Paul Muller

[Paul Muller]

Back in the mid 2000’s, when G&T was notably swearier, this article was posted: https://www.ganymede.tv/2005/05/rob-grant-is-a-lazy-fucking-cunt/

Someone took issue with it in the comments.

[Paul Muller]

No.

[Paul Muller]

I’ve been casually dipping in and out of this series, but I enjoyed this one mainly on the basis that it was set and filmed in my home town, even if it was a sort of Bizarro world version of Gloucester that isn’t covered in shuttered shop windows, bored groups of teens, and seagull shit.

[Paul Muller]

IT’S A NAME I MADE UP, MCCAUL-AY ACTUALLY

Rimmer attempts to communicate with the 3 million year old freeze dried carcass of a Scottish comedian, misinterpreting the writing on his pod due to a careless spelling error in the previous post.

[Paul Muller]

FRED MACAULEY, YOUR EYES ARE LIKE TWO LIMPID POOLS OF LOVELINESS…

Whilst perusing cwickham’s stolen diary, Lister is amused to discover a romantic ode to a Scottish comedian.

[Paul Muller]

Watched the first episode last night. It’s a weird one, the whole thing felt a bit stilted and artificial. Hugh Laurie was great though, and there were a couple of very funny moments. Hopefully it’ll pick up a bit as it goes on.

[Paul Muller]

“We’re still in deep space sir, only now we’re in deep space in the 15th century!”

Also the slightly deflated “Well, yes.” that follows Rimmer’s line.

[Paul Muller]

DASHER, DANCER, PRANCER, VIXEN, COMET, CUPID, DONNA DISTEFANO, BLITZEN

Norman Lovett has his football confiscated by an irate reindeer.

[Paul Muller]

BABY IT’S COLD OUTSIDE, THERE’S NO KIND OF ATMOSPHERE

Rimmer’s date flushes herself out of an airlock to avoid his relentless advances.

[Paul Muller]

HELLO THE WALL BY JOHN LANCHESTER, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Kochanski holds a book group meeting to discuss the popular British author’s recent work of dystopian fiction.

[Paul Muller]

* GrandpaSimpsonRevolvingDoor.gif *

[Paul Muller]

AHHH…ROB OR ROSS

The argument is resolved when everyone agrees they’re both great in their own way.

[Paul Muller]

ARGH! ROB OR ROSS?

The crew get into a heated argument over which Kryten actor they prefer.

[Paul Muller]

HOTTIE, HOTTIE, HOTTIE

[Paul Muller]

I’m just going to kick the wasps nest and say, having watched the first two episodes, I really like it…

[Paul Muller]

Outland is what I imagine Red Dwarf might have looked like if it had been produced as a modestly budgeted film rather than a low budget sitcom.

It’s also worth watching for the brief but hilarious performance of Sean Connery’s onscreen son, in what is presumably supposed to be a poignant moment.

[Paul Muller]

I’m not getting drawn into a Star Wars discussion, but as regards Silent Running, it’s one of my favourite films. It’s clearly a big influence on early Red Dwarf, both in its themes and subject and in terms of FX and production design. Along with Outland, I feel like it would slot very comfortably into the RD ‘universe’.

[Paul Muller]

Nice one Si. What was Holly about to announce, out of interest?

[Paul Muller]

When a new forum member appeared,
Whose anger at TOS was quite weird
He flew into a rage
At the Blue Midget page
Ten years on, no updates have appeared

[Paul Muller]

BUT THERE ISN’T A PAGE 13

The crew escape the brig, only to find the real prison is the ‘Idea for an episode’ thread.

[Paul Muller]

SUNN O))) SOUP

Kryten serves soup to his dinner guests, a visiting experimental metal band from Seattle.

[Paul Muller]

PRIME ORDEAL SOUP

Rimmer orders a book of assorted sitcom scripts off Amazon and forgets to cancel his Prime membership trial. He only notices when a hundred quid charge shows up on his bank statement.

Meanwhile, Kryten prepares a soup, or something.

[Paul Muller]

ALMOST PAGE XIII NEWS

The cast give vague assurances in an interview that the ‘Idea for an episode’ thread is still on course to reach its thirteenth page. The report is received with lukewarm scepticism by the G&T fan community.

[Paul Muller]

“Personally I prefer partnership Whist” – I understand the point of it, but it’s such an obscure activity to reference. They could have gone with backgammon or tiddlywinks, or elected for an obvious wanking gag and chosen Solitaire.

I guess it’s because I watched most of Red Dwarf as a ten year old, so jokes based around 18th century card games were always going to fly over my head. For a long time, I thought it was some kind of dance.

[Paul Muller]

HOGEY PROROGUEY

A deranged simulant suspends parliament.

[Paul Muller]

PIKACHU RIDE

The crew are dismayed to discover that the planned Pokemon attraction at Universal Studios Florida has been indefinitely postponed.

[Paul Muller]

TEAK? ACHOO! RIDE!

The crew come across an extremely large and heavy wooden chest of drawers. Rimmer suddenly remembers he’s allergic to it and after suffering an uncontrollable sneezing fit, the crew are forced to make a hasty retreat on horseback.

[Paul Muller]

TIKKA TOO WIDE

The gang attempt to deliver the meal, but discover the foil container is too large to fit through the door.

[Paul Muller]

TIKKA TO RYDE

The crew are employed as delivery drivers at an Indian restaurant on the Isle of Wight.

[Paul Muller]

BALANCE OF PAYMENTS

In an effort to obtain Kochanski’s hologram disk, Lister attempts to pass the Chef’s exam and become a catering officer.

Rimmer is so determined to stop him that he neglects to repair the UK’s trade deficit, culminating in a run on foreign currency and gold reserves, a loss of confidence amongst creditors and eventual devaluation of the Pound.

[Paul Muller]

PETER: PART 2

After four years as Britain’s EU Trade Commissioner, Peter Mandelson makes a surprising return to frontline UK politics, when he is appointed as Business Secretary during Gordon Brown’s 2008 cabinet reshuffle.

[Paul Muller]

STRIKE A LIGHT, IT’S GORDON

When sorting through the post-pod, the crew are surprised to find a letter from former UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Unfortunately the poor handwriting and numerous spelling errors make it almost unreadable, leading to a widespread backlash in the media and causing further headaches for the embattled Labour leader.

[Paul Muller]

BACKIN’ THE BROWN

After 13 years of New Labour government, the crew face an uphill challenge to convince voters to back the incumbent Prime Minister in the run up to the 2010 General Election.

[Paul Muller]

“She’s a computer pahh… pussy”

[Paul Muller]

If it’s anything at all like the snippets of rumours I’ve heard, I sincerely hope not – it sounds bloody awful.

[Paul Muller]

STASIS TEAK

Rimmer assumes he’s hallucinating when a disembodied apparition of his own head emerges from the large wooden dining table in his sleeping quarters.

[Paul Muller]

CAN OF WOODWORM

The crew board a derelict ship to rescue a hostage but discover that it’s completely riddled with wood eating beetle larvae.

[Paul Muller]

BEYOND A OAK

Kryten overloads his Nega-Drive after spending precious hours thinking up tedious wood related puns and subsequently experiencing the startling realisation that he’s wasted his entire life.

[Paul Muller]

THANKS FOR THE MAHOGANY

The crew wake to discover a large wooden chest of drawers has appeared in the sleeping quarters. But where did it come from? Could a mysterious black box signal coming from a nearby out of town retail park provide the answer?

[Paul Muller]

Yeah, no.

[Paul Muller]

I THINK I FEEL A JACKSON POLLOCK COMING ON

Kryten desperately tries to divert the ‘Idea for an episode’ thread towards a less problematic Jackson.

[Paul Muller]

EARTH SONG

Big Finish presents a musical rendition of the original Series VIII final episode script.

[Paul Muller]

LE JEAN

L’équipage trouve une station spatiale dont le seul habitant est un français étrange qui supprime l’appendice de Lister et le fait sauter avec des oignons et de l’ail.

[Paul Muller]

They bashed out quite a few of them over the years, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a bit of variation in detail, especially at a smaller scale. I can’t place that model – but the mounting point on the back suggests it was made for filming, rather than as a display replica.

[Paul Muller]

Yeah, I don’t think Big Finish is necessarily the route to go – nobody needs a ten part saga centred around the Dibbley Family.

Personally, I think Red Dwarf has always lent itself to graphic novel/comic incarnations – something along the lines of ‘Prelude to Nanarchy’ could work really well, especially with Doug’s writing and involvement.

[Paul Muller]

I kind of feel like I’d be happy with *anything* else, in the sense that we’ve already had much more than I ever expected. But I’ll also be happy enough if that’s it.

This is of course the correct attitude. Ending on ‘Skipper’ would at least tie things up in a neat fashion, certainly a damn sight better than Ed Bye copping a knee to the bollocks.

Whatever the likelihood of new series, I do think that a show that’s spanned thirty years, with such a rich and diverse universe of characters and stories deserves to continue and expand into new forms – whether it’s through books, comics, animation, videogames – whatever.

I’m convinced there’s still a strong audience out there, TV or otherwise, but it’s in Doug’s hands, and after what must have been a fairly exhausting decade for him, I can understand if he wants to finally put the show to bed.

[Paul Muller]

Personally speaking, I’d be more than happy with a book or two.

[Paul Muller]

TSEB EHT FO XIS

Lister spends 30 minutes fruitlessly attempting to order six pints of Best Bitter in reverse.

[Paul Muller]

HURDY-GURDY, QUAYLE & THE OTHERS

Former US Vice President Dan Quayle is settling down to watch his DVD copy of ‘The Others’ (2001) starring Nicole Kidman. Unfortunately the film is constantly interrupted by the sound of his neighbour loudly playing an anachronistic medieval instrument.

[Paul Muller]

I met Lee Cornes at a Red Dwarf themed pub quiz in Kentish Town once. He was a lovely chap.

[Author]

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