Carlito

[Carlito]

Can’t defend the Likes, but it seems reasonable to point out that following someone doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with their views. I follow some utter cunts (your Trumps and Johnson and Farage types) out of public interest or morbid curiosity to see what drivel they’re spouting into their echo chambers so I know what I’m up against in this world.

[Carlito]

I forgot BTE. I’d rank Parts 1 and 2 above Dear Dave and part 3 below it.

[Carlito]

1. Give & Take
2. Officer Rimmer
3. Twentica
4. Krysis
5. Samsara
6. Can of Worms

Dave era ranking:
1. Give & Take
2. Entangled
3. Fathers and Suns
4. Officer Rimmer
5. Twentica
6. The Beginning
7. Trojan
8. Krysis
9. Lemons
10. Samsara
11. Can of Worms
12. Dear Dave

[Carlito]

Or he could be a voice artist for Willy Wanker the condom vending machine

[Carlito]

Is it really FOUR years since we threw this together?

It’s Christmas so it’s time to bump this old thread for newbies to hopefully have a gander, at their leisure and inclination, at our little passion project post-Back to Earth, Christmas Day on Red Dwarf in animated form.

Merry Christmas G&Ters.

[Carlito]

“I have got hair like yours. Just not on my head”

“….for just like me, you’re utterly dead.”

—

Do me a lemon! That’s a poor IQ for a glass of water.

[Carlito]

It was over two years, if memory serves me correctly, from the announcement of RDX to broadcast, so seems about right, but surely if they want to air in 2015, presumably around the same time of year as RDX aired, then provisions will need to be put in place before this year is out for that to happen?

Having said that, obviously the gap between production and air time for RDX was a scheduling decision and I suppose the only reason there would need to be such a long gap again would be down to cast availability. They could actually record the series in Summer/Autumn 2015 for a Winter 2015 broadcast if really need be, so even if this is true and not a baseless rumour, we still may hear nothing about it officially for quite some time.

Still, it would be nice to have some clarification or announcement at this year’s DJ.

[Carlito]

Rimmer, you’ve taken a group of holy men and pacifists and turned them into the Dirty Dozen!

[Carlito]

“That’s right! I told her I wanted to play the field.”

“OK bud, I’ll keep my nose peeled.”

[Carlito]

“Two forks and a pencil sharpener?”

“That’s why she hates you. Because she knows you’re going to kill her.”

It’s an obscene phone call, sir. I think it’s for you.

[Carlito]

…”I shall undertake both tasks simultaneously is it’s all the same with you…”

“Your wilful negligence in failing to reseal a drive plate resulted in the deaths of the entire crew.”

“I can’t save his life. It’s too embarrassing!”

[Carlito]

“They believed that every Sunday should be spent hopping.”

The part of you that lusts after meaningless sex.

[Carlito]

> If it’s gallows, say it’s gallows….

Life for him no longer had any meaning because he’s so mind-meltingly shallow

Okay I’ll repeat my last one that got ignored!!

“You are my all time favourite fascist dictator”…

[Carlito]

>> Can you see that space vehicle?
>Feckles, heckles, hackles, schmeckles.

I take that back, it sucked. Okay… try again…

> Can you see that space vehicle?

Rimmer, you already are one glorious hole.

[Carlito]

You are my all time favourite fascist dictator

[Carlito]

> Can you see that space vehicle?

Feckles, heckles, hackles, schmeckles.

[Carlito]

He was hologram. Hologram already dead. Hologram killing morally, ethically, fine.

[Carlito]

Usually nowadays if RD quotes emerge from my lips it’s when I hold team/floor briefs in work. Recent offenders from RDX include me channelling my inner Lister-at-the-dentist’s (“I say coooome on, bring it on!”) and “slower than the speed of dark” has made an appearance too.

Speaking of Lister at the dentist from Fathers & Suns, I watched the rerun on Dave over the weekend. The chinese whispers subplot barely registers by now when I watch it, I do think it’s a very strong episode overall, but the Scooby Doo run that Lister does from the medibay is SO fucking shit, and jarring in tone, I cannot believe Doug okayed it.

[Carlito]

Maybe maintainence of the drive plate was part of Rimmer and Lister’s core duties. The initial damage was caused by Rimmer pottering about, trying to ‘improve it’, trying too hard to impress. Maybe he didn’t actually know HOW to perform the routine maintainence as Lister was the one who usually performed that task, a job delegated to him by Rimmer who, as we all know, struggles with his grasp on just about anything technical. With Lister in stasis, and Rimmer too proud, arrogant or embarrassed to admit he couldn’t do it, he went about the job Lister usually did and fucked it up.

Then, when the damage was done and Rimmer was out of his depth in trying to repair it, there just wasn’t enough time to call for back-up. So Rimmer wasn’t strictly tasked with this life-or-death repair, he was the only person in close enough proximity to repair it in the limited window of time they had, simply because he caused the damage to begin with.

[Carlito]

Dwarfs are red,
Midgets are blue,
I think I E5 A9 08 B7
you.

[Carlito]

Pleased to hear that Rik Mayall is reprising his role as Gideon in the next episode of Jonathan Creek. By far the Black Canary, his previous appearance, is the preeminent episode of Creek to date.

[Carlito]

I too far prefer Bottom to the Young Ones. I certainly feel it has aged better, though I doubt a show of its ilk would ‘fit in’ nowadays.

The stage shows were also good fun… well, the first three anyway.

[Carlito]

“Quick, Eddie, how do I look?”
“Through your eyes normally”
“Okay”

[Carlito]

Holoship, on first broadcast. Somehow the show had completely eluded my radar, I’d never even heard of it before. I may have been 9 years old but I was pretty switched on to TV and especially comedy, so knowing it had run for years at that point it seems strange it took me so long. I had been watching Fry & Laurie in the same slot for the six weeks preceding (if my memory is correct) so was accustomed to switching to BBC2 at that time, was intrigued by the ‘next week’ trailer that aired following the final episode of F&L, and decided to check it out. Of course, I loved it and have done ever since.

[Carlito]

> Carlito – Balance of Power as your least favourite episode? Please explain!

I can’t. I kind of generally worked out which episodes I would prefer to watch over others. I’ve never really felt fondly towards Balance of Power. I think as a kid I found it boring and maybe that continues to paint my opinion to this day. But I guess if I was going to watch any episode of Red Dwarf right now, that would probably be literally the last episode I’d pick. It does have some redeeming elements. Not a huge fan of Waiting for God from series I either. I started on V and worked my way backwards so those two episodes from the first run seem the furthest away from the show I fell in love with.

[Carlito]

Interesting idea, that. I’d watch, as long as it was in the old format and not that CG one they piloted.

[Carlito]

TOP 10

1 – Back to Reality
2 – Queeg
3 – Legion
4 – Marooned
5 – Thanks for the Memory
6 – Gunmen of the Apocalypse
7 – Quarantine
8 – Out of Time
9 – Better Than Life
10 – Holoship

BOTTOM 10

52 – Confidence & Paranoia
53 – Pete – Part 1
54 – Waiting for God
55 – Duct Soup
56 – Epideme
57 – Only the Good…
58 – Blue
59 – Beyond a Joke
60 – Pete – Part 2
61 – Balance of Power

[Carlito]

> A new series of Knightmare would be HUGE.

They tried that a few years ago. The pilot is on Youtube. It sucks.

[Carlito]

Yeah it’s a tidy episode – the best of VII anyway – with a rubbish title. But what would have been a better one?

I like one word titles…. I think ‘Entropy’ may have been a decent title for this episode, from both the perspective of it being a continuation of the VI cliffhanger and its ramifications, and also the events that occur in the plot .

Or simply ‘Kennedy’. Perhaps ‘Assassin’?

[Carlito]

Mars milkshake.

Or blowjob and a Twirl.

[Carlito]

I had a telephone conversation with Peter Ridsdale-Scott a couple of years ago, and he sounds literally nothing like Brannigan.

[Carlito]

Also, Batman Returns is a great Christmas film.

I kinda hoped for years that Ghostbusters 3 would be set during the holiday season too, I think it would make an interesting twist.

[Carlito]

Christmas isn’t Christmas without some Only Fools and Horses. I do love Dates and The Jolly Boy’s Outing (and the 1996 ‘final’ trilogy) most of all. Also, it seems that One Foot in the Grave is slowly becoming a forgotten classic as time passes, I have no idea why it doesn’t seem to be more fondly remembered/touted as a Christmas tradition (or, indeed, just in general). Maybe because most of the OFITG Christmas specials weren’t actually set at Christmas time, but a couple were. In fact, a fair number of the OFAH specials weren’t actually set at Christmas, from To Hull and Back onwards. The Father Ted special is overplayed, I do genuinely believe it has been aired every single year since it debuted (1996?) and is probably a little too long, but it’s certainly a classic.

Scrooged is probably my personal favourite Christmas movie. Christmas Vacation is good, as is Bad Santa. Trading Places of course. And films set at Christmas time but not really Christmas themed, you have Gremlins, Go, Die Hard – classics, all.

The Royle Family episode where Denise goes into labour captures the lazy Christmas afterglow/anti-climax pretty perfectly, and was an inspiration behind my Christmas Day set episode of Red Dwarf Animated (PLUG!). The more recent Royle episodes have been hit-and-miss for me though.

The Jonathan Creek Christmas special starring Rik Mayall was a great one. Even though it wasn’t Christmas themed, it was set during snowfall which makes it feel Christmassy.

Some or all of the above get a play in the Carlito household this time of year.

On the other end of the spectrum, Love Actually is one of the worst films I ever saw at the cinema. One or two amusing threads/cameos but mainly sentimental tripe. Not even in a good, cheesy, Christmassy way.

[Carlito]

Also, you rewrote the best episode of Series X, which is also pretty needless.

[Carlito]

Time for the annual bump?

[Carlito]

I’m a happy bunny because I liked them all. There were no bad episodes to me. Dear Dave was the weakest, to my tastes, but I still enjoyed it.

I have been showing the series weekly to a friend who is at best a casual viewer of Dwarf and generally disliked anything post VI, and he has loved it. He seemed least interested in Dear Dave, didn’t think much of Entangled (which is my fave), but LOVED Trojan and Fathers & Suns and enjoyed Lemons and The Beginning.

[Carlito]

It was only on the second viewing I realised that he WASN’T saying “your keys, my brother”. I was a little baffled.

[Carlito]

Rimmer is a combination of nature and nurture. The fact he found out his father wasn’t actually his father after all may have cleared a few cobwebs away in the battle but it doesn’t change his upbringing, personality or instincts. At his age, they are mostly hardwired into him, I would suggest.

[Carlito]

If Romney wins I will move to U.K.

Kryten, open communication channels with America…

We don’t want him. Go away. You bred him, you can keep the smegger.

[Carlito]

Why would he choose Earth in an unknown era at all?

If it was the Earth he wanted to return to (‘present’ day or at least the time period he originated from), then you got a dilemma. Otherwise, he’s been to Earth several times already, out of his own time. He didn’t stay then, why would he abandon his dream now?

[Carlito]

> such high profile guests would make it very hard to keep the focus on the main cast, especially given most of those mentioned can quite easily steal an entire scene without even really meaning too

The show has had plenty of high profile guests in very brief cameos over the years, and it never detracted from the main characters.

[Carlito]

I do enjoy the irony of the planet’s foremost silent comedy performer defending freedom of speech.

[Carlito]

Guest House Paradiso is funny in parts, just a bit dull. An example of a comedy style that feels a little flat without an audible audience reaction.

Also, I thought the third live show Hooligan’s Island was funny, it was the fourth and fifth shows that were shit.

[Carlito]

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/news/a430895/rik-mayall-ade-edmondson-scrap-new-bottom-series-hooligans-island.html

It’s been scrapped. Don’t know if I’m disappointed or relieved really. I was mostly interested out of curiosity I suppose.

[Carlito]

I guess that the JMC were aware that a fatal accident occurred on the ship but let it drift off (maybe even considering Lister as collateral damage, not worth the expense or danger of attempting to rescue). Maybe Holly’s immediate and long-term actions following the accident were standard protocol in the event of this kind of incident.

[Carlito]

Of course it makes sense when you know the end reveal, but at this stage in the story you’re not supposed to realise this.

[Carlito]

The magazine must follow the same logic as the DVD stand in the store advertising a DVD for a show that hasn’t aired yet with the script not yet written. It’s some speedy publisher that manages to print and distribute a magazine featuring a cover photo of something that is happening in the present.

[Carlito]

> Mind you, according to a recent episode of Corrie, Lloyd Mullaney was in Ghostwatch.

Do elaborate…

[Carlito]

Having had no idea that the Trojan was originally supposed to be aboard Red Dwarf, the Cat’s line caused absolutely no confusion whatsoever. It works fine with the revisions.

[Carlito]

The rod brought the Columbus forward in time and Howard may have been the only dead crew member (prior to the murders) and therefore a hologram despite his low rank.

[Author]

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