’m carrying his ashes round in a bucket but it doesn’t seem to be helping.

    in reply to: The Red Dwarf Text Adventure Game: Anyone here have it? #204640
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Damn it, I stumbled across this thread and now I’ve downloaded the game and it’s driving me nuts. I’ve found undeveloped slides, a slide projector, and a darkroom, but I can’t for the sodding life of me work out how to develop the slides… and I swear I’ve been in all the rooms and there’s nothing else I can do… and Holly isn’t very communicative… a little help? *weeps brokenly*

    in reply to: PLOTS FOR SERIES 11 #204308
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    I have already done that, Doug. It doesn’t go well because the audience needs French windows. There is now no need for you to write this plot.

    I award HelloMabel one internet.

    in reply to: Rimmericks #204162
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    The winning entry:

    “There once was ship that was red
    Her crew, for the most part, were dead
    Wiped out on a mission
    By the 2nd Technician
    What a total and utter SMEG HEAD!”

    Jeeeeezus. IMHO, that’s rubbish. I can see why they’d choose to pick something so obvious and unoriginal as the winner, since the T&Cs implied they might use it in marketing. But still, I reckon there should be a follow-up competition which actually encourages the kind of witty micro-referencing that’s been going on in this thread (e.g. Clem’s effort).

    …Not that I’m bitter…

    in reply to: Rimmericks #204042
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    To make their show pre-watershed
    Rob and Doug coined the swearword “smeghead”
    But innocent mentions
    by kids at conventions
    are something the cast’s come to dread.

    When fanficcers write about Rimsy
    the pretexts are always quite flimsy
    When thinking of Listy
    his eyes go all misty
    What happens next goes beyond whimsy.

    in reply to: Rimmericks #203863
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    Red Dwarf scripts are written quite witt’ly
    But they’re almost as funny done shitly
    The Smegups are great stuff
    I just can’t get enough
    Of watching Chris Barrie say “chitley”.

    in reply to: The world loves a bastard. #203653
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    As someone else on this forum mentioned, he’s kind of had his fangs taken out in this series anyway, which was a shame. At least it would give a bit of justification in XI for Doug continuing to not write him like a proper bastard any more.

    in reply to: “What do you want this time? A ham with your homework?” #203619
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    >>Who *is* Hogey’s brother?

    >The Cat. This is revealed in a holo-message in XI.6 – The Middle, thus fucking around with some more backstory to service 15 minutes of plotting.

    That pretty much made me hyperventilate with laughter.

Viewing 56 posts - 1 through 56 (of 56 total)